Mr. Bail ran halfway through the family!

Okay, i've always wanted to share this guy's story but i just havent had the time to give a shit about writing about him. Well, i still dont. But i thought to write about something a little different... anyway, let me tell you about Mr. Bail.

I was online, chatting once like i sometimes do when i came across these two men. We seemed to be having a great convo. The other guy was discussing about his wife and kids, i was discussing about my inability to tolerate kids, and the man who was to become Mr. Bail was talking about both, with us. It was a great convo! Eventually the conversation ended and Mr. Bail sent me a private message asking if he could call me. I asked him for his number and he gave it to me. I called him shortly after. I was dead bored, besides, he had mentioned that he lived near where i do. So i called him. Just as we started to speak, things went a little funny. No not funny as in "haha" comedian funny but funny as in raise an eyebrow funny!

I asked Mr. Bail where he was from and he said he lived in NY (USA) and Buffalo (Canada). So what was he doing where i was? hes like "I'm here to visit some friends"

And why does he live in 2 different places? If my life was a movie at that moment, "Yahooze" would have been the soundtrack played. My flags went up, but something else made me continue the conversation (other than the fact that he seemed so intriguing and all).

I asked him how old he was, "39"
LOL my grandfather would roll in his grave lollll
I asked him if he had ever been married "Yes, twice"
LOL there goes another roll for old granpiii
I asked him if hes got kids "Yes, 2"
okay, at this point, i'm sure all my ancestors were doing backflips. it was evident, i was dealing with an ol school man. Then some infos started to synapse in my head...

My sisters Fierce and Aqua are both married. But before they did, they dated quite a lot of naija men. They are younger than Mr. Bail but being that my sisters are quite popular, i thought i better ask... but he beat me to it...

"Where did you say you live?"
"In Oaktown. But i'm in Aluwahlia at my mom's house now"
"Your mom lives there?"
"Yeah"
"I see. And your dad too?"
"No, they are divorced"
"Oh, goodness!" no, the way he said it, it wasnt like he was saying it because he was shocked that my parents are divorced. He said it like he had an "aha!" moment, like a light bulb just popped up in his head or something.
"what?"
"how many sisters do you have?" I automatically knew where this was going. i had been here before...Oh no, not again, not again, not...
"3"
"Did any of them use to live at VanKirst?" Dammit! Not again!!!
"Yeah." he let out a big laugh!
"I know you."

And he did. My mind raced back to years ago... i remember VanKirst. I was at Vankirst, visiting my sisters when i had my first period. How could i forget... i was young, they were too, but they were in their late teen/early 20s. They use to date a lot and they had a lot of admirers. So, i was exposed to these admirers, but i was just as equally protected from them. But once, Aqua allowed me to speak with one of them, over the phone. Till this day, i am yet to speak with any man with a milkier voice. He made me think Barry White had came back to life. I had a crush on him instantly... faster than you could spell "un-oh!"... and that crush disappeared the moment i gave the phone back and looked on my sister's blushing face
"Isnt he so sexy?"
"hmm... hes okay" I couldnt get myself to admit it. Not after seeing how she liked him (or crushed him). He, was the young Mr. Bail.

So once he realised it was me, he seemed ecstatic.
"I use to talk to your sisters, we were friends" I wanted to ask "what sort of friends?" but words failed me.
"I use to think at that time that your sister was the love of my life. But i coulnt do anything about it because i was going through my first divorce."LOL! "first" lmaoooooooo. Anyway, he continued...
"Aqua was such a good friend. A great friend. And she introduced me to Fierce"
now, i'm getting a clearer picture. Now, knowing Aqua, she probably wouldnt transfer a man to Fierce unless she thinks that hes short or too old for her or something (Aqua is tall. Much taller than Fierce. Aqua is younger.). I thought something was odd.
"I like you so much. It seems i'm meant to be with someone from your family. I mean, first it was Aqua, then Fierce, then you"
WTF! WTFFFFF! What the furrkkkk is this man saying? my head was running slow at that time but it was burning with each step!
"Well, Bail you know i still have one more sister" pun intended!!!
"LOL no, the third time is a charm"

Like all other "misters" that have tried to run through my family, i thought to cripple this one before it takes its next step. We decided to meet.

I decided to meet him by my friend's house. It was quite interesting. When we met, i fell in love! The devil is a liar, for he knows what he does. My Yahooze radar kept alarming once i saw his car.
This man was beautiful!
"You're like a cross between Jill Scott and Erykah Badu" Cheasiest line a man has ever uttered to me, though i loved it!
We talked for hours! I had parked my car and gotten into his. I was about 100km from home. He was about 200km away from his hotel. We'd been talking for hours!
"Let me get you a hotel" Please re read that statement of his. Yeah, he said "you", right? So i decided to ask...
"Where would YoU sleep?"
"On the couch" LMAO does this man think i'm really stupid? whats going on>??? i must have a stupid looking outfit on or something!
"You want to get the hotel so we could both sleep in there? So really what you meant to ask me was if you could get US a hotel"
He laughed. "come on... i would sleep on the couch. You look really tired, i dont want you driving so late when you're so tired. At least you could rest a bit at a hotel"
"Bail, if you want to get me a hotel because you cared, you wouldnt squeeze yourself into the offer. Dont try to make it seem like you're trying to do me a favor. Thanks anyway"

anyway, the night ended. On a good but hell' of confusing note. I knew i wasnt hearing the full gist. I had to talk to my sisters.

I called Fierce at work the next day
"Do you know a guy named Bail?"
"Bail?..." she searched through her repetoire... " bail, bail, bail..." she asked..."what does he look like?"
"dark skinned, older, cute..."
"did he say he knew me?"
"Yeah, you and Aqua"
"ohhhhh!" UP NEPAAA! there goes another light bulb "yeah! Aqua introduced me to him. why? you know hes like almost 40, right?"
embarrassed, i replied "yah, i know"
"oh okay. hes too old for you."She asked how i met him, i told her everything. Then i guess she realised why i had called. She said "Aqua introduced me to him, he came down from NY, we slept in thesame bed but we didnt do anything. nothing sexual at all. we didnt even kiss"
somehow, i was relieved. I liked this guy. he was so sexy, but "we didnt even kiss" wasnt good enough... not since it came after "we slept in thesame bed"
eww!

I got up the courage to ask Aqua and her story was even more odd.

"LOL! What are you doing talking to Bail? he owes me money!!!"
WTFFFFFF! "Money?"
"Yeah! I trusted him when i first met him. I gave him my bank card..." oh lawd, my sister is so silly... gave? bank card? "to go buy me something and he stole $1,000 FROM MY ACCOUNT!!!"my jaw dropped.
i mean, DROPPED OH!
"yeah, i called him numerous times he said he would pay me back. he never did! kept calling after that but he wouldnt answer his phone, and then he disconnected his line. He called me collect a year later, from jail to ask me to bail him out. I simply asked him if he still owed me a thousand bucks, he said yeah, so i said okay well he can have the thousand bucks. he should use the thousand bucks to bail himself out"
At that point, i wanted a gun. i wanted to shoot him.I thought up a thousand and two ways i could get him, and a few more on how i could screw him over, royally!

But a friend had told me "Its wayyy to exhausting trying to hurt people"
He wasnt worth it.
I never answered his calls.
He called for weeks after. He would even call out my name in the chat room whenever he would see me... send me private messages... but to me, a person who had tried to have relations with 2 of my sisters, stolen from one, is almost forty, married and divorced twice, with two kids, and is yahoozing... really... need i say more???

He wasnt worth it.
Chapter closed.

Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday

I started off my day weird!
i woke up late around 1pm, Nat had called and she was warning me about my lateness
"If you dont start the turkey early, you know it wont be ready by the time they get there, right?"
And do you think i listened?
So i went downstairs in the basement to get the car so i can go across the street to the mall to shop for the stuff i need to stuff the turkey
i figured i'd drive even though the store is just across the street, just in case i ended up purchasing more than i anticipated. I hate dragging so much stuff home across the street. I'd rather drive.
I went to the basement to the parking lot only to find my car missing.
Chineke mo!
i tell you; all i could think of was that my car had been repo'd because i havent paid my car loan dues for last month! I was almost crying when i remembered that i had parked the car in front of my building last night.
i blew out one long breath of thanks to God in the form of Co2 as i went back into the elevator to go to the ground floor. Yes, my poor old car was there. Thank God!
So i got into the car, back up so i could get out of the parking spot and heard a funny "bang!"
Jesu!
i looked out to see i had hit the red van behind me.
My heart nearly jumped out my nose as i litterally picked up a piece of paper and wrote
"I just hit your car. Please call me at (564) 673-8564" It took me at least 30 seconds to write that-my hand was shaking so much. I didnt even think, all i could imagine was a big dent in the back of my poor car and an even bigger dent in the front of the red van.
I went to stick the note on the red van and decided to take a look at the damages-
zero, zit, nada, ofo, nothing at fucking all!
not a dent, not a scratch, nothing!
I just jejely returned to my car and CAREFULLY got out of the parking spot, to the mall.
So! i got to the mall, decided to get my wallet and realised i had left it at home. So instead of driving back and forth, i just walked back home to pick up my wallet and walked back to the mall to shop.
I shopped and got back home before realising that i had LEFT the car at the mall!
I wont kill myself, i tell you. If my head wasnt attached to my neck, i know i'd forget it somewhere. I mean, who forgets their car at the mall?!?

So that was a great start for my thanksgiving day!
Forget that the turkey wasnt cooked by the time the guests arrived at 7pm because i had only started baking it at 4:45pm
Forget that no one including myself ate the turkey slices in their dinner plates because it tasted like rubber ( as per it wasnt cooked lol)
Forget that i had to pop the half backed thing back into the oven for a second bake
It was my first time hosting my family thanksgiving dinner,
And my first time doing an almost great job of it

For most of them, it was their first time seeing my new place and they all loved it!
Reminded me why i had chosen to live here...
We danced, we ate, we laughed
I made shrimp ceaser salad which Fierce's husband litterally made "baa" noices to (like a goat) because he claimed i was making him animal food...
I made the turkey with wild rice,celery, bead and onion stuffing and honey-orange glaze
Fierce made garlic-herbed spagetti, banana bread and chocolate cake with toffee-nut topping
Mom made beancake (moimoi) and jollof rice
Ambition made shrimp fried rice

10 people in here (myself included). We had enough food to last us through Katrina


By 8pm we were mostly all so tired
The eveining ended at 10:45pm after we had danced ourselves to exhaustion

I went to sleep at 1am only to have a dream about Kimani (tufiakwa), TBS (WTF!) and some (imaginary?) boyfriend of mine. I tell you, dreams are so silly!

I have so much to be thankful for. I thank God for my life, for my family, for my friends and for my love of self.

Sometimes, you need the craze to get the glue!

I havent seen my family bond so well as they have these past couple of days.
We've spent these past days together. We've come together, to support one another.
Theres been times when i wondered if it would have made a difference if it wasnt Ambition in that hospital bed.
Would it be any different if it was I, for example?
Ambition is well loved. She is blessed with the priviledge of chairing our parent's heart.
And it would have made it easy to envy her if it wasnt her.
But she makes it so hard. So hard to hate her.
I cant.

Ever heard of a coworker that gets awarded for everything- being on time, being conscientous, being the best worker, THEN you meet her only for her to be the nicest person ever?

Ambition is too easy to love.
So although it was hard being her sibling when i was little, i couldnt hate her.
because she loved me, and everyone else so perfectly. She was simple. She was an easy person.


shes getting better and i'm so glad.
Thanks to everyone thats expressed their best wishes, hope you never get to experience this.
Rumour says she might be discharged tomorrow.

I'll conclude with a joke that happened yesterday.
Its funny now but when it happened, it was quite embarrassing.

Okay so picture Ambition, my nephew and neice, my other sister (Fierce), my brother, and a third sister (Aqua) sitting in the living room, talking, laughing, and chilling when my brother in law (Bode) picked up my cell phone from the coffee table.
Hes a jester so i knew he was teasing when he said
"your phone is so cheap, it doesnt even have a camera feature, does it?"
"it does, its a camera phone!"
"oh, so you have pics in it?"
"yeah, check the gallery and then check the images in there for pics"

and so he did.
Now, i know that i have a secret that only I and Fierce knows of in my family.
I take nude pics.
I love nudity and I've often wondered if it'd make a difference if i didnt think i had a nice body. I dont think it would.
Fierce use to beat me for it when i was young. She'd scold me to tears and lecture me for hours and she'd make me rip the nude pics i'd taken- but that was when i was younger. Now i'm older, an adult. She'd lost the right to scold me. She'd lost that fight, bless her soul!
But anyway, Fierce didnt say anything, and neither did i.
i was so sure i didnt have any nude pics in my cam.
I was wrong.

I had China take a nude pic of me a lil while ago- its a pic of me in a fetal position,facing downward, naked but a thong...
yeah, Bode saw it
and flipped it around to show me what he saw, but because i was sitting far from him, everyone saw it.
I tell you, i would've turned purple if i could have, but my wealth of melanin deprived me of such.
Yeah, it was so embarrasing.
My mom was like
" oh my goodness!" "what are you? a stripper, now?!!!"
"sure mom! would you like to watch me strip one of these days?"
needless to say, she didnt reply... My mom is pretty reserved and she'd rather not say much in these sort of instances.
the poor woman was short of words. I dont think i can suprise her anymore.
lol

Anyway, so that was that!