I'm fresh out of nerves

You know... sometimes i try to keep the bitch in me down.

Try hard! Keep the muzzle on it ...Oh but some mofoz dont deserve that shit.

So last night i got my period. I really didnt feel like going to sleep but i know my master when it arrives. How dare i try to stay awake?
When i sleep, i feel no pain but anyhow i stay uP?! I wouldnt even dare.
Vomitting, Pacing, Excruciating pain like no other. I wouldnt even dare.

So i went to bed. At 3am.
8am my phone rings.
I didnt even have to check who it was. There is only one loser who wakes up so early on a Saturday morning to torment me.

I was angry.
No. Scratch that.
I WAS FURIOUS!

i was in pain, i was achy, i was tired, my head felt like a brick and this mouse looking bitch decides to place prank calls... i was fuckin angry!
Then he calls my home phone too.

And it was all i could do not to get a plane ticket to his city right away. I wanted so bad to get my hands on those exagerated ears of his, twist them 360(4) DEGREES, leave my paw prints on his cheeks while spitting in his eyes... pushing him to the ground, dragging him by his balls, kicking all and every single soul of harrassment out of his balls, and calling the cops to pick him up for hitting me.

I was furious.
I charged every atom of curses i could gather in my angry sleepy brain to the tip of my tongue and every anger transformed to will as i dialed his number.

But like i said.

Diek is a coward.

He never answered my call. Cell and Home.

But he didnt fail to call again 2 hours later.

I'm running out of patience. I dont know what to do. I still have the wives' address and lord knows if not for the fact that my car battery died last night (i need a boost), i would have so driven down there earlier when he called because i was so mad.

He wont stop. I know Pink gloves and a couple of others may suggest i have patience. But i know he wont stop. A sore loser never quits. He knows i have something in me. I am not ignoring him because i have nothing to say and he knows it. He knows. I am ignoring him because i dont want to be ugly about this. But he would rather get that emotion from me. Than what he is getting right now... "zero".

I have had a similar experience before. I'll share it sometime. its about kimani. If you think Diek is bad, kimani was worse. He'd push, and i'd shift. He'd push and i'd move just a little more. Till he cornered me. And i couldnt help but to fight back. Needless to say, he now knows i'm boss.

To that one lady, Thank you.

Sometimes Mama tells stories. Most times she doesnt. I guess happy stories are easier to share. Mama has very few of those as far as Dada is concerned.

So when she does share these stories, they stick.
Call them crazy glue to the basement lining of my memories, i... remember.
Like this one that i heard when i was little.

Mama, while driving us from school... told us kids... stories. And these times you'd never see her eyes. I dont think i ever saw her cry. But i know Mam's emotions flow through my ducts. I earned these tears from her. I know, she sheds in silence.

I tell you, some things just didnt make much sense.
We were young, we didnt understand. Mama lived in America for years. She went to uni in America. Mama et Dada.

Then they had some kids. And Dada was to go visit back home. And he did.
Then Mama got the mail.

"Some woman wrote me a letter, asking me if its true that he had divorced me!" its (un)funny how shes able to yell it out to us (sometimes). Yet when she hurts, does it oh so quietly.

In an attempt to ensure she would be married to a single man, this lady wrote her a letter to confirm that he had been divorced as he had claimed.
She snooped, got Mama's address, and sent the letter.
I admire her. Back then most women wouldnt care. Even now, some wouldnt. Culture is just an excuse. Truth is, some people just dont ever have the courage to demand better.

Needless to say, they were still married.

"I moved back home immediately. They had almost had the wedding, plannings and everything!"

Thats how she ended up back home.

Years later, somewhere... Dada got his dream. He found a woman who didnt care. She along with her one daughter and a pregnant belly, moved into our home. But Mama sensed it coming. You can take a bitch out of a hood but never a hood out dat bitch.


She had moved back overseas before she arrived.


I want to be that woman.
I want to be the one to tell another...
I would want to be told.
I would want to be informed.

But lord knows its been stressful trying to get a hold of Mrs. Stella Diek.

She never answers the phone. And so, i stopped calling.

And Diek? I stopped caring. Truth is, i hardly ever did. Which is why i was not hurt. I forget about him till friends mention him. Or till i log on to blogville and see his name... or till he calls.

But it must hurt to lose. Or it must suck to be ignored.
He had been trying to contact me on msn and i really didnt know what to say so i just leave him be. But instead, he decided to start calling me continuously.
8,4,3, 10 times a day.

Once i answered and said "Hello" only for him to say "Hi Truth, how are you?"
I hung up. What am i supposed to say? I dont know! Where is the conversation to go? How are you am okay how are you oh am okay too so what are you doing oh nothing so what are you doing oh nothing... LIKE!!! SERIOUSLY!
So, thats why i hung up.

And he resumed calling... always with blocked numbers. And when i answer (hardly do), he doesnt say a word.
A coward cant ever own up.
So i usually dont pick up. And when i cant stand it anymore, i do pick up and just leave the receiver on the table so he can hang up when he is tired of being a Diek.