"Yes, Master".

Rolling on the floor, however I pleased
Knelt down and wacked till he came
All because I made him do it.

He called me "master" cuz I asked it.

Hell, would'va painted and licked my toenails clean if I asked it.

The first Afroman I ever met who'd beg for me to rule him.

Hmmm... that power!

That shit was worth more than money.

My slave... done up... and got its own mind.
My slave... done run... and made me "just me".

I master no more, I, have become the slave.
enslaved to the thoughts of he that was mine to rule.

I tell you, the slave now made the rules.

Another flip of that page in my book.

hey! let it not ever be said that I have not lived.
I certainly have lived.
I once owned a slave.

This is Truth's uterus.

I've always known that I do not have to have kids.
Once I grew well enough to know that I had rights and that the status quo is only so till you change it, I fell in love with the idea of challenging the world on its presumed right to my womb.
It is within me. I own this. This uterus, has my name on it.

My body, my cervix, my eggs, my choice.

Simply put, I was not having anyone tell me what to do with my vag.
Armed with that knowledge, and the recognition that love is love regardless who it is bestowed upon or who gives it; I decided on adoption.

Then sometime when I was a teen, I saw a TV show about a family with several adopted kids from different ethnic backgrounds. The idea of rearing kids from different races appealed to me. I fell in love with the whole theme. I decided then, that I'd have seven kids; adopted from different races.

Years later, I realize what I had fallen in love with is what the family symbolized; unity. The idea of having the whole world represented under your roof, living as a family; gave me a little reassurance that it may be possible to achieve unity in this world of ours.

Truth is, adopted or not, I dont think I want any kids to share my time with. I am selfish. Yes, selfish. I dont want to share my wealth, my time, my space with kids.
Though (now am about to sound really confused) the idea of having a person who looks like we who i can teach my ideals, is really appealing. I feel like deciding to not have kids would be a poor idea because it would be a loss to this world that someone who has my ideals (yeah, am about to sound really proud) isnt going to procreate. I mean...

Taboo.

Never revisit your one night stand. You just might end up doing it again, only this time, while standing.


Hmm... it fit just right. But Mr. Stand will have to learn how to make me come, or he wont make it to our fourth night. I just might be getting disillusioned.

One night only.

"I'll come home with you. But I know myself; I wont be able to sex you."

Those words, have been rehearsed. I can speak them, in my dreams. They simply roll of my tongue, with no thoughts involved. I have been here before. I know myself.

This valentines day, I ate my words, as I released my body to meet with a man that I had only met hours before. This valentines day, I ate my words as I had my first one night stand.

Any regrets? Yes. Absolutely. I regret that he will not be available to have a second night stand, tonight, and a third, tomorrow.

I'd tell you about his body. But... of course, that'd be like me beating a dead horse.

Would I do it again? Yes. No. But only because it leaves me longing for more... and well, who would want to crave something they may not be able to have? That truely, is the only bitter aftertaste I've got.

I continue to replay his smile in my mind... often smiling along in recognition that well, we were "there" in that little space where we connected.

When I skip town tomorrow, I will delete his number... but his memories, will forever be stacked in my mind... slithering in and out of my mind as I remember..."Mr. Stand".

I will delete his number. Will let memories of him replay within my mind. Will save a link under my bed. ;)

I wont hesitate no more

"...oh yeah i love to cook too..."
didnt wait. didnt bother with it all, interrupted
"I wanna marry you"

And he laughed.

Somewhere amongst my deeper self, I know,... this is just the beginning of a lifelong dream, fufilled.

We met sometime this year, in a chatroom.
Hence why I'm a little apprehensive about the whole thing.
To say that I care that we met online would be to lie to myself. Truth be told, I do not.
But I do care that we have never met physically.
But goodness, the first time I met him online, I knew that I wanted to get more of whatever he was.

I had to go, or maybe he did. We exchanged emails, and never did get around to chatting.

I forgot about the guy that I wanted to get more of. Eventually, I stumbled upon him on IM.

He told me he'd been wishing to get to chat with me. I had forgotten all about him, but not for long.
I soon remembered.
Oh.
goodness.

We lost contact again, I just couldnt keep up. My REAL life served me so much, that I was busy at dinner, allll the time.
But then we met online, again.
This time, he was down.
And am swiffer.... like the "quicker picker upper" that I am, I talked to the man.
"Talking", is what I do best.
And well, there we go again, reconnected.

This man... what do I name him?

This man...

I have seen his pictures, and I am pleased.
But a thousand words is nothing, nothing compared to the physical.
How does he wink? How does he speak? At what pace? At what angle does his tongue tip when he says my name?
Shy?
Yeah, shy, ... will I be shy?
Height!!!!!
Will I be taller?

I wonder about these things.
And amongst it all, I crush on... on and on... about this man who has got a mix of my wants, and needs.

I'd sex his mind if his body was gone. This man.

So yeah, I think I'll say yes.

"Yes, I'm yours, mister. Your pillar when you stumble, your cross when you really neeed God. I'm yours. Your ditsy-day lounge chick, your goodnight sleeptight girl.
Your TV-in-too-damn-lazy, happy times, driving past the grocery store, halfway in the middle of nowhere-but
damn just ran out of gas with sunshine in the passenger seat-girl,
That little prayer you said the other night. Your cure to lonesomeness,
your very reason for trying. Your little secret idol. I'll be that. Your twin within you. Yours.
Have your cake and eat it too, I'll be your best friend. Your playmate you pass time with, bedmate you play God with,
kissmate you make up with, thoughtmate... yeah thoughtmates! Your very feelings, need not wear your shoes,
I want to feel it as you do. Mate in everyway till we mate past daybreak, yes, I'll be that. Because deep down Lord knows,
I wish I had your stance. Your humility moves me. It shakes me off my high horse and reminds me that life can be simple
... I of course, keep it in mind as I get halfway back up my horse but ohhh, you remind me... that nothing even matters.
That life is nothing. That I am nothing, If I do not know how to recognize and accept love. What would I be?
You are easy. like cocoapuff saturated in some milk, easy. Like...
halfway past the day-yet still in bed full of nakedness and sweat-just about to go again-easy.
Oh for all it all for everything for these and more... I am. Truthfully, yours."


Sept, 1' 2009.

Shaken

I'd often say that nothing moves
without energy
The wind with effort, forces a leaf from its tree
and with that, it moves
This same wind
though unperceivable to the pores
reminds me, that I too, am just a thing
And therefore, not exempted
From its forces

De-energize this wind, lord
So that I may stay grounded
And walk at my own pace; move at my will
I dont want to be blown
I beg that you consider
What it took for me to stand
And de-energize this wind, lord
I dont want this to end
I am not ready to let go
After all my work
I am not ready to quit.

De-energize this wind, lord
Cut its circuits, neutralize its electrons
Do whatever needs done
I dont want to be shaken
Fear of being blown
Being made a nonentity
Suffer through life missing what could have been
I want to go on
And become what I have for so long, wished for
Stired, maybe?
Definitely shaken.
But please, de-energize it in time.
Do not let it blow me away.

Introducing, Mr. Smiles

"Love...
Love will come find you.
Just to remind you.
Of who you are.
...thats the thing about love."(Alicia Keys)

Somehow, I am in love. Again.
So, somehow, I'll get lost in his face, and his words once again, will soothe me so much so that I'll once again, escape reality.
I'll sleepwalk with him...walk into things and laugh the bruises away. Who cares, right? Its love.
It is.
Just this one more time.

Mr Smiles, and I.

Its too late.

It started as a 72 hour crush. But it was so intense. I still remember the first night you told me...
.............."I must say, you are most enchanting and arresting piece of femininity whomever you are"
I wrote it on a peice of sticky.
Oh, like i needed to!
It was carved into my memory
Like a birthday that kept on coming.

You spoke like a word fiend
And my love for words would not let me
Ignore the beauty that in you spoke to me
I simply, fell. Broke a hip. Could not get up. For 72 hours.

I remember when it faded.
I looked around and saw I'd be jaded.
you did not feel what I felt.
And I go scared, thinking I'd be left in love, alone.

I needed to let go, so I wrote
.............................."The love that is fire, will burn out"
I wanted a reminder that this too, shall pass.
Wellll it did.
Unfortunately.

A day or so after that, I realised I was not physically attracted to you.
I didnt like your dumbo ears.
And those pants just didnt do it for me.
What was worse? you were lanky.
You just were not my type.
But ohhhh you spoke like a sexy man. Sent words through my spine down my shin. Called tingles through my tummy. Your words made me drop allelse I ever wanted.
You became sufficient.

Now you're in love with me.
You never say it.
You dont need to say it.
You cry it in your tears.
And i see it in your words.
You are madly, in love.
Just like I was.
This is what I wanted.

If only you'd given me this, then.

Today, you ignored me. I said hello, you looked away.
The side of your face reminded me of nothing I'd ever seen.
It hurts you know, to be shunned like that.
So I asked why you're sulking so
And you said
............"I think I'm becoming obsessed with you."
But where do you get off?
And how the hell dare you?
You came out of nowhere.
Never did admit you wanted me!
Never ONCE did you ask me!
Never EVER have you told me!
I've ran around in circles,
Trying to get you to see this!
I have tugged at your heartstrings
Only because you, had tugged at mind!
When you would not see what I felt
I simply left,
Though it was not easy,
I got with someone else.
It is too late.

But I too, feel.

So when all of a sudden you today, decided to share your thoughts.
I was shocked.
That out of nowhere, the mute had found a voice.
And dare I say, decided to speak volumes
YOU TELL ME this?! OUT OF NOWHERE?!

And there I was, left alone.
Without no one to hold me up.
So i slumped.
And cried.

Its ridiculous.
That you'd hurt me.
Thinking you're the only one with feelings.

In desperate times.

Running to us
I slipped and fell
Got bits of sand
Embedded in my knee
And you saw me down
Glanced within yourself
And saw what I was.

I caught that glance.
It woke me up
Reminded me

Us.

At that very moment.

I dont know which is which.
You or me.
One of us, isnt deserving.

I realize through it all
never did let myself forget
If it wasnt for the wind
I would not have ran to you
And if not for the heat
You would not be running
guts-a-bouncing
age-a-chasing
and I,
gold-a-digging
stretching out to you

Cant help but to laugh at it all

We would have made a cute ridiculously transparent ...
"couple".

So, I'll nurse my wounded knee.
And attempt to pick the sands out it
It really is no price to pay.
For what we could have been.
*peace*

No way to redeem.

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
[2X]