I need to go get tested for STDs.
And so does he.
I had been getting tested every 6months since i was 16. It was like a routine, pap test, blood test, HIV test, along with every 6th month that came by.
When i was 21, i got a call from the ministry of health. Supposedly i had been i n contact with someone who had been found to have Chlamydia.
I couldnt believe it.
And since i had only had sex with one person between the time i was 17 and then, i knew who it was. Kimani.
So i went for the test. I was dead cold and scared. I still remember walking in there after work and seeing all these people i couldnt find myself ever associating with. They looked more like whores. No seriously, that was my exact feeling.
Yet i was in that room, waiting with them. So really, am i any different?
Somehow, we all took our individual paths. Yet somehow we all ended up there. In that room, waiting to believe that we arent diseased. Hoping for some miracle.
I wasnt infected.
I was okay.
I found out two weeks later.
Thank God for condoms. The son of a forgotten fool had cheated on me but thank goodness for condoms and his devine grace.
So i am now about to start over with Frery so i need the both of us to get tested. Frery... i'll admit, i do like him a lot.
But its odd, because there are a few things about him i am having difficulty accepting. I am at a point where i am redefining or reaffirming my believes in terms of the sort of partner i want and what is important to me. And as i do that, i hope to learn a few lessons along the way.
Anyway, in the meantime, i'm going to get some food to eat lol.
Showing posts with label Kimani. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kimani. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday
I started off my day weird!
i woke up late around 1pm, Nat had called and she was warning me about my lateness
"If you dont start the turkey early, you know it wont be ready by the time they get there, right?"
And do you think i listened?
So i went downstairs in the basement to get the car so i can go across the street to the mall to shop for the stuff i need to stuff the turkey
i figured i'd drive even though the store is just across the street, just in case i ended up purchasing more than i anticipated. I hate dragging so much stuff home across the street. I'd rather drive.
I went to the basement to the parking lot only to find my car missing.
Chineke mo!
i tell you; all i could think of was that my car had been repo'd because i havent paid my car loan dues for last month! I was almost crying when i remembered that i had parked the car in front of my building last night.
i blew out one long breath of thanks to God in the form of Co2 as i went back into the elevator to go to the ground floor. Yes, my poor old car was there. Thank God!
So i got into the car, back up so i could get out of the parking spot and heard a funny "bang!"
Jesu!
i looked out to see i had hit the red van behind me.
My heart nearly jumped out my nose as i litterally picked up a piece of paper and wrote
"I just hit your car. Please call me at (564) 673-8564" It took me at least 30 seconds to write that-my hand was shaking so much. I didnt even think, all i could imagine was a big dent in the back of my poor car and an even bigger dent in the front of the red van.
I went to stick the note on the red van and decided to take a look at the damages-
zero, zit, nada, ofo, nothing at fucking all!
not a dent, not a scratch, nothing!
I just jejely returned to my car and CAREFULLY got out of the parking spot, to the mall.
So! i got to the mall, decided to get my wallet and realised i had left it at home. So instead of driving back and forth, i just walked back home to pick up my wallet and walked back to the mall to shop.
I shopped and got back home before realising that i had LEFT the car at the mall!
I wont kill myself, i tell you. If my head wasnt attached to my neck, i know i'd forget it somewhere. I mean, who forgets their car at the mall?!?
So that was a great start for my thanksgiving day!
Forget that the turkey wasnt cooked by the time the guests arrived at 7pm because i had only started baking it at 4:45pm
Forget that no one including myself ate the turkey slices in their dinner plates because it tasted like rubber ( as per it wasnt cooked lol)
Forget that i had to pop the half backed thing back into the oven for a second bake
It was my first time hosting my family thanksgiving dinner,
And my first time doing an almost great job of it
For most of them, it was their first time seeing my new place and they all loved it!
Reminded me why i had chosen to live here...
We danced, we ate, we laughed
I made shrimp ceaser salad which Fierce's husband litterally made "baa" noices to (like a goat) because he claimed i was making him animal food...
I made the turkey with wild rice,celery, bead and onion stuffing and honey-orange glaze
Fierce made garlic-herbed spagetti, banana bread and chocolate cake with toffee-nut topping
Mom made beancake (moimoi) and jollof rice
Ambition made shrimp fried rice
10 people in here (myself included). We had enough food to last us through Katrina
By 8pm we were mostly all so tired
The eveining ended at 10:45pm after we had danced ourselves to exhaustion
I went to sleep at 1am only to have a dream about Kimani (tufiakwa), TBS (WTF!) and some (imaginary?) boyfriend of mine. I tell you, dreams are so silly!
I have so much to be thankful for. I thank God for my life, for my family, for my friends and for my love of self.
i woke up late around 1pm, Nat had called and she was warning me about my lateness
"If you dont start the turkey early, you know it wont be ready by the time they get there, right?"
And do you think i listened?
So i went downstairs in the basement to get the car so i can go across the street to the mall to shop for the stuff i need to stuff the turkey
i figured i'd drive even though the store is just across the street, just in case i ended up purchasing more than i anticipated. I hate dragging so much stuff home across the street. I'd rather drive.
I went to the basement to the parking lot only to find my car missing.
Chineke mo!
i tell you; all i could think of was that my car had been repo'd because i havent paid my car loan dues for last month! I was almost crying when i remembered that i had parked the car in front of my building last night.
i blew out one long breath of thanks to God in the form of Co2 as i went back into the elevator to go to the ground floor. Yes, my poor old car was there. Thank God!
So i got into the car, back up so i could get out of the parking spot and heard a funny "bang!"
Jesu!
i looked out to see i had hit the red van behind me.
My heart nearly jumped out my nose as i litterally picked up a piece of paper and wrote
"I just hit your car. Please call me at (564) 673-8564" It took me at least 30 seconds to write that-my hand was shaking so much. I didnt even think, all i could imagine was a big dent in the back of my poor car and an even bigger dent in the front of the red van.
I went to stick the note on the red van and decided to take a look at the damages-
zero, zit, nada, ofo, nothing at fucking all!
not a dent, not a scratch, nothing!
I just jejely returned to my car and CAREFULLY got out of the parking spot, to the mall.
So! i got to the mall, decided to get my wallet and realised i had left it at home. So instead of driving back and forth, i just walked back home to pick up my wallet and walked back to the mall to shop.
I shopped and got back home before realising that i had LEFT the car at the mall!
I wont kill myself, i tell you. If my head wasnt attached to my neck, i know i'd forget it somewhere. I mean, who forgets their car at the mall?!?
So that was a great start for my thanksgiving day!
Forget that the turkey wasnt cooked by the time the guests arrived at 7pm because i had only started baking it at 4:45pm
Forget that no one including myself ate the turkey slices in their dinner plates because it tasted like rubber ( as per it wasnt cooked lol)
Forget that i had to pop the half backed thing back into the oven for a second bake
It was my first time hosting my family thanksgiving dinner,
And my first time doing an almost great job of it
For most of them, it was their first time seeing my new place and they all loved it!
Reminded me why i had chosen to live here...
We danced, we ate, we laughed
I made shrimp ceaser salad which Fierce's husband litterally made "baa" noices to (like a goat) because he claimed i was making him animal food...
I made the turkey with wild rice,celery, bead and onion stuffing and honey-orange glaze
Fierce made garlic-herbed spagetti, banana bread and chocolate cake with toffee-nut topping
Mom made beancake (moimoi) and jollof rice
Ambition made shrimp fried rice
10 people in here (myself included). We had enough food to last us through Katrina
By 8pm we were mostly all so tired
The eveining ended at 10:45pm after we had danced ourselves to exhaustion
I went to sleep at 1am only to have a dream about Kimani (tufiakwa), TBS (WTF!) and some (imaginary?) boyfriend of mine. I tell you, dreams are so silly!
I have so much to be thankful for. I thank God for my life, for my family, for my friends and for my love of self.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
My luck is running out.
its been 3 years.
3 long, years but i tell ya, not even that is long enough!
but my luck has finally ran out. I bumped into Kimani's now-ex-friend at a club on Monday night.
i was so thrown back, i litterally staggered! My past had finally caught up with me.
When i was dating Kimani, Dent was dating Zebe. Dent and Kimani, consiquestl became friends. Dent had just came from back home, and was single. I remeber Zebe was so crazy about him. She was in love! She started dating him. And that was really odd, considering she was in a relationship with a (4 year younger) boy at that time, who she also lived with.
I tried to discourage her "if you'll be with Dent, then you cant live with Jose at the same time"
but that didnt work. Like any other advise i ever offered her, she agreed
"yes oh Truth, you are so right"
but nothing ever happened. She started a rocky relationship with Dent. They cheated on each other, had numerous fights and were still together when i left Kimani.
But supposedly, they broke up a few months after then...
Dent told me...
"i asked Zebe to go out to dinner with me, and she agreed but later cancelled. She called me to say she couldnt go cuz she had to babysit her firend's daughters. I got suspicious and called her but she didnt answer the phone, so i called Kimani. Kimani had no clue what was going on so when i asked if Zebe was with him, he said yes and passed the phone to her. So i told her i was coming over and she said not to. She sounded really nervous and desperate, and i was so angry! i had had enough of her cheating onme os i went over to their place anyway. You wont believe it, Truth! canu believe when i went over there, i knowcked and it took like 10 minutes before ZEBE could even ope the door? When i went in, i locked the door behind me! and Truth, i saw the guy! I saw Jose! I looked at him and couldnt believe the ThinG that was standing in front of me. I was so angry that this was what was ruining my relationship with Zebe. I confrnted Zebe and she was getting in my way so i puched her out of my way, then the idiot- Jose, came charging at me. Truth, the kin of beating i gave him, eh?! I gave him the beating of his life and he finally left. But that was the last time i was with Zebe. I was finished with her. I saw her a few months ago crossing the street. Nothing had changed. She still walked like a man and at her age, still looked unkempt. I spoke with her ans she was so embarrassed. And Truth, i was so proud to see that at least one of us had advanced. Atleast i had chosen to move on to "better" my life."
I couldnt believe this; he continued...
"Truth, i dont know why i ever got involved with that family (Kimani and Zebe). They were psychos. They were so rass and just as nuts. I had a connection with you. I had a crush on you. I knew back then that you and i should have been together. You were way too good for Kimani"
I couldnt resist. i said "oh, and i so agree!"
"its true! you were! and i wanted to be with you but you were with him and i was with her."
in my mind, i was rolling my eyes...
in my mind, i felt like i was slidding back into some familiar pit...
"can i have your number?"
i halted. i hesitated... "um..."
"its okay if you dont want to give it to me, i'll understand"
i was caught. i felt bad. "no thats not it. i just want to know... so do you still talk to Kimani or Zebe?" i held my breath.
"no. not at all"
i exhaled "okay then my number is 647-746-7403"
he called me immediately so i'd save his number. i did.
what are you doing now?
"oh, things are different for me now. I'm now in school and i bought a house"
"congratulations!"
"thanks"
then this wave of anger tickled my mind... i recognized it... aha!
Fatima!!!
oh my word! Fatima... she is Dent's sister but i wanted nothign to do with her. I told him...
"Dent, please, i beg you in the name of God! dont tell Fatima oyu saw me. I dont want anything to do with her."
"but you know what, shes sorry for the mistake she made and everyday she regrets it. She is engaged now and so grown. You two would even get along"
"Nope! Tufiakwa! no be me and her"
I had a bad history with fatima. I trusted her once. But not anymore...
Fatima is Dent's sister. When i met her, we became friends. Not enough to call each other but definitely enough to say hi, hug and stuff whenever we saw each other. And i
would visit Dent often with Kimani and Zebe and most of those times, Fatima would be over there at Dent's house.
We went out numerous times, partied a few times... and it was good. I was with Kimani, Zebe was with Dent and Fatima was with her boyfriend; Dayo.
Then soon i started hearing things. Zebe would tell me...
"Fatima is such a whore! everytime Kimani comes over to Dents' she starts getting all over him!"
"Why does she hike her shirt up and stuff whenever Kimani is around?"
"Fatima was flirting with Kimani again!"
but i didnt want to believe it...
Kimani was an idiot though. He as the type to make things up just to evoke jealousy... so whenever he'd tease me about him and Fatime, i'd ignore him. But i finally got tired of it when he started to tell me that Fatima is asking him to break up with me.
I decided to do something about it.
The next party was going to be at a nutual friend's house.
I was prepared and Zebe could sense it...
she begged "abeg dont confront her"
"hmm!"
when we got there, i waited till everyone was relaxed. We were all out on the patio. it was the perfect time... everyone was distracted.
I went over to Fatima and asked if i could speak with her. she said "sure"
i motioned her into the washroom,and locked the door behinfd me. Facing her with my back to the door (i wanted to make sure there wont be any escape route), i asked..
"Fatima, i have a few questions for you and its really important that you ak=nswer me as truthfully as you possibly can"
"okay" she looked nervous. She also looked like she thought she was doing a good job of hiding her anxiety.
i scontinued"Now, i must tell you, i've been hearing things but i'm notthe type to believe anything if i dont have a reason to. You are a new friend to me, so i have nothign against you. But i've been hearing this thig for a while from sources that i would have thought was reliable, so please tell me; have you been trying to get with Kimani?"
she twisted her brows. A knot formed in her face
"ME??? TRYING TO GET WITH KIMANI??? FOR WHATTT?"
i shifted. Have I just taken the wrong steps? but no! she isnt denying nor confierming it, she is only restating my questionand if i want a truthfula nswer, i must stand my ground!
i stood straight and held my hips.
"Yes! i know you heard me right and if you dont understand what "get with" means, then let me know!"
"what kind of nonsense is this? no, there is nothing i want with Kimani. He is just a friend."
"are you attracted to him in any way?"
"NO! i dont understand why everyone thinks i wan ttheir man! if this is what i'll be going through just for being a friend, then i dont need the friendship. i'll stop talking to him!"
"if everone suspects ypu for wantign their man then MAYBE theres something you need to reevaluate the way you act with people's men!"
"you know what? thats okay. I dont want trouble. I'll stop talking to him."
"I'm not saying you should but if thats what you want, then so be it. i just had to ask you."
A knock came at the door...it was Kimani
"Hey! what are you guys doing in there? But Truth! You said you wouldnt confront her nowwww!" He was scared. I was angry. Someone was lying out their ass here, and i can sniff the wiff!
I looked over at Fatima. The look on her face confirmed that there was more to the story. She was sweating like a diabetic and had fear tattooed on her face. I knew how to get to the bottom of this. I unloked the doow, opened it.
"Kimani, GET IN HERE!"
He came in, anxious
"okay, so who the fuck is lying here? Kimani, how the fuck could you lie to me? You made me confront this girl because of your mischeivious lies!!! its over! I cant stand being with a man who lies so much! bye!" I headed for the bathroom door...
He jerked towards Fatima... "Fatima, what did you tell her?" I stopped, looked back towards them and saw as Fatima got up, and hurried for the door. Kimani grabed her arm and jerked her back
"COME BACK HERE!!!" now everyone was outside the bathroom door, hearing us. So was Dent.
"What did you tell my baby?"
"Please let me go, please" she begged
but shy was she begging? i htought she was innocent. Wasnt she?
"NO! i wont let you go till you tell her everything!" he turned towards me "ask her now baby, please! please i swear i didnt lie to you!"
I felt sorry for Fatima... "Fatima, did you ask Kimani to break up with me so he could be with you?"
"yes i did" she cried
"so why did you lie to me?"
"i dont know!"
"have you been trying to get with Kimani?"
"yeah, yeas, yes, okay?!!!"
"what the fuck are you raising your voice for? Fucking bitch" Kimani barked.
Fatima got up, and left, darting for the door and running past the pairs of eyes that followed her as she exited. Dent's face was red. He was embarrassed.
I looked back to see Kimani on his knees, begign for forgiveness"
"Baby, i'm so sorry! i didnt mean to put you through this i'm so sorry"
"Kimani, i would have never experience this if you had not welcomed her. If you really didnt want her, you could have let her know, and stopped talking to her. Instead, you fostered her feelings for you, by being the cheap idiot that you are. You continued to talk to her, you acceptedher affctions."
"Baby please forgive me!"
"its over"
but it wasnt. I was with Kimani for 10 more months after then.
3 long, years but i tell ya, not even that is long enough!
but my luck has finally ran out. I bumped into Kimani's now-ex-friend at a club on Monday night.
i was so thrown back, i litterally staggered! My past had finally caught up with me.
When i was dating Kimani, Dent was dating Zebe. Dent and Kimani, consiquestl became friends. Dent had just came from back home, and was single. I remeber Zebe was so crazy about him. She was in love! She started dating him. And that was really odd, considering she was in a relationship with a (4 year younger) boy at that time, who she also lived with.
I tried to discourage her "if you'll be with Dent, then you cant live with Jose at the same time"
but that didnt work. Like any other advise i ever offered her, she agreed
"yes oh Truth, you are so right"
but nothing ever happened. She started a rocky relationship with Dent. They cheated on each other, had numerous fights and were still together when i left Kimani.
But supposedly, they broke up a few months after then...
Dent told me...
"i asked Zebe to go out to dinner with me, and she agreed but later cancelled. She called me to say she couldnt go cuz she had to babysit her firend's daughters. I got suspicious and called her but she didnt answer the phone, so i called Kimani. Kimani had no clue what was going on so when i asked if Zebe was with him, he said yes and passed the phone to her. So i told her i was coming over and she said not to. She sounded really nervous and desperate, and i was so angry! i had had enough of her cheating onme os i went over to their place anyway. You wont believe it, Truth! canu believe when i went over there, i knowcked and it took like 10 minutes before ZEBE could even ope the door? When i went in, i locked the door behind me! and Truth, i saw the guy! I saw Jose! I looked at him and couldnt believe the ThinG that was standing in front of me. I was so angry that this was what was ruining my relationship with Zebe. I confrnted Zebe and she was getting in my way so i puched her out of my way, then the idiot- Jose, came charging at me. Truth, the kin of beating i gave him, eh?! I gave him the beating of his life and he finally left. But that was the last time i was with Zebe. I was finished with her. I saw her a few months ago crossing the street. Nothing had changed. She still walked like a man and at her age, still looked unkempt. I spoke with her ans she was so embarrassed. And Truth, i was so proud to see that at least one of us had advanced. Atleast i had chosen to move on to "better" my life."
I couldnt believe this; he continued...
"Truth, i dont know why i ever got involved with that family (Kimani and Zebe). They were psychos. They were so rass and just as nuts. I had a connection with you. I had a crush on you. I knew back then that you and i should have been together. You were way too good for Kimani"
I couldnt resist. i said "oh, and i so agree!"
"its true! you were! and i wanted to be with you but you were with him and i was with her."
in my mind, i was rolling my eyes...
in my mind, i felt like i was slidding back into some familiar pit...
"can i have your number?"
i halted. i hesitated... "um..."
"its okay if you dont want to give it to me, i'll understand"
i was caught. i felt bad. "no thats not it. i just want to know... so do you still talk to Kimani or Zebe?" i held my breath.
"no. not at all"
i exhaled "okay then my number is 647-746-7403"
he called me immediately so i'd save his number. i did.
what are you doing now?
"oh, things are different for me now. I'm now in school and i bought a house"
"congratulations!"
"thanks"
then this wave of anger tickled my mind... i recognized it... aha!
Fatima!!!
oh my word! Fatima... she is Dent's sister but i wanted nothign to do with her. I told him...
"Dent, please, i beg you in the name of God! dont tell Fatima oyu saw me. I dont want anything to do with her."
"but you know what, shes sorry for the mistake she made and everyday she regrets it. She is engaged now and so grown. You two would even get along"
"Nope! Tufiakwa! no be me and her"
I had a bad history with fatima. I trusted her once. But not anymore...
Fatima is Dent's sister. When i met her, we became friends. Not enough to call each other but definitely enough to say hi, hug and stuff whenever we saw each other. And i
would visit Dent often with Kimani and Zebe and most of those times, Fatima would be over there at Dent's house.
We went out numerous times, partied a few times... and it was good. I was with Kimani, Zebe was with Dent and Fatima was with her boyfriend; Dayo.
Then soon i started hearing things. Zebe would tell me...
"Fatima is such a whore! everytime Kimani comes over to Dents' she starts getting all over him!"
"Why does she hike her shirt up and stuff whenever Kimani is around?"
"Fatima was flirting with Kimani again!"
but i didnt want to believe it...
Kimani was an idiot though. He as the type to make things up just to evoke jealousy... so whenever he'd tease me about him and Fatime, i'd ignore him. But i finally got tired of it when he started to tell me that Fatima is asking him to break up with me.
I decided to do something about it.
The next party was going to be at a nutual friend's house.
I was prepared and Zebe could sense it...
she begged "abeg dont confront her"
"hmm!"
when we got there, i waited till everyone was relaxed. We were all out on the patio. it was the perfect time... everyone was distracted.
I went over to Fatima and asked if i could speak with her. she said "sure"
i motioned her into the washroom,and locked the door behinfd me. Facing her with my back to the door (i wanted to make sure there wont be any escape route), i asked..
"Fatima, i have a few questions for you and its really important that you ak=nswer me as truthfully as you possibly can"
"okay" she looked nervous. She also looked like she thought she was doing a good job of hiding her anxiety.
i scontinued"Now, i must tell you, i've been hearing things but i'm notthe type to believe anything if i dont have a reason to. You are a new friend to me, so i have nothign against you. But i've been hearing this thig for a while from sources that i would have thought was reliable, so please tell me; have you been trying to get with Kimani?"
she twisted her brows. A knot formed in her face
"ME??? TRYING TO GET WITH KIMANI??? FOR WHATTT?"
i shifted. Have I just taken the wrong steps? but no! she isnt denying nor confierming it, she is only restating my questionand if i want a truthfula nswer, i must stand my ground!
i stood straight and held my hips.
"Yes! i know you heard me right and if you dont understand what "get with" means, then let me know!"
"what kind of nonsense is this? no, there is nothing i want with Kimani. He is just a friend."
"are you attracted to him in any way?"
"NO! i dont understand why everyone thinks i wan ttheir man! if this is what i'll be going through just for being a friend, then i dont need the friendship. i'll stop talking to him!"
"if everone suspects ypu for wantign their man then MAYBE theres something you need to reevaluate the way you act with people's men!"
"you know what? thats okay. I dont want trouble. I'll stop talking to him."
"I'm not saying you should but if thats what you want, then so be it. i just had to ask you."
A knock came at the door...it was Kimani
"Hey! what are you guys doing in there? But Truth! You said you wouldnt confront her nowwww!" He was scared. I was angry. Someone was lying out their ass here, and i can sniff the wiff!
I looked over at Fatima. The look on her face confirmed that there was more to the story. She was sweating like a diabetic and had fear tattooed on her face. I knew how to get to the bottom of this. I unloked the doow, opened it.
"Kimani, GET IN HERE!"
He came in, anxious
"okay, so who the fuck is lying here? Kimani, how the fuck could you lie to me? You made me confront this girl because of your mischeivious lies!!! its over! I cant stand being with a man who lies so much! bye!" I headed for the bathroom door...
He jerked towards Fatima... "Fatima, what did you tell her?" I stopped, looked back towards them and saw as Fatima got up, and hurried for the door. Kimani grabed her arm and jerked her back
"COME BACK HERE!!!" now everyone was outside the bathroom door, hearing us. So was Dent.
"What did you tell my baby?"
"Please let me go, please" she begged
but shy was she begging? i htought she was innocent. Wasnt she?
"NO! i wont let you go till you tell her everything!" he turned towards me "ask her now baby, please! please i swear i didnt lie to you!"
I felt sorry for Fatima... "Fatima, did you ask Kimani to break up with me so he could be with you?"
"yes i did" she cried
"so why did you lie to me?"
"i dont know!"
"have you been trying to get with Kimani?"
"yeah, yeas, yes, okay?!!!"
"what the fuck are you raising your voice for? Fucking bitch" Kimani barked.
Fatima got up, and left, darting for the door and running past the pairs of eyes that followed her as she exited. Dent's face was red. He was embarrassed.
I looked back to see Kimani on his knees, begign for forgiveness"
"Baby, i'm so sorry! i didnt mean to put you through this i'm so sorry"
"Kimani, i would have never experience this if you had not welcomed her. If you really didnt want her, you could have let her know, and stopped talking to her. Instead, you fostered her feelings for you, by being the cheap idiot that you are. You continued to talk to her, you acceptedher affctions."
"Baby please forgive me!"
"its over"
but it wasnt. I was with Kimani for 10 more months after then.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Kimani Episodes 2
So there i was in the hallway, looking at the man who'd further refine me.
i looked at him
he said
"hi, i'm Kimani"
"Truth here- nice to meet you Kimani. i guess u're Wapa's friend?"
"yea, i've known Wapa and his sister for a while..."
and the convo went on...
i should've ran
why?! oh why didnt i have a seizure at that moment!
why didnt i convulse? why didnt i act like a mad woman so he'd run away from me?!
but instead, i further fostered his interest :
we talked:...
"so what do you do?"
"i'm starting college next month. in a few weeks. i'm currently working, but i'd have to quit so i can get to school. i'm actually moving away for school"
"oh thats too bad. i'm going to school too. what're you going for?"
i told him. i asked him thesame and he said "International Marketing". Funny. He never did go for that.
After the party, he drove me, and Wapa's sister and a few other people home. Wapa's sister lived at the party spot- she only came for the ride. Along with Kimani, Wapa's sister and i, were Damilola, and his friend. Damilola had a thing for me. I kinda had (have?) a thing for him too. So on our way to drop them off, i felt so guilty. i remember my consience nagging at me.
But anyway, they finnally got out of the car. Then it was just Kimani and I.
Then he did it.
i have a bad sense of smell, but nothing hides the smell of cigarrettes smoke. i looked over, and saw what i couldnt believe! he was smoking! it finnally began t make sense- the dark lips.
"do you mind?"
"oh is the cigarrette smoke bothering you?"
"yes, a whole lot"
"sorry"
and he abruptly, got out of the car, to smoke.
and i became a believer. I became a believer, forgetting that charms do fade. Truth, charms do fade.
Truth, charms do fade. Truth, rememeber, charms do fade. I needed to BeTold, "Truth, charms do fail".
but i didnt realise that, then. so i stayed. He dropped me off at my house and that was it.
We talked all night. i found out more about Kimani-
Kimani, lived with his sister. They lived here in the country alone. Both parents were back home.
Him and his sister and his sister's boyfriend lived together in a basement apartment. Both him and his sister would be starting college in January- same time i'd start. It was great! i thought i'd found a new list of friends. I was glad. I was... dreaming.
Kimani brought me over to his place once. and i should have seen it, but i kept my eyes closed. I should've seen all the signs- all over the apartment were warnigns signs that said different variations of "caution; DANGER AHEAD!"
but a bat will be blind till it sees light. and boy was i ever blind!
I got into the dark apartment, was welcomed by the chills of the spot... and walked down the stairs after him. Looked to the left, and failed to see the dark remnants of a pigsty. I looked away, and turned to the right, to what would be his room. In there, was a bed, and not much else. CIggarete smoke lingered in the air, and a deepfreezer hummed closeby. I sat down, quietly. Quietly.
I knew this wasnt a place for me. But i was a believer. I had a thing for this man. And i thought it was about time i gave a man from my home, a try. I sat on the edge of the bed. He came close, and we talked. I think we kissed that night. He dropped me home shortly after.
The night i met Kimani's sister, Zebe, she was standing in the hallway. I saw her, and for some reason, a hallo hung over her head. LoL! That was ironic. I got to know her much better, later.
I met Zebe's boyfriend later, and soon got to realise what kind of people they were.
They smoked like they breathe. They drink like they ate. Smoking and drinking were like their O2 and CO2. They did it constantly- nonstop!
I mean, i'd had friends who smoke and drank, but this was nuts. Every conversation was about weed, ciggarrettes, and booze. Their all, revolved around those three devils. Their addictions were their lives. And denial was their key. You couldnt get these people to see it.
They fought everyday- and no i dont mean every other day. I mean- everyday!
Grown folks, fighting over cancer sticks ever day, day in , day out! fighting became the norm.
Kimani's story gets exhausting. Recounting it makes me want to cry. Makes me want to find him, and inject the regreats, memories, moments right back into him. So he can have it all- have it all... i dont want none of it.I'd like to say, "Kimani, take your shit back." Because even thinking about it, tires me. The rest'll have to wait for another day.
i looked at him
he said
"hi, i'm Kimani"
"Truth here- nice to meet you Kimani. i guess u're Wapa's friend?"
"yea, i've known Wapa and his sister for a while..."
and the convo went on...
i should've ran
why?! oh why didnt i have a seizure at that moment!
why didnt i convulse? why didnt i act like a mad woman so he'd run away from me?!
but instead, i further fostered his interest :
we talked:...
"so what do you do?"
"i'm starting college next month. in a few weeks. i'm currently working, but i'd have to quit so i can get to school. i'm actually moving away for school"
"oh thats too bad. i'm going to school too. what're you going for?"
i told him. i asked him thesame and he said "International Marketing". Funny. He never did go for that.
After the party, he drove me, and Wapa's sister and a few other people home. Wapa's sister lived at the party spot- she only came for the ride. Along with Kimani, Wapa's sister and i, were Damilola, and his friend. Damilola had a thing for me. I kinda had (have?) a thing for him too. So on our way to drop them off, i felt so guilty. i remember my consience nagging at me.
But anyway, they finnally got out of the car. Then it was just Kimani and I.
Then he did it.
i have a bad sense of smell, but nothing hides the smell of cigarrettes smoke. i looked over, and saw what i couldnt believe! he was smoking! it finnally began t make sense- the dark lips.
"do you mind?"
"oh is the cigarrette smoke bothering you?"
"yes, a whole lot"
"sorry"
and he abruptly, got out of the car, to smoke.
and i became a believer. I became a believer, forgetting that charms do fade. Truth, charms do fade.
Truth, charms do fade. Truth, rememeber, charms do fade. I needed to BeTold, "Truth, charms do fail".
but i didnt realise that, then. so i stayed. He dropped me off at my house and that was it.
We talked all night. i found out more about Kimani-
Kimani, lived with his sister. They lived here in the country alone. Both parents were back home.
Him and his sister and his sister's boyfriend lived together in a basement apartment. Both him and his sister would be starting college in January- same time i'd start. It was great! i thought i'd found a new list of friends. I was glad. I was... dreaming.
Kimani brought me over to his place once. and i should have seen it, but i kept my eyes closed. I should've seen all the signs- all over the apartment were warnigns signs that said different variations of "caution; DANGER AHEAD!"
but a bat will be blind till it sees light. and boy was i ever blind!
I got into the dark apartment, was welcomed by the chills of the spot... and walked down the stairs after him. Looked to the left, and failed to see the dark remnants of a pigsty. I looked away, and turned to the right, to what would be his room. In there, was a bed, and not much else. CIggarete smoke lingered in the air, and a deepfreezer hummed closeby. I sat down, quietly. Quietly.
I knew this wasnt a place for me. But i was a believer. I had a thing for this man. And i thought it was about time i gave a man from my home, a try. I sat on the edge of the bed. He came close, and we talked. I think we kissed that night. He dropped me home shortly after.
The night i met Kimani's sister, Zebe, she was standing in the hallway. I saw her, and for some reason, a hallo hung over her head. LoL! That was ironic. I got to know her much better, later.
I met Zebe's boyfriend later, and soon got to realise what kind of people they were.
They smoked like they breathe. They drink like they ate. Smoking and drinking were like their O2 and CO2. They did it constantly- nonstop!
I mean, i'd had friends who smoke and drank, but this was nuts. Every conversation was about weed, ciggarrettes, and booze. Their all, revolved around those three devils. Their addictions were their lives. And denial was their key. You couldnt get these people to see it.
They fought everyday- and no i dont mean every other day. I mean- everyday!
Grown folks, fighting over cancer sticks ever day, day in , day out! fighting became the norm.
Kimani's story gets exhausting. Recounting it makes me want to cry. Makes me want to find him, and inject the regreats, memories, moments right back into him. So he can have it all- have it all... i dont want none of it.I'd like to say, "Kimani, take your shit back." Because even thinking about it, tires me. The rest'll have to wait for another day.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Kimani episodes 1
I remember Kimani.
With all these issues going on in Blogville, how could I not?
Kimani....
I remember us meeting...
It was a friend's christmas party in 2002. I was working that day, and really didnt want to go.
But i decided to go; since i really had nowhere else to go to. Besides, i was getting a ride, my sister and her boyfriend(now her husband), were dropping me.
So after work, i got dressed at work and got dropped off at my friend's house.
i remember that very moment; the moment i hopped out of the car.
I remember that moment, because since then, my life has never been thesame.
I went up the elevator into their apartment. When i got there, i was welcomed well. I sat down, soon my friends saw me and came to sit by me. It was cool. And me being the "tunnel-vision-chick" that i am, i really hadnt looked around yet. My friends asked me if i wanted to eat and i said "no, thats okay". i just sat quietly and listened as everyone else mingled. From time to time, the host would come to me saying "oh Truth, why arent you talking? why arent you dancing? you're a party animal, whats going on"? and so on... i'd just smile. But then i realised, that although i felt eyes on me, i could tell a pair of those eyes, belonged to someone who was crushing?
Am i the only one who can feel when people staring at them, and also WHY they're staring? i sometimes can. its odd.
At times, i'd get stares (i never looked back at these peole. remember- i've got tunnel vision. Besides, i never thought i'd ever be with a Nigerian man. Why? because i found them stereotypical.), and it'd be for different reasons "oh, i wonder who that is", "why isnt she mingling?", "who is she?" "what a snobby bi@*ch." "why would she wear that?, its too revealing". yes, i felt all their thoughts on me. But the one that stood out- was the one that kept gazing, gawking at me, at intervals! he was stealing a sight of me like a little thief- that stare said "i want to meet her- shes cute." That was Kimani's.
I looked over, and our eyes met. He looked away instantly. I like that- i love intimidating men. You can be bold after we meet, but let me own this moment- and own it i did.
As he looked away, i surveyed his looks. At the time (and even now,) i loved eclectic hair styles in men. I looked over at his hair- it was short, twisted. i liked that. And knew immediately, that i'd meet him later. Then all of a sudden, i saw him asking the host questions. I couldnt hear it, but i knew the conversation was about me. A little while later, the host's brother (who by the way, had tried earlier that year to get with me- we talked on the phone and i realised that he was just not my type, and stopped calling him) walked towards me, telling me he wanted me to meet someone. I said "sure", and walked outside into the hallway, with him. and there he was-
Kimani; 5'7, dark chocolate skin that just made me want to have a Hershey, high extrememly defined cheekbones that sucks in at an angle, to meet his lips, and the thickest, cleanest eyebrows i'd ever see on a man- this man was beauty.
But he'd ruined it. I forgot to note the signs that he had ruined himself- like his extremely dark lips, his highly pigmented cornea, his mildly rough skin, his attire- that spoke millions of variations of words meaning- "ghetto". I didnt see all of that. If i had, i would've foreseent he doom to come.
With all these issues going on in Blogville, how could I not?
Kimani....
I remember us meeting...
It was a friend's christmas party in 2002. I was working that day, and really didnt want to go.
But i decided to go; since i really had nowhere else to go to. Besides, i was getting a ride, my sister and her boyfriend(now her husband), were dropping me.
So after work, i got dressed at work and got dropped off at my friend's house.
i remember that very moment; the moment i hopped out of the car.
I remember that moment, because since then, my life has never been thesame.
I went up the elevator into their apartment. When i got there, i was welcomed well. I sat down, soon my friends saw me and came to sit by me. It was cool. And me being the "tunnel-vision-chick" that i am, i really hadnt looked around yet. My friends asked me if i wanted to eat and i said "no, thats okay". i just sat quietly and listened as everyone else mingled. From time to time, the host would come to me saying "oh Truth, why arent you talking? why arent you dancing? you're a party animal, whats going on"? and so on... i'd just smile. But then i realised, that although i felt eyes on me, i could tell a pair of those eyes, belonged to someone who was crushing?
Am i the only one who can feel when people staring at them, and also WHY they're staring? i sometimes can. its odd.
At times, i'd get stares (i never looked back at these peole. remember- i've got tunnel vision. Besides, i never thought i'd ever be with a Nigerian man. Why? because i found them stereotypical.), and it'd be for different reasons "oh, i wonder who that is", "why isnt she mingling?", "who is she?" "what a snobby bi@*ch." "why would she wear that?, its too revealing". yes, i felt all their thoughts on me. But the one that stood out- was the one that kept gazing, gawking at me, at intervals! he was stealing a sight of me like a little thief- that stare said "i want to meet her- shes cute." That was Kimani's.
I looked over, and our eyes met. He looked away instantly. I like that- i love intimidating men. You can be bold after we meet, but let me own this moment- and own it i did.
As he looked away, i surveyed his looks. At the time (and even now,) i loved eclectic hair styles in men. I looked over at his hair- it was short, twisted. i liked that. And knew immediately, that i'd meet him later. Then all of a sudden, i saw him asking the host questions. I couldnt hear it, but i knew the conversation was about me. A little while later, the host's brother (who by the way, had tried earlier that year to get with me- we talked on the phone and i realised that he was just not my type, and stopped calling him) walked towards me, telling me he wanted me to meet someone. I said "sure", and walked outside into the hallway, with him. and there he was-
Kimani; 5'7, dark chocolate skin that just made me want to have a Hershey, high extrememly defined cheekbones that sucks in at an angle, to meet his lips, and the thickest, cleanest eyebrows i'd ever see on a man- this man was beauty.
But he'd ruined it. I forgot to note the signs that he had ruined himself- like his extremely dark lips, his highly pigmented cornea, his mildly rough skin, his attire- that spoke millions of variations of words meaning- "ghetto". I didnt see all of that. If i had, i would've foreseent he doom to come.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Remembering... Kimani
I dont know whose story is longer; Kimani or Chads'.
To remember Kimani is to uncover a lot of bottled emotions. But! i know Kimani MUST be remembered because he is one man thats had the most negative impact on my life, EVER. But like anything thats bad for you, Kimani's story has a happy ending (the happiest being that i havent seen him in YEARRRRSSS)
Why am i remembering Kimani?
i mean, why today? out of all the days, why now?
why?
because today, i was treated like Kimani told me i'd never ever ever ever ever be treated by a man.
as TBS hopped out of my bed spontaneously like an easter bunny last night and said "babe, you're amzing!"
i thought to myself; thats odd, Kimani was SO sure i'd never be wanted nor be good in bed.
as TBS suddenly paused in the middle of a thrust, gasping for air, moaning the words "babe, you're so sexy"
i remembered Kimani's words. They echoed "i'm the only one that'l ever want you" in my head
as TBS called me from work to tell me he loved me, i smiled. Remembering just how long the love has been and how much stronger it seems. I remember Kimani, continuously saying "No one else can ever love you"
and i laughed.
Kimani, your words did nothing but show me just how determined you were, to kill my spirit. I cant say you were blind. No. A blind man would've simply failed to recognize a gem. But a scared insecured man, would see it, yet call it a mere stone, hoping it'd be tossed away, so he may go pick it up later.
Kimani, you've always been such a fool.
To remember Kimani is to uncover a lot of bottled emotions. But! i know Kimani MUST be remembered because he is one man thats had the most negative impact on my life, EVER. But like anything thats bad for you, Kimani's story has a happy ending (the happiest being that i havent seen him in YEARRRRSSS)
Why am i remembering Kimani?
i mean, why today? out of all the days, why now?
why?
because today, i was treated like Kimani told me i'd never ever ever ever ever be treated by a man.
as TBS hopped out of my bed spontaneously like an easter bunny last night and said "babe, you're amzing!"
i thought to myself; thats odd, Kimani was SO sure i'd never be wanted nor be good in bed.
as TBS suddenly paused in the middle of a thrust, gasping for air, moaning the words "babe, you're so sexy"
i remembered Kimani's words. They echoed "i'm the only one that'l ever want you" in my head
as TBS called me from work to tell me he loved me, i smiled. Remembering just how long the love has been and how much stronger it seems. I remember Kimani, continuously saying "No one else can ever love you"
and i laughed.
Kimani, your words did nothing but show me just how determined you were, to kill my spirit. I cant say you were blind. No. A blind man would've simply failed to recognize a gem. But a scared insecured man, would see it, yet call it a mere stone, hoping it'd be tossed away, so he may go pick it up later.
Kimani, you've always been such a fool.
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