He Slept Over (2)

He slept until the middle of the night.
When my labia started to feel really good
i knew what the ffeling was
but was too sleepy to fight it
i was in a role play
and i was the meal
i wonder if its because i was really horny
or because i hadnt had a good cum in a while
or because he did it even better than he usually would
i wonder...
but oh my Word!
it was good
he licked ma fav. spots
the forgotten creases together with the erogenous hump
he licked it all
and i came.

it wasnt until then that i finally realised- "oh boy!"
yap! i came! so guess who's turn it is to "come"?
he crept behind me "as usual"
and massaged my butt with his dick
and i stopped him
and this went on for aboout 5 minutes
he kept trying
and i (still half-asleep,) kept stopping him
and then he sat up and with that stressed look on his face, expressed his frustraton with me that nothing has changed
see, the thing is; i'm the type to cum and sleep
but hes been ood at keeping me awake after cumin by simply getting into me
thats usually the trick
BUT since he has been refusing to use a condom lately,
and i've been refusing to have sex without a condom,
th routine as been modified to first,
I cum, he plays with himself and ejaculates, we all pretend we're happy
then it got modified even further to
he plays with himself and ejaculates, we all pretend we're happy
and since a couple of days ago, it got modified even further to
i use ma vibrator and cum
so thats how its been.

So yesterday when he got upset (or was it this mornin?), i told him (which was really hard to do with ma mouth full of drool and ma tongue in the way) he needs to camlm down
He did
i started to touch him
not sexually
and i appologised (because i know how horny that gets him)
i could tell he was limp
because my knee was on his stomach and i still couldnt feel his dick
he tried to kiss me
but i stopped him (i cant kiss anyone right now)
i pushed my knee down his crotch
and held his semi-hard dick with the corner-spot at back of my knee
and with that, he got rock hard
i then proceeded to play with his dick
up
down
up
down
then
updownuodownupdownupdown
and watched him gasp for air like 02 was scarce
he flinched and shivered
and then
he came
and oh my Word
i dont think i've ever seen him cum so much
then i went into the shower
and washed off my hands
and he got into the shower
and showered
and we were happy'
and in the back of my min, i thought: 'does he think we're together"?
but i didnt dare ask
i didnt want to deal with the reality; whatever that is

we went back to sleep
and then i woke up to his hands on my breasts this morning
faught him off for a lil while
then i gave up
then i tried again
and it worked

he jerked off
and came (a lot again)
and got cleaned up
got his stuff
and left

that was my night

The Breakup Continues

I think hes going through shock
Hes finally single and like a baby born into a new world,
he is panicking
crying
hoping to get back to that familiar home he calls "baby"
I am not able to give him that
not because i dont want to be with someone
but because i know that that someone is either Not him,
or Not him-now

so instead of saing "yes",
i said "i'll think about it"
and when he asked if he could come over,
i said 'hell na"
and when he questioned it
i said
"because when we were together, the sex died, so i really dont know what you could be comin up to ma place for at 10pm at night!"
"because it sho as hell cant be the sex! that died long time!"

i agreed to have him over since he said he cooked
i definitely am a sucker for food
but then he couldnt come for another reason
and i knew in ma mind he'd passed up YET another great chance
tomorrow, i'll have someone else on my mind
and it wont be him.
ttyl

WE ended it (2)

continuing...

So as i told him to wait, i went over to my PC, covered the screen with one hand as i closed the page with the other.
he got suspicious and asked why i did that and i simply explained to him... "its my webpage, i want it to remain known to me andonly me. i want it to remain annonymously mine. if i know that you know the page, then i cant use the page anymore" "its my therapy..."

he didnt buy this (even though it was the truth), he figured theres something there i had to hide.
he was right.
but so was i.
i didnt want him seeing one of the posts i had there. there are more than one posts there about him but theres one that i Really dont want him to view.
i really did use my old blog for therapy. if he knew my blog address, then how can i be true about what i post there, without considering his feelings?

he started to explain that he didnt like that i closed it, that i didnt want him to see it
Me: u're paranoid man
JC: its just like at work, you know... when ppl start saying something and the moment you walk into the room, they stop. you know its about you. i know what you have there is about me.
Me: i have told you that yes, some of the things on it are about you, but its nothing i mind you seeing. i just simply dont want yo knowing my blog address. so how about this; i'll go on my blog, change my blog address and name and all that, and then allo you to navigate through it all you want. then when you're done, i'll change it back to its usual name. that way, you wont have to worry about it anymore, AND my address remains safe from you.
JC: (no answer)
Me: ooookayyyyyyyy
JC: its also like when you're at work, and ppl start speaking a different language just because you're there...
Me: i dont blame people for speaking different languages sometimes. i mean, i shouldnt have to give up on my language just because i'm in a different language.
JC: so what are you doing here then? (i.e what are u doing in canada...)
Me: (long pause) (yells:) you're one ignorant motherfucker! YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE I CAME TO ANOTHER COUNTRY MEANS I SHOULD FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT WHERE I'M FROM? YOU SHOULD TELL THAT TO UR MOTHER WHO SPEAKS PATOIS EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS! WHY NOT ASK HER TO GO BACK TO JAMAICA EVERYTIME SHE SPEAKS PATOIS?!
JC: starts to prance around the room looking for his belongings, starts to detach my key from his bunch of keys(he had a copy of my condo keys)
Me: ya, u can leave that on the table
JC: left the key on the vanity set, and walked out

by the way, did you notice how the conversation tansited from the pc issue, the trust issue to the work issue and then the ignorance issue? we started with one topic and ended with another.

he called an hour and a half later...
Me: hello?
JC: yes. i dont know, i'm not happy with you. i know this isnt going anywhere
Me: well i think we both know its been over for a long while now
JC: yes, its been over
long unncesary talk.... then
Me: okay, bye
JC: bye

i got off the phone, started this blog, then called up the most unlikely suitor i know (i'll tell you about him later), just to pass time and maybe, remind myself that i'm still wanted by a man (regardless how unattractive the man is)

He called back

"I'm not happy with you, i'm really not. but I'd rather be unhappy with you, than be unhappy with someone else"

he called me a minute ago to tell me this.

i didnt recognize the number (because i had deleted his contacts from my phone yesterday) so i picked the phone up.. but then again, i probably would have answered the call anyway.
I picked up the phone, only for him to tell me in a few long sentences that he wants to be back with me, even though he isnt happy with me.

why?

why would i want to be with someone i'm not happy with?
whats the point? i know if i'm not happy with him, my eyes will wander. i know i'll look for a new boufriend. i know i'll cheat (i've never really done this before anyway... well once, but not really). so why subject myself to that in the first place?

this is the least i've felt for him. i usually want him back. but now i dont. i dont want to be in that relationship where i would cheat on my boyfriend. Or maybe i should. maybe i need to do that; be with him, try other men at the side, and hopefully wnjoy life that way. i'm lost.
my phone got disconnected as we were talkin, so i'll cal him back.

WE ended it

my boyfriend came over a few hours ago
he had said he'd be over here
but he came about 10 hours after he'd previously said
that bothered me
but i got over it because i understood that he had other things to do
what i didnt understand was
why he acts all funny


i know he has a mental illness

i know he does
being the expereinced depressive chic that i am
and being the mental illness fanatic that i am
i know that he has a mental illness
why?
because he thinks
and no i dont mean "think" as in... "oh, hes such a great thinker!"
i mean think as in
24hrs, constantly tryna make sense of things even though its nothin, til it becomes something...
that kind of a thinker


but he doesnt understand that he needs help

and what is can u do with a thirsty horse but take it to a river?

if i suggest you see a shrink and you refuse, what can i do?
nothing.
so i did nothing but put up with ur shit

but anyway, he came over today, we kissed as usual
not the kind of kissin we use to have
the kind that use to make me shiver
that;d send 350volts of energy down ma spine

but the kind that we do just to prove to the world that... we're still in love
the kind we do just to catch each other in that moment that we're maybe not feelin the other anymore
do you know what i mean?
the kind of "peck" you give so the other person doesnt think that you dont like them anymore...
thats what kind of kiss we had

i got into ma bed
and you did thesame
we talked about your car, about silly little things that i dont remember
then you got up, wanted to use my pc
but knowing that i had ma webpage open, i told you to "wait a minute"
as i wanted to close ma webpage

and of course
being the psychotic naive idiot that you are, you got a ll paranoid and decided to wonder why i did that


To be continued...