Unwanted stones in my basmati :(

"I can somehow get by, using my toys to get myself to come whenever i want while lying to you that i dont want/need you. And i guess you too can do thesame; use "palm-ella" everytime you felt like having me while trying to convince yourself that its just as good. but... i dont ever want that sort of relationship with you; I'd rather not have one with you at all. I was upset on our way to your place and that isnt unusual. As you can tell, when I'm bothered by something, I find it really hard not to dwell on it and I'll admit its one of my many flaws but i doubt its one that'll be changing anytime soon so bear with me. With that aside, i dont wnat to keep retaliating negative vibes/behaviours with you because that wont do us anygood. When you'd said "no", i was upset because i felt rejected and i felt a little uneasy because i felt like i had entered into some sort of game that i wasn't expecting and didnt want. I understand that you probably had similar feelings when i refused to have sex with you and if i made you feel unwanted or inadequate in any way, i'm sorry.I didnt say "no" for any other reason other than that i was exhausted and i was hoping you would understand. And i hope you understand that I'll try my best to please and care for you but i cant always get it right and when i dont, i expect you to understand. Again, a few years ago i wouldn't mind playing this game with you but i'm not interested in playing now. I'm hoping you'd rather exclude the games too because I (obviously) have a crush :) on you."