Deeply i am.
For not calling, though you're terribly ill
If i had called, you would have asked how i've been doing
And in your book, theres no excuse for failing
And I, am just not so good
at lying.
Showing posts with label ma. dada. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ma. dada. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
To that one lady, Thank you.
Sometimes Mama tells stories. Most times she doesnt. I guess happy stories are easier to share. Mama has very few of those as far as Dada is concerned.
So when she does share these stories, they stick.
Call them crazy glue to the basement lining of my memories, i... remember.
Like this one that i heard when i was little.
Mama, while driving us from school... told us kids... stories. And these times you'd never see her eyes. I dont think i ever saw her cry. But i know Mam's emotions flow through my ducts. I earned these tears from her. I know, she sheds in silence.
I tell you, some things just didnt make much sense.
We were young, we didnt understand. Mama lived in America for years. She went to uni in America. Mama et Dada.
Then they had some kids. And Dada was to go visit back home. And he did.
Then Mama got the mail.
"Some woman wrote me a letter, asking me if its true that he had divorced me!" its (un)funny how shes able to yell it out to us (sometimes). Yet when she hurts, does it oh so quietly.
In an attempt to ensure she would be married to a single man, this lady wrote her a letter to confirm that he had been divorced as he had claimed.
She snooped, got Mama's address, and sent the letter.
I admire her. Back then most women wouldnt care. Even now, some wouldnt. Culture is just an excuse. Truth is, some people just dont ever have the courage to demand better.
Needless to say, they were still married.
"I moved back home immediately. They had almost had the wedding, plannings and everything!"
Thats how she ended up back home.
Years later, somewhere... Dada got his dream. He found a woman who didnt care. She along with her one daughter and a pregnant belly, moved into our home. But Mama sensed it coming. You can take a bitch out of a hood but never a hood out dat bitch.
She had moved back overseas before she arrived.
I want to be that woman.
I want to be the one to tell another...
I would want to be told.
I would want to be informed.
But lord knows its been stressful trying to get a hold of Mrs. Stella Diek.
She never answers the phone. And so, i stopped calling.
And Diek? I stopped caring. Truth is, i hardly ever did. Which is why i was not hurt. I forget about him till friends mention him. Or till i log on to blogville and see his name... or till he calls.
But it must hurt to lose. Or it must suck to be ignored.
He had been trying to contact me on msn and i really didnt know what to say so i just leave him be. But instead, he decided to start calling me continuously.
8,4,3, 10 times a day.
Once i answered and said "Hello" only for him to say "Hi Truth, how are you?"
I hung up. What am i supposed to say? I dont know! Where is the conversation to go? How are you am okay how are you oh am okay too so what are you doing oh nothing so what are you doing oh nothing... LIKE!!! SERIOUSLY!
So, thats why i hung up.
And he resumed calling... always with blocked numbers. And when i answer (hardly do), he doesnt say a word.
A coward cant ever own up.
So i usually dont pick up. And when i cant stand it anymore, i do pick up and just leave the receiver on the table so he can hang up when he is tired of being a Diek.
So when she does share these stories, they stick.
Call them crazy glue to the basement lining of my memories, i... remember.
Like this one that i heard when i was little.
Mama, while driving us from school... told us kids... stories. And these times you'd never see her eyes. I dont think i ever saw her cry. But i know Mam's emotions flow through my ducts. I earned these tears from her. I know, she sheds in silence.
I tell you, some things just didnt make much sense.
We were young, we didnt understand. Mama lived in America for years. She went to uni in America. Mama et Dada.
Then they had some kids. And Dada was to go visit back home. And he did.
Then Mama got the mail.
"Some woman wrote me a letter, asking me if its true that he had divorced me!" its (un)funny how shes able to yell it out to us (sometimes). Yet when she hurts, does it oh so quietly.
In an attempt to ensure she would be married to a single man, this lady wrote her a letter to confirm that he had been divorced as he had claimed.
She snooped, got Mama's address, and sent the letter.
I admire her. Back then most women wouldnt care. Even now, some wouldnt. Culture is just an excuse. Truth is, some people just dont ever have the courage to demand better.
Needless to say, they were still married.
"I moved back home immediately. They had almost had the wedding, plannings and everything!"
Thats how she ended up back home.
Years later, somewhere... Dada got his dream. He found a woman who didnt care. She along with her one daughter and a pregnant belly, moved into our home. But Mama sensed it coming. You can take a bitch out of a hood but never a hood out dat bitch.
She had moved back overseas before she arrived.
I want to be that woman.
I want to be the one to tell another...
I would want to be told.
I would want to be informed.
But lord knows its been stressful trying to get a hold of Mrs. Stella Diek.
She never answers the phone. And so, i stopped calling.
And Diek? I stopped caring. Truth is, i hardly ever did. Which is why i was not hurt. I forget about him till friends mention him. Or till i log on to blogville and see his name... or till he calls.
But it must hurt to lose. Or it must suck to be ignored.
He had been trying to contact me on msn and i really didnt know what to say so i just leave him be. But instead, he decided to start calling me continuously.
8,4,3, 10 times a day.
Once i answered and said "Hello" only for him to say "Hi Truth, how are you?"
I hung up. What am i supposed to say? I dont know! Where is the conversation to go? How are you am okay how are you oh am okay too so what are you doing oh nothing so what are you doing oh nothing... LIKE!!! SERIOUSLY!
So, thats why i hung up.
And he resumed calling... always with blocked numbers. And when i answer (hardly do), he doesnt say a word.
A coward cant ever own up.
So i usually dont pick up. And when i cant stand it anymore, i do pick up and just leave the receiver on the table so he can hang up when he is tired of being a Diek.
Friday, December 7, 2007
MY Dada's Daughter
In light of everything that is going on,
Ambition and I decided to take dada to one of his diagnostic doctor's appointments.
This time, it was a colonoscopy. He was to have nothing to eat, only drinking, prior to the appointment.
He obliged, but when one of his silly friends told him that eating potatoes wouldnt affect the procedure because potatoes clear out of your bowels really quickly, he listened and had some.
He didnt tell us this, or i would have told him not to.
so needless to say, they couldnt proceed with the procedure so we had to reschedule for the next day.
I dropped dad off and Ambition and I went to her school where she was to have her last presentation at the school.
I'm so proud of her. She did so well and even won a price. I went out later to meet with another friend who went with me to go adopt a dog. We didnt find one though... not one that is suitable enough.
She is who she is, hence the name Ambition.
Anyway, so the next day, i went to the hospital with dada to repeat the colonoscopy and it was successful this time.
Then went over to his house after.
Brought back memories.
I broke my promise, but with no regrets.
...10years ago, i promised never to return to his place.
10 years later, i swallowed my promise.
10 years later, he's learnt to repsect me.
1 year ago i promised not to let him back in
1year later, i am speaking to him.
its great that we can take breaks... and then return back to where we left off, or simply skip the hurdles, bridge to the better days.
he gave me so much food to pack with me
2 different types of spinach, garri, maggi cubes, apples, pepper, egusi, and cooked ogbono (did i tell you hes a greta cook?!). We went groery shopping... i picked up some ox-tail, fillet cod fish, stew chicken, stew pork etc... which he paid for. its funny watching him pay for my grocery. He had not paid for anything for me for years... i must have been about 15 the last time. Not only that, i have refused gifts from him for a year. Our last fight was about money and the way he spoke to me.
I am his daughter.
He is my father.
i will respect him and tolerate his presence in my life, only for as long as he repects me while he is in it.
plain and simple.
So on our way to his house after doiung grocery, i got yet another reminder...
i am my dada's daughter.
I was trying to make a left turn to get out of a parking lot. When a navy coloured PT cruiser backed into my car. i stopped my car, got out, so did Dada. Looked up, out came a middle-aged black woman from the passenger side, and a black teenage-early twenties boy out of the driver's side.
"Hi" i said to the woman as i walked around to assess the damage.
i dont even know if she responded. I saw my light, the back fog one had been knowkced out, dangling by its wies. I fixed it back in. My back left tire's hubcap is a little loose. I kicked it abck in. I turned around ...
"Well, no damages"
"I'm so sorry!" said the woman
"Oh thats okay, nothing was damaged." i looked at the boy. He wore my brother's expression on his face. Just another black boy. I looked at the woman. I couldnt help but to see my mother.
"Thats okay... we're sisters"
"Oh thank you so much!"
i gave her a hug
"soo sorry, and thank you so much"
"no problem. have a nice day"
and we got back in the car.
i was back in the car before i realised.. i am my dada's daughter.
His blood flows through my veins, his characters echo in my actions...
Reminds me of years ago back home
Same shit had happened.
But he never had the heart then to sue the man who knocked into him
and i didnt have a heart then to act against the black boy who knocked into my car.
Ambition and I decided to take dada to one of his diagnostic doctor's appointments.
This time, it was a colonoscopy. He was to have nothing to eat, only drinking, prior to the appointment.
He obliged, but when one of his silly friends told him that eating potatoes wouldnt affect the procedure because potatoes clear out of your bowels really quickly, he listened and had some.
He didnt tell us this, or i would have told him not to.
so needless to say, they couldnt proceed with the procedure so we had to reschedule for the next day.
I dropped dad off and Ambition and I went to her school where she was to have her last presentation at the school.
I'm so proud of her. She did so well and even won a price. I went out later to meet with another friend who went with me to go adopt a dog. We didnt find one though... not one that is suitable enough.
She is who she is, hence the name Ambition.
Anyway, so the next day, i went to the hospital with dada to repeat the colonoscopy and it was successful this time.
Then went over to his house after.
Brought back memories.
I broke my promise, but with no regrets.
...10years ago, i promised never to return to his place.
10 years later, i swallowed my promise.
10 years later, he's learnt to repsect me.
1 year ago i promised not to let him back in
1year later, i am speaking to him.
its great that we can take breaks... and then return back to where we left off, or simply skip the hurdles, bridge to the better days.
he gave me so much food to pack with me
2 different types of spinach, garri, maggi cubes, apples, pepper, egusi, and cooked ogbono (did i tell you hes a greta cook?!). We went groery shopping... i picked up some ox-tail, fillet cod fish, stew chicken, stew pork etc... which he paid for. its funny watching him pay for my grocery. He had not paid for anything for me for years... i must have been about 15 the last time. Not only that, i have refused gifts from him for a year. Our last fight was about money and the way he spoke to me.
I am his daughter.
He is my father.
i will respect him and tolerate his presence in my life, only for as long as he repects me while he is in it.
plain and simple.
So on our way to his house after doiung grocery, i got yet another reminder...
i am my dada's daughter.
I was trying to make a left turn to get out of a parking lot. When a navy coloured PT cruiser backed into my car. i stopped my car, got out, so did Dada. Looked up, out came a middle-aged black woman from the passenger side, and a black teenage-early twenties boy out of the driver's side.
"Hi" i said to the woman as i walked around to assess the damage.
i dont even know if she responded. I saw my light, the back fog one had been knowkced out, dangling by its wies. I fixed it back in. My back left tire's hubcap is a little loose. I kicked it abck in. I turned around ...
"Well, no damages"
"I'm so sorry!" said the woman
"Oh thats okay, nothing was damaged." i looked at the boy. He wore my brother's expression on his face. Just another black boy. I looked at the woman. I couldnt help but to see my mother.
"Thats okay... we're sisters"
"Oh thank you so much!"
i gave her a hug
"soo sorry, and thank you so much"
"no problem. have a nice day"
and we got back in the car.
i was back in the car before i realised.. i am my dada's daughter.
His blood flows through my veins, his characters echo in my actions...
Reminds me of years ago back home
Same shit had happened.
But he never had the heart then to sue the man who knocked into him
and i didnt have a heart then to act against the black boy who knocked into my car.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Hate, Regrets, Anger, all of a fucken sudden!
I spoke with Ambition a few minutes ago.
shes been calling me, trying to get a hold of me.
Maybe if i'd be checking my voicemails i would've heard the news.
But i never do, so i didnt.
Its true i cant stand Dada.
He was my best friend for my first 10 years.
And then life happened and the wools were pulled so that i could see the light.
I no longer was a fool.
I saw Dada, for Dada.
and what i learnt of Dada and what i have continued to learn since then, had made me decide that he deserved no respectful spot in my life.
But how little this seems to matter,
once you realise you could lose someone, for life.
Dada, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. no word of what stage it is, yet.
the thought of losing the one person who is responsible for my cardinal characters, my cardinal beauties... makes me sad.
at 62, i cant imagine what life would be like, if i didnt share it with him.
and even at this moment, it is so hard to pick up the phone to call.
to love him wholeheartedly, would be to forgive him.
and forgiveness, that i wasnt prepared to do.
and now i feel like i have to.
all of a sudden
the most health-centric Afro man i know
all of sudden
the only man that seems to fuck me up so damn well
all of a sudden
the one voice that use to move mountains and clouds all at a whisper
all of a sudden
all of a fucken sudden
all of a mother fucken sudden!
shes been calling me, trying to get a hold of me.
Maybe if i'd be checking my voicemails i would've heard the news.
But i never do, so i didnt.
Its true i cant stand Dada.
He was my best friend for my first 10 years.
And then life happened and the wools were pulled so that i could see the light.
I no longer was a fool.
I saw Dada, for Dada.
and what i learnt of Dada and what i have continued to learn since then, had made me decide that he deserved no respectful spot in my life.
But how little this seems to matter,
once you realise you could lose someone, for life.
Dada, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. no word of what stage it is, yet.
the thought of losing the one person who is responsible for my cardinal characters, my cardinal beauties... makes me sad.
at 62, i cant imagine what life would be like, if i didnt share it with him.
and even at this moment, it is so hard to pick up the phone to call.
to love him wholeheartedly, would be to forgive him.
and forgiveness, that i wasnt prepared to do.
and now i feel like i have to.
all of a sudden
the most health-centric Afro man i know
all of sudden
the only man that seems to fuck me up so damn well
all of a sudden
the one voice that use to move mountains and clouds all at a whisper
all of a sudden
all of a fucken sudden
all of a mother fucken sudden!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Sometimes, you need the craze to get the glue!
I havent seen my family bond so well as they have these past couple of days.
We've spent these past days together. We've come together, to support one another.
Theres been times when i wondered if it would have made a difference if it wasnt Ambition in that hospital bed.
Would it be any different if it was I, for example?
Ambition is well loved. She is blessed with the priviledge of chairing our parent's heart.
And it would have made it easy to envy her if it wasnt her.
But she makes it so hard. So hard to hate her.
I cant.
Ever heard of a coworker that gets awarded for everything- being on time, being conscientous, being the best worker, THEN you meet her only for her to be the nicest person ever?
Ambition is too easy to love.
So although it was hard being her sibling when i was little, i couldnt hate her.
because she loved me, and everyone else so perfectly. She was simple. She was an easy person.
shes getting better and i'm so glad.
Thanks to everyone thats expressed their best wishes, hope you never get to experience this.
Rumour says she might be discharged tomorrow.
I'll conclude with a joke that happened yesterday.
Its funny now but when it happened, it was quite embarrassing.
Okay so picture Ambition, my nephew and neice, my other sister (Fierce), my brother, and a third sister (Aqua) sitting in the living room, talking, laughing, and chilling when my brother in law (Bode) picked up my cell phone from the coffee table.
Hes a jester so i knew he was teasing when he said
"your phone is so cheap, it doesnt even have a camera feature, does it?"
"it does, its a camera phone!"
"oh, so you have pics in it?"
"yeah, check the gallery and then check the images in there for pics"
and so he did.
Now, i know that i have a secret that only I and Fierce knows of in my family.
I take nude pics.
I love nudity and I've often wondered if it'd make a difference if i didnt think i had a nice body. I dont think it would.
Fierce use to beat me for it when i was young. She'd scold me to tears and lecture me for hours and she'd make me rip the nude pics i'd taken- but that was when i was younger. Now i'm older, an adult. She'd lost the right to scold me. She'd lost that fight, bless her soul!
But anyway, Fierce didnt say anything, and neither did i.
i was so sure i didnt have any nude pics in my cam.
I was wrong.
I had China take a nude pic of me a lil while ago- its a pic of me in a fetal position,facing downward, naked but a thong...
yeah, Bode saw it
and flipped it around to show me what he saw, but because i was sitting far from him, everyone saw it.
I tell you, i would've turned purple if i could have, but my wealth of melanin deprived me of such.
Yeah, it was so embarrasing.
My mom was like
" oh my goodness!" "what are you? a stripper, now?!!!"
"sure mom! would you like to watch me strip one of these days?"
needless to say, she didnt reply... My mom is pretty reserved and she'd rather not say much in these sort of instances.
the poor woman was short of words. I dont think i can suprise her anymore.
lol
Anyway, so that was that!
We've spent these past days together. We've come together, to support one another.
Theres been times when i wondered if it would have made a difference if it wasnt Ambition in that hospital bed.
Would it be any different if it was I, for example?
Ambition is well loved. She is blessed with the priviledge of chairing our parent's heart.
And it would have made it easy to envy her if it wasnt her.
But she makes it so hard. So hard to hate her.
I cant.
Ever heard of a coworker that gets awarded for everything- being on time, being conscientous, being the best worker, THEN you meet her only for her to be the nicest person ever?
Ambition is too easy to love.
So although it was hard being her sibling when i was little, i couldnt hate her.
because she loved me, and everyone else so perfectly. She was simple. She was an easy person.
shes getting better and i'm so glad.
Thanks to everyone thats expressed their best wishes, hope you never get to experience this.
Rumour says she might be discharged tomorrow.
I'll conclude with a joke that happened yesterday.
Its funny now but when it happened, it was quite embarrassing.
Okay so picture Ambition, my nephew and neice, my other sister (Fierce), my brother, and a third sister (Aqua) sitting in the living room, talking, laughing, and chilling when my brother in law (Bode) picked up my cell phone from the coffee table.
Hes a jester so i knew he was teasing when he said
"your phone is so cheap, it doesnt even have a camera feature, does it?"
"it does, its a camera phone!"
"oh, so you have pics in it?"
"yeah, check the gallery and then check the images in there for pics"
and so he did.
Now, i know that i have a secret that only I and Fierce knows of in my family.
I take nude pics.
I love nudity and I've often wondered if it'd make a difference if i didnt think i had a nice body. I dont think it would.
Fierce use to beat me for it when i was young. She'd scold me to tears and lecture me for hours and she'd make me rip the nude pics i'd taken- but that was when i was younger. Now i'm older, an adult. She'd lost the right to scold me. She'd lost that fight, bless her soul!
But anyway, Fierce didnt say anything, and neither did i.
i was so sure i didnt have any nude pics in my cam.
I was wrong.
I had China take a nude pic of me a lil while ago- its a pic of me in a fetal position,facing downward, naked but a thong...
yeah, Bode saw it
and flipped it around to show me what he saw, but because i was sitting far from him, everyone saw it.
I tell you, i would've turned purple if i could have, but my wealth of melanin deprived me of such.
Yeah, it was so embarrasing.
My mom was like
" oh my goodness!" "what are you? a stripper, now?!!!"
"sure mom! would you like to watch me strip one of these days?"
needless to say, she didnt reply... My mom is pretty reserved and she'd rather not say much in these sort of instances.
the poor woman was short of words. I dont think i can suprise her anymore.
lol
Anyway, so that was that!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Remembering... My first loves
i remember at 21
i had just moved back home after 2yrs of college
had to leave mom's home since she couldnt respect my opinion.
"you know what, mom? just so you know, if ever i want to get married, and when i am ready to choose, you can be rest assured, that i wont be looking for a man who can get along with you. A little naija man who- at your beck and call, hurries because "culture" dictates so. I wont pick one because he postrates at your presence. i hate to break it to you but MA MARRIAGE WONT BE ABOUT YOU! You wont be in it. I'll rock that ring, and it'll remain a pact between me, and whoever else i'm with. Between two people, where there wont be any intruders. If i'm with a man, Mother, it'll be because i want him, he wants me, and he respects me. Now let this be the last time you speak to me about something I've already discussed with you. We can agree to disagree. i'll move out next month."
and i did.
years later,Mama and I, are even closer.
Mama calle me when she makes my fav. meals,
calls me to pick some mails up,
sometimes still deliver my mails for me,
Still still calls me for my opinions about life
Thesame Mama who once attempted to break open a papaya
with her bare hands, because i was so hungry
i remember...
Thesame woman who had multiple jobs and 5 kids,
Thesame woman who managed to pay through way through ....
highschool, university...
a woman in an African country
This woman who consults me with her issues,
but never did she bring that topic up again.
"dad, wait! i really dont wanna hear anymore. You may stop calling me all you like if you dont like what i'm about to say because frankly, i wont stand to be disrespected! i mean- here you are being a hypocrite, telling me its "much better" to marry a naija man when YOURSELF are a naija man AND u didnt treat ma mom well! how dare you! you are here, calling me up to preach something that you yourself have failed at. LET THIS BE THE LAST TIME you speak to me about such an issue! Being a naija doesnt make a man a good husband. EVEN YOU have proved that. so respect me enough to at least, respect my opinion as a grown adult. If i do make a mistake, its fine. life isnt about mistakes- but about learning. thanks."
years later, ma Dada is still ma Dada.
The same man who would tickle me silly
i'd laugh till i cried
i'd roll on the living room floor
he'd give me his left overs
he'd bribe me. give me a five naira bill, in exchange for a bold dare-
"go slap ur sister in her face"
and i'd know better.
because the first time i did, not only did Ambition beat me shitless
but my daddy also scolded me, for being so stupid
"yes i told you to, but if i told you to jump off the balcony, wonld you do that too? dont you know the difference between right and wrong?"
he laughed at me, that husky deep throat of his
bears the coldest, yet heartiest storngest laughter
it comes from outside of him
it comes somewhere from beneath him
the source of his voice,
is the earth we thread on.
With a voice like a firery thunder,
he laughed at me, as he pulled me closer, hugging me.
"oya pele"
i remember...
Thesame man who'd beat mom into one too many uncounscious episodes,
Thesame one who i have now come to forgive
Thesame one who manages to reoffend
Thesame one who somehow, thinks he deserves that "fatherly" role
Thesame one whose love remains so unporportioned
Thesame one who i cant help but love
and hope someday, can heal, with.
My first love. My dad, never did bring the topic up again.
i had just moved back home after 2yrs of college
had to leave mom's home since she couldnt respect my opinion.
"you know what, mom? just so you know, if ever i want to get married, and when i am ready to choose, you can be rest assured, that i wont be looking for a man who can get along with you. A little naija man who- at your beck and call, hurries because "culture" dictates so. I wont pick one because he postrates at your presence. i hate to break it to you but MA MARRIAGE WONT BE ABOUT YOU! You wont be in it. I'll rock that ring, and it'll remain a pact between me, and whoever else i'm with. Between two people, where there wont be any intruders. If i'm with a man, Mother, it'll be because i want him, he wants me, and he respects me. Now let this be the last time you speak to me about something I've already discussed with you. We can agree to disagree. i'll move out next month."
and i did.
years later,Mama and I, are even closer.
Mama calle me when she makes my fav. meals,
calls me to pick some mails up,
sometimes still deliver my mails for me,
Still still calls me for my opinions about life
Thesame Mama who once attempted to break open a papaya
with her bare hands, because i was so hungry
i remember...
Thesame woman who had multiple jobs and 5 kids,
Thesame woman who managed to pay through way through ....
highschool, university...
a woman in an African country
This woman who consults me with her issues,
but never did she bring that topic up again.
"dad, wait! i really dont wanna hear anymore. You may stop calling me all you like if you dont like what i'm about to say because frankly, i wont stand to be disrespected! i mean- here you are being a hypocrite, telling me its "much better" to marry a naija man when YOURSELF are a naija man AND u didnt treat ma mom well! how dare you! you are here, calling me up to preach something that you yourself have failed at. LET THIS BE THE LAST TIME you speak to me about such an issue! Being a naija doesnt make a man a good husband. EVEN YOU have proved that. so respect me enough to at least, respect my opinion as a grown adult. If i do make a mistake, its fine. life isnt about mistakes- but about learning. thanks."
years later, ma Dada is still ma Dada.
The same man who would tickle me silly
i'd laugh till i cried
i'd roll on the living room floor
he'd give me his left overs
he'd bribe me. give me a five naira bill, in exchange for a bold dare-
"go slap ur sister in her face"
and i'd know better.
because the first time i did, not only did Ambition beat me shitless
but my daddy also scolded me, for being so stupid
"yes i told you to, but if i told you to jump off the balcony, wonld you do that too? dont you know the difference between right and wrong?"
he laughed at me, that husky deep throat of his
bears the coldest, yet heartiest storngest laughter
it comes from outside of him
it comes somewhere from beneath him
the source of his voice,
is the earth we thread on.
With a voice like a firery thunder,
he laughed at me, as he pulled me closer, hugging me.
"oya pele"
i remember...
Thesame man who'd beat mom into one too many uncounscious episodes,
Thesame one who i have now come to forgive
Thesame one who manages to reoffend
Thesame one who somehow, thinks he deserves that "fatherly" role
Thesame one whose love remains so unporportioned
Thesame one who i cant help but love
and hope someday, can heal, with.
My first love. My dad, never did bring the topic up again.
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