Drum Roll Please!...

And the Greatest Actor Award Goes tooo.....
HONORABLE CHISEL COCOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


On his way to what he wants to be,
I met him. And tripped all over that love.
lol
And claim he did, that he was he and i was looking to believe
so i did.
But he isnt it.

So i got up enough guts to ask
Mr. "I'll-deny-my-culture-for-being-western-is-so-much-more-sophistimacated"
why on earth he prides himself on being detached from his culture- as i sensed his pride when he said:
"I dont go to Camerounian parties. I just go in, say hi and leave"
"I dont listen to African music"
"I dont..."
I had heard enough of it. This fool in his distorted mind, thinks it is prestigious to deny his, while masking as thiers. What a fool!

So i got tired of hearing
Mr. "I-love-you-but-dont-have-time-for-you-so-i-dont-know-what-to-hurt-you"
tell me all the reasons why his day is so busy that he cant call nor return texts nor give a shit enough to assist me emotionally when he says he cares-
"I'll call you tomorrow to see how your sister is doing"


I heard from him 5days after, only for him to ask me if i can bring my girl "Kiss" over so she may meet his brother. I was outraged. I blew up in his face- his brother is married. Though seperated, HE IS MARRIED!
is this what he wanted for my friend?
Selfish ignorant motherfucker!
I got upset and yeah, i sure told him.
I went to the dinner nevertheless...
why?

I think the true reason is that i wanted to see him.
So when i got there with Kis,, we met his Chisel Cocoa, his brother, and a third friend of theirs. We talked and had a good time...
but something if not LOTS of things were missing. I came to realise that the time Chisel and I spent together was now mostly with others.
Dear reader, Please, NEVER say never (oops! did i just say never? lol)
For you do not know what you're capable of until the time comes.

I saw the grinch of dissatisfaction bear some delusions and although it was all a joke to me at first, i found myself nourishing those illusions till i almost believed them and even worse, till i implanted their seeds into another...

I got to thinking (and dont ask me what prompted the thought)... what if Chisel has a thing for Kiss?
I'll admit- they get along VERY WELL. they do! CHisel is an easy person to get along with as he is very talkative and charming...
Kiss isnt always open, but Chisel facilitated that openess so that it made it easier for her.
But there was nothing there...
Yet i made one up...
i brought it to Kiss's attention and she was flabbergasted about the whole idea...

I knew i must have really been going through some kind of mind-fuckery when i realised i've managed to convince her and evenmanaged to convince myself!!!

People, i tell you... you must be careful what thoughts you allow yourself to ponder about. The mind is a powerful thing!
anyway,...

At the dinner (quite frankly, i'm glad i went to that dinner at his place)
Somehow, his actions managed to devour the crush i had for him right out of my heart...
that night, i fell OUT of love with Chisel.
Him and his brother were so much alike, it was almost sickening.
I loved their unity, but hated the way they presented themselves. You'd almost have to be spiritual, to detect the indiscrepancies between their actions and their words; between their claims and reality.

But i must admit, I learnt from Chisel what i didnt learn from a lot of men.

"YOU MUST DEMAND MUCH FOR YOURSELF!"

so i did.


So in 7 minutes and 30 secnds last evening, I told Chisel on the phone:

" I need to ask you a favour. And this is probably the hardest thing i've ever had to ask for because i must admit, it isnt what i want BUT it is what i desperatley need!. Life is sometimes silly becus ewaht we want isnt what we necessaruly need and i waish I could need what i want but i know i dont. I'm certain."
and as usual, Chisel the almighty talker decided to interupt but i had to take the microphone from him
"Chisel, please let me speak. I dont need you to agree nor disagree with me" dammit that man loves hearing his own damn voice! "I need you to listen."
I continued.."Last night, i went to a party, and saw this man who has been trying to get with me. He saw me and proceeded to ask "Truth, I've been calling you but you havent been returning my calls, i called you several times!" and i tell you- Chisel, i told him i was sorry but i couldnt tell him anything more than that. I have told this same man that i couldnt be with him yet he keeps calling and let me tell you- if i kept receiving his calls, h'll keep thinking he had a chance. I was doing him a favour not necessarilly for him but also for my conscience. I wouldnt feel good, knowing that i was fostering his feelings for me. I love that I did that regardless of how much he might not understand that i wasnt answering his calls. When he asked me to dance, i said no, for thesame reason! And i respect myself for being able to do that because i knew it would make me look bad and mean and stuck up but Chisel, I wouldnt feel good knowing that i was toying with his feelings"
He interrupted again "Thats really good Trtuh! i mean thats really respectful of you because..."
"I dont need your praises, please!" i intersected. if only he'd just listen!
"Sorry"
I continued..." And I really want to develop thesame respect for you. Its hard for me to respect someone that calls me consistently intermittently knowing that i havefeelings for them and i cant have what i want with them."
Silence. I still remember the silence...
"For the 5days that you didnt call, i felt so much at peace. I had no thoughts of you. I had almost healed, but then you called and there i was again, back at square one... So Chisel, I'm asking you to help me retain my dignity, by doing for me, what i'd do for another. Please, help me by not calling me anymore."
"I definitely understand"
"Thank you"
"you're welcome"
"Bye"
"Bye"

*click*