There is a part of me that wonders what you’re doing
Constantly, consistently, at every hour of each day
I find my thoughts drifting to you, wondering if its got any resemblance to yours
Each hour.
There is a part of me that extrapolates things
Most especially, the feelings associated with love
I find myself living it before it comes, often too fast that I wear it out before its lived
Every time.
Another part of me wishes that you were real
So real in fact, that you were just who you tell me you are
I find myself wondering about the possibility that you are some undercover Casanova
Every day.
A strong part of me wishes we could be “it”
That you’d tell me the words I know better than to force out of you
I find myself wondering if that day would come, and if it didn’t, how silly and wasteful all these would’ve been
Because quite frankly, you’re a find piece
And so rare in fact, that I know I should keep you here
But I’d be silly if I had not learnt by now,
That rare or not, whatever isn’t mine, would not ever stay.
2337h September 19 2011
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
A new pair of specs
Sometimes I forget
That you are a reminder to me
That I am not a mere commodity
To be taken for granted.
I forget that there is a lot in each human interaction
And so much more in ours
Because you are a sticky for me
To note, remember, that although I know myself each day
See myself each day
Live me each day
I really should not forget
That I am still one great, strong piece of work.
The words you tell me often bother me
Too many times, I thought
How many more times will you tell me I am awesome
You’re an awesome woman, homegrown
And I blush, and cringe
Because though flatering to hear
It becomes difficult to believe
That a person I have known all my life
Can be this great
That I can truly be a gem worth treasuring
That I could have truly, slept on myself
It is shameful, really
But I need your eyes, I need to see me the way you see me.
That may be the purpose of you being here
And really, If for nothing else,
I at the very least, thank you for bringing me this.
Sept 20 5:54pm
That you are a reminder to me
That I am not a mere commodity
To be taken for granted.
I forget that there is a lot in each human interaction
And so much more in ours
Because you are a sticky for me
To note, remember, that although I know myself each day
See myself each day
Live me each day
I really should not forget
That I am still one great, strong piece of work.
The words you tell me often bother me
Too many times, I thought
How many more times will you tell me I am awesome
You’re an awesome woman, homegrown
And I blush, and cringe
Because though flatering to hear
It becomes difficult to believe
That a person I have known all my life
Can be this great
That I can truly be a gem worth treasuring
That I could have truly, slept on myself
It is shameful, really
But I need your eyes, I need to see me the way you see me.
That may be the purpose of you being here
And really, If for nothing else,
I at the very least, thank you for bringing me this.
Sept 20 5:54pm
Almond-milk-cream Cheesecakes
I smile at the wind as it blows
And once it stops I keep smiling still
Caught up in thoughts of crimson bluish greens
Turquoise coloured peanut butter mists
I smile thinking of cheese and chocolate soy milk
Lips draw apart, open to smile
Almond milk cream cheesecakes
I can talk for days about the things that make me smile
Graduation, walking up to the call of my name
The pride I get when I realize this chapter is over
Yet
Knowing that a new book opens still.
I smile thinking of the cheerleaders that’d be there
And of knowing that these folks could not keep me here
I smile at the thought of you being there
Being in your presence and smiling…the look on your face
That there. That look. The one that wonders what it is I’m thinking.
The look of your curiosity of my thoughts.
I smile, thinking of that.
In fact, these days, that and the thought of your gentle ways
Is really, what keeps boredom at bay.
It is what excites me. Keeps me from screaming out.
And once it stops I keep smiling still
Caught up in thoughts of crimson bluish greens
Turquoise coloured peanut butter mists
I smile thinking of cheese and chocolate soy milk
Lips draw apart, open to smile
Almond milk cream cheesecakes
I can talk for days about the things that make me smile
Graduation, walking up to the call of my name
The pride I get when I realize this chapter is over
Yet
Knowing that a new book opens still.
I smile thinking of the cheerleaders that’d be there
And of knowing that these folks could not keep me here
I smile at the thought of you being there
Being in your presence and smiling…the look on your face
That there. That look. The one that wonders what it is I’m thinking.
The look of your curiosity of my thoughts.
I smile, thinking of that.
In fact, these days, that and the thought of your gentle ways
Is really, what keeps boredom at bay.
It is what excites me. Keeps me from screaming out.
Here's To Hoping
There was a point when you got me
Had me
Holding on thight while you loosely
Loosely wooed me
I can truly say that I loved you
I can attest to these feelings too
Its true
What was doesn’t always remain
Things change
I’m glad they do.
On an average day, I’d think you up
Waiting patiently for you to profess your love for me
And you would too
Tell me I’m beautiful
That no one else would do
I remember,
I hope you do too
We’d meet on poetry street
I’d dedicate lines to you and me
To us, everything was real
I was your ideal and you, were my crazy twin
Remember what we used to be?
Your mother loved me, she’d always say I was it
But nothing in this world stays the same
Your level of respect for me, changed
I gave in, to everything
Would give, to get a chance to be with you
I remember you started to be untrue
Began thinking that I could never live without you
Began daring me in the ways that you acted
Hey, you know the measure of your masculinity
Isn’t in the number of the women he chooses
Yes, you were amazing, but is that some news?
Slowly, your pride began to divide us
One hell of an erosion, forced us to part
I’d cry, beg you to speak to me
Just so we’d last.
I had called you my joy
And with you gone, where was I to find a smile?
Depressed, upset, and angry
Sadness became a frequent friend to me
You’d string me, like some dolly
A puppet at a show that was yours to control
You made criticisms of your ideal
You eventually, strengthened me enough,
To leave.
So, stop, please.
I have not forgotten
My memory works well.
I remember, eee-verrr-yyy-thing.
The mistake I made with you wasn’t in loving you
It was in thinking you were even worthy of my love for you
Truth is,
There are many men who do not know what love is
When it hits them, they find reasons to sabotage it
Listen to me.
I am loving again
And your emailing attempts to get me to remain friends, are nothing short of ridiculous
You! Are ridiculous.
Its enough.
Stop emailing me, telling me you were sorry
Well OF COURSE, you’re sorry
Just as you should.
I am too, that I ever tried to give you something you really had no business fucking wid
Still, I hope you found love
And if not, I hope it chases you down, tackles you to the ground and romances your brains out
I hope love loves you to your last breath
I hope it pleasures your soul
Till you rain on yourself
I hope it loves you, I do
Because having found love after you,
I cant imagine ever wishing on even my worst enemy,
That you don’t ever get to feel …this kind of love…that I feel for him.
1:17 ppm September 28, 2011
Had me
Holding on thight while you loosely
Loosely wooed me
I can truly say that I loved you
I can attest to these feelings too
Its true
What was doesn’t always remain
Things change
I’m glad they do.
On an average day, I’d think you up
Waiting patiently for you to profess your love for me
And you would too
Tell me I’m beautiful
That no one else would do
I remember,
I hope you do too
We’d meet on poetry street
I’d dedicate lines to you and me
To us, everything was real
I was your ideal and you, were my crazy twin
Remember what we used to be?
Your mother loved me, she’d always say I was it
But nothing in this world stays the same
Your level of respect for me, changed
I gave in, to everything
Would give, to get a chance to be with you
I remember you started to be untrue
Began thinking that I could never live without you
Began daring me in the ways that you acted
Hey, you know the measure of your masculinity
Isn’t in the number of the women he chooses
Yes, you were amazing, but is that some news?
Slowly, your pride began to divide us
One hell of an erosion, forced us to part
I’d cry, beg you to speak to me
Just so we’d last.
I had called you my joy
And with you gone, where was I to find a smile?
Depressed, upset, and angry
Sadness became a frequent friend to me
You’d string me, like some dolly
A puppet at a show that was yours to control
You made criticisms of your ideal
You eventually, strengthened me enough,
To leave.
So, stop, please.
I have not forgotten
My memory works well.
I remember, eee-verrr-yyy-thing.
The mistake I made with you wasn’t in loving you
It was in thinking you were even worthy of my love for you
Truth is,
There are many men who do not know what love is
When it hits them, they find reasons to sabotage it
Listen to me.
I am loving again
And your emailing attempts to get me to remain friends, are nothing short of ridiculous
You! Are ridiculous.
Its enough.
Stop emailing me, telling me you were sorry
Well OF COURSE, you’re sorry
Just as you should.
I am too, that I ever tried to give you something you really had no business fucking wid
Still, I hope you found love
And if not, I hope it chases you down, tackles you to the ground and romances your brains out
I hope love loves you to your last breath
I hope it pleasures your soul
Till you rain on yourself
I hope it loves you, I do
Because having found love after you,
I cant imagine ever wishing on even my worst enemy,
That you don’t ever get to feel …this kind of love…that I feel for him.
1:17 ppm September 28, 2011
Set me free.
For some reason, I am awake at 2:34am, unable to sleep.
Unable to reach satiety from today’s experiences, I find myself lying bed, awake, hoping for some more.
You are slowly, yet quickly, becoming my newest obsession and I dare not deny that I have been here before.
I have a few times, tapped rapidly on the pause button to get myself to come back within, to my thoughts, to self, to rational self, where I am able to confirm to myself, that really, I don’t want to rush this.
But my blood races too fast for this 10miles per hour pace we’re walking. It does 60 on a 40. My desires, are even faster.
You may not know it, but on so many thoughts, I have undressed you. I have had you in my favourite ways, and I see in it your eyes that you are deeply, deeply in-to me.
The lights are off after dark but I see your eyes in the moonlight. You lower yourself onto me…your shirt on, buttons …undone. I like holding your face, its no lie,… it feels so good to touch the dark rich tone that covers it.
I can feel you fill me, and there, right then, nothing else in the world matters. You save the sounds from my lips, and give them back to m…undone. I like holding your face, its no lie,… it feels so good to touch the dark rich tone that covers it.
I can feel you fill me, and there, right then, nothing else in the world matters. You save the sounds from my lips, holding them within you… my fingers knead your back, and you handle me, lovingly, and let our sounds resonate into the air. You are set free.
I am ready.
On you, I am made queen. Leading you into my queendom, I give you a slow but steady tour. The dark encircles us, and for some reason, this is where I often stop.
So you see, my dear, I am yet to come with you. I am yet to be free.
I want you to finish what we started.
So I find myself wishing, several moments through the day, that I had taken the chance when I had it.
3:02am September 20/11
Unable to reach satiety from today’s experiences, I find myself lying bed, awake, hoping for some more.
You are slowly, yet quickly, becoming my newest obsession and I dare not deny that I have been here before.
I have a few times, tapped rapidly on the pause button to get myself to come back within, to my thoughts, to self, to rational self, where I am able to confirm to myself, that really, I don’t want to rush this.
But my blood races too fast for this 10miles per hour pace we’re walking. It does 60 on a 40. My desires, are even faster.
You may not know it, but on so many thoughts, I have undressed you. I have had you in my favourite ways, and I see in it your eyes that you are deeply, deeply in-to me.
The lights are off after dark but I see your eyes in the moonlight. You lower yourself onto me…your shirt on, buttons …undone. I like holding your face, its no lie,… it feels so good to touch the dark rich tone that covers it.
I can feel you fill me, and there, right then, nothing else in the world matters. You save the sounds from my lips, and give them back to m…undone. I like holding your face, its no lie,… it feels so good to touch the dark rich tone that covers it.
I can feel you fill me, and there, right then, nothing else in the world matters. You save the sounds from my lips, holding them within you… my fingers knead your back, and you handle me, lovingly, and let our sounds resonate into the air. You are set free.
I am ready.
On you, I am made queen. Leading you into my queendom, I give you a slow but steady tour. The dark encircles us, and for some reason, this is where I often stop.
So you see, my dear, I am yet to come with you. I am yet to be free.
I want you to finish what we started.
So I find myself wishing, several moments through the day, that I had taken the chance when I had it.
3:02am September 20/11
Pony Ride
I observed your twists, watched your silhouette form as you blocked out the moon
Watched it reappear behind you
Began to love seeing it disappear behind you
As I winced in pain
Began to crave it still
Though the pain was excruciating
Watching you ride on
Watching you
Craving you
You took me for a ride, you
Though I cried, you rode on still
Long enough
Hard enough
I just couldn’t, satisfy you
You reached over, and in the dark, feeling on my sheets
You grabbed her
And suddenly, I realized
I wish it did not take me so long
I wish I had known what I knew all along
I realized then
You are not the god I thought you’d be
Amongst the lowest of the low
Beneath the ground, underneath the earth
Crawling with the worms, though underserving of that
You wore the devil’s shell ever so well
Deceit at it’s best
You acted out the god I needed then
One hell of a mirage
Shatan was this man.
So on this day as I move through my daily routine
Washing the dishes, and fixing the holes in my walls
I realize, that I changed on the avenue that is you
I did, I changed, I did
Something within me was made anew
Something dark, deceitful, and blue
I remember your apology you sent me
It took you years to see the wrong you were?
You’re sorry for fuckin the friendship up
I simply shook my head
I mean… after so many years
You still were in denial
And you weren’t about to deceive me once more
That that was a friendship
Because that is one thing you never took from me
I still know what a friend should be.
But the sun is out today
And the trees are begging in your name
Asking for a new breeze to be let through
The birds are chirping new songs
Nothing familiar; all new
And my face is dry, no more streaming
I am healed, the wounds are scars
I can speak your name without hate
I can sleep without dreaming everyday of the numerous ways you could be found dead at the street corner
Do you understand?
Somewhere along the way
I had stopped wondering what could have been
See,
Life took over
Time pulled me through
Somewhere along the way
I had forgiven you.
Sept 9, 2011
Watched it reappear behind you
Began to love seeing it disappear behind you
As I winced in pain
Began to crave it still
Though the pain was excruciating
Watching you ride on
Watching you
Craving you
You took me for a ride, you
Though I cried, you rode on still
Long enough
Hard enough
I just couldn’t, satisfy you
You reached over, and in the dark, feeling on my sheets
You grabbed her
And suddenly, I realized
I wish it did not take me so long
I wish I had known what I knew all along
I realized then
You are not the god I thought you’d be
Amongst the lowest of the low
Beneath the ground, underneath the earth
Crawling with the worms, though underserving of that
You wore the devil’s shell ever so well
Deceit at it’s best
You acted out the god I needed then
One hell of a mirage
Shatan was this man.
So on this day as I move through my daily routine
Washing the dishes, and fixing the holes in my walls
I realize, that I changed on the avenue that is you
I did, I changed, I did
Something within me was made anew
Something dark, deceitful, and blue
I remember your apology you sent me
It took you years to see the wrong you were?
You’re sorry for fuckin the friendship up
I simply shook my head
I mean… after so many years
You still were in denial
And you weren’t about to deceive me once more
That that was a friendship
Because that is one thing you never took from me
I still know what a friend should be.
But the sun is out today
And the trees are begging in your name
Asking for a new breeze to be let through
The birds are chirping new songs
Nothing familiar; all new
And my face is dry, no more streaming
I am healed, the wounds are scars
I can speak your name without hate
I can sleep without dreaming everyday of the numerous ways you could be found dead at the street corner
Do you understand?
Somewhere along the way
I had stopped wondering what could have been
See,
Life took over
Time pulled me through
Somewhere along the way
I had forgiven you.
Sept 9, 2011
Miss E. Ducated.
The body is a student
Forever learning what we teach it
Be it knowingly
When we set out to let it learn
Or unbeknownst
I know the feeling
I feel the feeling
I see it coming
Like its already here
But hidden
So tell me, what exactly, are you hiding?
What am I about to hear
My heart asks “when will you tell me”
I don’t want to go on this trip
Playing hide and seek all through
You can just let me know
So I can gently, let go
It don’t even hurt anymore
The last time, I didn’t even get angry
The other time, I didn’t even cry
I remember the fool wanted to trip
You should’ve seen himHe started yelling in his desperate attempt
Tried flipping the script
But I tell you this
Since the beginning of time
Not one man on earth
Has ever been right, while wrong
I feel anxious
Like some new discovery is about to be made
A light bulb stays lit at my temple
Constantly getting new ideas
Of what the finding could be
Always worried, anxious
Like something is about to happen
I remember Yolanda’s story
Saintiah, Biola, Debra… these folks taught me
It really isn’t you, its human nature, I guess
It’s the order of things
The order is within you, within me
A timing on my heart’s clock, is set
I feel anxious
Like some new discovery is about to be made
Like something is about to happen
I don’t remember all the lies ever told to me
But my heart knows the feeling
I feel less pain with each lie
But my mind is forever changed
I find myself inquiring on things that aren’t necessarily there
But knowing that they aren’t there is scary
Because it hurts worse to get caught off guard
A girl’s been too foolish once too many
Times and time again, I’ve discovered lies
I’d much rather know that you’re untrue
And find out that you really are
Than think you’re real
And come to find you aren’t
My heart counts
Days, hours, minutes…moments
And I hear it whistling to me
Its saying something oddly familiar
Telling me, its about that time
Its about the time I catch you in your lies
And find out all the lies you’ve told all along
Bleed you through
And free myself of you
As I move on to the next dude
And start this cycle anew.
Hey, I know that I’ve got issues
I know this some scary shit
I do, really!
But I have a heart
And it learns well
Miss Educated
Knows History, Chemistry, Endocrinology
My heart knows happiness
And historically, its used to it concluding
In a wave of abrupt sadness
Unprecedented
Its used to adoring
Then hating, regreting
Its well aware of the law of gravity
That what goes up, must come down
Miss Educated
A plus, all through
No one ever did tell it,
That what goes up,
May just be something true.
September 28, 2011
Forever learning what we teach it
Be it knowingly
When we set out to let it learn
Or unbeknownst
I know the feeling
I feel the feeling
I see it coming
Like its already here
But hidden
So tell me, what exactly, are you hiding?
What am I about to hear
My heart asks “when will you tell me”
I don’t want to go on this trip
Playing hide and seek all through
You can just let me know
So I can gently, let go
It don’t even hurt anymore
The last time, I didn’t even get angry
The other time, I didn’t even cry
I remember the fool wanted to trip
You should’ve seen himHe started yelling in his desperate attempt
Tried flipping the script
But I tell you this
Since the beginning of time
Not one man on earth
Has ever been right, while wrong
I feel anxious
Like some new discovery is about to be made
A light bulb stays lit at my temple
Constantly getting new ideas
Of what the finding could be
Always worried, anxious
Like something is about to happen
I remember Yolanda’s story
Saintiah, Biola, Debra… these folks taught me
It really isn’t you, its human nature, I guess
It’s the order of things
The order is within you, within me
A timing on my heart’s clock, is set
I feel anxious
Like some new discovery is about to be made
Like something is about to happen
I don’t remember all the lies ever told to me
But my heart knows the feeling
I feel less pain with each lie
But my mind is forever changed
I find myself inquiring on things that aren’t necessarily there
But knowing that they aren’t there is scary
Because it hurts worse to get caught off guard
A girl’s been too foolish once too many
Times and time again, I’ve discovered lies
I’d much rather know that you’re untrue
And find out that you really are
Than think you’re real
And come to find you aren’t
My heart counts
Days, hours, minutes…moments
And I hear it whistling to me
Its saying something oddly familiar
Telling me, its about that time
Its about the time I catch you in your lies
And find out all the lies you’ve told all along
Bleed you through
And free myself of you
As I move on to the next dude
And start this cycle anew.
Hey, I know that I’ve got issues
I know this some scary shit
I do, really!
But I have a heart
And it learns well
Miss Educated
Knows History, Chemistry, Endocrinology
My heart knows happiness
And historically, its used to it concluding
In a wave of abrupt sadness
Unprecedented
Its used to adoring
Then hating, regreting
Its well aware of the law of gravity
That what goes up, must come down
Miss Educated
A plus, all through
No one ever did tell it,
That what goes up,
May just be something true.
September 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
In desperate times.
Running to us
I slipped and fell
Got bits of sand
Embedded in my knee
And you saw me down
Glanced within yourself
And saw what I was.
I caught that glance.
It woke me up
Reminded me
Us.
At that very moment.
I dont know which is which.
You or me.
One of us, isnt deserving.
I realize through it all
never did let myself forget
If it wasnt for the wind
I would not have ran to you
And if not for the heat
You would not be running
guts-a-bouncing
age-a-chasing
and I,
gold-a-digging
stretching out to you
Cant help but to laugh at it all
We would have made a cute ridiculously transparent ...
"couple".
So, I'll nurse my wounded knee.
And attempt to pick the sands out it
It really is no price to pay.
For what we could have been.
*peace*
I slipped and fell
Got bits of sand
Embedded in my knee
And you saw me down
Glanced within yourself
And saw what I was.
I caught that glance.
It woke me up
Reminded me
Us.
At that very moment.
I dont know which is which.
You or me.
One of us, isnt deserving.
I realize through it all
never did let myself forget
If it wasnt for the wind
I would not have ran to you
And if not for the heat
You would not be running
guts-a-bouncing
age-a-chasing
and I,
gold-a-digging
stretching out to you
Cant help but to laugh at it all
We would have made a cute ridiculously transparent ...
"couple".
So, I'll nurse my wounded knee.
And attempt to pick the sands out it
It really is no price to pay.
For what we could have been.
*peace*
Monday, July 14, 2008
Before September comes.
At first, i was unsure. So unsure in fact that I couldnt hide it. He couldnt touch me... i wouldnt allow it. I just didnt feel comfortable. I'd first, have to clear everything up... what do i want with him.
Eventually i decided i'd try him. I'm going to leave out the details because i know i wont finish today if i decide to narrate them all.
The first time we had sex was the day I decided to be with him.
We continued with the relationship though in my mind, i'd never really gotten comfortable with his height. And some other things he'd do bothered me. Like how he'd always have his hands on me. And how he sexed like a bunny. And how he'd be so clingy at clubs, in public... and even more importantly, how he'd been engaged to another girl previously. The fact that he was engaged doesnt bother me. Its the fact that he was engaged to someone that obviously couldnt have been a compatible wife for him. Eventually the engagement was off... He'd cheated on her, and she retaliated. And then she chose the other guy and when the guy left her, Alaire wouldnt take her back. She still calls the odd times, but i dont blame her. He is a great guy.
Great, yes. I envy his ability to remain calm under pressure... and love how he makes life look so easy. How he manages to remain true to himself in this sort of world... how he respects, oh i just love how he respects. And when he smiles, i forget that hes grown. He smiles like a child. And i am in absolute love for everything that he is about. And I'm glad hes got flaws because that'll help him remain grounded though i cant imagine him being anything but, regardless... I am simply in admiration of what he is...
But he still wants to get married. And i told him that i didnt want to.
No, i didnt lie.
But neither did i tell the truth.
Its not that i dont want to get married. But i dont want to get married to a man whose intention is to get married. I want to get married to a man whose intention is to get married, to me.
Please let me know if i've lost you in that sentence but i sure hope i havent.
He wants to get married because he feels its the right age, time period, next milestone...
I dont want to get married for the exact same reasons.
But i want him. and not just a little... I want this man.
Sometime in May, he broke it off. And i saw it coming, because i knew he was logical. And to a person like him, being with a girl whose goal is vastly different from his wouldnt make sense. And it doenst to me neither... but i want him.
He enriches my life in ways that no one ever has. Please note that i didnt say ..."in ways that no one ever can"... because i am wiling to realise that as I met this amazing guy, i can meet many more.
Yet, i want him.
And after that break-up, we relapsed a week later. The sex continued, so did everything else. I still see him about 5 days a week... and outside of work, spend most of my time with him.
Its true, i am in love with him.
But you cant have someone that isnt yours. And he may be even less mine because at the end of August, he'll be moving. We'll end up living about 10 hours away from each other. And hes made it clear that he likes me as clear as hes made it known that he does not want a long-distance relationship.
Sometimes we hear humming birds as songs... but really those birds can be so damn annoying.
This is the truest thing hes ever told me... its also the harshest.
In August, i wont have a choice. Life'll force him out of my sight, grasp within my reach and I'll have to deal with it.
I know i'll breakdown for sure. Theres just no other way around it.
So i wonder if i can possibly try now. Not possibly succeed because thats asking for a lot. But try... to let him ease out of my life now, before September comes to make the decision for me.
I dont know what to do, really. I work about 5minutes away from where he lives and live about an hour away from work so needless to say, I've gotten comfortable with staying over at his place in times when I'm working late and or coming over for my lunch breaks at work. Hes become such a big part of my life! How do I even manage to begin to undo that? And what was I thinking weaving into my life in the first place?!
I need help.
How do I get over this man before September comes?
Eventually i decided i'd try him. I'm going to leave out the details because i know i wont finish today if i decide to narrate them all.
The first time we had sex was the day I decided to be with him.
We continued with the relationship though in my mind, i'd never really gotten comfortable with his height. And some other things he'd do bothered me. Like how he'd always have his hands on me. And how he sexed like a bunny. And how he'd be so clingy at clubs, in public... and even more importantly, how he'd been engaged to another girl previously. The fact that he was engaged doesnt bother me. Its the fact that he was engaged to someone that obviously couldnt have been a compatible wife for him. Eventually the engagement was off... He'd cheated on her, and she retaliated. And then she chose the other guy and when the guy left her, Alaire wouldnt take her back. She still calls the odd times, but i dont blame her. He is a great guy.
Great, yes. I envy his ability to remain calm under pressure... and love how he makes life look so easy. How he manages to remain true to himself in this sort of world... how he respects, oh i just love how he respects. And when he smiles, i forget that hes grown. He smiles like a child. And i am in absolute love for everything that he is about. And I'm glad hes got flaws because that'll help him remain grounded though i cant imagine him being anything but, regardless... I am simply in admiration of what he is...
But he still wants to get married. And i told him that i didnt want to.
No, i didnt lie.
But neither did i tell the truth.
Its not that i dont want to get married. But i dont want to get married to a man whose intention is to get married. I want to get married to a man whose intention is to get married, to me.
Please let me know if i've lost you in that sentence but i sure hope i havent.
He wants to get married because he feels its the right age, time period, next milestone...
I dont want to get married for the exact same reasons.
But i want him. and not just a little... I want this man.
Sometime in May, he broke it off. And i saw it coming, because i knew he was logical. And to a person like him, being with a girl whose goal is vastly different from his wouldnt make sense. And it doenst to me neither... but i want him.
He enriches my life in ways that no one ever has. Please note that i didnt say ..."in ways that no one ever can"... because i am wiling to realise that as I met this amazing guy, i can meet many more.
Yet, i want him.
And after that break-up, we relapsed a week later. The sex continued, so did everything else. I still see him about 5 days a week... and outside of work, spend most of my time with him.
Its true, i am in love with him.
But you cant have someone that isnt yours. And he may be even less mine because at the end of August, he'll be moving. We'll end up living about 10 hours away from each other. And hes made it clear that he likes me as clear as hes made it known that he does not want a long-distance relationship.
Sometimes we hear humming birds as songs... but really those birds can be so damn annoying.
This is the truest thing hes ever told me... its also the harshest.
In August, i wont have a choice. Life'll force him out of my sight, grasp within my reach and I'll have to deal with it.
I know i'll breakdown for sure. Theres just no other way around it.
So i wonder if i can possibly try now. Not possibly succeed because thats asking for a lot. But try... to let him ease out of my life now, before September comes to make the decision for me.
I dont know what to do, really. I work about 5minutes away from where he lives and live about an hour away from work so needless to say, I've gotten comfortable with staying over at his place in times when I'm working late and or coming over for my lunch breaks at work. Hes become such a big part of my life! How do I even manage to begin to undo that? And what was I thinking weaving into my life in the first place?!
I need help.
How do I get over this man before September comes?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
My day yesterday
Its been a big chore to blog these days. I just keep waiting till there is something good to blog about. I hate recording such depressive memories. Just keep hoping there is something else... something bright,... a goddamn change! to blog about.
here is a song that helped me through today. Wish i remmembered it yesterday.
Back to how my day went yesterday...
So i decided to go back to school... for a self-preparation sort of program. My goal with this program is to regain composure, strength and my sense of self. It isnt going to give me a certificate that says i am now qualified to save the world. But it will better equip me to save myself and maintain my damn sanity. lol
Anyway, please do wish me luck as you read this.
While at the school for the registration, i saw a lady that said "Hi" to me... And for the longest time i couldnt figure out who she was. She eventually told me... She is one of Kimani's friends. We had met back in the days... when i was still with him.
We talked for a bit... and it just sort of brought back memories.
Her: oh my god, i still cant believe you two are not together anymore!
*Please note that we've been broken up since 2004 AND i have been fortunate enough to have had the pleasure of not seeing him since then*
Me: well, it had to happen.
Her: Yeah but you two were the sweetest couple! You had the best relationship!
Me: You wouldnt know. You were looking in from the outside, you couldnt see what was really going on. Not all that glitters is platinum, you know what i mean?
Her: Well, i guess so. I saw him and his brother yesterday, hes saying he has a recording contract now em>>*Oh, how i wanted to laugh. I hope she couldnt tell i almost choked on a big chuckle after that. Okay, maybe i should shut up. With the likes of the new artists that've been getting signed on lately, it seems anyone can get a recording artist. Hmm... maybe i should take Darque to a recording studio. I can call her "Lil Ruff" lmao. She'll be the first doggy rap star... any other doggy rap star after her would be a counterfeit lol. She'll give DMX a run for his money! Forget all that fake human barking he does, Darque does the real thing! lol Okay, back to my story*Me: oh, really? oh thats great
Her:And his sister, is still there, she still doesnt know what she wants to do with her life. *nothing new in that department*Me: hmm... *This was almost starting to sound like a gossip i wasnt about to get into*
Her: But she used to speak so well of you! She used to be so proud of you! Me: oh, i know...*I wanted to laugh...
Her: So what are you into these days? What are you doing here at the college?
*Okay, i know i havent shared this with blogville pps...*
Me: i had an accident in January. Life has been a rollercoaster since then.
Her: Oh, i'm so sorry ohhh
Me: Oh, dont be. That was my portion, but better days are yet to come. So anyway, i'm here to register for some self-help program i was told about.
Her: oh, see? thats what i'm talking about. I like that about you...
Me: thanks.We planned to do lunch, but it didnt happen. i wish it had. I wanted to beg her (over lunch) to keep our meeting a secret. i wanted to beg her in the name of everything she has ever known, not to tell kimani or anyone else that shes seen me. I have been lucky not to meet Kimani and his sister since '04, but sometimes i feel like i just might run out of luck someday...
I met with Kiss after; i had asked her to come pick me up or at least keep me company... see, i was at the school where i had gone to register. I was finished there but i couldnt drive out of the parking lot. My mind was playing tricks on me. I was afraid to drive. These days, i dare not drive in traffic... it scares me shitless
So she came through, and we went shopping. Found an awesome store uptown, and met with China afterwards... we had lunch, shopped at AsianCity... it was fun. Then Kiss had to leave and the night soon ended.
I drove over to see Frery, a new guy that i've been seeing for about a month.
And he pissed me off... but since i'm still upset about it i better not blog about it now... i guess that'll be the next blog.
But on my way home, my car started acting funny. First it was my CD player... just decided to shut itself off... then the lights on the dashbord started twitching (lmao mogbe ooo!)
next thing i knew, it was some signs on the dashboard. It was like the car had decided to torment me all of a sudden. I was almost home but i had to stop at a stop light. Knowing better than to stop just on the oad, i decided to make a right into the store across the street so i'd at least be parked safe in the lot. thats where my car stopped. Wouldnt turn back on.
I just left it there, went home frustrated and sad.
I got home to see Darque waiting for me... tail-a-wagging, all-a-panting... my furry little daughter, oblivious to the ridiculous night i just had, jumped on me, slobbering over me (i think shes given me a few ear infections lately from licking my ears so much :(
I got in the bed, make-up on, and prayed for tears.
I know its odd but i couldnt stand the sadness anymore.
I prayed for tears... some sort of conclusion to the misery i was feeling.
I cried, reached for "Mr. longjohn", and helped myself to climax.
Then i woke up this morning, with misery on next to me, and tears on my face. Simply continued from where we left off last night.
Oh God, my life is in your hands.
here is a song that helped me through today. Wish i remmembered it yesterday.
Back to how my day went yesterday...
So i decided to go back to school... for a self-preparation sort of program. My goal with this program is to regain composure, strength and my sense of self. It isnt going to give me a certificate that says i am now qualified to save the world. But it will better equip me to save myself and maintain my damn sanity. lol
Anyway, please do wish me luck as you read this.
While at the school for the registration, i saw a lady that said "Hi" to me... And for the longest time i couldnt figure out who she was. She eventually told me... She is one of Kimani's friends. We had met back in the days... when i was still with him.
We talked for a bit... and it just sort of brought back memories.
Her: oh my god, i still cant believe you two are not together anymore!
*Please note that we've been broken up since 2004 AND i have been fortunate enough to have had the pleasure of not seeing him since then*
Me: well, it had to happen.
Her: Yeah but you two were the sweetest couple! You had the best relationship!
Me: You wouldnt know. You were looking in from the outside, you couldnt see what was really going on. Not all that glitters is platinum, you know what i mean?
Her: Well, i guess so. I saw him and his brother yesterday, hes saying he has a recording contract now em>>*Oh, how i wanted to laugh. I hope she couldnt tell i almost choked on a big chuckle after that. Okay, maybe i should shut up. With the likes of the new artists that've been getting signed on lately, it seems anyone can get a recording artist. Hmm... maybe i should take Darque to a recording studio. I can call her "Lil Ruff" lmao. She'll be the first doggy rap star... any other doggy rap star after her would be a counterfeit lol. She'll give DMX a run for his money! Forget all that fake human barking he does, Darque does the real thing! lol Okay, back to my story*Me: oh, really? oh thats great
Her:And his sister, is still there, she still doesnt know what she wants to do with her life. *nothing new in that department*Me: hmm... *This was almost starting to sound like a gossip i wasnt about to get into*
Her: But she used to speak so well of you! She used to be so proud of you! Me: oh, i know...*I wanted to laugh...
Her: So what are you into these days? What are you doing here at the college?
*Okay, i know i havent shared this with blogville pps...*
Me: i had an accident in January. Life has been a rollercoaster since then.
Her: Oh, i'm so sorry ohhh
Me: Oh, dont be. That was my portion, but better days are yet to come. So anyway, i'm here to register for some self-help program i was told about.
Her: oh, see? thats what i'm talking about. I like that about you...
Me: thanks.We planned to do lunch, but it didnt happen. i wish it had. I wanted to beg her (over lunch) to keep our meeting a secret. i wanted to beg her in the name of everything she has ever known, not to tell kimani or anyone else that shes seen me. I have been lucky not to meet Kimani and his sister since '04, but sometimes i feel like i just might run out of luck someday...
I met with Kiss after; i had asked her to come pick me up or at least keep me company... see, i was at the school where i had gone to register. I was finished there but i couldnt drive out of the parking lot. My mind was playing tricks on me. I was afraid to drive. These days, i dare not drive in traffic... it scares me shitless
So she came through, and we went shopping. Found an awesome store uptown, and met with China afterwards... we had lunch, shopped at AsianCity... it was fun. Then Kiss had to leave and the night soon ended.
I drove over to see Frery, a new guy that i've been seeing for about a month.
And he pissed me off... but since i'm still upset about it i better not blog about it now... i guess that'll be the next blog.
But on my way home, my car started acting funny. First it was my CD player... just decided to shut itself off... then the lights on the dashbord started twitching (lmao mogbe ooo!)
next thing i knew, it was some signs on the dashboard. It was like the car had decided to torment me all of a sudden. I was almost home but i had to stop at a stop light. Knowing better than to stop just on the oad, i decided to make a right into the store across the street so i'd at least be parked safe in the lot. thats where my car stopped. Wouldnt turn back on.
I just left it there, went home frustrated and sad.
I got home to see Darque waiting for me... tail-a-wagging, all-a-panting... my furry little daughter, oblivious to the ridiculous night i just had, jumped on me, slobbering over me (i think shes given me a few ear infections lately from licking my ears so much :(
I got in the bed, make-up on, and prayed for tears.
I know its odd but i couldnt stand the sadness anymore.
I prayed for tears... some sort of conclusion to the misery i was feeling.
I cried, reached for "Mr. longjohn", and helped myself to climax.
Then i woke up this morning, with misery on next to me, and tears on my face. Simply continued from where we left off last night.
Oh God, my life is in your hands.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
But do Be.
Please be.
The figment of this imagination. Almost reality but simply isnt.
The type that makes me want to squirm a ripple through my chest
extending to feel your breats
in for you. to feel my belly... lol
Oh please be.
That firm spot on my bum
as my ripple complete its form
Be the one i dream of when i roll up on that loveseat
under my comforter... hoping you'd be real.
A soft "hey babe"
Oh i got used to that. And hearing it even when i didnt ask...
LOL yeah... got used to that. And sneaking in late at night where i fell into my dreams.
A light wake up kiss. And your body joining mine.
Oh goodness. Why did i ever get used to that?
I so bad, so much, so... Now...
want that.
So be.
I'd beg you to be. But pride rules my tongue. But do.
(Please?)
BE.
The figment of this imagination. Almost reality but simply isnt.
The type that makes me want to squirm a ripple through my chest
extending to feel your breats
in for you. to feel my belly... lol
Oh please be.
That firm spot on my bum
as my ripple complete its form
Be the one i dream of when i roll up on that loveseat
under my comforter... hoping you'd be real.
A soft "hey babe"
Oh i got used to that. And hearing it even when i didnt ask...
LOL yeah... got used to that. And sneaking in late at night where i fell into my dreams.
A light wake up kiss. And your body joining mine.
Oh goodness. Why did i ever get used to that?
I so bad, so much, so... Now...
want that.
So be.
I'd beg you to be. But pride rules my tongue. But do.
(Please?)
BE.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Gone like he was never here, Mr. Harley...
Swept up with the waves
and the dirt on my liivng room floor
bones,tissues,the pamphlet that came with the christmas lights...
plastic bag,furs and gourmet sugar packs...
oh... and you...
i'll sweep you up.
Your numbers and that familiar grin that i so longed to own
your
contacts
and
that dark-though-so-damn-clean persona that i wanted to belong
oh how i'll miss that feeling of thinking so surely that you were of the species that i believe must exist
and how i see through what is next well through the next of that
you have no idea how much i know you
though a stranger
i know you, mister sire...
in my memory you lay future played
and i resent you though you've done no wrong.
yet.
in my memory i see you words falsofied and so adored till the day when yesterday will happen.
but i'll cut it short.
save you the game.
save me those hate.
your number, was swept up.
and the dirt on my liivng room floor
bones,tissues,the pamphlet that came with the christmas lights...
plastic bag,furs and gourmet sugar packs...
oh... and you...
i'll sweep you up.
Your numbers and that familiar grin that i so longed to own
your
contacts
and
that dark-though-so-damn-clean persona that i wanted to belong
oh how i'll miss that feeling of thinking so surely that you were of the species that i believe must exist
and how i see through what is next well through the next of that
you have no idea how much i know you
though a stranger
i know you, mister sire...
in my memory you lay future played
and i resent you though you've done no wrong.
yet.
in my memory i see you words falsofied and so adored till the day when yesterday will happen.
but i'll cut it short.
save you the game.
save me those hate.
your number, was swept up.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Unconditionally
A few hundrend years ago yall two were one
sippin juice from the same sippy cup
drinkin contaminated water-like stuff from assigned fountains
now you wanna tell me it dont deserve no where but out
when you two were once one.
ten thousand four billion more active
follicles proliferating like teratogenic cells
and each lick reminds you of where its mouth had just been
wondering why you even picked it up from the pound
You would never know what this friend gives
Purchased friendship that keeps asking
everyday i feel like i owe it
for it teaches a love that i have missed for so long
A few hundrend years ago, us two were one.
Drinking contaminated juices from that same sippy cup
once upon a time you and i were dogs
that they owned for a mere bucks
A few years ago us two were these
you seem to have forgotten what they lacked was love
when we decide to love all that shares it with us.
sippin juice from the same sippy cup
drinkin contaminated water-like stuff from assigned fountains
now you wanna tell me it dont deserve no where but out
when you two were once one.
ten thousand four billion more active
follicles proliferating like teratogenic cells
and each lick reminds you of where its mouth had just been
wondering why you even picked it up from the pound
You would never know what this friend gives
Purchased friendship that keeps asking
everyday i feel like i owe it
for it teaches a love that i have missed for so long
A few hundrend years ago, us two were one.
Drinking contaminated juices from that same sippy cup
once upon a time you and i were dogs
that they owned for a mere bucks
A few years ago us two were these
you seem to have forgotten what they lacked was love
unconditionally across species' worlds.
runs this life so much easierwhen we decide to love all that shares it with us.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Another woman's man; TBS
About a week and a half ago, TBS started texting me.
I must admit, i dont have anything for him at the moment, but i'm not sure i can ALWAYS maintain that.
This man has been my everything, for so long... its hard to just dismiss him.
SO when i tell him he must not call me, and he ignores that, i cant help but answer his calls.
But i havent hated him as much as i have in these past few days.
When i left him, i was so mad at him, that i was numb.
I was so sure of my decision that i didnt even think twice.
Didn't go through the usual questions:
How much did this hurt me? Am i sure i want to leave him? COuld this be resolved?
NO!
It was the least complicated thing i have ever done.
The moment he said it, i knew immediately that we werwe through.
But it wasnt the first time we would be through. Neither is it the 2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,8th,9th,10th...
Keep in mind, i have known him for 7years.
But in that one moment, all those 7years, meant nothing.
Just because you have a history with someone does not mean you must keep making history with them.
It was over. The time had ran out.
I understand he misses me. But i cant help but feel like he is being selfish for calling me. If you miss someone, chances are they are missing you too. He makes it SO MUCH harder for me to move on for as long as he keeps calling me!
He knows he isn't good for me. He isn't for me. And i understand that i am not for him too. SO why call me? SO we can prolong this "freiendship/relationship" that isnt meant to be? NO! I dont want another woman's man for one more second of my life! He isnt for me, so he must go!
so since he has been calling, i have been asking him not to. Then i stopped asking him. Instead, i became offensive. See, i know what we have had, and i know that if i dont get rid of him now while dont have feelings for him, it might never happen. I have said everything i can think of to discourage him from calling.
He continues to call.
Till yesterday. He called and asked if he can see me. I declined. He asked where i was, i reminded him that he has no right to know. I toldf him i was busy and would have to call him back, he wouldn't get off the phone. I hung up.
He didnt call back,.
He hasnt call back.
I hope to God he never does because God knows i cant continue to have him in my life.
Chapter, re-closed.
I must admit, i dont have anything for him at the moment, but i'm not sure i can ALWAYS maintain that.
This man has been my everything, for so long... its hard to just dismiss him.
SO when i tell him he must not call me, and he ignores that, i cant help but answer his calls.
But i havent hated him as much as i have in these past few days.
When i left him, i was so mad at him, that i was numb.
I was so sure of my decision that i didnt even think twice.
Didn't go through the usual questions:
How much did this hurt me? Am i sure i want to leave him? COuld this be resolved?
NO!
It was the least complicated thing i have ever done.
The moment he said it, i knew immediately that we werwe through.
But it wasnt the first time we would be through. Neither is it the 2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,8th,9th,10th...
Keep in mind, i have known him for 7years.
But in that one moment, all those 7years, meant nothing.
Just because you have a history with someone does not mean you must keep making history with them.
It was over. The time had ran out.
I understand he misses me. But i cant help but feel like he is being selfish for calling me. If you miss someone, chances are they are missing you too. He makes it SO MUCH harder for me to move on for as long as he keeps calling me!
He knows he isn't good for me. He isn't for me. And i understand that i am not for him too. SO why call me? SO we can prolong this "freiendship/relationship" that isnt meant to be? NO! I dont want another woman's man for one more second of my life! He isnt for me, so he must go!
so since he has been calling, i have been asking him not to. Then i stopped asking him. Instead, i became offensive. See, i know what we have had, and i know that if i dont get rid of him now while dont have feelings for him, it might never happen. I have said everything i can think of to discourage him from calling.
He continues to call.
Till yesterday. He called and asked if he can see me. I declined. He asked where i was, i reminded him that he has no right to know. I toldf him i was busy and would have to call him back, he wouldn't get off the phone. I hung up.
He didnt call back,.
He hasnt call back.
I hope to God he never does because God knows i cant continue to have him in my life.
Chapter, re-closed.
Missing home
If i was to tell you how it feels, maybe you can join me. C'mon, say it with me.
I'd say i've felt it but something tells me i havent known it in its entirety.
So yes, it feels odd to be alone.
Like they say, misery loves company.
But i dont want you to be miserable.
Hopefully i am too cynical to get it
and i hope that is what it is
i hope that i am wrong
or that there is a bit of jealousy that wishes you wont get there before me
i hope this
hoping that you have found the "it"
and that that "it" is he
while I let you live it.
Now how thew fuck do i get home?! When will this storm ceaze?
I'd say i've felt it but something tells me i havent known it in its entirety.
So yes, it feels odd to be alone.
Like they say, misery loves company.
But i dont want you to be miserable.
Hopefully i am too cynical to get it
and i hope that is what it is
i hope that i am wrong
or that there is a bit of jealousy that wishes you wont get there before me
i hope this
hoping that you have found the "it"
and that that "it" is he
while I let you live it.
Now how thew fuck do i get home?! When will this storm ceaze?
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Yesterday
i almost missed you.
almost enough to pick up my phone.
almost wanted to hear you.
but i swear i heard you.
deep in my mind, so lightly you said
"i wanted to call you too."
and a ray of doubt made me imagine hearing you ask me
"what do you want?"
but i wasnt about to find out.
i almost called you.
i almost missed you.
almost wanted to see you.
but almost doesnt count.
no chance for a relapse.
its over.
been over.
and i'm glad.
almost enough to pick up my phone.
almost wanted to hear you.
but i swear i heard you.
deep in my mind, so lightly you said
"i wanted to call you too."
and a ray of doubt made me imagine hearing you ask me
"what do you want?"
but i wasnt about to find out.
i almost called you.
i almost missed you.
almost wanted to see you.
but almost doesnt count.
no chance for a relapse.
its over.
been over.
and i'm glad.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Lost (continued)
and only 50minutes later, the circle has been completed.
And i hate to say i told you so
so i wont.
but i will ask
"So, babe...Is this it? Or will you need to make yet, another round?"
And i hate to say i told you so
so i wont.
but i will ask
"So, babe...Is this it? Or will you need to make yet, another round?"
Friday, November 16, 2007
One Impossible Kiss
This must be the most impossible kiss
the one that halts before its conceived,
hard to breathe a thing that doesnt live.
If it isnt there, however will i find it?
And there we roll, hoping to pass the night
Hoping to get a touch, maybe cop a feel
feel a tinge of some of that old familiar ting
Must what isnt felt, be forced?
But in those eyes, lies the greatest yearns
Looking in it begging to beheld
And dont we all deserve some love?
Though pity isnt same as it.
So lost, in its confusions.
If i cant have what i want,
do i learn to love what i have?
But woe betides the "have"
the day "want" arrives.
For what i want, will always be cherished.
thinking,
remembering...
i once wanted, till i lost the veil.
Though the pain refused to shed with it.
And apparently, neither did the bad habit.
But hey! a kiss is only a kiss is a kiss is a kiss!
why is it so hard, to give a damn kiss?!
the one that halts before its conceived,
hard to breathe a thing that doesnt live.
If it isnt there, however will i find it?
And there we roll, hoping to pass the night
Hoping to get a touch, maybe cop a feel
feel a tinge of some of that old familiar ting
Must what isnt felt, be forced?
But in those eyes, lies the greatest yearns
Looking in it begging to beheld
And dont we all deserve some love?
Though pity isnt same as it.
So lost, in its confusions.
If i cant have what i want,
do i learn to love what i have?
But woe betides the "have"
the day "want" arrives.
For what i want, will always be cherished.
thinking,
remembering...
i once wanted, till i lost the veil.
Though the pain refused to shed with it.
And apparently, neither did the bad habit.
But hey! a kiss is only a kiss is a kiss is a kiss!
why is it so hard, to give a damn kiss?!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
There must be someone up there yonder...
Having a good laugh at this joke.
So i get an apple, with no teeth to bite with
the moment that apple rots, i toss it in the garbage,
alas! my teeth start to grow!
life is a big ol joke.
So i get an apple, with no teeth to bite with
the moment that apple rots, i toss it in the garbage,
alas! my teeth start to grow!
life is a big ol joke.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Introducing... Etienne
I met him online
I'd like to keep the website secret so, i will.
I like him, i do. why?
Etienne is from Congo. In his 28years, he has lived in France, Brazil, and now, here.
4th year of univ, Etienne will be a Statistian (um, is that a word?)
But what i enjoy the most about Etienne, is that he is a gentleman.
He is a thinker, a gentle soul.
Analytical.
Very family oriented.
He stands as an individual. Does not expect me to slave off in a kitchen (at least thats what he says) otherwise i wouldn't even be talking to him. He doesn't cook much. But is looking forward to learning. He'd love to learn to cook.
So tomorrow, we'll be going out to eat African meals.
and i'll be meeting him for the first time.
And i hope there'll be as much physical attraction.
Someone keep their fingers crossed for me.
I'd like to keep the website secret so, i will.
I like him, i do. why?
Etienne is from Congo. In his 28years, he has lived in France, Brazil, and now, here.
4th year of univ, Etienne will be a Statistian (um, is that a word?)
But what i enjoy the most about Etienne, is that he is a gentleman.
He is a thinker, a gentle soul.
Analytical.
Very family oriented.
He stands as an individual. Does not expect me to slave off in a kitchen (at least thats what he says) otherwise i wouldn't even be talking to him. He doesn't cook much. But is looking forward to learning. He'd love to learn to cook.
So tomorrow, we'll be going out to eat African meals.
and i'll be meeting him for the first time.
And i hope there'll be as much physical attraction.
Someone keep their fingers crossed for me.
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