Pony Ride

I observed your twists, watched your silhouette form as you blocked out the moon
Watched it reappear behind you
Began to love seeing it disappear behind you
As I winced in pain
Began to crave it still
Though the pain was excruciating
Watching you ride on
Watching you
Craving you
You took me for a ride, you
Though I cried, you rode on still
Long enough
Hard enough
I just couldn’t, satisfy you
You reached over, and in the dark, feeling on my sheets
You grabbed her
And suddenly, I realized
I wish it did not take me so long
I wish I had known what I knew all along
I realized then
You are not the god I thought you’d be
Amongst the lowest of the low
Beneath the ground, underneath the earth
Crawling with the worms, though underserving of that
You wore the devil’s shell ever so well
Deceit at it’s best
You acted out the god I needed then
One hell of a mirage
Shatan was this man.

So on this day as I move through my daily routine
Washing the dishes, and fixing the holes in my walls
I realize, that I changed on the avenue that is you
I did, I changed, I did
Something within me was made anew
Something dark, deceitful, and blue
I remember your apology you sent me
It took you years to see the wrong you were?
You’re sorry for fuckin the friendship up
I simply shook my head
I mean… after so many years
You still were in denial
And you weren’t about to deceive me once more
That that was a friendship
Because that is one thing you never took from me
I still know what a friend should be.

But the sun is out today
And the trees are begging in your name
Asking for a new breeze to be let through
The birds are chirping new songs
Nothing familiar; all new
And my face is dry, no more streaming
I am healed, the wounds are scars
I can speak your name without hate
I can sleep without dreaming everyday of the numerous ways you could be found dead at the street corner
Do you understand?
Somewhere along the way
I had stopped wondering what could have been
See,
Life took over
Time pulled me through
Somewhere along the way
I had forgiven you.


Sept 9, 2011