My trip to Quebec was.... intetresting...

So i went with Kiss, China and Kiss's male friend. Okay, so i'll be honest, i didnt exactly like this friend of hers but that was besides the point. He was going thesame way as us so we figured, shy not drive down with him, in his car.
bad idea!
(brb)

ITS A GIRL!!!

I was born with a defect. When Moma heard ma cry, little did she know i was far, far, far and even farther, from her hopes. She wished for a normal child. A baby that would fill the void, make every little thing right. But unfortunately, i was missing a part. I was incomplete. Her baby was born, handicapped.
But she loved me anyway, she never did give me the idea that i was incapable, different, abnormal.
But i see it in their eyes when i wake. I smell it in their stench when we love, i sense it in their tones when they speak. Lowered expectations i didnt have to hop to reach, Gawking eyes that sized my eligibility, Little subtle faith they had in my worth... none. It all reminded consistent like cock crow at the break'a fresh dawn...
yes, i am handicapped.

When Moma asked the inevitable question: "what is it?"
She heard the clumsy nurse reply: "its a girl."
Poor nurse it must have been real hard... having to announce the sad news.
Iwas born, missing a penis and a few balls.
but please, dont crusify me. I should be collecting some sort of government financial disbaility subsidy. But this disability lacks that luxury. I was born into the wrong gender. I was born a woman. I admit it, I'm missing a part. But i didnt choose! You arent any better, all you had was luck! I was chosen to be this mutant, and for that must i be punished?
Must you demand that i make your meals, that i make it right, and that i serve it too?
Must i breed your kids, help make money and love you too?
Wait a minute, lets visit this topic for a minute... Mister man, must i WANT kids? Is the essence of my life, the true reason why i breathe, the purpose of my being, to make another version of me, so that someday, "she" too, my mutant child, can slave off for yet another version of you???
And say i couldn't cook, and i was barren, then what does that make me? huh!??? A total waste of space, a food consuming engine, some sort of dispensable trash?
God, if i should ever be re-born
hope never again to be this.
And if i should ever breed,
Hope to never hear it....
"ITS A GIRL!!!"

Runaway from.... home!

Young fresh and newwww!


I'm going away for the weekend. I need a whole weekend off from my thoughts of Chisel. I'll be ecstatic to get over him. And for the ppl that are wondering what the story of the "new found love" is; i'd tell you about it but the story aint sweet. SO i better save it for when i'm over it. Not really feeling like sobbing right now.
I'm meeting a new guy down there. He seems cool but i must admit, he'd be rebound, if anything,,, but who cares, life is about rebounds, isnt it lol

So Quebec city, HERE I COMEEEE!!!!

Note to self

Never make someone a priority if they are only willing to make you an option

This weekend

has een a blast!
i have partied, reunited with an old love, re-fell in love, AND i havent slept a wink! i have worked over 32 hours and realised how much my clients appreciate me! i love this weekend!


details latah sha

Chisel Challenge

day one.
Today, i'm remembering that there is someone perfect out there for me, and if Chisel was it, he'd treat me better.
Today, i'll constantly remind myself that he isnt for me.

My poor eyes

I'm exhausted. My lower eyelids look so edemetous, they look like they're infected. I cried all night and remembered my dreams. Thats odd, i never remember my dreams. I dremt about Chisel- something about him texting me, asking me to forgive him, that hes been with 33 women and none of them had stayed because of his lifestyle. Dreams are funny, so silly...
I also dreamt about Ambition and Fierce (my eldest sister). In my dream, Ambition and I lived together and Fierce came over for a visit. The visit seemed casual but i knew it wasnt. Ambition had been messing her life up again and Fierce had come to talk to her. So much is going on with Ambition, i dont even know where to start.

Somebody, please shoot me!

If ever,
my brain gets infected
i get some sort of dementia
i smoke and fall deep in to lala land
i get drunk and refuse to see
Please shoot me so i'd hop right out of ma dreams.
This moment should never be forgotten
if i could bottle these feelings
they'd rot through the glass
and stain this world
regardless how evil it already is...
I should never forget how i feel
at this very moment; now.
i hope to never feel it ever again.
Who's got a gun?!
Whoever said love was sweet,
must have never experienced this.

Beautiful fingerprint on my window

thumb up,
on ink,
and smudge! right on my window.
And i couldnt help but count
you're number five.
but even better?
you're number one.

as you kissed me
i couldnt help but swirl right in
deep in
into you...
and you, in me...
You picked me up, tunrned me around
layed it in
and pushed on it...
again
again
a-gain...
sexing you is like a ritual.
the whole 3 hours,
i felt like i was your sacrifice,
and you were my god.

Associative memory

Law of associative memory: you can break bad habits by associating them with unpleasant feelings or rewards. E.g if you'd like to quit eating a specific meal thats bad for you, associate that meal with something unpleasant such as gas, cholesterol etc