Antie "Twut" came to love life again!

There lies no other love on earth
like the kind from a child
pure
gentle
energetic
almost sultry love
you love me kindly.
you love me carefree.
you love me. safely.

saddened and heavy laddened
i could hardly lift my head
i cried and slept
fears and worries filled my days
i tried calling for help
but how do you tell a friend
that you had lost all hope to stay?
how do you tell a sister
that you have lost lost all wills to live?

and the thoughts slipped in!

And i knew it then...
funny voices told me
as i questioned myself
"what have i done to get here?"

my head felt so heavy
my voice so weak
my heart got slow
as i contemplated the end.

how was i to do this?
how was i to leave?
what would become of me?
who would know of it?

and to pick up the phone
to reach out the room
to get out of my towel
and get into the closet
even my greatest joys lacked love.
i was about to leave the world.

but greater is he that is in you.
greater is it thats bestowed on you.
you are the love that kept me true.

i remember leaving my suite
i got up sluggishly
wiped up dried and wet tears
pretended i was invinscible
as i walked down the hall
and then the elevator
and then my car
i will go see mama
just in case i do leave
Ma' had a special treat
mama, oh how i love you
when i opened the door
i looked down and saw an entity
a special being
you stepped aback
staring at me through these bright untainted lenses.

you stared for a few moments
i was embarrassed
i had stopped visiting
and you'd almost forgotten

you looked at me
and suddenly came running
"Twuuuutttt!" "Twut! Twut! Twut! Twut! TwuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuT!!!!!"
you called me, running around in silly circles
you came into my arms
gave me your stuffed teddy,
and ran farther back, clapping, stomping, screaming
you had so much joy you didnt know how to act
so much joy you brought me out
i cried and hid my tears
ashamed that i would've disappointed you
how dare i leave?
who would be your favourite auntie?
and

i
cant
help
it...
baby, i still cry.

how you saved my life
by being a child.
you gave me love.
pure sultry untainted peaceful love.
i mattered to you, on that January day.
i am still here on this July night.
because you worked better than the pills.
five months and counting.
baby, its been five months and counting!

And i cant wait to tell you this.
when you finally grow up.
i promise.
it'll be our little secret.
we'll name this story
"How auntie Twut, came to love life again...
how Joy at 17 months, brought me out to life"