My day yesterday

Its been a big chore to blog these days. I just keep waiting till there is something good to blog about. I hate recording such depressive memories. Just keep hoping there is something else... something bright,... a goddamn change! to blog about.

here is a song that helped me through today. Wish i remmembered it yesterday.



Back to how my day went yesterday...

So i decided to go back to school... for a self-preparation sort of program. My goal with this program is to regain composure, strength and my sense of self. It isnt going to give me a certificate that says i am now qualified to save the world. But it will better equip me to save myself and maintain my damn sanity. lol

Anyway, please do wish me luck as you read this.

While at the school for the registration, i saw a lady that said "Hi" to me... And for the longest time i couldnt figure out who she was. She eventually told me... She is one of Kimani's friends. We had met back in the days... when i was still with him.
We talked for a bit... and it just sort of brought back memories.

Her: oh my god, i still cant believe you two are not together anymore!
*Please note that we've been broken up since 2004 AND i have been fortunate enough to have had the pleasure of not seeing him since then*
Me: well, it had to happen.
Her: Yeah but you two were the sweetest couple! You had the best relationship!
Me: You wouldnt know. You were looking in from the outside, you couldnt see what was really going on. Not all that glitters is platinum, you know what i mean?
Her: Well, i guess so. I saw him and his brother yesterday, hes saying he has a recording contract now em>>*Oh, how i wanted to laugh. I hope she couldnt tell i almost choked on a big chuckle after that. Okay, maybe i should shut up. With the likes of the new artists that've been getting signed on lately, it seems anyone can get a recording artist. Hmm... maybe i should take Darque to a recording studio. I can call her "Lil Ruff" lmao. She'll be the first doggy rap star... any other doggy rap star after her would be a counterfeit lol. She'll give DMX a run for his money! Forget all that fake human barking he does, Darque does the real thing! lol Okay, back to my story*Me: oh, really? oh thats great
Her:And his sister, is still there, she still doesnt know what she wants to do with her life. *nothing new in that department*Me: hmm... *This was almost starting to sound like a gossip i wasnt about to get into*
Her: But she used to speak so well of you! She used to be so proud of you! Me: oh, i know...*I wanted to laugh...
Her: So what are you into these days? What are you doing here at the college?

*Okay, i know i havent shared this with blogville pps...*

Me: i had an accident in January. Life has been a rollercoaster since then.
Her: Oh, i'm so sorry ohhh
Me: Oh, dont be. That was my portion, but better days are yet to come. So anyway, i'm here to register for some self-help program i was told about.
Her: oh, see? thats what i'm talking about. I like that about you...
Me: thanks.We planned to do lunch, but it didnt happen. i wish it had. I wanted to beg her (over lunch) to keep our meeting a secret. i wanted to beg her in the name of everything she has ever known, not to tell kimani or anyone else that shes seen me. I have been lucky not to meet Kimani and his sister since '04, but sometimes i feel like i just might run out of luck someday...
I met with Kiss after; i had asked her to come pick me up or at least keep me company... see, i was at the school where i had gone to register. I was finished there but i couldnt drive out of the parking lot. My mind was playing tricks on me. I was afraid to drive. These days, i dare not drive in traffic... it scares me shitless

So she came through, and we went shopping. Found an awesome store uptown, and met with China afterwards... we had lunch, shopped at AsianCity... it was fun. Then Kiss had to leave and the night soon ended.

I drove over to see Frery, a new guy that i've been seeing for about a month.
And he pissed me off... but since i'm still upset about it i better not blog about it now... i guess that'll be the next blog.

But on my way home, my car started acting funny. First it was my CD player... just decided to shut itself off... then the lights on the dashbord started twitching (lmao mogbe ooo!)
next thing i knew, it was some signs on the dashboard. It was like the car had decided to torment me all of a sudden. I was almost home but i had to stop at a stop light. Knowing better than to stop just on the oad, i decided to make a right into the store across the street so i'd at least be parked safe in the lot. thats where my car stopped. Wouldnt turn back on.
I just left it there, went home frustrated and sad.

I got home to see Darque waiting for me... tail-a-wagging, all-a-panting... my furry little daughter, oblivious to the ridiculous night i just had, jumped on me, slobbering over me (i think shes given me a few ear infections lately from licking my ears so much :(

I got in the bed, make-up on, and prayed for tears.
I know its odd but i couldnt stand the sadness anymore.
I prayed for tears... some sort of conclusion to the misery i was feeling.
I cried, reached for "Mr. longjohn", and helped myself to climax.

Then i woke up this morning, with misery on next to me, and tears on my face. Simply continued from where we left off last night.

Oh God, my life is in your hands.

How to be sick

I just got home from an outing with the girls; Bra, China, and Caty. So! I had just gotten my car the day before (yeah, congratulations to me!) but hmm... well, Pipi had asked if i could drive both her and Bra over to the bar we were going to for the night. They knew that i had gotten the car, they knew that it was a shift (stick, manual, standard), they also knew that i had never owned a shift car... (okay my Blogville ppl, follow me on this!)

So what business was there of mine with a manual car???
WELL! I FELL IN LOVE! I FELL IN LOVE WITH A CAR THAT IS MANUAL AND DECIDED TO LEARN TO DRIVE MANUAL`!

Some of you may know that i have been going through some tough times lately, well those times got even tougher when i decided to buy a car that i love and not one that i could drive. Stupid? yes. Real? also, yes.

Deep inside this soul of mine is a really irrational too-damn-spontaneous-for-her-own-good chic that tends to do things just because she thinks she can. Well, its certainly made a Uturn to bite a chunck off my bottom!

So anyway, i got to their house and thankfully, Bra had driven over to Pipi's house making it much easier. Foxy was to meet us there. I got to Pipi's house, barely! While driving on the freeway, i was fine. But on the streets?! Oh my goodness! Stopping at the lights meant hell because once it turns green and i had to move, it would take me years and a lot of stuggle! anyway, i managed to keep the engine going till i got to Pipi's driveway.

So i went in, got ready. Got in the car... started driving...
China: are you okay?
Truth: yeah, just learnt how to drive yesterday... (i should have stopped here but...) yeah, i learnt it in one and a half hours.
Bra (eyes bulging): WHATTTT!!okay, i'll try not to freak
China: well, she drove here so she should be okay.

And i was, till i got to a hill! It was at a stop light so i had to stop. Now if any readers out there drives stick, you'll know that going up a hill is tricky and stopping at one is even tricky-er! Once you try to drive, the car slides backward toward the bottom of the hill! Oh lawd, so anyway, i put my hazard signals on hoping that the car behind me would move so i wouldnt reverse into it. For what seemed like eternity, the driver wouldnt budge. we were at a stop light on a busy street. Eventually, he moved, blaring his horn at me like it was his abosolute revenge! But even after he left, i couldnt get the car to stop rolling back. So i turned it off.

The girls were panicking.
Bra called her boyfie
Bra: babe! can you teach Truth how to drive a manual?
China was in the backseat, cracking up
Bra:no, i mean... now! We're on Bunir street, at a stop light, and she cant drive it.

Eventually, Bra's boyfie decided he'll come down to meet us. he would drive down with his car (automatic) that way,we could switch cars. I would drive his auto and he, my manual.It was the perfect plan for the stupidest situation. Until the cops arrived.

Once we saw them, i knew we had to make something up.
i turned to the girls "Okay, tell them i'm sick!"
Bra: yeah, tell them you feel like vomiting!
Cop 1 came up to the window: Is everything alright, ladies?
Truth: (pretending to be sick) i.. feel... like so nauseous
Cop 1: oh, you shouldnt be driving then... do you need an ambulance?
Ambu-whaaa! I dont want an ambulance! What if they find out theres nothing wrong with me! I just want to go out and party for my birthday cotdanggit!!! but i had to pretend, so...
Truth: yeah, i need gravol

And so an ambulance was called. In the meantime, i pretended i was going to throw up while Bra rubbed my back. It was the funniest thing ever. We were there for an hour. Caty showed up, i looked up at her and cursed her under my breath for not keeping a straight face. They couldnt tell, but i knew her heart was tearing up with laughter because she knew i was pretending. Bra called her boyfie and told him about the lie. the ambulance and paramedics showed up. If they assessed me, i would have to go to the hospital. HELL NAW! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY BIRTHDAY OUTING!!! I DONT WANT TO SPEND IT IN SOME HOSPITAL!!!

They asked me if i wanted an assessment and i refused, I reassured them that i would go to the local pharmacy to pick up some gravol. Bra's boyfie got in my car while Bra took his. As we were driving, the cops followed us for a while but they eventually left. So, Bra's boyfie and i got to talking and supposedly, i had been using the wrong gears! On the freeway, i was using gear2! and on the regular streets, i was on gear 1! Okay, lesson learned!

The girls and i had a good laugh about the acting we did. LOL! Life is so funny.
We went out to a bar, had a blast. One of the best times i have ever had. HAD A BLAST! Mr. Diek called but i didnt get to speak with him, called him when i got home, but he was already asleep i think... oh wait... backup! I havent even bloged about Mr. Diek!

Okay, i'm too tired now but i'll blog about him tomorrow or something. I'm crashing at Pipi's house, too tired to drive home!

Had a blast last night! Thank God for everything!

How to escape a speeding ticket on halloween night.

So it was a gracious night. Halloween night!
And there i was, dressed as a BellyDancer. Kiss and I decided to go out. We went to this club called Sign243 and were supposed to meet China and 2 other friends there but we got there so late, that we couldnt get in.
So we went to this other club where White men, and Naija Yahooze boys tend to frequent. We go there for the former, by the way. We usually ignore the latter.
Anyway, that wasnt bad,... then we left there.
I was driving, and since i have a bad case of ADD, i wasnt suprised to note myself turning left at a red light! See the funny thing is, before i started to make the turn, i wasnt aware of what i was about to do but the moment i started to make the turn i realised it but, it was too late! I mean, i wasnt about to just stop in the middle of traffic so i can get hit! I had to finish that turn, so i did.
"Emm... oh sheeet! i'm making a left turn at a red light!"
Kiss: "oh,... err..."
"Oh darn"
I hadnt even finished my "darn" when i heard the sirens behind me.
Okay, heres the thing! There are numerous times when i've violated traffic laws just because i felt like it, just because i was lazy, just for the high, WHATEVARRRRRR! WHY did it have to be the one time that i REALLY didnt mean to do it, that i'd get caught?!???

Well, i'm not a runner and i wasnt about to start that night so i pulled over and assessed my fate.
Kiss: "Jesu! Opari oh! wetinb we go do?"
"hmm, " i couldnt say anything. I just prayed they dont smell the alcohol i'd drank on my breath, or sensed that i had numerous OVERDUEEE unpaid tickets or sensed that my lights dont work.
Kiss: "Truth, lets beg them"
"Beg gini? you think this is Nigeria?"

So, they arrived. One on my side, one on Kiss's side. Almost seems so darn rehearsed.

"Hi Officers!" Teeth a'gleaming.
Officer#1: "Hi, you just ran a red light there."
"Yeah i know, i dont know what i was thinkging, i didnt know till i'd done it"
Officer#1: "I dont know what you were thinking, i mean... who runs red lights with cops right behind them?"
Kiss starts her flirting with Officer#2 "We're so sorry. we're students and we never disobey the laws. That was a mistake. " she added, with her "sweet sexy girl" voice impersonation. She was almost deathly annoying. I thought, here i was trying to be professional and nice so i'd get the least penalty i could, and there she was, flirting with the officer!
Officer#2 "Students? i see"
Officer#1 "where are you guys coming from?"
"From a halloween party!"
"YEah? what club?"
"Sign243"
"May i see your driver's licence?"
I gave it to him.
He left with it, while Kiss seized yet another oppourtunity to flirt with the second officer.
"So, officer, do you like what we have on?"oh geez! i couldnt believe it.i was starting to enjoy her flirting with him but i wondered if it'd be irritating to them. I mean, i'm sure they get TONS of females who try this with them everynight! "My friend is dressed as a belly dancer"
"Really?"
"Yeah!" she turns to me "Truth, go ahead, show the gentleman your costume..."
"KISS, are you out of your..."
Officer #2 "sure, let me see it"
i thought, chei! i don suffer! this modeling i'm about to do better pay off...
i took my coat off, got out of the car and strutted ma stuff lol. I got so shy when i got out of the car. There wasnt only one police car but another police van/SUV (hell, i didnt even know those existed!) out there.
I heared some howling, but i was too shy to stand up to them. i got back in the car.
Officer#2 "Thats hot!"
I responded "Wel, if you think thats hot, you should see my friend's dress. Shes banging"
See, Truth betold, Kiss has a hot body. And the dress she had on that night, accentuated her assets. She didnt even let me finish. She prang to the oppourtunity to show herself off. She took her coat off and got out of the car. Turned and swirled...
They loved her. It was cute. lol. Big grown cops salivating over what they couldnt have experienced if were not for their uniforms.
Officer #1 returned to the car.
"Okay, i see you dont have your insurance card"
I didnt get it. I wanted to argue that i DO have my insurance card "No, but officer, i ..."
"No you dont!" he cut me short "and since you dont have you insurance card, i'm going to have to give you a $60ticket for that instead of the $200 (and 4 demerit points!!!) ticket that you should have gotten for running a red light"
I gleamed. My happiness was unmeasurable. $200? Where forth would i have acquired such sum? lmao!
"and since you two are dressed so nice, i'll just give you a warning"
lmao! i wanted to die.
They wished us goodnight, bid us farewell, and left.

Unbelievable.
Surely theres a heaven on earth.
We experience it once in a while.
Like a little treat.
We had a taste of pardoned-heaven that night.
and no... i still havent paid the numerous overdue tickets i have (which i know the cop must have seen on his monitor that night when he checked my licence) and neither have i fixed my lights.

learn to be a friend

I have to learn to be a friend.
No, i dont mean it that way.
i mean, i actually really have to learn how to be a friend.
how to be;
selfless!!!

Damn, of all the characters in the world to get stuck with,
WHY MUST I BE THE TYPE TO BE STUCK WITH A SELFISH PERSONALITY?!?

oh, and i think i have to learn to drop my pride.
i have to learn to hug more,
and to shut up when people are down.
***worst time to give advises is when its too late***
and i have to learn to learn.

REMINDER TO SELF:
1.you are not better than people. Everryone has their welanesses and strengths so why must you point their weakenesses out? Are you any better?
2. cant blame anyone for anything. you do not know their expereinces, you do not know what it is like to be them.
3.walking in someone's shoes is a theory. it is practically impossible. learn to be as empathetic as possible.
4. appologise (fuk! it aint dat hard!)
5.love. and let them know.

My trip to Quebec was.... intetresting...

So i went with Kiss, China and Kiss's male friend. Okay, so i'll be honest, i didnt exactly like this friend of hers but that was besides the point. He was going thesame way as us so we figured, shy not drive down with him, in his car.
bad idea!
(brb)

China, why oh why oh why?

On Monday, China I went to a speed dating event. It was actually fun! The men there were either professionals (doctors, optometrists, business analysts, etc) or students. How it worked? 20 females sat at each table as 20 men took turns going from one table to another to have a 5minute conversation with the men. At the end of the night, the men and women write on a preassigned paper who they'd like to have another date with and if the females that they indicate had also wanted another date with them, the organizers will email the female with their email addresses.
It was great! I was embarrassed for one thing though; my table was after Chinas' so i got the men she had just dated (talked to). Most of them would get o my table and ask
"Oh, hi! are you an Aesthetician just like China too?".
I had to lie and say "No, but shes a friend of mine and shes great at her job!".
There were some candid moments when I'd overhear some guy ask her "Oh yeah? wow! what did you study at that institution?" . China was up to her lies again. I was so embarrassed. So ashamed. She shouldnt have to lie about these things.
The highlights of the night was when we all went out to eat afterwards... Caty, Lara, CHina's sister and Caty's sister... wWe had so much fun.
I droped China off the next morning at her house (dad's house). It was 5am on Tuesday and as we drove into her driveway, she looks up and says "oh! my sister is not home. her car is not here! dad'll be so mad that i went out, and shes not home neither!"
pls i need you to picture hearing this from a 26year old!

and as she comes out of the car, her dad comes out of the house. There he was, standing in the doorway, looking like the height-challenged idiot that he is, scolding to her in their language. I looked away, i was angry! I turned my head. I couldnt stand watching the nonsense.
i heard as she says
"its not a guy! Its Truth, dad" she responded in English
I looked up at him, looked at him, stared at him, and looked away in disgust.
I was angry!
There he stood, scolding this grown ass woman! i looked at her and almost vomited at the sight of her. She stood there, accepting the insults, like a 3 year old school girl that had commited adultery! i just couldnt believe it
But what made me more angry, she came around to the car to pick her stuff up. Hurrying, she packed her stuff up clumsily,
"i told him we party but we also work hard. I told him that you have a career, and that you are also a student and he said he didnt believe me that if youwork, then why are you partying on a a weekday..."
as she narrated, i remember the times he'd told her he didnt want her hanging with Blacks, the times he warned her about dating blacks and the times he threatened to disown her if she did! no wonder he assumed i was a man.
I had held off too long! i had to interrupt
"how the fuck would he know though! i mean! this man has no job! the only jonb he has is scamming, so how would he know what its like to go to work on a weekday??? he wouldnt have a clue what its like to be a student, and work because he himself, has never worked! so you know what, i dont even want to hear anymore!"
she was silent.
so was i.
we spoke hours later on the phone and i told her i didnt want to see her dad again because i really dont have respect for him. If i see him again, i'll be really upset and i just might be truthful to him. He really should never hear what i think of him.
"China, i wont be taking anymore of his insults in whatever language that he chooses to insult me! Dont forget, I AM SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER TOO! I'll stay away from your home because if i see him again, I'll definitely react"

I am so sick of China allowing him to take control of her life! I met China in highschool. When we met, I was 15, she was 17. We were in 10th grade. She had just transffered to my school. It was odd that we were in thesame grade, considering she should have been 2 grades higher.
I remember having a fight with her, and i had stopped talking to her. She only spent a year at the school, she quit school after we parted ways. She is yet to finish highschool. I am embarrassed and so angry that she has refused to take control of her life. Instead, she's chosen to keep complaining about how much she's ruined her own life.

Why oh why oh why?
In the name of self-love, pls get up!
You can only sleep for so long
wakin up at intervals to question your lenghty naps
"why oh why oh why?"
you remain asleep even as you wake.
you refuse to hear anymore of my complaints
But i just cant shake it baby!
I cant ignore the feeling!
it use to be me and you,
and our plans for the top never did happen
I hate to look down at you
I hate to see you lie to get through
"oh, i'm an aesthetician"
Baby, you shouldnt have to make this up
and daddy wont be there that long
and life wont wait for no one
but i'm sure you've heard this before
so i'll just shut up and blog some more...

China...

this girl is nuts!
NUTA!!!

Okay, fore real i must admit... China is a dime piece.
Everytime i see this girl, i halt in awe not only of her beauty, but of its origin because truth betold, I DONT THINK SHE GOT IT FROM HER PARENTS!
i dont think so. But this girl is so beautiful
you know ur girl is beautiful when she can never seem to look unattractive even when she tries.
China can go out in the skimpiest outfit or the baggiest gear. All she'd have to do is look up and men litterally stand in trance.
She has the "it".

AT the club last night, there were 3 men almost gettin gin a fight for her, not counting of the other 4 or so who were all over her.... One came and tied to talk to her and she didnt like him... so we moved on.
Next one came... he wanted to dance with her. So she agreed. But really, she only agreed because the first one wouldnt stop following her. But that didnt work
Man #1, boldly walked up to man #2 and told him shes his girlfriend. And there i was watching in absolute awe! i couldnt believe what my eyes were seeing!
so she walks away into the washroom, angry.
I laughed because shes so passive!
I'm wayyy too assertive. I cant have an unwanted man taggin pon me ass all night. I would've told him to get his rass out and leave me alone!
but not China.
She was being herself as she walked in to the washroom to get some space.
She came back to fall into the arms of this lanky black guy who held and danced her off for a while.
Next, man # 1 comes, trying tro break them off but thats when i started to get really disgusted. China turns to me
China: "Oh my God! tell him to leave me alone!"
I turn to him
Truth: "i've been asked to..."
CrazyMan: "huhhh?"
I yelled... "i've been asked to tell you to fuck off!"
CrazyMan: "i like your friend"
Truth: "irrelevant. She doesnt want you"
CrazyMan: "but..."
Truth: "fuck off"
CrazyMan: "..."
"okay mista man..." i pushed him off, stood between them.... danced the night away with China's other friend and some guy...
it was a funny night. He never did leave.
That girl needs a body guard... i cant keep trying to keep the crazy men away.

MEME 3!!!

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
by telling them

SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED
"a number from one to a hundred"

BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
neither

WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Chinas'. Dat girl is always up and even when she isnt, she picks up. lol

WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST LATELY?
the fact that i seem to have mastered the art of procrastination

ANYONE EVER SPIT ON U?
my dad! that man is odd... he use to do it as a joke...

YOUR WEAKNESSES
anyting to do with timing, parties, soca, makossa, dark skinned men, white teeth, intelligent men, nature-valley's sweet n salty peanut butter and oatmeal bars

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB?
model and movie extra when i was 14

EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
lol all the time! did them in my teenage years alot. matter of fact, i might do one right now

WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
chatting with LilSis on msn and packing

IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
probably my eyes. i like almond shaped eyes. and maybe my left foot...

32. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
because i love memes

WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
good qn... my figure i think...my face, my style... come to think of it, i dont get a lot of compliments... should i be worried? lol

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
absolutely nothing. dont drink much, but i'll miss my mudslide, Baileys and Dooley's

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
a shitzu

HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
twin one boy one girl so i dont ever have t get preggie again

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
no. (unless getting named after someone in the bible counts)

DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
um, no. i only wish to God

WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
it depends what i need the finger for... ;)

WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
at a party (CAN U IMAGINE?!) , last saturday. Nat pissed me off! lord, just remembering it makes me want to hit something! :)

On the highway

so halfway there, i had to stop.
i just couldnt see the damn screen- stopped for my safety.
am i going crazy?
you're driving me insane.
i looked out the window. counted; one, two, three-four, five... 5!
five cars went by and still, here i am....
watched eyes stare through five of those,
eyes wondering what it was i was doing there
yet none stopping to ask if i needed help.
help, i need.
help i desperately need.
iam at a crossroad
and cannot for the life of me, figureout what to do.
i cant help it.
being a "big girl" only lasts so long
i must disagree with you Gwen
apparently, big girls DO cry.

what am i going to do?
and how am i possibly going to make it?
its so much easier to step back, turn around and hold faith.
but i've held faith.
held it so tight sometimes my fingers lose blood supply.
gripped it so hard, faith bent!
i dont know if i can have faith.
because faith itself, is so sick of being toyed with.

i need someone to hold my hand.
China baby, where forth art thou?

Hold my hand.

whos got a plank?
how much do woods cost?
how far must i cross?

and amidst this,
misty wells erode these hills
as curtains plays the veils

like a stage play
masks fits snuggly
frightened faces
unsure of making history

relentless beauty
restless wheels
not staying here nor there
afraid of weakened soul

your beauty remians untarnished
but somehow, you must grow

"girl, you dont even know how to morn"

walk with me
talk with me
share with me
i need ur reassurance
as you need mine

lets make a bridge
with heavy strong woods
a bridge that can take the weight
the aches
the pain
the love the cheers
let me be it
so i can hold your hands
and you mine
as we cross these heavy times
and hope for brighter days