Sometimes, you need the craze to get the glue!

I havent seen my family bond so well as they have these past couple of days.
We've spent these past days together. We've come together, to support one another.
Theres been times when i wondered if it would have made a difference if it wasnt Ambition in that hospital bed.
Would it be any different if it was I, for example?
Ambition is well loved. She is blessed with the priviledge of chairing our parent's heart.
And it would have made it easy to envy her if it wasnt her.
But she makes it so hard. So hard to hate her.
I cant.

Ever heard of a coworker that gets awarded for everything- being on time, being conscientous, being the best worker, THEN you meet her only for her to be the nicest person ever?

Ambition is too easy to love.
So although it was hard being her sibling when i was little, i couldnt hate her.
because she loved me, and everyone else so perfectly. She was simple. She was an easy person.


shes getting better and i'm so glad.
Thanks to everyone thats expressed their best wishes, hope you never get to experience this.
Rumour says she might be discharged tomorrow.

I'll conclude with a joke that happened yesterday.
Its funny now but when it happened, it was quite embarrassing.

Okay so picture Ambition, my nephew and neice, my other sister (Fierce), my brother, and a third sister (Aqua) sitting in the living room, talking, laughing, and chilling when my brother in law (Bode) picked up my cell phone from the coffee table.
Hes a jester so i knew he was teasing when he said
"your phone is so cheap, it doesnt even have a camera feature, does it?"
"it does, its a camera phone!"
"oh, so you have pics in it?"
"yeah, check the gallery and then check the images in there for pics"

and so he did.
Now, i know that i have a secret that only I and Fierce knows of in my family.
I take nude pics.
I love nudity and I've often wondered if it'd make a difference if i didnt think i had a nice body. I dont think it would.
Fierce use to beat me for it when i was young. She'd scold me to tears and lecture me for hours and she'd make me rip the nude pics i'd taken- but that was when i was younger. Now i'm older, an adult. She'd lost the right to scold me. She'd lost that fight, bless her soul!
But anyway, Fierce didnt say anything, and neither did i.
i was so sure i didnt have any nude pics in my cam.
I was wrong.

I had China take a nude pic of me a lil while ago- its a pic of me in a fetal position,facing downward, naked but a thong...
yeah, Bode saw it
and flipped it around to show me what he saw, but because i was sitting far from him, everyone saw it.
I tell you, i would've turned purple if i could have, but my wealth of melanin deprived me of such.
Yeah, it was so embarrasing.
My mom was like
" oh my goodness!" "what are you? a stripper, now?!!!"
"sure mom! would you like to watch me strip one of these days?"
needless to say, she didnt reply... My mom is pretty reserved and she'd rather not say much in these sort of instances.
the poor woman was short of words. I dont think i can suprise her anymore.
lol

Anyway, so that was that!

Antie "Twut" came to love life again!

There lies no other love on earth
like the kind from a child
pure
gentle
energetic
almost sultry love
you love me kindly.
you love me carefree.
you love me. safely.

saddened and heavy laddened
i could hardly lift my head
i cried and slept
fears and worries filled my days
i tried calling for help
but how do you tell a friend
that you had lost all hope to stay?
how do you tell a sister
that you have lost lost all wills to live?

and the thoughts slipped in!

And i knew it then...
funny voices told me
as i questioned myself
"what have i done to get here?"

my head felt so heavy
my voice so weak
my heart got slow
as i contemplated the end.

how was i to do this?
how was i to leave?
what would become of me?
who would know of it?

and to pick up the phone
to reach out the room
to get out of my towel
and get into the closet
even my greatest joys lacked love.
i was about to leave the world.

but greater is he that is in you.
greater is it thats bestowed on you.
you are the love that kept me true.

i remember leaving my suite
i got up sluggishly
wiped up dried and wet tears
pretended i was invinscible
as i walked down the hall
and then the elevator
and then my car
i will go see mama
just in case i do leave
Ma' had a special treat
mama, oh how i love you
when i opened the door
i looked down and saw an entity
a special being
you stepped aback
staring at me through these bright untainted lenses.

you stared for a few moments
i was embarrassed
i had stopped visiting
and you'd almost forgotten

you looked at me
and suddenly came running
"Twuuuutttt!" "Twut! Twut! Twut! Twut! TwuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuT!!!!!"
you called me, running around in silly circles
you came into my arms
gave me your stuffed teddy,
and ran farther back, clapping, stomping, screaming
you had so much joy you didnt know how to act
so much joy you brought me out
i cried and hid my tears
ashamed that i would've disappointed you
how dare i leave?
who would be your favourite auntie?
and

i
cant
help
it...
baby, i still cry.

how you saved my life
by being a child.
you gave me love.
pure sultry untainted peaceful love.
i mattered to you, on that January day.
i am still here on this July night.
because you worked better than the pills.
five months and counting.
baby, its been five months and counting!

And i cant wait to tell you this.
when you finally grow up.
i promise.
it'll be our little secret.
we'll name this story
"How auntie Twut, came to love life again...
how Joy at 17 months, brought me out to life"