Your neighbour's laundry.

It was just meant to be a simple walk. I was to go over to my friend's house with Darque and we'd have a great time walking around the neighbourhood... whatever... the usual. This friend of mine had just graduated too so it was to be like a celebration walk sorta thing. I got Darque's waterbottle, her leash, and we headed out.

We stayed there a bit. Had dinner... that she bought since homegirl never cooks (yeah, she's white... however did you manage to know that?), and headed out. We hadnt even walked a block when we saw this dog that Darque used to know... along with her ownerwho also used to dogsit Darque.

And you thought you had issues "1":
This owner AKA soon-to-be-18-year-old girl, grew up with her mom and her mom's bf. Daddy wasnt in the picture (whats new? and no... he isnt black). Mr. BF used to molest her, rape her and among other things, make her do sexual stuff to her barbies... (wait, i think i got the story mixed up here... i dont know for sure if he used to be the one doing dirty things to her barbies or if he used to make her do them). Anyway, the cherry on the cake? She is delayed. Yeah,... she is urr, how do i say... umm... "behind"? Okay... she is almost 18, but she operates at about a 13 year old's level. Okay, hopefully you got the pic now.

This girl's life would make a ridiculous movie (for lack of a happy ending) but a greta book (also, for lack of a happy ending). She was sent to live with her aunt who has been caring for her since she was about 15. Trouble is, she does the craziest things. She lies like there is no tomorrow. You can both be staring at the sky in Abidjan the middle of november and she'd sell you snows. And you, you'd buy it not because you're blind or you cant tell that it never snows in Abidjan (at least, not yet but with the way the climate is changing so drasticlaly these days, any damn thing can happen!), but because this girl is that great a liar. Her lies and her mischievious ways has caused her to be kicked out of the house. Yes, her aunt kicked her out. And i know it sounds bad, but what are you going to do with a kid that runs away from home, never goes to school (the schools always calls home asking for her since she didnt show up for her classes but she denies it even after they call, claiming she was there while they were calling!), never cleans, ...
Anyway, so my friend (the one that just graduated) adopted her. That lasted a few months. My friend got sick of it because again, she'd lie up storms in the middle of the dryest desserts. It even started to affect our relationship a little too because when Darque would be over there (remember the girl used to dogsit for me and since she was living with my friend, she would dogsit over at my friend's place?), she wouldnt clean up after Darque and as much as my friend likes Darque, it wasnt fair to her especially since i used to pay miss thing for having her there! I stopped needing her services since is started leaving Darque at home by herself...anyway, now she got kicked our from my friend's house and she had to move back in with her aunt. Problem is, she has until she turns 18 to move out.

She'll be 18 in May :(
Her life is in God's hands.

And you thought you had issues "2":
As all five (Darque, the other dog, my friend, me, and the ex-dog sitter) of us were there, another really cute pure qhite dog came along with a female owner. We got to talking to this owner and you wouldnt believe it. Okay, let me tell you...

I've been told i'm crazy because: my dog has her own room, the wall color, the litter bin (yeah, shes litter trained... i'm too damn lazy to walk her half the time... okay maybe MOST of the time), her food and water bowl are thesame shade of pink, she's got a Fendi bed, about 5 sweaters, one jacket, the cutest toothbrush, cutest pair of shoes, SO MUCH toys,...
But apparently, i'm not half as crazy as this woman that had the white dog. The dog was beautiful, much older and very very well mannered. She would play with you if you play with her, she wouldnt just jump on you, she lays down and waits whenever her owner wasnt moving... (as opposed toDarque who barks at strangers UNLESS they pet her, jumps up to people's faces to kiss them, licks strangers ears, barks at random dogs and runs when they retaliate...). Anyway the woman andi got to talking and you wouldnt believe it!

SHE HAS A DOGGIE WALKER AND A CAR SEAT for her dog. And when you go in her place (yeah, she invited us over), the only pics on the walls are of her and her dog! She has no couch, no TV, just two (wooden) chairs and a big carpet for her dog, the foodbol and water bowl, a crate and... she is crazy! NOT ME! But i liked her lots. SHe was very generous. She gave Darque bows for her hair, sweaters and golf shirts, treats, a ball for toy...

Anyway, back to her personal story. Her parents divorced after a 5-yearmarriage because her daddy was too abusive. But the abuse didnt stop then. After he left, her mom became REALLY abusive.

How abusive, you ask?
To the point where whe'd drown her when she'd get angry,
beating
Javex down her throat for crying...

When she was 17, she was pulled out of school...
When she was 18, her daddy got credit cards in her name, maxed them out, yet wouldnt pay for them...
At 20, she declared backrupcy.

She eventually moved out with the clothes on her back; her friends couldnt tak eit anymore, they helped her out. She got three jobs,and its been hard but shes been alive so i guess thats a great thing.
At 34, she's got her faith in God, her dog, some form of communication with her sister and a really dark history. its been over a decade, yet the trauma is clearly visible in her life.At 34, she's got her faith in God, her dog, some form of communication with her sister and a really dark history.

If i dont curb my anger, i will never have kids.
God please dont let me ever become such a monster.

I'll leave you with these words that a co-worker said to me earlier this month
"If you knew what your neighbour was going through, you would never want to swap your troubles "

To Catch a Lying Diek (2)

"Come here baby..." oh, so sensually
and like a little mouse after some cheese, he came.
"Lay with me here..." we laid on the bed. I pulled him closer so that his face was only a feel's length away... i whispered...
"Baby, do you believe in God?"
"Yes."
"How much?"He looked confused, and horny.
"Alot. I cant put a numerical value on it."In the background played the melody his roommate was making with his knife and cutting board.
"shhh... do you hear that?"
"what?"
"That sound... outside... in the kitchen..."
"YEah?"
"How much do you believe that that sound exists?"

"100%"
"Okay, so... baby?"
"Yeah?"
"How much do you believe in God?"
"100%"I smiled. Impressive. Good answer.
"So, do you believe in Karma?"
"Well, sort of" his face made a U-turn at horny, turned right and partked on confusion street.
"You know, theres been times when i have experienced some dreadful episodes in the past but couldnt cry about them...because i knew that i deserved them. And then theres been other times that i had known that though i was dealt some sore cards, the circle had only begun because Karma was going to get whoever did me wrong... those times, i knew i didnt deserve to go through that... "He looked like a reindeer in easter...lost.
"Okay, so riddle me this... why didnt you tell me you had a son?"You could have fit a whole house in his nostrils, they flared so high.
"...oh and... how is Mrs. Sara Diek?"


He sprang up like the bed had fired him up. Paced around in the room for a minute before finding his voice:
"How did you know?"
"Why didn't you tell me about them?" i didn't wait fr a response because really, it didn't matter "I TOLD you i didn't care if you had kids! couldn't you have at least been honest with me about that?"
Here comes his mini-discovery moment! Finally his brain was coming to... "OH! did you look through my flash drive?"
I hadn't. Lord knows what else i would have found there.
"Your Flash drive? no actually i didn't. SHOULD i have looked in there?"
"You must have looked through my computer"
"Well, you keep wondering how i found out, and I'll keep knowing how i found out."
I turned away, did some of my paper work as he dealt with his confusion. It got really quiet. He was thinking. And like he had finally found sobriety, he said:
"Come here..." in the softest way i had ever heard him speak. But softness was not what i was looking for right then. Fuck the mother of softness. I dashed him a "nigga, you cant be serious" look, burning shame down his spine. He backed away, thinking. Okay, now it was time for me to phuk him up. Its simple: I have enough shit on him to live off for a year. Anyhow he says he doesn't want to fly me back home, I'll simply book myself an executive flight with his VISA number and call his parents back home to let them know just how much funds he shells out for females to come see his married ass in his make-shift home. Really, it was that simple.
I was about to say something. I was about to hit him real hard. I was SO sure the fool would try to phuk me up. But i didn't expect this:
"Truth? I am so sorry." softly "So so sorry that i hurt you"
HURT. That word didn't meet its match in me. "Hurt"? No. I couldn't find it in myself. I didn't know why, but there was this nagging feeling of relief, and not one drop of pain or hurt. I wanted to be angry. But i wasn't. I wanted to be hurt, but i wasn't. I wanted to be disappointed, but i wasn't. Bloggers, i was in another girl's body. Anger betrayed me at the one time that i needed it the most; took a drastic break from me right then. I was not hurt. Neither could i be angry. I told myself it might be because my anger was on vacation till he starts to try to act up by telling me that he wont book my flight. I settled for that. Okay, maybe i wont be angry till then.
I smiled "Diek, you didn't hurt me. And for some reason, I'm not angry. So you don't have to be sorry for hurting me. I am not hurt."
He pulled closer "See, this is what draws me to you." He looked so wrong. Like he had been caught doing a goat, like he had been found guilty, he looked so wrong. i looked up at him. For one second i was sure he was on crack, but even that certainty didn't prepare me for this as i asked him:

DENIAL
"Why didn't you tell me you had a son?"
"I didn't have a son when you asked me"
okay, now i was a tab bit angry. This motherEffer didnt jut try to justify that shit
"Wait, so your conscience allows you to tell a person that you didn't have a child even though your child's birth was only a month away? Even though his heart had been beating for SEVEN whole months?! YOUR CONSCIENCE is THAT SKEWED THAT YOU CAN TELL A PERSON THAT WITHOUT BEING burchered to death with GUILT?!"
No answer. Of course. Why would he answer?
"Truth, you will always have a special place in my heart. I have so much love for you. I don't want it to end this way."
"A place in your heart? Right next to your wife and kids?"

BARGANING
Okay, then out of a funky blue:
"Would you marry me?"
I thought i had heard wrong. I looked on his face and got a confirmation. My ears weren't playing tricks on me. This idiot had seriously asked me that. And bloggers, i tell you this is the one moment i wish i could change that night. The moment that i answered the DUMBEST, most IRRATIONAL, question ever:
"NO! marry you ke? Are you out of your mind?"

Dumbest thing i ever said. I mean, if someone would have askd me "Truth, what is the sum of 1 and 1?" i would say "you're insulting my in telligence" if smeone was to ask me "Is the sky blue?"
I would say "Are you breathing"
Likewise, i don't understand why i actually answered his question. I felt so stupid. such silly questions don't deserve answers AT ALL!
He looked disappointed (can you imagine? what was he expecting?) as he looked away.

ANGER
There was a long moment of silence. Then came his unjust anger.
"But you shouldnt have looked through my computer now.." My eyes bulged out so quick "... that is invasion of privacy"
I wanted to slap him.
"INVASION OF PRIVACY??? INVASION? YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT INVASION? OHHHH.... YOU SEE WHY SOME FEmAlES ARE BITCHES? BECAUSE SOME MEN DON'T R\DESERVE ANYTHING BUT TO GET BITCHED AT~ YOU FOOL! JUST BECAUSE I AM STILL HERE TALKING TO YOUR SORRY ASS YOU THINK YOU CAN FLIP THIS THING ON ME? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? OHHHHHHHH... SO BECAUSE YOU DONT SEE ME GETTING ALL IRATE AND FUCKIN EVERY SINGLE SHIT YOU GOT UP, YOU THINK YOU CAN... YOU KNOW WHAT?" I was so sure this shit was bout to turn inside out "anyway, you better just get me a flight home."
I didn't expect this:
"Okay"
Oh... i was expecting the goat to tell me he wont and try to kick me out of his house or something. Hmm... well,... i didn't expect it to run so smooth. He booked me the morning flight.
"I am so sorry. I hope this wont ruin things between us".
"Things? What things?"
He didn't answer.
I wanted to pee so bad, but i couldn't get up. I didn't trust him one bit. I fell asleep thinking.
I woke up in the morning to see he was already up and about to go shower. it was 5:40am. My flight was to be in an hour. He got out of the shower in about 20minutes. I heard his roommate get in right after him. I looked at the time.
At 6:20 the washroom finally became free. Well, the heifer knew i would need to shower before hugging the washroom for 20 minutes. And heaven knows heres NO WAY i was about to leave that city without freshening up. I packed my wallet with me as i headed for the shower. If he would have left the house without me, at least i would have his banking information in my wallet to use to book another flight and of course, to call a cab too.
I finished at 6:45. Yes, same time my flight was leaving.
We got in the car.

DEPRESSION
"I think you're going to miss your flight"
"I better not miss it"
"Look at the time, i think you already missed it"
"Well, i dont know what you expect me to say. All i know is i'm going home today"
He drove quietly.

When we got there, we were told that we had missed the flight. The ticket was $230. And also non refundable. The clerk at the airport said
"You can book a seat on the next flight. It would cost you an additional $200."
I replied "OKAY"
Turned to Diek.
He didn't dare look at me. He paid.

I got my ticket, turned around, a "bye" and left.

I got back to the city, relieved and a little surprised. I didn't expect things to go the way they did.
Later that evening i got a call. Mr. Diek was calling. I was at China's house so i asked her if she knew how to sing, she was surprised. I told her who it was that was calling and she agreed to sing to him on the phone. At this point, i didn't want any thing to do with him. I gave the phone to her.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to youuuu happy birthday to you" and she hung up.
We had a good laugh after that one. He called back again.
SHe picked it up
"We wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmass..." and she hung up.

He didn't call back for a few days after then. Then he started calling private. Now, he didn't speak. He would just hang up whenever I'd pick it up.
Even till this morning. He is yet to reach acceptance.

I have been calling his wife's number. Their home number. I have called private and even with other numbers. Not once have i had anyone answer my call. I wonder if the wife is away. I'm THIS close to calling his mother back home but whats the point in that?
Till this day, I'm not angry. I hate this sort of serenity because, i do want to be angry. But i am not.

Yesterday, he called me with his number visible (as opposed to the other times when he calls private)and asked me the silliest question ever (oh wait... scratch that). He asked "DO you remember how much the flight cost?"
I thought he was high
"Why would I remember? Arent you the one who paid for it? Why not check your records? why are you asking me?"
WIth that said, he hung up.
I thought about calling him back to curse his forefathers. But then again, thats what he would want; my attention. I know it kills him to know that i dont give a shit. And i know that hes stuck at Anger. Someday, he'll cross over that hill and make it to Acceptance.
Asshole.


My people, feel free to share your take on this... What would you have done? Or better yet, what do you wish you would have done or think that you should do?

To Catch a Lying-Diek (1)

WARNING: My blogville people, please ensure you're seated because i cant be held responsible if you get syncopic from reading this story.

Okay, so i was happy to leave on Saturday night to go see my new boyfie... it was exciting! I'd be taking a 4.5hour flight. He got the ticket, cost 220bucks, and emailed the information to me so i was able to print it. I got to the airport late but thank goodness that my flight was delayed. I arrived in his city, and called him, he met me at the airport 10minutes after my arrival.

"HI!"
"You had me waiting too long. Please dont let that repeat itself."He held me... "I'm so sorry."
We went into his car, he drove there. For some reason, this trip seemed to be like a dejavu... i didnt understand why, but i do now. I didnt know then, but i had been there before. My blogville people, stay with me on this...

So, there i was with this man that is my new man. i needed something from him. I wasnt physically crazy about him, but i wanted to have sex with him (kind of hard not to seince we've talked about sex so often!) but most importantly, i wanted that "ish' factor... his drive, he truly is gifted, and iwanted a piece of that. Yeah, i said wanted... i guess by now, you've figured it out.

I went into his home, went into his room... there, as he had told me, was his furniture-less room. He had warned me that he didnt have but an airbed since he just moved there, he asked if i wanted him to purchase a bed before I got there and i had told him i didnt care. I didnt. I've slept with my b-fies on worse than airbeds. As materialistic as i am, i can also be so... sayy... thrifty(?)... i have suffered with men, and so have i enjoyed with them.

Anyway, so we slept...NOT! We kissed, and kissed, and kissssed...made out lots, decided he wanted to do the do so he had asked if i had brought condoms (i'd said i would buy some), i told him i hadnt and he didnt try hard enough to hide his disappointment. He wanted to do the do without it. That raised all the flags in my cerebellum as i whimpered the little words i had left in me:
"What? you would have sex just like that? you would have sex with me without a condom?" He looked confused.
"What if i had something? i mean,... what if you do? i mean... dont you love yourself?"
"No, i was only kidding, I wasnt going to ..."By this time, i had gotten scared shitless. I had made the wrong turn. I wanted the city to spit me right back into my rightful home. I knew something was up. My people, please know this:


IF ANYONE IS WILLING TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH YOU THOUGH THEY HARDLY KNOW YOU, PLEASE, MAKE LIKE THERES A FIRE ON YOUR TAIL AND RUN, RUN, RUN...


My heart was hurt and my sense of security with this man, destroyed. I was with the wrongest person, in his bed, in his home, in his city, in his state... i wanted so bad, to be wrong. But i wasnt. Then he asked if i would go down on him! My people, some people LOve giving oral, i LOve receiving them. My oral cavity is quite petite, i dont do well with oral so accordingly, i said no. He asked if he could go down on me and i said "NO!" ,... at this point, i was scared to do anything sexual with him. So he started to play with himself and lord knows, that turns me MIGHTY on, so i siad, "Do you mind if i watch?"
"Watch? No, i dont mind" And watch i did.
"Well, i'll do you one better, i'll play with myself too"
This is a major turn on for me. Its hot to play with yourselves, watching each other. So, anyway, i decided to feel him... and feel i did.
I couldnt believe it. This man had bragged about his size, hence the name "Diek"! I remember him saying "My dick this, my dick that, my dick this and a whole bunch of that..." So i had asked him back then (since it seemed like he wanted me to ask so bad) "Diek, how big is your dick?"
"oh, its big. 8 inches"My brows spelt a big M as i asked... "EIGHT?"
"Yes, eight" He responded proudly
"Isnt that the regular size?"He looked puzzled "No! thats quite big!"Okay, its either i'd been lucky with most of my men, or this man is in some sad denial...
Okay, fast forward... yeah, him and i in the inflated bed, my fingers on my vaginity, other hand on his ... well, his.. snake. yes, snake. snake! You know one of those baby snakes??? I mean one of those BIC-pen looking ones... i didnt know if to stroke it up and down or to detach it to write a letter with!

I have decided, lord better give me a small fat dick instead of a long skinny one anyday because if i end up with a skinny one, i'll be bitter. Yes, that is my new petpeeve,: skinny pencil-like dicks!


The next day he claimed he wanted to go to church. He asked if i wanted to come but he didndt really ask...
"You want to come? but you dfont have to come if you dont want to."There are many times God wants me to go to church, but that wasnt one of the times. I was meant to stay home, besides, Diek obviously didnt really want me to come.

I stayed. He called me shortly after to ask for the directions to the church, he couldnt find the church. He ended up not finding it and decided he would com eback home. -

I went on his laptop after he left. I wanted to blog but i was scared. What if he traced my blog? My annonimyty is REALLY important to me. How do you speak Truth, if you know people are watching?

I went online, and then decided to check if he has some pictures on his PC. I saw one named "Pic"...
Ohhhh! This looks cool, what do we have here? Annnnddd! CLICK!
Who is this? shes cute... whats with her? she seems to have lots of pictures on here...must be an ex? maybe? Might be the one he said he was with 8 months ago...
He said the last time he had sex was 8months ago. He told me that in October. He also told me that on saturday. My blogville people, stay with me on this one...

So i decided to check if he was other albums...
ohhhh... this one is named... named... n-n-nn-nnnna-me-ddd...

My mind-jaw dropped. I needed a hand to hold me from falling, though i was seated, i was collapsing from shock.

"MY SON"
Two words, 7 letters, one space, and a big ol lie, found.

My mind trailed back to the first time we spoke... His words sounded like the soundtracks of my discovery moment as i recalled...
"Do you have any kids?" I had asked first.
"No." Two words, not stiffled, not screamed, not forced. Two simply spoken words.
"Do you have any children?" He asked. I laughed. I always find it funny when people ask me that. That question always reminds me that i am speaking with a stranger, someone who hasnt gotten to learn that i am anti-children-of-my-own.
"no, i dont have any. But i have dated men with kids. I dont mind men with kids." I always make sure to add that because its true. I dont.

So then, if that had been the trail of our convo, what was this file that i was about to ...CLICK!
And there it was, loads of pictures, same girl,only about 100pounds heavier... Same man, only looking about a lot more proud, and another soul... some innocent looking baby who resembled him, unfortunately for that poor boy. A beautiful mother, a father like him, yet he had to look like his father. The resemblance was outrageous.

At this point, i got into my proactive mode. I sent those pics to my email and friends, along with pics of his girl, i check further more and found TONS of information on his laptop:
Hotmail conversations with me, my double IDs, and tons of other females,... his wife (yes, wife)'s phone number, address, his mother and familiy's contact information, his social identification code, his business information (for his business account), his incometax information, his everything!
It wasnt until after i was done that i realised, he still had not returned! He had called me like an hour and a half ago to tell me he would be back in 15minutes! But snoopery wouldnt let me call him to hurry him up. I needed time, so i didnt bother calling him. By the time he had returned, i was done with all the transfers. I had enough information to send him to Lucifer's anus.

When he returned, he seemed so upset that he didnt find the church. Hypocritical son of a goose! How dare he even dare to step foot in a church? But,...i tried to keep my cool. I have to be smart, i have to get a return ticket home. We flirted, kised, i scolded him for being late since i had to make it look real. He asked if i wanted to go to a hotel for the night to be comfortable because all he had was an airbed. This is thesame man that had tried to convince me not to stay in ahotel before. I think he just wanted to have a place to go all wild. He was so sure he was getting some nookie. Oh well, we can all dream. He asked me if i wanted to go out to eat and i agreed, he claimed we would have to take the bus since he had already returned his rental car.
"Oh! I see... well, then have fun eating out!"
"What? you're not coming?"
"Not without a car. I didnt come to another man's state only to have to haul around in a bus, if you didnt have a ride for me, you should have told me. I would have stayed in my home!" "Seriously?" He looked usprised.
"Um, yeah! So, im staying right here and if starvation is my fate in this spoit taht i'm staying at, then so be it!""i was just trying to test you. The car is outside, lets go"
I was furous. Never test fire, it just might burn you.

"Diek!"
"Yes?"
"Do i look like one of your little persona-falsifying females that you usually come in contact with?"
"What do you mean? I was only joking nowww"
"No seriously! Joke with kids! I dont deal in children! If you want a female you can test, either get yourself a litmus paper, or get yourself one of your regulars!"
I was angry. But i think at that moment, i was being vulnerable. I was too easy to read. I needed to compose myself better. I told myself "STOP IT WOMAN!" ... and...

We went out to eat and flirted. He was my man, and i was his woman.

When we were going back, i appologised for not having the condoms that i had planned to bring him. I also appologised for not bringing the sex toy i had planned to buy him. The only reason i didnt but these things was because i had no time and besides, i had too many stuff in my bag. So i asked him../
"Lets go to a sex store and pick those stuff up."
But he didnt want to...
"no, i dont need them now"
I see, so not only are you a liar, you are also cheap. I know his type. He thinks i wanted him to pay for those sex items, truth is, i didnt. I was going to pay for them, but i let his foolish brains fool him.But it hought to ask
"Why dont you want it now? i mean, you were so excited to have it before"He didnt really give me an answer. Anyway... i already knew he was a snake, ... time for the kill.

When we got to his house, he asked again if i wanted a hotel and my people, i wpuld have agreed. BUT! I knew i could go to the hotel with him but i couldnt sex him. If i dont sex him, he might want to leave me at the hotel. I had to be smart about this. At his home, he cant forcefully push me out. Truth is, i can physically handle him. If i wanted to hold him down and make him beg for his dear life, i could have. But i wanted to be graceful, like the swan i can sometimes pretend to be lol.



"No, lets stay here." So we stayed.

Just then, i got a text from Nat
"Dont tell him, and whatever you do, dont act like anything is wrong, just go with the flow till you get your return ticket."
But by then, i was just so angry! Going with the flow would mean he would succeed at this! I couldnt do it! I wasnt about to keep beating myself up inside for someone else's sins! I called him to my side:
"Come here baby..." oh, so sensually
and like a little mouse after some cheese, he came.
"Lay with me here..." we laid on the bed. I pulled him closer so that his face was only a feel's length away... i whispered...
"Baby, do you believe in God?"
"Yes."
"How much?"He looked confused, and horny.
"Alot. I cant put a numerical value on it."In the background played the melody his roommate was making with his knife and cutting board.
"shhh... do you hear that?"
"what?"
"That sound... outside... in the kitchen..."
"YEah?"
"How much do you believe that that sound exists?"
"100%"
"Okay, so... baby?"
"Yeah?"
"How much do you believe in God?"
"100%"I smiled. Impressive. Good answer.
"So, do you believe in Karma?"
"Well, sort of" his face made a U-turn at horny, turned right and partked on confusion street.
"You know, theres been times when i have experienced some dreadful episodes in the past but couldnt cry about them...because i knew that i deserved them. And then theres been other times that i had known that though i was dealt some sore cards, the circle had only begun because Karma was going to get whoever did me wrong... those times, i knew i didnt deserve to go through that... "He looked like a reindeer in easter...lost.
"Okay, so riddle me this... why didnt you tell me you had a son?"You could have fit a whole house in his nostrils, they flared so high.
"...oh and... how is Mrs. Sara Diek?"


>>>TO BE CONTINUED<<<

How to escape a speeding ticket on halloween night.

So it was a gracious night. Halloween night!
And there i was, dressed as a BellyDancer. Kiss and I decided to go out. We went to this club called Sign243 and were supposed to meet China and 2 other friends there but we got there so late, that we couldnt get in.
So we went to this other club where White men, and Naija Yahooze boys tend to frequent. We go there for the former, by the way. We usually ignore the latter.
Anyway, that wasnt bad,... then we left there.
I was driving, and since i have a bad case of ADD, i wasnt suprised to note myself turning left at a red light! See the funny thing is, before i started to make the turn, i wasnt aware of what i was about to do but the moment i started to make the turn i realised it but, it was too late! I mean, i wasnt about to just stop in the middle of traffic so i can get hit! I had to finish that turn, so i did.
"Emm... oh sheeet! i'm making a left turn at a red light!"
Kiss: "oh,... err..."
"Oh darn"
I hadnt even finished my "darn" when i heard the sirens behind me.
Okay, heres the thing! There are numerous times when i've violated traffic laws just because i felt like it, just because i was lazy, just for the high, WHATEVARRRRRR! WHY did it have to be the one time that i REALLY didnt mean to do it, that i'd get caught?!???

Well, i'm not a runner and i wasnt about to start that night so i pulled over and assessed my fate.
Kiss: "Jesu! Opari oh! wetinb we go do?"
"hmm, " i couldnt say anything. I just prayed they dont smell the alcohol i'd drank on my breath, or sensed that i had numerous OVERDUEEE unpaid tickets or sensed that my lights dont work.
Kiss: "Truth, lets beg them"
"Beg gini? you think this is Nigeria?"

So, they arrived. One on my side, one on Kiss's side. Almost seems so darn rehearsed.

"Hi Officers!" Teeth a'gleaming.
Officer#1: "Hi, you just ran a red light there."
"Yeah i know, i dont know what i was thinkging, i didnt know till i'd done it"
Officer#1: "I dont know what you were thinking, i mean... who runs red lights with cops right behind them?"
Kiss starts her flirting with Officer#2 "We're so sorry. we're students and we never disobey the laws. That was a mistake. " she added, with her "sweet sexy girl" voice impersonation. She was almost deathly annoying. I thought, here i was trying to be professional and nice so i'd get the least penalty i could, and there she was, flirting with the officer!
Officer#2 "Students? i see"
Officer#1 "where are you guys coming from?"
"From a halloween party!"
"YEah? what club?"
"Sign243"
"May i see your driver's licence?"
I gave it to him.
He left with it, while Kiss seized yet another oppourtunity to flirt with the second officer.
"So, officer, do you like what we have on?"oh geez! i couldnt believe it.i was starting to enjoy her flirting with him but i wondered if it'd be irritating to them. I mean, i'm sure they get TONS of females who try this with them everynight! "My friend is dressed as a belly dancer"
"Really?"
"Yeah!" she turns to me "Truth, go ahead, show the gentleman your costume..."
"KISS, are you out of your..."
Officer #2 "sure, let me see it"
i thought, chei! i don suffer! this modeling i'm about to do better pay off...
i took my coat off, got out of the car and strutted ma stuff lol. I got so shy when i got out of the car. There wasnt only one police car but another police van/SUV (hell, i didnt even know those existed!) out there.
I heared some howling, but i was too shy to stand up to them. i got back in the car.
Officer#2 "Thats hot!"
I responded "Wel, if you think thats hot, you should see my friend's dress. Shes banging"
See, Truth betold, Kiss has a hot body. And the dress she had on that night, accentuated her assets. She didnt even let me finish. She prang to the oppourtunity to show herself off. She took her coat off and got out of the car. Turned and swirled...
They loved her. It was cute. lol. Big grown cops salivating over what they couldnt have experienced if were not for their uniforms.
Officer #1 returned to the car.
"Okay, i see you dont have your insurance card"
I didnt get it. I wanted to argue that i DO have my insurance card "No, but officer, i ..."
"No you dont!" he cut me short "and since you dont have you insurance card, i'm going to have to give you a $60ticket for that instead of the $200 (and 4 demerit points!!!) ticket that you should have gotten for running a red light"
I gleamed. My happiness was unmeasurable. $200? Where forth would i have acquired such sum? lmao!
"and since you two are dressed so nice, i'll just give you a warning"
lmao! i wanted to die.
They wished us goodnight, bid us farewell, and left.

Unbelievable.
Surely theres a heaven on earth.
We experience it once in a while.
Like a little treat.
We had a taste of pardoned-heaven that night.
and no... i still havent paid the numerous overdue tickets i have (which i know the cop must have seen on his monitor that night when he checked my licence) and neither have i fixed my lights.

Sometimes, you need the craze to get the glue!

I havent seen my family bond so well as they have these past couple of days.
We've spent these past days together. We've come together, to support one another.
Theres been times when i wondered if it would have made a difference if it wasnt Ambition in that hospital bed.
Would it be any different if it was I, for example?
Ambition is well loved. She is blessed with the priviledge of chairing our parent's heart.
And it would have made it easy to envy her if it wasnt her.
But she makes it so hard. So hard to hate her.
I cant.

Ever heard of a coworker that gets awarded for everything- being on time, being conscientous, being the best worker, THEN you meet her only for her to be the nicest person ever?

Ambition is too easy to love.
So although it was hard being her sibling when i was little, i couldnt hate her.
because she loved me, and everyone else so perfectly. She was simple. She was an easy person.


shes getting better and i'm so glad.
Thanks to everyone thats expressed their best wishes, hope you never get to experience this.
Rumour says she might be discharged tomorrow.

I'll conclude with a joke that happened yesterday.
Its funny now but when it happened, it was quite embarrassing.

Okay so picture Ambition, my nephew and neice, my other sister (Fierce), my brother, and a third sister (Aqua) sitting in the living room, talking, laughing, and chilling when my brother in law (Bode) picked up my cell phone from the coffee table.
Hes a jester so i knew he was teasing when he said
"your phone is so cheap, it doesnt even have a camera feature, does it?"
"it does, its a camera phone!"
"oh, so you have pics in it?"
"yeah, check the gallery and then check the images in there for pics"

and so he did.
Now, i know that i have a secret that only I and Fierce knows of in my family.
I take nude pics.
I love nudity and I've often wondered if it'd make a difference if i didnt think i had a nice body. I dont think it would.
Fierce use to beat me for it when i was young. She'd scold me to tears and lecture me for hours and she'd make me rip the nude pics i'd taken- but that was when i was younger. Now i'm older, an adult. She'd lost the right to scold me. She'd lost that fight, bless her soul!
But anyway, Fierce didnt say anything, and neither did i.
i was so sure i didnt have any nude pics in my cam.
I was wrong.

I had China take a nude pic of me a lil while ago- its a pic of me in a fetal position,facing downward, naked but a thong...
yeah, Bode saw it
and flipped it around to show me what he saw, but because i was sitting far from him, everyone saw it.
I tell you, i would've turned purple if i could have, but my wealth of melanin deprived me of such.
Yeah, it was so embarrasing.
My mom was like
" oh my goodness!" "what are you? a stripper, now?!!!"
"sure mom! would you like to watch me strip one of these days?"
needless to say, she didnt reply... My mom is pretty reserved and she'd rather not say much in these sort of instances.
the poor woman was short of words. I dont think i can suprise her anymore.
lol

Anyway, so that was that!

This weekend

has een a blast!
i have partied, reunited with an old love, re-fell in love, AND i havent slept a wink! i have worked over 32 hours and realised how much my clients appreciate me! i love this weekend!


details latah sha