Loved Ambition

Its sad really,
i've been here, struggling with my own issues,
running around in little circles, upset about me
being the self-absorbed bitch that i am
Truth is, theres much more to life than my troubles
or what i perceive them to be anyway

Ambition called me and i didnt answer my phone but i called her back shortly after. I was shocked to hear my mom's voice say "hello?"
The first thing that came to mind was
oh shit, Ambition is dead
i dont know why, but mom never answers Ambition (or anyone's) phone!
"Ambition is in the hospital"
I thought "wharahell!"
well, i was at least thankful to God that shes alive.
I wasnt all that suprised that shes in the hospital.
I guess you can kind of say that I saw it coming.
I didnt ask what for...
I know why shes there...
same reason why i would have been there a year ago.
Thank God she is alive.




Ambition



The woman is a gem to me. I really do owe her a lot.
so much.
I admire her. I say this not because she is my sister, but because I've been blessed to have a sister like her.
i owe her my drives.
Although there are many times when her goodheart's been stabbed for being naive
And those times I bitched at her for being so
i really do admire her strength and ability to trust so much.
She loves people, deeply.
But she runs low
on that which she gives much of.

so instead of giving to herself
that which she lacks,
she hopes to buy
but love aint for sale
not here, not there, not anywhere
so searches she does
and pays she pays
with memories, with bills, status and dreams

"Ambition, love aint for sale baby"

love is pure, generous, carefree, love isnt candy but it is sweet.
best of all, love is free.

so i'm going over to visit my sister who gave me my strength and ambition
the one who bestowed the love for my future on me,
the one who shares my path, taking my hand in times when i'm lost
the one who tends to forgive even when she appears naive


and i pray God gives me the strength and generousity
to help her refil her cup
so that she knows she is loved

I pray that he fills me up
and moves my lips
so that i may utter the right words
to let her know
just how much she strenghtens me
and just how beautiful she is
and just how much
she deserves so much more.
I pray that he unveils her, so that she may see her beauty as i do.

I want to let her know
that it is okay to be lost
for that is the time to find a new path
that it is okay to make mistakes
for those mistakes teach you the best lessons
that it is okay to be down
for you see the sky much clearer
that it is okay to drop
the harder you fall, the better you remember
that life aint about the bills
it aint about the letters
it aint about the status
life is about happiness
life is about contentment
life is about loving yourself and being at peace.


I pray God grants her perfected sanity.
get well soon, baby.