Blinded, Wounded, Free, Home.

Slowly, you are unaddicting yourself, breaking free from those chains, loosening its grips… contemplating walking away.

Remember; snails don’t win races. But they make it. And this race aint about who got there when, but simply about who got there.

Hurt, but free…

Wounded as a jail bed with its clipped wings, yet… you

You walk away. Free

Like that pet who stepped in the trap

Yes, you do remember

Blinded wounded bleeding dog… walked home at last

Baby you have been so lost.

And times when you saw the glittery smokes of home, thought you were so close to home, thought you have finally… at last broken free

But what is meant to be, will be

And what wasn’t didn’t.

It never did happen.

So those times when you were so glad thought finally, you had managed to get away.

You walked right back baby girl because a habit is a habit and at times, a habit becomes your home because home becomes hard to live in. it’s hard getting reused to things…

I know.

I’m welcoming you home.

So please remember that the failures weren’t failures. Your returns weren’t returns but merely journeys through the process of unaddiction.

To "un-addict", you must reddict.

Rebounds aren’t sweet, but they are necessary.

And loses aren’t lost because without them, you’d still be stuck.

Love, put your hand down. That’s it; beneath you… you feel the rock?

Yes it might hurt but you must feel it!

And the tears will come, drown as much as you need.

And when you are ready, you may rise out of that sea.

Baptism isn’t only for the righteous. But also for the healing.

Unaddicted, so you’d be born anew.

So pick up your gloves and brush up your pens because it aint gon be easy though the worst is history

You sure have made it

Look ahead- forward to better days, catching up on what you’ve lost and remembering that the lost times aren’t lost times, because Regardless if it meant failing, falling and flawing all the way through. Truth is, you did what you had to do to get here.

Whatever had to be, had to be.

Celebrate today.

I raise my glass. Half full! And make a toast.

Truthfully

“To MY better days!”

Chad Episodes 2

I was on his bed, we'd just sex'd
he turned to me, said something like "we should take pics"
and knowing its his profession to, i said "hell yes!"
i'd like to take some artistic new pics

Now lemme tell you
if anyone could've lived nude, it'd be me.
I LOOOVE nudity!
the human body is so beautifully made!
being able to see beauty in a body thats been made to feel its not "ideal"
and being able to see beauty in a body thats always thought it possessed it
that is art.
and i love this art
and didnt want to think risks
if i could do it again, would i?

lol, i guess i would. because i still do it, till this day.


So the next day, i had a few clothes packed
Chad made sure he reminded me "make sure you bring skirts and short dresses"
Chad picked me up and i was over at his place.
he took his camera and gadjets out.
felt like i was on some movie set
and bam! it was on.
besides, i knew. i had seen enough female pics on his PC not to know this is something he's done numerous times.
In one of the pics, he ensured the logo of my school shirt showed.
i thought "WT..." and click! went the camera before i could complete my thought "...F!"

as we were taking the pics, i watched him.
i could tell he'd been here before.
his strides spoke years of experiences.
we took one hundrend and seventy-two pictures that night.
never taken so many pics in my life!
most of the best pics i had ever taken, were taken that night.

i only printed about 20 of them.
by the way, these were the same pictures that Jack Jean-Maygne and Henry had seen.

what happened to the rest of the pix? i'm sure Chad still has them till this day.
(plus the ones he took when he use to stalk me. stupid jobless old mothera-effer)