Set me free.

For some reason, I am awake at 2:34am, unable to sleep.
Unable to reach satiety from today’s experiences, I find myself lying bed, awake, hoping for some more.
You are slowly, yet quickly, becoming my newest obsession and I dare not deny that I have been here before.
I have a few times, tapped rapidly on the pause button to get myself to come back within, to my thoughts, to self, to rational self, where I am able to confirm to myself, that really, I don’t want to rush this.
But my blood races too fast for this 10miles per hour pace we’re walking. It does 60 on a 40. My desires, are even faster.
You may not know it, but on so many thoughts, I have undressed you. I have had you in my favourite ways, and I see in it your eyes that you are deeply, deeply in-to me.
The lights are off after dark but I see your eyes in the moonlight. You lower yourself onto me…your shirt on, buttons …undone. I like holding your face, its no lie,… it feels so good to touch the dark rich tone that covers it.
I can feel you fill me, and there, right then, nothing else in the world matters. You save the sounds from my lips, and give them back to m…undone. I like holding your face, its no lie,… it feels so good to touch the dark rich tone that covers it.
I can feel you fill me, and there, right then, nothing else in the world matters. You save the sounds from my lips, holding them within you… my fingers knead your back, and you handle me, lovingly, and let our sounds resonate into the air. You are set free.
I am ready.
On you, I am made queen. Leading you into my queendom, I give you a slow but steady tour. The dark encircles us, and for some reason, this is where I often stop.
So you see, my dear, I am yet to come with you. I am yet to be free.
I want you to finish what we started.
So I find myself wishing, several moments through the day, that I had taken the chance when I had it.

3:02am September 20/11

Testing, 123!

I need to go get tested for STDs.
And so does he.

I had been getting tested every 6months since i was 16. It was like a routine, pap test, blood test, HIV test, along with every 6th month that came by.

When i was 21, i got a call from the ministry of health. Supposedly i had been i n contact with someone who had been found to have Chlamydia.

I couldnt believe it.
And since i had only had sex with one person between the time i was 17 and then, i knew who it was. Kimani.

So i went for the test. I was dead cold and scared. I still remember walking in there after work and seeing all these people i couldnt find myself ever associating with. They looked more like whores. No seriously, that was my exact feeling.

Yet i was in that room, waiting with them. So really, am i any different?
Somehow, we all took our individual paths. Yet somehow we all ended up there. In that room, waiting to believe that we arent diseased. Hoping for some miracle.

I wasnt infected.
I was okay.
I found out two weeks later.

Thank God for condoms. The son of a forgotten fool had cheated on me but thank goodness for condoms and his devine grace.

So i am now about to start over with Frery so i need the both of us to get tested. Frery... i'll admit, i do like him a lot.
But its odd, because there are a few things about him i am having difficulty accepting. I am at a point where i am redefining or reaffirming my believes in terms of the sort of partner i want and what is important to me. And as i do that, i hope to learn a few lessons along the way.

Anyway, in the meantime, i'm going to get some food to eat lol.

To Catch a Lying-Diek (1)

WARNING: My blogville people, please ensure you're seated because i cant be held responsible if you get syncopic from reading this story.

Okay, so i was happy to leave on Saturday night to go see my new boyfie... it was exciting! I'd be taking a 4.5hour flight. He got the ticket, cost 220bucks, and emailed the information to me so i was able to print it. I got to the airport late but thank goodness that my flight was delayed. I arrived in his city, and called him, he met me at the airport 10minutes after my arrival.

"HI!"
"You had me waiting too long. Please dont let that repeat itself."He held me... "I'm so sorry."
We went into his car, he drove there. For some reason, this trip seemed to be like a dejavu... i didnt understand why, but i do now. I didnt know then, but i had been there before. My blogville people, stay with me on this...

So, there i was with this man that is my new man. i needed something from him. I wasnt physically crazy about him, but i wanted to have sex with him (kind of hard not to seince we've talked about sex so often!) but most importantly, i wanted that "ish' factor... his drive, he truly is gifted, and iwanted a piece of that. Yeah, i said wanted... i guess by now, you've figured it out.

I went into his home, went into his room... there, as he had told me, was his furniture-less room. He had warned me that he didnt have but an airbed since he just moved there, he asked if i wanted him to purchase a bed before I got there and i had told him i didnt care. I didnt. I've slept with my b-fies on worse than airbeds. As materialistic as i am, i can also be so... sayy... thrifty(?)... i have suffered with men, and so have i enjoyed with them.

Anyway, so we slept...NOT! We kissed, and kissed, and kissssed...made out lots, decided he wanted to do the do so he had asked if i had brought condoms (i'd said i would buy some), i told him i hadnt and he didnt try hard enough to hide his disappointment. He wanted to do the do without it. That raised all the flags in my cerebellum as i whimpered the little words i had left in me:
"What? you would have sex just like that? you would have sex with me without a condom?" He looked confused.
"What if i had something? i mean,... what if you do? i mean... dont you love yourself?"
"No, i was only kidding, I wasnt going to ..."By this time, i had gotten scared shitless. I had made the wrong turn. I wanted the city to spit me right back into my rightful home. I knew something was up. My people, please know this:


IF ANYONE IS WILLING TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH YOU THOUGH THEY HARDLY KNOW YOU, PLEASE, MAKE LIKE THERES A FIRE ON YOUR TAIL AND RUN, RUN, RUN...


My heart was hurt and my sense of security with this man, destroyed. I was with the wrongest person, in his bed, in his home, in his city, in his state... i wanted so bad, to be wrong. But i wasnt. Then he asked if i would go down on him! My people, some people LOve giving oral, i LOve receiving them. My oral cavity is quite petite, i dont do well with oral so accordingly, i said no. He asked if he could go down on me and i said "NO!" ,... at this point, i was scared to do anything sexual with him. So he started to play with himself and lord knows, that turns me MIGHTY on, so i siad, "Do you mind if i watch?"
"Watch? No, i dont mind" And watch i did.
"Well, i'll do you one better, i'll play with myself too"
This is a major turn on for me. Its hot to play with yourselves, watching each other. So, anyway, i decided to feel him... and feel i did.
I couldnt believe it. This man had bragged about his size, hence the name "Diek"! I remember him saying "My dick this, my dick that, my dick this and a whole bunch of that..." So i had asked him back then (since it seemed like he wanted me to ask so bad) "Diek, how big is your dick?"
"oh, its big. 8 inches"My brows spelt a big M as i asked... "EIGHT?"
"Yes, eight" He responded proudly
"Isnt that the regular size?"He looked puzzled "No! thats quite big!"Okay, its either i'd been lucky with most of my men, or this man is in some sad denial...
Okay, fast forward... yeah, him and i in the inflated bed, my fingers on my vaginity, other hand on his ... well, his.. snake. yes, snake. snake! You know one of those baby snakes??? I mean one of those BIC-pen looking ones... i didnt know if to stroke it up and down or to detach it to write a letter with!

I have decided, lord better give me a small fat dick instead of a long skinny one anyday because if i end up with a skinny one, i'll be bitter. Yes, that is my new petpeeve,: skinny pencil-like dicks!


The next day he claimed he wanted to go to church. He asked if i wanted to come but he didndt really ask...
"You want to come? but you dfont have to come if you dont want to."There are many times God wants me to go to church, but that wasnt one of the times. I was meant to stay home, besides, Diek obviously didnt really want me to come.

I stayed. He called me shortly after to ask for the directions to the church, he couldnt find the church. He ended up not finding it and decided he would com eback home. -

I went on his laptop after he left. I wanted to blog but i was scared. What if he traced my blog? My annonimyty is REALLY important to me. How do you speak Truth, if you know people are watching?

I went online, and then decided to check if he has some pictures on his PC. I saw one named "Pic"...
Ohhhh! This looks cool, what do we have here? Annnnddd! CLICK!
Who is this? shes cute... whats with her? she seems to have lots of pictures on here...must be an ex? maybe? Might be the one he said he was with 8 months ago...
He said the last time he had sex was 8months ago. He told me that in October. He also told me that on saturday. My blogville people, stay with me on this one...

So i decided to check if he was other albums...
ohhhh... this one is named... named... n-n-nn-nnnna-me-ddd...

My mind-jaw dropped. I needed a hand to hold me from falling, though i was seated, i was collapsing from shock.

"MY SON"
Two words, 7 letters, one space, and a big ol lie, found.

My mind trailed back to the first time we spoke... His words sounded like the soundtracks of my discovery moment as i recalled...
"Do you have any kids?" I had asked first.
"No." Two words, not stiffled, not screamed, not forced. Two simply spoken words.
"Do you have any children?" He asked. I laughed. I always find it funny when people ask me that. That question always reminds me that i am speaking with a stranger, someone who hasnt gotten to learn that i am anti-children-of-my-own.
"no, i dont have any. But i have dated men with kids. I dont mind men with kids." I always make sure to add that because its true. I dont.

So then, if that had been the trail of our convo, what was this file that i was about to ...CLICK!
And there it was, loads of pictures, same girl,only about 100pounds heavier... Same man, only looking about a lot more proud, and another soul... some innocent looking baby who resembled him, unfortunately for that poor boy. A beautiful mother, a father like him, yet he had to look like his father. The resemblance was outrageous.

At this point, i got into my proactive mode. I sent those pics to my email and friends, along with pics of his girl, i check further more and found TONS of information on his laptop:
Hotmail conversations with me, my double IDs, and tons of other females,... his wife (yes, wife)'s phone number, address, his mother and familiy's contact information, his social identification code, his business information (for his business account), his incometax information, his everything!
It wasnt until after i was done that i realised, he still had not returned! He had called me like an hour and a half ago to tell me he would be back in 15minutes! But snoopery wouldnt let me call him to hurry him up. I needed time, so i didnt bother calling him. By the time he had returned, i was done with all the transfers. I had enough information to send him to Lucifer's anus.

When he returned, he seemed so upset that he didnt find the church. Hypocritical son of a goose! How dare he even dare to step foot in a church? But,...i tried to keep my cool. I have to be smart, i have to get a return ticket home. We flirted, kised, i scolded him for being late since i had to make it look real. He asked if i wanted to go to a hotel for the night to be comfortable because all he had was an airbed. This is thesame man that had tried to convince me not to stay in ahotel before. I think he just wanted to have a place to go all wild. He was so sure he was getting some nookie. Oh well, we can all dream. He asked me if i wanted to go out to eat and i agreed, he claimed we would have to take the bus since he had already returned his rental car.
"Oh! I see... well, then have fun eating out!"
"What? you're not coming?"
"Not without a car. I didnt come to another man's state only to have to haul around in a bus, if you didnt have a ride for me, you should have told me. I would have stayed in my home!" "Seriously?" He looked usprised.
"Um, yeah! So, im staying right here and if starvation is my fate in this spoit taht i'm staying at, then so be it!""i was just trying to test you. The car is outside, lets go"
I was furous. Never test fire, it just might burn you.

"Diek!"
"Yes?"
"Do i look like one of your little persona-falsifying females that you usually come in contact with?"
"What do you mean? I was only joking nowww"
"No seriously! Joke with kids! I dont deal in children! If you want a female you can test, either get yourself a litmus paper, or get yourself one of your regulars!"
I was angry. But i think at that moment, i was being vulnerable. I was too easy to read. I needed to compose myself better. I told myself "STOP IT WOMAN!" ... and...

We went out to eat and flirted. He was my man, and i was his woman.

When we were going back, i appologised for not having the condoms that i had planned to bring him. I also appologised for not bringing the sex toy i had planned to buy him. The only reason i didnt but these things was because i had no time and besides, i had too many stuff in my bag. So i asked him../
"Lets go to a sex store and pick those stuff up."
But he didnt want to...
"no, i dont need them now"
I see, so not only are you a liar, you are also cheap. I know his type. He thinks i wanted him to pay for those sex items, truth is, i didnt. I was going to pay for them, but i let his foolish brains fool him.But it hought to ask
"Why dont you want it now? i mean, you were so excited to have it before"He didnt really give me an answer. Anyway... i already knew he was a snake, ... time for the kill.

When we got to his house, he asked again if i wanted a hotel and my people, i wpuld have agreed. BUT! I knew i could go to the hotel with him but i couldnt sex him. If i dont sex him, he might want to leave me at the hotel. I had to be smart about this. At his home, he cant forcefully push me out. Truth is, i can physically handle him. If i wanted to hold him down and make him beg for his dear life, i could have. But i wanted to be graceful, like the swan i can sometimes pretend to be lol.



"No, lets stay here." So we stayed.

Just then, i got a text from Nat
"Dont tell him, and whatever you do, dont act like anything is wrong, just go with the flow till you get your return ticket."
But by then, i was just so angry! Going with the flow would mean he would succeed at this! I couldnt do it! I wasnt about to keep beating myself up inside for someone else's sins! I called him to my side:
"Come here baby..." oh, so sensually
and like a little mouse after some cheese, he came.
"Lay with me here..." we laid on the bed. I pulled him closer so that his face was only a feel's length away... i whispered...
"Baby, do you believe in God?"
"Yes."
"How much?"He looked confused, and horny.
"Alot. I cant put a numerical value on it."In the background played the melody his roommate was making with his knife and cutting board.
"shhh... do you hear that?"
"what?"
"That sound... outside... in the kitchen..."
"YEah?"
"How much do you believe that that sound exists?"
"100%"
"Okay, so... baby?"
"Yeah?"
"How much do you believe in God?"
"100%"I smiled. Impressive. Good answer.
"So, do you believe in Karma?"
"Well, sort of" his face made a U-turn at horny, turned right and partked on confusion street.
"You know, theres been times when i have experienced some dreadful episodes in the past but couldnt cry about them...because i knew that i deserved them. And then theres been other times that i had known that though i was dealt some sore cards, the circle had only begun because Karma was going to get whoever did me wrong... those times, i knew i didnt deserve to go through that... "He looked like a reindeer in easter...lost.
"Okay, so riddle me this... why didnt you tell me you had a son?"You could have fit a whole house in his nostrils, they flared so high.
"...oh and... how is Mrs. Sara Diek?"


>>>TO BE CONTINUED<<<

anything but this

Something solemn, yet strong... one'a those poems i can look back on. Them poems that makes me reminice the days i use to rule words, you know?
but i cant seem to get inspired enough. and i cant seem to think of anyother thing.
than the one that i miss.
and i have told myself that i couldnt
must i miss the love we'd make.
and i dont want to talk about this
and i dont want to write about it
so i wont

Flicks to rain

Squeeeeze me! Hold me tighter, lets see if we can ever become...
...1...
Because if it is ever possible
this would be the moment
paparazzi bout to miss it
but record's to be broken
we are about to be


.....1.....

Lick me flick your tongue faster than flappers tail
flick me rhythmically fastly so much
it only feels like a magnetic
...touch...
hold ma clit to its threats and shake it
flick me like your tongues running a marathon
up down and around dont you ever stop
do it like i've always dreamt...
.....of....

But i want to come and you want me to
but i want you to come with me too
i look down and all i see is your head doin me
bowed down to bless ma clit you are testing me
but i cant wait if you keep flipping me
and i cant wait for you to move away
yet i dont want to wet your face
but you keep goin like you asking for it
i can always say i'm sorry,
later,
a-f-t-e-r- i have rained
all-
over-
your-
f-f-f-f-f-f-fffffffffaceeeeee.

DAMMIT! I WET DE DAMN BED AGIN!!!

now how we gon get rid'a dis damn pussyjuicestain?
oh shit! sorry i wet your face... quit laughing, its not funny!
okay, come here...i'll wipe that smile off your face in a minute...

Chisel, lets write a book

Come here...
closer.
i want to speak to you
and i want you, to listen... to me.
to my heat, my curves, me...
listen to my body
I want to speak to you
adore your shaft
I!
I want to love you
Love those hands, praise those fingers that feels me whole
I want to bless you
with me,
Let me... welcome you
So come here
I want to hold you
So much, deep in the tightest part of my being
right deep down, to the side, where my pleasure resides...
i want to shiver with you
vibrate through you
warm up your soul
with this volcano
and bring you through
i want to come with you
So co...co...come... here
I want to create the sweetest love with you...

Beautiful fingerprint on my window

thumb up,
on ink,
and smudge! right on my window.
And i couldnt help but count
you're number five.
but even better?
you're number one.

as you kissed me
i couldnt help but swirl right in
deep in
into you...
and you, in me...
You picked me up, tunrned me around
layed it in
and pushed on it...
again
again
a-gain...
sexing you is like a ritual.
the whole 3 hours,
i felt like i was your sacrifice,
and you were my god.

where i want to be

ma favourtite getaway?
right here
between Labiaminora
and Clitoris
the shortest vacation
is only a minute away
that is my favourite place to be
only wish that i could stay in Climax for longer
than these 2 seconds

Cucumber to comeville

If God was (is?) a woman, i wonder if she laughed as she created cucumbers...
some are so large, they are unbelievable.
and some so minute, you need not slice them.
there are some so thick, they're scary
and some so thin, its sad...
as she crafted the shape, i wonder if she thought
"hmm... wouldnt it be awesome if it had life!"
if she was human,
i wonder if she ever was horny.
and when she was, i wonder if she ever tried it out.
hell, as i washed and diced my 15inches long cucumber tonight,
lawd knows the only reason i didnt use it
was because it was straight out of the fridge.

i
dont
like
cold
utensils
in
me
.

so i went over to my toy box
and grabbed my vibrator...
come-ville, here i come!

L for ________?

i been wondering...
what makes a lesbian?
seriously.
i mean... sure i've had lesbian encounters.
its so much more common now, i'm sure a lot of females have.
but does that make me a lesbian?
or i dont know; bi?

a few months ago, i had a female friend who i knew was bisexual.
she came over to visit and she tried coming on to me,
but we eventually didnt do anything.
to be honest with you, i resisted her not because she was a girl,
but because of her other characters.

i mean; what makes a lesbian?
years and years ago, while i was trying to figure out what sexuality itself meant,
i had sexual encounters with some females.
They were about my age at the time, and we were young.
does that make us lesbians?

looking even farther into my memory
i remember being molested as a child.
i didnt think anything of it at the time,
but i knew it was disgusting not because we were both females,
but because i was too young to enjoy sex at the time.
the lady, was in her teens.
does that make her a lesbian?
did it make me one?

does checking other females out make me bisexual?

what makes a Lesbian?

Your words.

"You're amazing babe."
"I love you."
"Wow."
"No, YOU're the sexy one."
"Are you really gonna starve me?"
"PLEASEEEE, babe?"


amidst the ohhhs and ahhhs
in between the groans,
i hear your words
and i save them,
creating a reservoir of confidence-replenishing words
inside my mind
for the days when you're running low.
if ever such days should come.

Manage a trois avec Laila?

i and Chad never ceased to see each other.

i was so young.

i remember countng the days we'd see each other... like,

I've been seeing him for four days now

But really, i should habve said four "evenings" or even more appropriate, four "nights"

I made sure i never went out with him in the day time.

I was ashamed.

Something told me i was with a liar, a man who was much older. Besides, he wasnt my type. I just didnt want to be seen with him.

Virgo use to laugh everytime we talked about him. She'd laugh about how old he is. I told Nikki (remmeber her?)about him. Soon, Nikki would join in the fun...

"Hes such a pervert!" "Whats his dick like?" "Does he have wrinkles on his dick?" "Does he have grey pubic hair?" "Will his kids call you mom?" "Is he like your sugar daddy?"

I heard it all from the both of them. It didnt bother me. As long as they didnt spread it around town that i was sexin a senior citizen, i was fine. They were my friends.

Chad would pick me up everyday. And we'd go to his house. LOL i mean; his mom's house. I'd take my shoes off, sit on the carpeted stairs that leads upstairs as i took my socks off, and simply... got into his bed

Never ate there.

Never drank there.

Always in his room, or downstairs in the basement where he reigned (lol)

MEET LAILA...

Chad was a professinal photographer. He also played the guitar for some choir.
He had a best friend. Her name was Laila. Laila was a student and a babymother of one.
Chad asked if i'd come along to go visit her. I said "sure", and we went over. We met her.
Laila was a pretty, overweight, tall chick.She was much older than i was. But i knew she was still, MUCH younger than Chad.she lived in a basement apartment with her son, the dad wasnt in the picture but then again, i'm sure i didnt even have to mention that.

Laila said "hi", we chilled, she offered me a drink and i accepted.

She intimidated me. I was here with a guy to visit a girl when for all i know, they could be seeing each other... it was weird. i'd never done this before- am i suppose to be friends with her now? i was uncomfortable being at her place. i felt like i had to be nice to her- and her baby and truth is- i really dont like kids!

When we left, Chad revealed to me...

"Laila is bisexual."

"oh really?" i was stunned!

"ya, are you curious?"

i scoffed... "ya, about dicks" i said matter-of-factly

he laughed... "have you ever had a three-some?"

"nope, not interested"

"oh"

He loosened his grip on the wheel, and with his right hand, slightly pulled my skirt up. Just slighty. Enough to see my knees and the bare skin of my thighs. then he diped his hand into my crotch, and gentlyrubbed away...

i got wet. he stopped.

we went to our favourite spot... his house.

He led me upstairs to the fireplace. This is the room that had nothing in it, but a couch and a fireplace. Thesame fireplace where "it"had happened. We laid next to the couch, on the floor. I watched the firelight... again, thinking about that day.

I wondered- so, does this mean Laila and Chad had been together before? i couldnt help it- it came running through my lips

"are you her baby's daddy?"

"who?"

i do this sometimes- i expect people to just know what i'm talking about. Poor theory of self i guess.

"Laila"

he grimaced, like he'd smelled something funny

"NO! we're just friends"
"oh, ok"

but i didnt have to ask him. he'd had sex with her. Yet he voluntarilly added "i dont like fat girls"

what a mean rude asshole! i wanted to respond "ya, and i bet she dont like rude ugly old motherfuckers neither" but i bit my tongue

Finally!

i finally had sex yesterday,
well, i mean...
i finally had sex with someone OTHER THAN myself, yesterday!

i havent done it in so long!
i think its been about a month already...
it was so good! oh my God!
i feel sorry for my room mate cuz the kind of noises i was making was just....
ahhhhhh!!!!!
i loved it!

i'm looking forward to another one tomorrow


anyway, gtg to bed, gn

P.S
reminder for tomorrow: post about my weekend and how my idiota friend screwed me over, royally!
also about last night- the whole shebang!

I dont think you're a virgin anymore...

Exactly a week after i had been seeing Chad,
we followed thesame routine.
He picked me up from home at 1pm
it was a saturday
his mom wasnt home, so it was absolutely perfect!

The truth is, i really hate going there when shes home
i felt she'd know that i was much younger and
she couldnt possibly be happy with her son for being with a girl so young, right?
s everytime i saw her, i'd say hi, and quickly exited her presence.

We got there, and went to the second floor of the house.
On the second floor, there was a family room. It was pretty nice up there.
Quiet, clean and damn near empty if not for the loveseat, couch and fireplace thats there.
He lit the fire.
I layed next to the fire, watching it. like that was his cue, he came up behind me. Sniffed my next, and began kissing it.
He went further down, kissing my back, laying on my back.
I wasnt suprised to feel his dick poking at me... it doesnt take much to get him hard. Matter of fact, it takes very little.
He took my pants off,
took my thong off,
and spooned me.
Gently, he began teasing himself, pushing his dick closer, and closer to my butt.
lol really, is this man serious? I tightened my butt and puched him off...

He laughed... we joked... it got quiet again as the jokes died down and i continued to watch the firelight... so beautiful.

Never knew fire can be so pretty... the blue flares, consistently overthrown by the orange, and the yellow, mediating... it was beautiful... like a fashion show of colourful models... i have such a weird imagination...

and i probably woud've kept dreaming if i hadnt realised that Chad was back in his spooning position, this time, ticking my vagina with his dick.
I didnt mind.
it felt good.
He pushed it in a bit
i flinched
and he groaned.
like the day before, and the day bfore and the day before and the day before and the day before that
We played this teasing game everyday so i was used to it
but i shouldnt have been suprised.
You can only play for so long... before...

"Oh, you know what?"
i replied, softly, halfway between a moan... "whaaaat"
"I dont think you're a virgin anymore"
WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!???!!!
he paused, seeing the fire in my eyes, i think he knew he better think twice before repeating the phrase...
"I.. i .. i just... it was in... i dont think you're a virgin anymore"

i know this sounds stupid. i know it does, but i was cheesed.

My first time was to be when i'm 18, on my graduation night, with my 18 YEAR OLD boyfriend, that i'd been dating for over a year, who'd also be in thesame school as me!!!BUT INSTEAD, I'M HERE, WITH AN OLDER MAN (still didnt know exactly how old just yet) ON A SILLY DAY, ONLY 16!! WTFFF!
THIS ISNT MY DREAM!!!

i got up like i was being chased! slid my clothes on in a hurry, fought back the tears, lost that fight as i commanded...
"DROP ME HOME"
"i'm sorry"
"JUST! drop me home"

he did.



I got home, slid into my house, saw my mom and wondered if she could tell i was different. She couldnt! WHEW! thank GOD i dont have "RECENTLY DISVIRGINED" written on my forehead!
i went upsatirs to my room and called my friend Ama.

"hello, Ama?"
"hey Truth!"
"hey wassup?"
"nothing..."
"guess what happened!"
"what?"
.....
....
,...
"um... i bought a new pair of pedal pushers!"
"really? what colour are they?"


............
i talked to Ama about everything BUT what happened at Chad's house.
If i'd told Ama, she would've ridiculed me. She was the "i'm not having sex till i get married" type. I didnt want anyone to preach to me. If i had told her, she would've told her extremely close best friend- Peaches. They would've gossiped about me. I didnt want anyone of them talking about me. So i kept it in from them.
I later found out, that Ama was a lesbian.
I later found out, Peaches was her girlfriend.
I should've known. I'd known them both for 10 years, and in those ten years, neither one of them had ever had boyfriends. Neither one of them, had ever proclained infatuation with anyone of the opposite sex. They followed each other everywhere. Did everything together. Mind you, these were extremely gourgeous babes. I should've known. (more about Peaches and Ama later)

The next day, I went over to China's house. I told her, she gasped, laughed, and asked a million questions. She then persuaded me to tell Nikki the next day at school. When i did, they both had a few laughs, and about 10 million more questions.

Thats how i lost my virginity.
I saw Chad for 5 more months after then.

Chad Episodes 1

The day i gave in, ...

Time: sometime in the evening
Venue: Chad's mom's house; bathroom
Who: Chad and I
What: Urinnointing
Why: To fufil his sick fantasy

He got in the tub, and knelt down. This man, was tall, so it was a little awkward...
"so what do i do now?" I think i was suppose to take the dominating role. i was suppose to say "bitch get in dat tub and kneel the fuk down! bow ur head! dont you dare look at me! I'm going to give you what you deserve for making me cum! Who gave you da right to make me cum??!"

But i was new at this... so i asked him " so what do i do now?"
"take your clothes off and get in the tub"
i took my panties off, slid my skirt off, and got into the tub. i hovered over him, placing my feet at the edges of the tub so that he was between my legs. I looked down at him. There he was with his big booty, kneeling down, head bowed- a chocolate skinned-freak. A grown man, waiting to be peed on.
i stayed there- couldnt believe i was actually going to do this. I waited just in case he'd change his mind.
"should i go now?"
"ya"
"are you sure?"
"ya, go!" he sunded so impatient. Like a dog craving a bone, he craved it!
"ok..." tinkle tinkle "here i go" tinkle tinkle

heard him moan, heard him groan, heard him go "ohhhhh" and "hmmmm".
i couldnt believe it. i looked away.

Chad's fantasy was fufilled.

As i gave him my last drop, he looked up, spat something (dont even ask what it was) out f his mouth, and cupped my vagina with his mouth. He darted in and out of me- fucked me like his tongue was all he had. Sucked me hard, and flickred his tongue on my bump. I came over him. and peed on him all over again.

Pee on you???

"yes"
"like actually... " i paused, couldnt get myself to say the "U" word "urinate on you?"
"Yaa..."
"why? what pleasure do you get from that? that is disgusting!"
"i know. but i want it. i want you to pee on me in the tub"
sounded to me like this sick man had it all planned out
he continued..."why? wouldnt you do it?"
i thought for a minute... hell, it aint like i'm gettin peed on anyway, "sure"
"oh thats great... when?"
wtf- "someday"
and that was the 2nd silliest mistake i made with Chad. After that moment, he wouldnt let me pee in peace. Everytime i wanted to use the bathroom, he'd beg me to do it on me. He'd beg! it was pathetic watching an older (still didnt know just how old) grown man BEG for me to bless him with my urine (eww)!
it got really bad. so bad that i'd be holding my pee- not peeing because peeing became such an issue. He'd run after me, try to catch me in the washroom to pee on him. so i stopped peeing at Chad's house.

Chad, Chad, Chad... was a true freak.
Not only did he love pee... he loved skirts.
loved skirts enough to stalk.
ya.
stalk.

I had a routine of taking walks with Virgo after school.
Sometimes, before my last class was over, i'd look outside of the school, and see a red pontiac driving by, aimlessly around the school.
i lost counts of how many times i'd be waking home, and i'd hear the "click click"s of paparazzi Chad... as i see his red pontiac drive by.
Chad would take my picture without my consent, in public as i walked home or from school. He wouldnt say a word. Just drive by, take my pic and left. It was sick.
How did he know to come by there at that time? How did he know where i'd be? Wasnt he suposed to be at work? I was embarrassed. Virgo started to tease me about him even more.


Chad has many pics of me- that i dont even know of. He never showed me none of them.

Troy's fingers at Lover's lane

I rememember Troy
He was some (about 13 years) older dreddie guy i was talking to years and years ago
Somehow i guess we were suppose to meet
He was for some reason meant to just graze through my life
why do i think so?
because i knew Troy, before i got to meet him.

Years ago, i had a male friend.
That friend use to call True-Blue; a telephone meeting service
i was young and curious
so when he told me about TrueBlue, i decided to check it out
i called in, and among others, spoke with a guy named "Mark". I took his number and called him private.
we talked, and talked, but i didnt take him nor any other guy there serious. afterall, it was over the phone. How was i to know who was for real and to be trusted? regardless, i saved his number.

But one day, i was on my way to work.
I was about to cross the street when i saw a guy in a an SUV. He stopped his car and asked if i wouldnt mind a ride.
I repied "sure" and climbed in the passenger side. I looked back and noted a boy in the back seat. He was as cute as ever. He also had the cutest name . "Miracle"
Miracle looked blankly at me. I wondered if i was stepping on his toes. I wondered if he thought i was trying to take his mother's spot. So as Troy continued to chat me up, i managed to confirm from him: him and Miracle's mother, werent together. whew!
He dropped me across town at my job, and i took his number. Then it happened!
As i went into my phone to save Troy's number, i typed it in, typed his name in, then hit "save" and my phone said "Number already exists, replace Mark with Troy?"
I was shocked!
I looked over at Troy in shock as I saved the number as Troy.That was odd. So that means Mark the guy i met on True Blue, is also Troy the guy i'm coincidentally meeting in person?! wow!what a small world!

I didnt use to give my numbers out back then so i refused when he asked for it. He seemed patient. Didnt push, simply said he'd wait for my call.
I called him days later.
We talked.
and talked some more.

Then i agreed to meet him again.
We went to a place that i've since named "Lover's Lane"

Lover's Lane is a shore off a beach.
About 20 kilometers away from where i now live,
there where lovers go
singles shouldnt dare tread it at sundown
because you'd see things that makes you yearn, wish, hope for company.

We went there late that night
very late.
and saw lall kinds of lovers
old lovers looking to rekindle the sparks
new lovers looking to discover the sparks
and mere strangers looking to just "spark" lol
they were all there, hidden in the trees, hidden behind the rocks, in the sands
and us- Troy and I, were sittin in the car... enjoying the erotic nature, of Lover's Lane.

Troy pointed out the people around us who were discretely having intercourse
i couldnt believe it!
this guy detected them all!

Then he proceeded to talk dirty to me
He asked me if i've ever been fingered
i replied "yes, but i dont really like it."
it was true. I prefered the real thing. Fingers really werent my favourites.
He tried to convince me that he's really good at it.

Now, at this point i was so wet!
i didnt exactly want to be fingered, neither did i want to have sex with Troy- i still felt like he was too much of a stranger. But the feelings i had for Troy, coupled with the hormones that were running through my body, made me stream a few gallons of wetness down between my thighs.
I watched as the conversation got more heated and he proceeded to run his fingers down my thighs.
I had a skirt on.
so it was easy for him.
He put his hand through my skirt and touched me.
he said "You're so wet"
i thought; sure, genious. like i really didnt know.
he asked "why do you say no when you're so wet?"
I didnt bother answering that silly question.
and then he did it!

I have never felt this before
and hes lucky he didnt go far enough
because his seats would've been permanently stained with my erotic juices
he fingered me like i never been fingered before
touched me in places i never knew were legal
and fondled my "thing" like he'd never have the chance again
he fingered me
and made my hall of fame
Best fingering i have ever had

then all of a sudden, i stopped him
i didnt come but i stopped him anyway
i stopped him because i was scared
what was i scared of?
him.
Troy knew a little too much.
How did he know about Lover's Lane?
How was he able to tell that those people were having sex?
How did he get to learn and master the art of fingering so well?
I got nervous.
Like Monica said, I didnt want to be just another name in his little black book.
besides;
i was afraid Troy would do it so good, i'll never let him go.
and i didnt want to keep Tony. He was too old for me to date.
so i said "drop me home"
and he did
and i never saw, nor call Troy again.
that was the end of me and Troy.

My night with Tyree

the man that was to be my second
was this jamaican guy that i met through a friend
we went clubbin with him
me, my friend (Latonya), him (Tyreee) and my friend's man (Greg)
and then retired to a motel
we were young
but the men were older

i remember hating the mootel mattress
i couldnt help but wonder hw many whores had made love in that bed
and now, there i was, with this man
that i didnt even like

my friedn pressured me there
because she wanted to go there with her man
but since the men drve
i couldnt get home til they were done
so there we were
the two of them in another room,
me, and the guy in another room.

his dick was out of his pants
he looked ridiculous as he kept trying to sex me
kept telling me
"no i wont put it in" "just the head, please?"
"dont make noise! they'll think we dont like each other"
he had a funny way of thinking
he didnt appear intelligent at all

He kept trying
he almost got the head in, or did he?
but i gave him a good jolt!
pushed him far enough to stagger, from the bed, onto his feet!
then in no time at all
he'd moved south of the border
and had his head between my thighs
thank God for years of playing track and field
or my thigh muscles wouldnt have been strong enough
to fight him off
but he did come close
close enough to feel my wetness
close enough to lick my vag
and even though he had to lick through my panty
and probably had the taste of cotton
he didnt care
he was so sure, he was gettin in
i eventually got sick of the whole mess
got up
sat up on the chair
and waited till my friend was done
because i wasnt exactly feeling Tyreee
the jamaican boy with the braided hair



years later
i heard about Tyreee. He was in jail
he had attempted to rob Greg at his home
at gun point
no he didnt have a mask on
he was that stupid

He was a true idiot

although hes out of jail
i wouldnt recognize him if i saw him
because although Tyreee almost sorta made a name for himself in my history,
he didnt leave enough impression for me to
remember what he looked like.

He Slept Over (2)

He slept until the middle of the night.
When my labia started to feel really good
i knew what the ffeling was
but was too sleepy to fight it
i was in a role play
and i was the meal
i wonder if its because i was really horny
or because i hadnt had a good cum in a while
or because he did it even better than he usually would
i wonder...
but oh my Word!
it was good
he licked ma fav. spots
the forgotten creases together with the erogenous hump
he licked it all
and i came.

it wasnt until then that i finally realised- "oh boy!"
yap! i came! so guess who's turn it is to "come"?
he crept behind me "as usual"
and massaged my butt with his dick
and i stopped him
and this went on for aboout 5 minutes
he kept trying
and i (still half-asleep,) kept stopping him
and then he sat up and with that stressed look on his face, expressed his frustraton with me that nothing has changed
see, the thing is; i'm the type to cum and sleep
but hes been ood at keeping me awake after cumin by simply getting into me
thats usually the trick
BUT since he has been refusing to use a condom lately,
and i've been refusing to have sex without a condom,
th routine as been modified to first,
I cum, he plays with himself and ejaculates, we all pretend we're happy
then it got modified even further to
he plays with himself and ejaculates, we all pretend we're happy
and since a couple of days ago, it got modified even further to
i use ma vibrator and cum
so thats how its been.

So yesterday when he got upset (or was it this mornin?), i told him (which was really hard to do with ma mouth full of drool and ma tongue in the way) he needs to camlm down
He did
i started to touch him
not sexually
and i appologised (because i know how horny that gets him)
i could tell he was limp
because my knee was on his stomach and i still couldnt feel his dick
he tried to kiss me
but i stopped him (i cant kiss anyone right now)
i pushed my knee down his crotch
and held his semi-hard dick with the corner-spot at back of my knee
and with that, he got rock hard
i then proceeded to play with his dick
up
down
up
down
then
updownuodownupdownupdown
and watched him gasp for air like 02 was scarce
he flinched and shivered
and then
he came
and oh my Word
i dont think i've ever seen him cum so much
then i went into the shower
and washed off my hands
and he got into the shower
and showered
and we were happy'
and in the back of my min, i thought: 'does he think we're together"?
but i didnt dare ask
i didnt want to deal with the reality; whatever that is

we went back to sleep
and then i woke up to his hands on my breasts this morning
faught him off for a lil while
then i gave up
then i tried again
and it worked

he jerked off
and came (a lot again)
and got cleaned up
got his stuff
and left

that was my night