So many moves.

I have been away from Blogville for a little long.
Longer than i'd like to be.
i sometimes catch myself blogging in my mind, hoping i can get to the net before the memories melt away.
So anyway, here i am and i dont even know where to start.

i moved away, and i'm glad i did it. Its a new kind of life for me; something i have not experienced in so long. I'm in a new town, a new place, out of my comfort zone, yet ready to explore the possibilities. I've had so many recent brake-ups. TBS, and "friends... its exhausting. I think at this point, i am ready to let go of anyone. If i can go through this, ic an go through it all.
TBS... hmm...I look around for replacements for him at times. I see men that catch my eyes and wonder if they are anything like him. How different can they be, really?
Yet i'm glad we're over. I'm glad that part of my life is dead. I'm glad he is out of my life. Okay, so let me recap about the men i've met or talked to since our break up...

Mr. Firm;
dear mista firm! i have known this man for a little over a year and he'd always seem like a big brother to me. He somehow manages to remind me "not" to party too much, drink too much, and the likes...
He lives alone. A bachelor in a condo a short drive away. Sounds like a perfect person to hook up with but i just cant seem to feel for Mr. Firm. His personality is appealing, but i cant seem to get the physical attraction going. I dont like him physically. I had been trying to hook Mr. Firm up with Nat for a few weeks now but they had not had the chance to meet, nor speak to each other. Then Nat got hooked with this other man and i knew that he (Firm) didnt have any chance with her. I went to visit Mr. Firm a few days before TBS and i parted ways, and we saw a movie at his place. He cooked and i tell you,the one straight way to my heart without a detour, is through my mouth. I love to be fed by men! so yes, i was loving that. But it was tres weird that night when i was leaving; Mr. Firm gave me a tight(!!!) firm (hence the nickname) hug.He hugged me so tight, my breats flattened like pancakes on his chest- the tightest hug ever. I didnt get the clue till a few more hugs clued me in; Mr. Firm was crushing... on one of my visits, Mr. Firm said he had something to show me. He had to show me "it". I played along and went in his room along with him. I got bold and undid his belt, proceeded to pull his pants down but he stopped me. He reached for my chest and i thought "what de fak! mista man, I didnt say i had anything to show you, you the one who had something to show me!". I moved away.He asked me "can i see your breats?" and i couldnt belive my precious ears... WHAT A TURN OFF!!! okay, i need someone to tell me, am i the only female who finds it repulsive when men ASK to touch, sex, hug you? asking kills the mood! (not that there really was anything to get in the mood for that night but!...) anyway, i told him i wasnt ready for that, i left.
last night however, we did kiss, he did see my breasts(and no, he didnt ask this time!), he did suck them well, he did hold them right... his fingers almost reminds me of Troy's (Lover's lane). His fingers almost made me spurt. But i wanted his tongue... and he gave me it... and he sucked at it... i'd be sore for 5 hours afer then (*^&#)... i wont be seeing him anymore... not sexually.

Mr. Fisher
I cant believe ppl still wear fishermen hats! this guy is so silly! The sadest part is he'd look so much better without the hat on. But i pray next time i see him, he wouldnt have it on.
I met mister Fisher at a club on saturday. He'd tried to pick me up once before but his cousin beat him to it. His cousin had much more charisma, and a lot less brain mass. Needless to say, i never did do anything with him. Mr. Fisher's sister is a club-party friend. Do you know what i mean by that? have you ever had a friend that you always seem to meet at a specific club and everytime you meet him/her there, you two dance all night together, you exchange numbers yet you never call each other... thats the kind of friend she is. After the night was over, Mister Fisher called and we talked- he lives on thesame street as my mother (^$&%*!), bought a house with a friend. He is a computer analyst(or something like that) student and he works at some local store. My phone disconnected and he texted later in the night to thank me for calling him, that he is so glad he'd met me bla bla bla. ... when Mister Fisher said "you're such a nice girl, so soft spoken", i remembered all the hundrends of times i had raised my voice at TBS. If only he can speak with TBS... he'd tell him not ot be so naive... he'd tell him i really am human... i too, scream.
He called today to ask me over as he had cooked. I was ecstatic. But Mister Fisher is a Camrounian. I dont know what their meals i like, but i hope i'll like it. I couldnt make it over but i told him i'd come some othet time...
Mister fisher... we'll see.

Mr. Face.
Oh my goodness! this man has got the beautifullest (yes, look it up)face! i was at Afrofest (an annual african festival here) when i saw him at the corner of my eyes... he asked "dont i know you?". i looked over and sure enough, his face rang a bell... but couldnt figure out WHICH bell exactly.
"yea, you do look familiar..."
we figures out how we met.
Last year, i met a man at the gas station. He was in a yellow civic. What attracted me to him was his eclectic style- he dressed like he was breaking some rules. like an outlaw,... i saw myself in him. I liked him. And his face! oh wow! he is dark, but more like honeydark. He was blemish-free. skin clear like Dasani, face calm like peace. I loved his face! He was beautiful.
and just as brainless.
i had taken his number at the gas station and i knew i'd done right after speaking with him. He was an idiot. I got Francoise on the phone as i called him (i know, i'm childish!) so she could listen up. I wanted to see if she'd recognixze his voice because if theres one peson who can identify any ghanian person by their voice, name, belongings, etc, its Francoise! i swear that girl is connected with and deeply rooted to her ppl.
I had the worst convo with Face. I asked him what he did for a living and he called himself a "private investigator"... i probed and later realised he was aa security guard at a local store... a few other things he said but my memory fails me. I never called him back.
bu there he was last night, staring me down with those beautiful eyes of his... so i gave him my number. We'll see...

Stay tuned...

Last Saturday

so i had to work at 7am

went to work and heard the story- one of my clients had died
last time i saw her was on thursday
and when i did, she looked half way there
i'll miss her-
not for her kindness, because she wasnt kind
not for her compassion because she wasnt compassionate
not for her thoughtfullness nor empathy because she couldnt give a damn about any other person than herself
she was as selfish as a newborn
she just lacked empathy
but anyway, i'll miss her
this woman has been through so much
so much that i cant say- cant get into details
but shes fought, lost, and hardly won any...
she won peace in the end
may her soul rest in perfected peace

i got home, fell asleep
woke up to the ring tone of my phone-
Francois was calling...

Francois- oh Francois
met her in highschool.
when i met her, she was a typical FOB
or so i thought
anyway, i guess my first impression of her was right because i still see her as a FOB sometimes
Shes been my best friend for years
we've been through so much drama
and i can always confide in her
studies suggests that females are more likely to consider whoever they can tell their deepest secrets to as their closest friend
Francois would be mine for such reason
i have told her everything
everything but one thing
the story of that one thing is for another day
Francois bore my goddaughter- Janea
dont ask about the father because the story of Francois, Janea and her dad, can fill a book

Truth: ya?
i hardly ever say "hello"...
Francoise: hey, u coming to a party with me this saturday
i was suprised-- this chick never goes out. and since she became a mother last year, that hardly has dwindled even more to rarely
Truth: oh? where
Francoise: this one party thats going on.
Truth: i'll think about it. i already have a party to go to
i was just teasing her- i wouldnt dare missing out on a day that Francoise actually decides to go out
Francoise: where? it doesnt even matter anyway, i hope you can make it to this one
Truth: this guy on Facebook that i been talking to
Francoise: are you cheating on TBS??? forget TBS, are you cheating on ME???
Francoise and i always says we're lesbians- i'm her girlfriend. some people actually believe this.
if only they knew i'm as straight as my man's dick... but then again, on second thought... his dick really aint dat straight ;)
Truth: oh shutup- its not like that. i havent even met the guy. he sent me an email about his birthday party. besides, these other girls i go out with- we planed to go out tonight
Francoise: well, i hope you can make it


at about 10pm, I started getting ready
wore this beautiful new dress i just got
anyway, got dressed- looking in the mirror
i looked so punkish with my new do
i loved it! a punk in a dress lmao


anyway, Francoise called to tell me shes on her way there- i should meet her there but call her before i left home
she gave me a brief idea of where it was - all i had to do was call her to get the full details

i left home, i called my best friend
she didnt pick up
i called again
and again and again and again- called 20 times
this girl didnt pick up
i was halfway across town- i had to be at work the next morning at 7am
i had risked so much just for this night, and here i was, close to the place but i cant seem to get the detailed directions because Francoise wasnt answering her phone...!!!!!!!!


why does she always do this to me?
everytime Francise and i make plans, she fucks it up! i swear!
i wanted to kill her
it took me an hour and a half and a lot of help from friends to figure out where the place was


hmm... i have been here before!
this place brings such horrible memories i really didnt want to be there
the last time i was here, was the first time i'd ever been there. and that time , i was screwed over... omg- this brings back such horrible memories of a horrible night!
(details later)

i got there, looked around for signs of a great party
party hall? check
lots of cars? check
blaring music? none

i went in anyway
omg- and i really shouldnt have. everyone in there looked like they were there for some kind of ritual
they all had thesame outfits on- black and red... i thought "wtf?! am i in the midst of a cult meeting?"
i called my dear Francoise 5 more times- no answer
i looked around- they were all speaking gibberish- some kind of language i didnt understand. they looked at me funny... i guess cuz i was wearing something that didnt make me look like i was mourning???
i looked through the crowd for Francoise's face but it was fruitless- they all had thesame things on- couldnt even find Bush there if he'd been there.
i left.

i called Nat - got her to mapquest the Facebook guy's address for me... she did, gave me the directions
i got there, went in ... waltzed in like the diva i pretend to be,
and looked for him

i quit looking when i realised there about 6 guys there who fit the description :"tall, built, light skinned"
i left
on my way home, i thought
Truth, u went to a party, and u didnt even check the guys nor flirt??? HELL NAWW!

on my way back there, Francoise called
i was fuming as i answered
Truth: WHAT?!
Francoise: i'm sorry, i didnt hear my phone ring
Truth: you always do that shit, i cant...
the phone disconnected. anyway, i'll deal with her later
i went back there, saw these two gys leaving, ased them if they knew who Shawn was, they said "ya" and showed me
he recognised me immediately
how come? i'm all pierced up with no hair- a big difference from the pics he's seen of me- yet he recognized me.
he gave me a hug- Oh my word! he was TALL! he was BUILT!
i maintained my cool regardless.

Shawn: so! u came!
Truth: i sure did!
Shawn: thats nice, thanks for coming
i dont know why i felt the need to lie, but i did:
Truth: ya, i had to drop one of my friends down the street, so i thought to pop in

why oh why did i lie???? i didnt even have to! pride is a devilish thing!

i left there shortly after... i didnt know anyone there but him- i left. but i was glad i came there
i got home, got cleaned up, and woke up late the next day, for work
got ready in a hurry,
hurried into my car
and drove as far as i could
as the proverb
"jack of all trade, master of none"
replayed in my head

Truth to self: something's gotta give

i must learn to unclutter the clutters in my cluttered life.