Shaken

I'd often say that nothing moves
without energy
The wind with effort, forces a leaf from its tree
and with that, it moves
This same wind
though unperceivable to the pores
reminds me, that I too, am just a thing
And therefore, not exempted
From its forces

De-energize this wind, lord
So that I may stay grounded
And walk at my own pace; move at my will
I dont want to be blown
I beg that you consider
What it took for me to stand
And de-energize this wind, lord
I dont want this to end
I am not ready to let go
After all my work
I am not ready to quit.

De-energize this wind, lord
Cut its circuits, neutralize its electrons
Do whatever needs done
I dont want to be shaken
Fear of being blown
Being made a nonentity
Suffer through life missing what could have been
I want to go on
And become what I have for so long, wished for
Stired, maybe?
Definitely shaken.
But please, de-energize it in time.
Do not let it blow me away.

No way to redeem.

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
[2X]

On his way to you

It hurts, loving your man Miss Right
While he takes my hand
and i gladly give him it
Trying to believe i can own him.

And while we roll through the sheets
There i lie, comparing this to
what Elton felt when he belted
that blue-ish song with that hat on.

But true love cant be half-way done.
You cant have it "semi-rare"
Baby its hardly there
so it really never was.

So when you pick up your phone
crying to me of 5 years of love
That now seems unrequitted
I tell you of the pains i have felt
with a love that isnt done.

But this hope glitters in me
And i too would like to believe it
So i belt to you like that man did
Of true love that he must've felt
Wearing that funny hat,
hoping it exists.

And within you i see what i dont ever want to be
eyes-a-tearing, nose-a-streaming
Neither regretting nor letting go
Plus all the regrets that you cant let go
And i get scared of ever being there again.

So i'll give Miss Right a closer chance
Cut the drama a lil,
I'll hold my fingers still
If he doesnt call me, i wont call him
If he doesnt care, i wont neither
If he doesnt want, i wont
If he, I wont

Leaving it all up to him. While slowly, i give him all my power.

I will never understand this love-less life.

One Impossible Kiss

This must be the most impossible kiss
the one that halts before its conceived,
hard to breathe a thing that doesnt live.

If it isnt there, however will i find it?

And there we roll, hoping to pass the night
Hoping to get a touch, maybe cop a feel
feel a tinge of some of that old familiar ting

Must what isnt felt, be forced?

But in those eyes, lies the greatest yearns
Looking in it begging to beheld
And dont we all deserve some love?

Though pity isnt same as it.

So lost, in its confusions.
If i cant have what i want,
do i learn to love what i have?

But woe betides the "have"
the day "want" arrives.
For what i want, will always be cherished.
thinking,
remembering...
i once wanted, till i lost the veil.
Though the pain refused to shed with it.
And apparently, neither did the bad habit.

But hey! a kiss is only a kiss is a kiss is a kiss!
why is it so hard, to give a damn kiss?!

There must be someone up there yonder...

Having a good laugh at this joke.
So i get an apple, with no teeth to bite with
the moment that apple rots, i toss it in the garbage,
alas! my teeth start to grow!

life is a big ol joke.

Waking up

I have this one dream
that i still dream
and to live it
would be the greatest joy of me

Had a stir
a shrug
a shift

and now it is
that i live that dream.

Let me never know beauty, if it isnt me.

Love is blind. its true. So i love myself, blindly. I choose to remain blind and refuse whatever interfering beliefs anyone or anything might suggest. I love the baby i was. I love the girl i was. I love the lady i am. I love even much more, the woman i'll become. I admire her, that is to come of me.

I love the dark tones that demarcates the darkness of the rest of my body from the lighter tones of my palms. I love the two dimples on the back of my hips. I love my left hip thats not as curvy as the right, and the right that struggles to be noticed each time i wear a tight-fitted dress. I love my elbows that reminds me not to be forgotten everytime i dont lube them. i love my face... oh... how i love my face! Love it's cheekbones that seems to disclose my originality from miles away.i love it's skin for struggling with me, through every doubt, every trial, every single way... i love my skin. For i know i was destined to be flawed, yet you remain strong. I love the corns on my left foot. Lmao oh wow... poor thing. Having one foot thats substantially larger than the other has finally taken its toll. When i tell people i'm both a size 7.5 and 8.5, they tend to think i'm kidding. oh, left foot! You taught me a lesson in beauty. Beauty, is you.

I love the scar on my left leg. Its encouraged my memory to never forget where i've been, where i'm from, and where i want to go. I love my back. I say to my back; "Back, i tell you... if i could have your tone all over me, i'd be the darkest chocolate money cant buy". I love my butt. Oh, how i have struggled with that part of my body... till i told myself..." I want to remain struggle-free". I have the best flaws on the soles of my feet and only I can understand this when i say that that is where my favourite passtime is...

I loved the mole on my face. I miss it. I had it till last month when suddenly, it began to bleed, and after a few days, it fell off. I'll miss the days when i use to hear people say "oh, theres something on your face" and they'd go ahead and try to wipe it off as i'd reply "its a mole". lol I love my waist; my premature love handles... I love the little rotund meat at the base of my tummytomtom... and laugh i hear when people claim that i dont have a tommytomtom. I love the map on my stomach. I have a birthmark that looks like some sort of map... i should post a pic of it, just in case someone knows which country's map it resembles. I call it the "Map of Africa". I want to see how it'd look if ever i get pregnant. I love the mole under my left breast. And the fact that i dont wax my floors. I dont feel like i should be killing myself shaving my puchichi if men arent socially required to do so. I'd like to know why i should be required to shave my privates if i'm a grown woman. If a man wants to sex a child, thats his own palava. I on the other hand, am a woman. So no, i dont shave my peeweewee... i admit i do it for bathing suits and sometimes because the hair gets in the way...

I love the fact that my breasts are confrontational. They litterally, call for attention. These babies, are bold. They stand, errect, and wont accept any less... and the molten lava of blackness that mounts them... my nipples, lol well, those are in their own league. It amazes me how i can still sometimes see my nipples poping through layers of clothes and padded bras... May God be praised. I love my knees.

I love my hair. Oh, how i love my hair. Its the easiest thing to alter on me and probably the most versatile. I love that its infected me with beauty. My hair as made me love it. I love that its dark ashy brown color got me a lot of teases as a child and that its scanty soft curls still persist. I love that it never rages against me and that it forgives me, continuously. I take my hair on journeys, and it simply submits, knowing that every single one will be an adventure. Its been there through my days of nubian journeys, my years of weaves, and those days when i was lost in a sea of life's silly demands... us black girls are special for this. It takes a lot to learn to love your hair. Layers and layers of veils remain adamant that beauty isn't this. lol i tell you, one of the best features of me, crowns my head.

I love my ears that are barely there. I love that they never caused me any heartache and appreciate that. I love my neck that once needed help lol. I love my lips, my tongue for remaining in close ties with my heart and concience. I love my nose. I think thats the one thing i've never been criticised for, that i on the other hand, have criticised myself for. i love that its taught me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And for that reason, i have chosen to behold the beauty in it. I love my eyebrows!!! All 19 strands of hair on them lol. I love that they have taught me the art of "brow drawing".

I love my eyes and thank God for them. My 20/20vision is well appreciated. For i have seen plenty in my 20some years. Enough to thank God for. Let love be blind, let me never know beauty, if it isn't me. For i'd much rather intoxicate myself with this beauty than any other that deceives me of what true beauty is.

Dawn in Ekiti

Dawn in that little town where i'd shine
every single christmas i shone
for poverty isnt it till you've seen the richest panhandling
and they who feed of'a these
us we
lol
us we
DAWWWN!
Dawn in that little town where i'd shine
every trip almost ecstatic
every trip
those hills those trees
the deserted distances in between
the deserted distances with leaves
Can i really explain this to do it enough justice?
Dawn in Ekiti
i knew ecstacy at 9
I knew Dawn!
in Ekiti...

City streets infested with happy kids
who'd dare tief your pitni?
no Knock Knocks, no phone calls
come in and out as you please
so you dare not hide a thing.

Dawn in EKiti where i knew Ecstacy.

I'd mix with the yeses and the nonos...
mix with whoever accepted me
buying homemade candies all day long
the streets fed me till Dawn came
then i'd feed off of the streetside hawks
I'd get drunk off the walks and smile at the elderly
thesame ones would line the streets at thesame times
all to feel the Dawn on their skins
and we'd love both poor and rich
soaking in the precious Dawn before it ceases,
loving the rhythms of our lives
as i return the next year
never saying goodbye
to those elderly smiles that never died
and the tribal marks that named each face
nor that massive slopy hill
nor that path engraved in my memory
filled with little bushes that led to the mysterious lady
why i chose to remember you i do not know
but i see your shadow
everytime i remember my walkgasms
with Dawn in Ekiti.
How could i not love the night?
It is the only trace i've got
the one similar thing
to what i had
what we had.
i and dawn. in ekiti.

In both ears, out ma fingertips

We can have a truth sandwich but dont kill it with some bogus sauce.
You cant possibly close your eyes and wonder, dare imagine what the other piece is.
But you can however, bitch.
you cant now nor ever empathize.
Everybody is a victim
because no one is able to see the other's pain.
everybody has been dealt a sore deck of cards
and the other seems to keep playing poker
Who will save us from this fine mess?
Oh well! i cant bother to narrate to blind kitties in languages they dont hear...
aren't willing to hear, dont want to comprehend.
sharp sharp sharp claws sharppend!
i better keep my feet in motion!
but of course, the world is full of excuses so...
cut that! slice me a piece of that! some crisp harsh-worded lettuce! and no! no, no, no sauce pls!
while i be here, remaining the truth sandwich, but please dont kill me with some bogus sauce.