A prelude to a Prelude

Fisher had just given me his "it was nice knowing you" chat. I wasnt amused. Matter of fact, I was angry. but this post isnt about Fisher... its about an entity much more intriguing...

I got up, i wanted to go speak with Divi about the incidet with Fisher. I needed someone to tell me what if any, i had done wrong I was so angry i didnt see she was conversing with someone. I whispered in her ears
"Fisher is such an idiot."
she appeared puzzled but instead, turned to the per son she was conversing with, and said "Cocoa Chisel, this is my friend Truth Betold. Truth, meet Chisel"
"Nice to..." i looked up at him"...meet you"
andin between "to" and "meet", i fell in absolute admiration, for this man.
I had finally met him... he stepped right out of my memories, right our of my dreams, right our of those vivid mental pictures i've created of him, into this beaing that is standing right in fron of me.
I managed to apear unfluttered.
I whispered in Divi's ear "Oh my God, he is so beautiful."
she whispered back.., "oh yeah?"
"oh absolutely. I have a weakness for dark chocolate"
i returned mya ttention to him... "so, nice to meet you Chisel."
"Nice to meet you too, Truth"
I walked away... walking into a realm... i was walking, but really, i wasnt. I was in a trance...

I stopped in the hallway and smiled. Thats him! thats who i want to meet!

i wouldnt believe it.

I turned around and headed back into the party room to tell Kiss.

"I've met the most beautifulman ever!"

"yeah? where? did you get his number?"

"um... no. i didnt meet him like that. i met him... Divi introduced him to me."

"so you didnt get his number?"

I ignored her question. I couldnt calm down. "oh, hes so beautiful. hes got those perfectly shaped almost carved cheekbones, and such beautiful skin! hes so dark and so beautiful!"

"where is he?"

"i'll show you him if i see him again."

We turned around to see Chisel coming towards our table. he introduced himself to us... Chisel Cocoa.

\"Do you want to dance?" Kiss asked him

"yeah, sure."

we all headed to the dance floor. I was ecstatic till Divi came to ask me to come out into the hallway to take a pic of her.I was upset! Didnt sheknow i liked him?!!! Why was she doing this to me?! I followed her out into the hallway and managed to hide my anger as i took her pic. She handed me a business card

"Heres Chisel's card."

I smiled. I was so happy.

I went back into the partyroom to meet Kiss and we went back into the hallway as the party was over and most people had left.

Chisel came out too... Him and Kiss were talkng about something...

He came towards me. We talked, took pictures... i said goodnight to Kiss, she was leaving with her date.

Then Chisel and I talked some more...

Hes a motivational speaker, specializing in neuro associative conditioning. Hes camerounian, and was just coming from another party. He'd just arrived at that party when i met him earlier.

"Wanna go to grab something to eat?"

"Sure. I dontknow anywahere around here but ..."

"We can drive around to find a place if you dont mind."

"sure. I'll drive behind you..."

As i got inot the car, he went to his and came back to mine.

"I'd like to give you my business card"

"I already have one. Divi game me one." I replied

"Oh" he grinned.

We left for the restauant at about 4:30am

It was a short drive to Denny's. We had breakfast and i ...

We talked, talked and talked! He claims he had seen me in the party earlier on the dance floor, but thought i was there with another man. I asked him and he also admited that Divi and Kiss clued him in; that i was single. I didnt like that. I wish he'd came up to talk to me because he wanted to, not because he was clued in... anyway...

He is a persimist. To him, the glass is always half full, if not oveflowing. To him, its normal to greet people as they walk by, to smile out of the blue, to be exceptionally nice... hes like a glass of cool drink in a dessert; he is odd but refreshing and i like that about him. He is 30years old, never been married, no kids. He stands about 5''7. He asked me what type of man i want and i couldnt help but describe what he was. Like i said, hes the identical brother of the man in my dreams. His cheekbones are perfectly shaped, slanding down to his sucked-in cheeks to end at his jaws. His eyes! OH! his eyes... almond shaped, small curly lashes... when this man smiles all you see is teeth... nice white teeth. Hes got small little scars at the left side of his face. Perfect flaws to compliment a perfect face. His skin tone. If i started to blog abo0ut his skin tone, iwont ever finish. No wonder i named him Chisel Cocoa.

After this conversation,

"I'd like to invite you over to my condo but i have 3 friends over from Edmonton. wanna go somewhere and talk some more?"

"Sure." i loked at the time; 7:15am "but where would be open so early on a saturday?"

"We can drive around and find a place."

we drove around, andarrived at a hotel. I didnt mind.

In the hotel, we talked, and talked, and talked. I got into the bed; the room was chilly. He got in with me and we started kissing...

OMG he kisses like a lion. Fierce, yet erotic. and then, he took his suit off and i almost died.

Hidden under the suit were the most structured arms i have ever seen live. And peeping at me from under his wife beater were the most masculine cleavage ever. I couldnt believe he possed such a godly body. I never imagined it. This man was a god. Chisel was a carved god.

And as much as i loved his body, his face and skin ; his mind intrigues me more. We kissed...he'd cup my breasts at intervalls and i'd resist. This was happening so fast. We madeout till about 8:30am when he had to leave. He siad he'd return, he had to go do his banking... supposedly, he had money that would be withdrawn from his acocunt that morning and he had to make sure he had enough in his account. Supposedly, hed made out multiple cheques to be withdrawn and the banking charges will be enormous if he didnt have enough funds to cover them. He asked if i could wait for him and I said it was okay. I fell to slee as he left.

I woke up at 10:20am to feel his body next to mine, asleep. I woke him up as i moved in the bed and i coudnt believe it; we started kissing again. Didnt even brush our teeth. He had this thing about him! this sexual energy! He'd pick me up, and hold me so tight, so so tight. He'd kiss me as he held me up in his arms, i'd wrap my legs around him... he'd place me in bed and occpy my oral cavity with his tongue and swallow my moans as he dug his finger deeper inside of me...

"Do you have a condom?"

"no."

But we flirted witht he idea... I grabbed his dick and placed it at my lips... he almost went it... thrusted almst depe enough to open me up... but we stopped.

We talked about everything from our families, to homosexuality, to perception theories, to past relationships, to marriage, to kids, to likes, dislikes, and more!

On saturdays, he has a contract with a fe high end clubs (dont know what kind of contract.), he also does personal training and counselling. we talked...

Then we wentout for lunch at 4pm... we had mexican,...

he asked me when we could meet again, and i said since hes busier than i am, to call me when hes free...

then we parted.

I told him to tell his friends that i'm sorry to keep him for so long to which he replied... "Tehy'll want to meet you soon."

i blushed.

I went to Nat's place afterwards. I texted him from there: " :) thats you "

He replied "thats me"

and replied "yeah, you look like that when you smile."

late last night, on my way the club, i receieved a text from him : "Want to aknowledge the fact dat you are de most romantic and enliven woman I have ever met. Thanks 4 de wondrful moments"

I replied "Chicel, it was my pleasure. You made it much easier for me to display those qualities. Thank you."

he replied "Enjoy"

That was yesterday.

This is today.

Afterthe club, i called him, his phone rang then went to the answeirng machine

"Hey Chisel! how are you? just wanted to see how you are, and see what you're doing tomorrow as in sunday... anyway, call me back, its Truth."

its 4:40pm now. I still havent heard from him. And i'm here, dying... i cant take this! I deleted his nuumber from my phone so i wont be tempted to call... God help me.

The thing is; i've never felt anything remotely similar in strength to what i feel for this man, for any other man before. But at thesame time, it doesnt matter what i feel if he isnt feeling thesame way.

I wanted to call him again but then, i shouldnt even have to call him at all, before he calls me... he should want to call me, shouldnt he?

i dont want to be clingy, so i wont call...

if he feels anything for me, he'll call me. And if he doesnt, then i dont want to bother him with my calls.

I guess you can kinda say i know how Mr. Fisher must feel.

Dear Mr. Fisher...

Dear Mr Fisher,
As much as i'd like to wring your neck, i'll refrain myself from the urge. Tell me please, what would you like of me? Forget i asked that question. Better yet, how should i have handled it?
We had been talking for quite a while, but like i knew we wouldnt end up anywhere. The truth is, i am me, and you are you. I hate to be rude but where do you see a similarity? What do we have in common other than the fact that we both breathe through our nostrils? Other thanthe common anatomy that implies that we're both human, and the other silly similarity that we were raised in thesame continent, tell me, what else?
We are different! If humans could be delegated into different species, i'd be a fox. And you Fisher, would be something different; somewhat of an oppourtunity for a meal, for me... a Racoon, maybe?
What would you like of me?
I have been truthful. Truthfully explaned to you that i cannot be with you.
"I cant. I'm not ready for a relationship right now, I have too much on my plate."
But really, that was only my de-fouled version of;
"You are a nice man. I might not ever meet one as nice as you are... but I cant be with you. You're way too soft. You needed a backbone like yesterday! Besides(while we're being honest,) I'm too good for you. You walk like your kwashiorkor-like stomach has altered your point of gravity, your walk has been modified to accomodate your liquor-laddened gut just so you wont tip over, fall and break your oversized flattened front-pear-shaped head. You can multitask; able to speak and spit simultaneously but Fisher, i dont need a shower. And even if i did, i definitely dont need a saliva shower, thats for sure. Your vocabulary is astonishing. I understand that English is not your first language but are you willing to understand that i need to be able to communicate with whoever it is i'm with? I'm sorry; I cant keep breaking apart every single word i speak just so you'd ask me what the little fragments of their translation mean! That shit is frustrating like fu&k! AND, you dress like a bushman! Moreover, why are you so insecured? There is nothing more repulsing than a man who needs assistance to get up enough courage to ask a girl who he wants, for a dance."
But its hard for me to be real because reality hurts, and i really didnt want to hurt you. So i packaged my words delicately, wrapped some honey around it, then dipped it in caution, and served you it. But did you buy it? No. The last question you asked me after the conversation we had was
"But cant we just try?"
Its like oyu hadnt heard a word i'd said.
Try what? One moth down the road of trying, you'd be singing some jaded-romance song.
I'll help you, i'll stay away. I keep dropping you clues:
#1 On friday, you called to ask me to come to a party and i said i didnt want to go. I lied. Truth was, as you were asking me, i was picking out my outfit, and getting dressed for the party. I didnt want to go to the party with you. Going with you would mean you'd glue yourself to me all night. You'd attempt to marka territory that was never yours. You got to the party and saw Kiss and asked her if i was coming (which was sort silly of you since i'd told you iw asnt coming!!!) and was told that i was on my way..
#2 You came to meet me at my table at the party where i was seated with a Kiss, her date and two other guys. Yet you (dressed in a nice suit, with a fisher-man hat to ruin it) came towards me, sat at our table, as i rolled my eyes discretly, and turned my back towards you. I didnt want to be associated with you. You were cramping my style. You stayed at our table as if you'd been invited, making it awkward for me... why must you be such a cock blocker?!!! Werent you at another table before???
#3 My friend asked you (because i had expressed my disgust about your hat) why you'd wear such hat with such an outft, and thankfully to her, took it off your head and place it on the table. I still dont understand why you'd wear such hat with a suit!
#4 Everytime you;d come towards me, i'd automatically have something to do. Something like um... i have a phone call to go make, I have to go look for some one,.... something, anything! I knew you wanted to ask for a dance, so i figured if i interrupted you before you got to ask, then i wouldnt have to say no! it worked.
#5 You were at our table (wrong table!) and so was another guy. The guy asked me why i wasnt dancing and i said i was had lost one of my earrings and i needed help finding it. I had looke dwverywhere but the dance floor. there was a slow song playing. He asked me to dance and suggested we'd look for the earring on the dancefloor as we danced. I agreed. It really wasnt about the dance nor the earring. I wanted to get away from you. I cant dance with you, you dance like a broken record, annoyingly stiff, repetitive, and annoying. Is there any other dance you know of other than the "hip thrust to and fro"?
I was sure you'd finnally gotten the point. But i didnt expect what came next.
As i sat down to rest my feet foor the night, you came to our table, and awkwardly (i could feel your negative energy) put your hat on, then your suit. You stood behind me for a what seemed like eternity before coming to me...
"That was an open rejection"
"pardon me?" I was not expecting that
"I said that was an open rejection. You knew i wanted to dance with you, but you went to... anyway, it was nice knowing you"
I wanted to slap you, right there and then. What have i done wrong? Must i dance with everyone who wants to dance with me?
You held out your hand for a shake. I guess this was suppose to be a "you've hurt me so you've lost me and goodbye" handshake.
I ignored you. You left.


I understand that sometimes, you cant have a nice departion. Departion? I was dreaming... The next day at another party, I was there with Kiss, a male friend. Supposedly you went to ask Kiss as i was away on the dance floor, what you've done wrong to me, and why am I rejecting you. You asked her what it is that i'm going through and told her that you wish I knew how much you can do for me.
Fisher, I dont need your help. Do you understand that? I dont!!!
I just need you to simply, be a man. Learn to cut your loses and trust me, you're not even losing. You've won. If i had agreed to be with you, I would not have treated you fairly. Truth is, i cant treat a man right unless i'm happy to be with him.
I hope God sends you your soulmate soon... it isnt me. I'm one of your many Mrs. Wrongs. Please underatnd that.

Goodbye

So many moves.

I have been away from Blogville for a little long.
Longer than i'd like to be.
i sometimes catch myself blogging in my mind, hoping i can get to the net before the memories melt away.
So anyway, here i am and i dont even know where to start.

i moved away, and i'm glad i did it. Its a new kind of life for me; something i have not experienced in so long. I'm in a new town, a new place, out of my comfort zone, yet ready to explore the possibilities. I've had so many recent brake-ups. TBS, and "friends... its exhausting. I think at this point, i am ready to let go of anyone. If i can go through this, ic an go through it all.
TBS... hmm...I look around for replacements for him at times. I see men that catch my eyes and wonder if they are anything like him. How different can they be, really?
Yet i'm glad we're over. I'm glad that part of my life is dead. I'm glad he is out of my life. Okay, so let me recap about the men i've met or talked to since our break up...

Mr. Firm;
dear mista firm! i have known this man for a little over a year and he'd always seem like a big brother to me. He somehow manages to remind me "not" to party too much, drink too much, and the likes...
He lives alone. A bachelor in a condo a short drive away. Sounds like a perfect person to hook up with but i just cant seem to feel for Mr. Firm. His personality is appealing, but i cant seem to get the physical attraction going. I dont like him physically. I had been trying to hook Mr. Firm up with Nat for a few weeks now but they had not had the chance to meet, nor speak to each other. Then Nat got hooked with this other man and i knew that he (Firm) didnt have any chance with her. I went to visit Mr. Firm a few days before TBS and i parted ways, and we saw a movie at his place. He cooked and i tell you,the one straight way to my heart without a detour, is through my mouth. I love to be fed by men! so yes, i was loving that. But it was tres weird that night when i was leaving; Mr. Firm gave me a tight(!!!) firm (hence the nickname) hug.He hugged me so tight, my breats flattened like pancakes on his chest- the tightest hug ever. I didnt get the clue till a few more hugs clued me in; Mr. Firm was crushing... on one of my visits, Mr. Firm said he had something to show me. He had to show me "it". I played along and went in his room along with him. I got bold and undid his belt, proceeded to pull his pants down but he stopped me. He reached for my chest and i thought "what de fak! mista man, I didnt say i had anything to show you, you the one who had something to show me!". I moved away.He asked me "can i see your breats?" and i couldnt belive my precious ears... WHAT A TURN OFF!!! okay, i need someone to tell me, am i the only female who finds it repulsive when men ASK to touch, sex, hug you? asking kills the mood! (not that there really was anything to get in the mood for that night but!...) anyway, i told him i wasnt ready for that, i left.
last night however, we did kiss, he did see my breasts(and no, he didnt ask this time!), he did suck them well, he did hold them right... his fingers almost reminds me of Troy's (Lover's lane). His fingers almost made me spurt. But i wanted his tongue... and he gave me it... and he sucked at it... i'd be sore for 5 hours afer then (*^&#)... i wont be seeing him anymore... not sexually.

Mr. Fisher
I cant believe ppl still wear fishermen hats! this guy is so silly! The sadest part is he'd look so much better without the hat on. But i pray next time i see him, he wouldnt have it on.
I met mister Fisher at a club on saturday. He'd tried to pick me up once before but his cousin beat him to it. His cousin had much more charisma, and a lot less brain mass. Needless to say, i never did do anything with him. Mr. Fisher's sister is a club-party friend. Do you know what i mean by that? have you ever had a friend that you always seem to meet at a specific club and everytime you meet him/her there, you two dance all night together, you exchange numbers yet you never call each other... thats the kind of friend she is. After the night was over, Mister Fisher called and we talked- he lives on thesame street as my mother (^$&%*!), bought a house with a friend. He is a computer analyst(or something like that) student and he works at some local store. My phone disconnected and he texted later in the night to thank me for calling him, that he is so glad he'd met me bla bla bla. ... when Mister Fisher said "you're such a nice girl, so soft spoken", i remembered all the hundrends of times i had raised my voice at TBS. If only he can speak with TBS... he'd tell him not ot be so naive... he'd tell him i really am human... i too, scream.
He called today to ask me over as he had cooked. I was ecstatic. But Mister Fisher is a Camrounian. I dont know what their meals i like, but i hope i'll like it. I couldnt make it over but i told him i'd come some othet time...
Mister fisher... we'll see.

Mr. Face.
Oh my goodness! this man has got the beautifullest (yes, look it up)face! i was at Afrofest (an annual african festival here) when i saw him at the corner of my eyes... he asked "dont i know you?". i looked over and sure enough, his face rang a bell... but couldnt figure out WHICH bell exactly.
"yea, you do look familiar..."
we figures out how we met.
Last year, i met a man at the gas station. He was in a yellow civic. What attracted me to him was his eclectic style- he dressed like he was breaking some rules. like an outlaw,... i saw myself in him. I liked him. And his face! oh wow! he is dark, but more like honeydark. He was blemish-free. skin clear like Dasani, face calm like peace. I loved his face! He was beautiful.
and just as brainless.
i had taken his number at the gas station and i knew i'd done right after speaking with him. He was an idiot. I got Francoise on the phone as i called him (i know, i'm childish!) so she could listen up. I wanted to see if she'd recognixze his voice because if theres one peson who can identify any ghanian person by their voice, name, belongings, etc, its Francoise! i swear that girl is connected with and deeply rooted to her ppl.
I had the worst convo with Face. I asked him what he did for a living and he called himself a "private investigator"... i probed and later realised he was aa security guard at a local store... a few other things he said but my memory fails me. I never called him back.
bu there he was last night, staring me down with those beautiful eyes of his... so i gave him my number. We'll see...

Stay tuned...