I wont hesitate no more

"...oh yeah i love to cook too..."
didnt wait. didnt bother with it all, interrupted
"I wanna marry you"

And he laughed.

Somewhere amongst my deeper self, I know,... this is just the beginning of a lifelong dream, fufilled.

We met sometime this year, in a chatroom.
Hence why I'm a little apprehensive about the whole thing.
To say that I care that we met online would be to lie to myself. Truth be told, I do not.
But I do care that we have never met physically.
But goodness, the first time I met him online, I knew that I wanted to get more of whatever he was.

I had to go, or maybe he did. We exchanged emails, and never did get around to chatting.

I forgot about the guy that I wanted to get more of. Eventually, I stumbled upon him on IM.

He told me he'd been wishing to get to chat with me. I had forgotten all about him, but not for long.
I soon remembered.
Oh.
goodness.

We lost contact again, I just couldnt keep up. My REAL life served me so much, that I was busy at dinner, allll the time.
But then we met online, again.
This time, he was down.
And am swiffer.... like the "quicker picker upper" that I am, I talked to the man.
"Talking", is what I do best.
And well, there we go again, reconnected.

This man... what do I name him?

This man...

I have seen his pictures, and I am pleased.
But a thousand words is nothing, nothing compared to the physical.
How does he wink? How does he speak? At what pace? At what angle does his tongue tip when he says my name?
Shy?
Yeah, shy, ... will I be shy?
Height!!!!!
Will I be taller?

I wonder about these things.
And amongst it all, I crush on... on and on... about this man who has got a mix of my wants, and needs.

I'd sex his mind if his body was gone. This man.

So yeah, I think I'll say yes.

"Yes, I'm yours, mister. Your pillar when you stumble, your cross when you really neeed God. I'm yours. Your ditsy-day lounge chick, your goodnight sleeptight girl.
Your TV-in-too-damn-lazy, happy times, driving past the grocery store, halfway in the middle of nowhere-but
damn just ran out of gas with sunshine in the passenger seat-girl,
That little prayer you said the other night. Your cure to lonesomeness,
your very reason for trying. Your little secret idol. I'll be that. Your twin within you. Yours.
Have your cake and eat it too, I'll be your best friend. Your playmate you pass time with, bedmate you play God with,
kissmate you make up with, thoughtmate... yeah thoughtmates! Your very feelings, need not wear your shoes,
I want to feel it as you do. Mate in everyway till we mate past daybreak, yes, I'll be that. Because deep down Lord knows,
I wish I had your stance. Your humility moves me. It shakes me off my high horse and reminds me that life can be simple
... I of course, keep it in mind as I get halfway back up my horse but ohhh, you remind me... that nothing even matters.
That life is nothing. That I am nothing, If I do not know how to recognize and accept love. What would I be?
You are easy. like cocoapuff saturated in some milk, easy. Like...
halfway past the day-yet still in bed full of nakedness and sweat-just about to go again-easy.
Oh for all it all for everything for these and more... I am. Truthfully, yours."


Sept, 1' 2009.