Flicks to rain

Squeeeeze me! Hold me tighter, lets see if we can ever become...
...1...
Because if it is ever possible
this would be the moment
paparazzi bout to miss it
but record's to be broken
we are about to be


.....1.....

Lick me flick your tongue faster than flappers tail
flick me rhythmically fastly so much
it only feels like a magnetic
...touch...
hold ma clit to its threats and shake it
flick me like your tongues running a marathon
up down and around dont you ever stop
do it like i've always dreamt...
.....of....

But i want to come and you want me to
but i want you to come with me too
i look down and all i see is your head doin me
bowed down to bless ma clit you are testing me
but i cant wait if you keep flipping me
and i cant wait for you to move away
yet i dont want to wet your face
but you keep goin like you asking for it
i can always say i'm sorry,
later,
a-f-t-e-r- i have rained
all-
over-
your-
f-f-f-f-f-f-fffffffffaceeeeee.

DAMMIT! I WET DE DAMN BED AGIN!!!

now how we gon get rid'a dis damn pussyjuicestain?
oh shit! sorry i wet your face... quit laughing, its not funny!
okay, come here...i'll wipe that smile off your face in a minute...

You are remembered.

In the arms of an angel
Far away from here
In the arms of an angel
May you find
some comforting.

Yesterday

i almost missed you.
almost enough to pick up my phone.
almost wanted to hear you.
but i swear i heard you.
deep in my mind, so lightly you said
"i wanted to call you too."
and a ray of doubt made me imagine hearing you ask me
"what do you want?"

but i wasnt about to find out.
i almost called you.
i almost missed you.
almost wanted to see you.
but almost doesnt count.

no chance for a relapse.
its over.
been over.
and i'm glad.

In their shoes

how fucked up is it? that the one that dont want me, is the one i want?
lol
yeah, laugh with me cause this is a trip! i swear i'm nuts!
yeah, the bitch that seemed to open ma shit up, and fucked me up till the pain got worse than death its damn self, is the same man i want...
but i'd be lying to maself
if i was to say that i want him for me.

no,
truth is,
i want him, for my pride.
i want him, to prove to me that i can have him.

and how fucked up is that?
and here i was thinking i knew what i had in me.
that i knew that i can have him.
no i dont want him.
i wanted him, so i could leave him.
so he could feel...
no,
so he could "almost feel"
what it was like
to hurt.

yeah, i guess its true.
i want him, to hurt him.

But have i not been a predator?
to Mike, John, to Yves, Solomon, to Paul, Peter
to Ayo, Ben, to Tyrone, and the man with dreads...
to many nameless ones
have they never wished me pain?
have i never broken some hearts?

so why would i wish him pain?

i got what i was meant to have.
i got an experience.
a chance to be in their shoes.

A cry i cant seem to hear

North east of ma 'censtor's land
rhyming to the beats of a world gone wrong
weeps a cry i cant seem to hear
and i hope to someday spell help
to someday spread aid
in ways never before done
weeps a cry that i cant seem to bear
but i am one, you are two
three,
four,
five...
thousands of billions of us that have eloped
and we never look back
long enough to quit blogging
long enough past the news flashes
long enough to get out there
long enough to get this tear shed
long enough!
to mourn the dead and lost
in Darfur.

And to think that could'a been ma motha
she coulda been your "nana"
and he could'a been the brotha i never had
and they! THey! THEM down there laying dead in them pits!
one'a dem
yeah, might've been the one with four resected digits
the one with one shot to the knee- bled till the eve of the day
the one that lost hope; died under the ghastly bodies
or the one that had a few short flashes of a 8year worth lifetime
the child that never saw it coming...
... till he woke up at the gates...
and maybe there will he get some rest!!!
but it is so damn troubling!
because that child, that there laying lifeless all dismembered in that desert!!!
that one nameless "DOE" of the multitude
that could be me
i could'a been that
and they, they coulda been me
somewhere south Europe, northeast of Tunisia
could'a been the ones blogging
sending an e-nudge to herself disguised as a call to you
to get help to get up to get hopeful enough to get going
or at least, to feel sorry enough
to mourn the dead and lost
to mourn the lives that are yet to die
and the ones that may survive
in Darfur

Lost (continued)

and only 50minutes later, the circle has been completed.
And i hate to say i told you so
so i wont.
but i will ask
"So, babe...Is this it? Or will you need to make yet, another round?"

Today,

i managed to break a promise i'd made to myself.
i managed to miss a test.
5% gone down the drain.

what else did i do today?
oh!
I'm crossing Mr. Etienne out.
I cant be with him.
It isnt fair to keep him around.
So i wont.

I dont think he understands, i told him he needs someone that likes him better, but he didnt seem to understand. Blinded by infatuation and (dare i say?) desperation, this man refuses to see himself as the king he is. He refuses to be reminded that he deserves unwaivering love...
a type i cant give him.
But just because he is blind, doesnt mean i have to lead him to the river to drown. I will let him go. as hard as it is for me, i will.

And on to other businesses,...

Lost

Cried. Not. For. You. But. For. The. Journey. You. Go. Through.
Cried.
Not because i wanted to but because i had no clue what else to do.
Cried.
For the taste of shame that i get in my mind-buds when i think of the way you must feel.
CRYing.
In anticipation of the regrets that is to come.

And i cant do anything! I must be a saviour, cause it hurts not to fufil me.
But i know not to move an inch, to speak a word, mums the word.
As i drive you over to the pain that mauls you, i felt i was driving you through a journey you must go through.

And if you were to wake in the paths of it, and decide to skip the beat...
or if you were to opt to complete it... finish to the bottom'd pit
And if you were to never wake, never see, never breathe the life that i wish for you

My dream for you, is mine. Though you are its major character... it remains, mine.
You dream as you please, you live as you please.
Who am I to dream, for you?

And though i hate to admit it,
theres a human part of me, that wants to believe that this is different. That wants to mimic your faith, hold on to it and endure...
But that part of me, is you.
And you, have been fucked way too many times.
So maybe, just maybe that part of me,
should know better.

Hey, but we wont know!
Till we've known.

One Impossible Kiss

This must be the most impossible kiss
the one that halts before its conceived,
hard to breathe a thing that doesnt live.

If it isnt there, however will i find it?

And there we roll, hoping to pass the night
Hoping to get a touch, maybe cop a feel
feel a tinge of some of that old familiar ting

Must what isnt felt, be forced?

But in those eyes, lies the greatest yearns
Looking in it begging to beheld
And dont we all deserve some love?

Though pity isnt same as it.

So lost, in its confusions.
If i cant have what i want,
do i learn to love what i have?

But woe betides the "have"
the day "want" arrives.
For what i want, will always be cherished.
thinking,
remembering...
i once wanted, till i lost the veil.
Though the pain refused to shed with it.
And apparently, neither did the bad habit.

But hey! a kiss is only a kiss is a kiss is a kiss!
why is it so hard, to give a damn kiss?!

Need a roomie, anyone?

I got an eviction letter three days ago.
Sad thing is that i've had the money on m account all month,
but hey! it dosent matter if i had the money. They didnt get their money, thats all that matters... and now, they want me to gerrout...
so, blogville please help ohhhh!!!
who is up for taking me in?

Date with Mistah Etienne

So that day after work, i went over into town as planned, to meet Etienne.
To say that i was nervous is to say the least.
I was late.
no, i take that back.
I was MEGA late.
I was to be there at 2pm, but didnt leave home till 2:45pm and didnt get there till 4pm!
The plan was that i would pick him up from school since he'd mentioned that he doesnt drive to scjool anyway.
So i figured, i'd pick him up.
But good thing was that day he said he was running late for school so he couldnt take the public transportation system, he opted to drive. That helped.
AT 3:30pm, i was at the area where we were to meet, but my nerves wouldnt let me move any further. I stopped by the closest plaza and bought a lipgloss, got into the car and fixed my make-up.
i'd be damned if i went on a first date looking bare, God forbid bad thing.
lol joke is, give me three months in a relationship with this guy and i probably would've stopped wearing make-up to see him. lol

Okay, 3:55pm... so decided to go ahead, and meet my fate.
Drove down, all the while on the phone with him...
i got there, looked around...
"okay so make a left on Bruha street"
"okay, then..." i replied. He didnt know i was already there, i stayed in the car, looking around frantically, searching for him... he was there, in the second car nect to me. In a van, he didnt see me.
"and then make a left into the first plaza"
"but i'm already here."
"You are? where?"
"I'm coming out"
and so did he.
We met.

"So you're Truth!"
"I sure am, mister!"
we huged.

Inside, we had a nice ordered.
"I think i'll have the fresh-fish pepper soup..."
"me too!"
"yeah, with some malt"
"yeah me too"
"with maybe pounded yam and ogbono soup?"
"ogbonnno? whats that? yeah, i'll have that too!"
i laughed. He'd like whatever i'd like... yeah okay...
I asked "Etienne, do you feel like you must have something because i'm having it?"
he laughed "no, i just feel like i should have it because if you picked it, it must be good" he continued "besides, i dont know these meals like you do"
"true. okay, do you like spinach sauces or do you prefer drawy sauces"
"spinach."
"then you should try the melon and spinach soup"
"oh, okay i'll try that."
and we ordered.

While we waited, i got the chance to look at Etienne.
His tone, his color, is like mine. But i've got a reddish tone to my black. His is pure darkness, more matte than i am. His teeth look white, straight... unlike my crooked ones. He's got a mole on his cheek... his eyes! oh , his eyes deserve a post on their own. My ex TBS, had sleepy eyes... Etienne, has tired eyes. I actually asked him if he was tired, and he said "no, thats just how my eyes look". Puffy, swollen, almost closed eyes.
His lips, are interesting. I dont think i have ever seen anyone with more bland lips. They dont make any statement. Not small, not big, not thin, not thick, not anything... they just sit there... nothing. He has got a black-man's-nose syndrome; wide, flat, and big. His head reminds me of the letter A. Cone-shaped.
With all this said, i think he looked better in person, than he does in his pics.
Through the whole dinner, mister man looked through me. He was dead shy. I wasnt.
We had a nice meal, ate and talked... we realised we were actually at a few parties together this summer, just didnt meet.
I paid for the meal, he protested but i had my pride to protect, so i insisted. We made a deal that he'd pay for the next one. For some reason, i always pay for my first dates. A man that insists on paying is only wating his time. I pay! its just what i do.
We had a nice time, and eventually said adios, and went home.
On my way home, i forgot to give him a CD i had promised him so we met up again and i left it from him.
Thanks ato my poor driving directions, i got lost, and he assisted me to get back onto the freeway.
Then i went to meet with Kiss, and we went out.


Overall, i dont think i felt particularly physically attracted to Etienne. It is such a struggle letting go of the man i pictued him to be and the man I had dinner with. When you talk with someone on the phone before you get to meet them, you get an idea, formulated with your perception of thier voice... he is different than i heard.
I have since met him two more times. Once, he came over and we made cheesecake together at 2am, and one more time along with Kiss when we went out to dinner. I needed a second opinion so i had asked Kiss to come along.

The Cheesecake Bakingdate
He came over, and we made the cake. He made it as i gave him the instructions. It was nice, we got to talk. And because i'm perverted, i made a lot of sexual innuendos which he found to be funny...
We ate cup- cheesecakes, and watched Nigerian movies that he'd brought over. I was too shy to say "Lets go to bed" but i managed to grab a blanket from the linen closet, and we managed to sleep in the couch. I dont think he slept, and i did only intermittently. I was boiling. For some reason, my home felt hotter than usual. I was literally sweating. It got to a point that he actually asked me if i was okay.
We went around the house, tuened all the heaters off and opened the windows.
It was a rough night,... sleeping in a couch with a man that i wasnt comfortable with, was hard.
And this was our second meeting, but we didnt kiss.

Three to Tango
Last time i saw Etienne was at our date with Kiss. On our way down tot he restaurant, i called him to ask how far away he was, and he didnt answer his phone. This told me that he hadnt left home yet and like i guessed, he hadnt. I had gotten to learn that Etienne is HORRIBLE with timing. Like myself, hes late with EVERYTHING! If anyone out there is late like I am, i'm sure you know what its like to ignore calls when you are late. I do it all the time, so when he called me and said he was not going to be able to make it, that he hadnt left home yet and that the reason he didnt pick up my calls was because he didnt hear the phone ring, i felt that it was silly that he thought he had to lie to me.
"Etienne, i'm always late so i know that when you didnt answer your phone, it was because you were late"
"Yeah, i'm sorry. I just didnt know what to tell you."
Somehow, i just prefer honesty.
"Well Etienne, i can excuse you not showing up or fro being late for a dinner date with just the two of us because i too, am never on time. But Kiss is a friend of mine that i had made clear to you that i respect. So excuse me if i say that i find it ridiculous that you are not only telling me that you wont be there for the dinner, but you are also cancelling."
"You know what? you are so right" he continues. "I'm sorry. okay, um... is it okay if i still come? I'll be there in 40minutes, if thats okay by you two?"
"i dont know"
"kay, i'll see you then. thank you"


Kiss and I had some tea and hot-and-sour soup as we waited.
and then he arrived.
Kiss confirmed a lot of my concerns, and dismissed some.
I didnt kiss him that night, he kissed me on the cheek and i tell you, that was nerve wrecking for me.
Why this man makes me so nervous is beyond me.
But whatever the case may be, i am willing to find out.
and we are yet to kiss.

ok, i'm hitting the sack. nitey nite everyone!

There must be someone up there yonder...

Having a good laugh at this joke.
So i get an apple, with no teeth to bite with
the moment that apple rots, i toss it in the garbage,
alas! my teeth start to grow!

life is a big ol joke.

Introducing... Etienne

I met him online
I'd like to keep the website secret so, i will.
I like him, i do. why?

Etienne is from Congo. In his 28years, he has lived in France, Brazil, and now, here.
4th year of univ, Etienne will be a Statistian (um, is that a word?)

But what i enjoy the most about Etienne, is that he is a gentleman.
He is a thinker, a gentle soul.
Analytical.
Very family oriented.
He stands as an individual. Does not expect me to slave off in a kitchen (at least thats what he says) otherwise i wouldn't even be talking to him. He doesn't cook much. But is looking forward to learning. He'd love to learn to cook.
So tomorrow, we'll be going out to eat African meals.
and i'll be meeting him for the first time.
And i hope there'll be as much physical attraction.
Someone keep their fingers crossed for me.

Waking up

I have this one dream
that i still dream
and to live it
would be the greatest joy of me

Had a stir
a shrug
a shift

and now it is
that i live that dream.

Answer Pleasee....

At her brother's funeral, a girl sees a mysterious looking man.
Tall, dark, beautifully shaped.
She stared at him all through the event, discretely though. No one was to know her thoughts.
It was her brothers funeral, afterall. She was to be mourning and saying goodbye.
Instead, she found herself loving a stranger, and yearnig to say "Hello".

As the funeral ended, she lost track of him.
The people at the site had crowded her to express their sympathies...
Secretly, she wished they hadn't.

The man was gone.
She was upset.
Her crush was lost.

Two days later, her sister died.
It was a murder.
Someone had killed her.

1.Who do you think killed her sister?
2.Why?

How to escape a speeding ticket on halloween night.

So it was a gracious night. Halloween night!
And there i was, dressed as a BellyDancer. Kiss and I decided to go out. We went to this club called Sign243 and were supposed to meet China and 2 other friends there but we got there so late, that we couldnt get in.
So we went to this other club where White men, and Naija Yahooze boys tend to frequent. We go there for the former, by the way. We usually ignore the latter.
Anyway, that wasnt bad,... then we left there.
I was driving, and since i have a bad case of ADD, i wasnt suprised to note myself turning left at a red light! See the funny thing is, before i started to make the turn, i wasnt aware of what i was about to do but the moment i started to make the turn i realised it but, it was too late! I mean, i wasnt about to just stop in the middle of traffic so i can get hit! I had to finish that turn, so i did.
"Emm... oh sheeet! i'm making a left turn at a red light!"
Kiss: "oh,... err..."
"Oh darn"
I hadnt even finished my "darn" when i heard the sirens behind me.
Okay, heres the thing! There are numerous times when i've violated traffic laws just because i felt like it, just because i was lazy, just for the high, WHATEVARRRRRR! WHY did it have to be the one time that i REALLY didnt mean to do it, that i'd get caught?!???

Well, i'm not a runner and i wasnt about to start that night so i pulled over and assessed my fate.
Kiss: "Jesu! Opari oh! wetinb we go do?"
"hmm, " i couldnt say anything. I just prayed they dont smell the alcohol i'd drank on my breath, or sensed that i had numerous OVERDUEEE unpaid tickets or sensed that my lights dont work.
Kiss: "Truth, lets beg them"
"Beg gini? you think this is Nigeria?"

So, they arrived. One on my side, one on Kiss's side. Almost seems so darn rehearsed.

"Hi Officers!" Teeth a'gleaming.
Officer#1: "Hi, you just ran a red light there."
"Yeah i know, i dont know what i was thinkging, i didnt know till i'd done it"
Officer#1: "I dont know what you were thinking, i mean... who runs red lights with cops right behind them?"
Kiss starts her flirting with Officer#2 "We're so sorry. we're students and we never disobey the laws. That was a mistake. " she added, with her "sweet sexy girl" voice impersonation. She was almost deathly annoying. I thought, here i was trying to be professional and nice so i'd get the least penalty i could, and there she was, flirting with the officer!
Officer#2 "Students? i see"
Officer#1 "where are you guys coming from?"
"From a halloween party!"
"YEah? what club?"
"Sign243"
"May i see your driver's licence?"
I gave it to him.
He left with it, while Kiss seized yet another oppourtunity to flirt with the second officer.
"So, officer, do you like what we have on?"oh geez! i couldnt believe it.i was starting to enjoy her flirting with him but i wondered if it'd be irritating to them. I mean, i'm sure they get TONS of females who try this with them everynight! "My friend is dressed as a belly dancer"
"Really?"
"Yeah!" she turns to me "Truth, go ahead, show the gentleman your costume..."
"KISS, are you out of your..."
Officer #2 "sure, let me see it"
i thought, chei! i don suffer! this modeling i'm about to do better pay off...
i took my coat off, got out of the car and strutted ma stuff lol. I got so shy when i got out of the car. There wasnt only one police car but another police van/SUV (hell, i didnt even know those existed!) out there.
I heared some howling, but i was too shy to stand up to them. i got back in the car.
Officer#2 "Thats hot!"
I responded "Wel, if you think thats hot, you should see my friend's dress. Shes banging"
See, Truth betold, Kiss has a hot body. And the dress she had on that night, accentuated her assets. She didnt even let me finish. She prang to the oppourtunity to show herself off. She took her coat off and got out of the car. Turned and swirled...
They loved her. It was cute. lol. Big grown cops salivating over what they couldnt have experienced if were not for their uniforms.
Officer #1 returned to the car.
"Okay, i see you dont have your insurance card"
I didnt get it. I wanted to argue that i DO have my insurance card "No, but officer, i ..."
"No you dont!" he cut me short "and since you dont have you insurance card, i'm going to have to give you a $60ticket for that instead of the $200 (and 4 demerit points!!!) ticket that you should have gotten for running a red light"
I gleamed. My happiness was unmeasurable. $200? Where forth would i have acquired such sum? lmao!
"and since you two are dressed so nice, i'll just give you a warning"
lmao! i wanted to die.
They wished us goodnight, bid us farewell, and left.

Unbelievable.
Surely theres a heaven on earth.
We experience it once in a while.
Like a little treat.
We had a taste of pardoned-heaven that night.
and no... i still havent paid the numerous overdue tickets i have (which i know the cop must have seen on his monitor that night when he checked my licence) and neither have i fixed my lights.

learn to be a friend

I have to learn to be a friend.
No, i dont mean it that way.
i mean, i actually really have to learn how to be a friend.
how to be;
selfless!!!

Damn, of all the characters in the world to get stuck with,
WHY MUST I BE THE TYPE TO BE STUCK WITH A SELFISH PERSONALITY?!?

oh, and i think i have to learn to drop my pride.
i have to learn to hug more,
and to shut up when people are down.
***worst time to give advises is when its too late***
and i have to learn to learn.

REMINDER TO SELF:
1.you are not better than people. Everryone has their welanesses and strengths so why must you point their weakenesses out? Are you any better?
2. cant blame anyone for anything. you do not know their expereinces, you do not know what it is like to be them.
3.walking in someone's shoes is a theory. it is practically impossible. learn to be as empathetic as possible.
4. appologise (fuk! it aint dat hard!)
5.love. and let them know.

Yet.

Aint this som' oddshit?!
you aint even here, yet i feel you
your hold when it glides on my right hand
your palm on my hand!
aint this some screwshit!
am i goin crazy?
must be sum different level of insanity
you dream up till it comes up.

i feel the tingle beaneath me
better than i'd feel when he'd touch me
hell i cant even top this
my toys do nothing like you do
and this here is the master of her clit
but YOU!
you ... Mr. Who?
you gimmeee...
these feelings, and you aint even here!

and if this is what you do to me
with your absence
with your face bare, and your features; air
i dont know what i see but i see you
when you console me and you take me there
i dont see no face
but your skin makes me wanna go to bed
i cant tell who you are yet
aint this some fukry!

you aint even here,
and i am so in love!
so fuckin in love
so sweetly in love
the way you seem to care
no voice attached, neva' heard you speak
you come, you stay, you love and you go
so fuckin in love
so sweetly in love
the way you give respect
no touch ever wrong, neva' had to lead you there
..........................................
and you aint even here.
and we aint neva' met
you aint never been anywhere
but ma head
and i wish you'd come with me
when i'd cross over to reality
but real seems to melt you away
you seem to live so darn perfectly
in that beautified space
...ma realest dreams.
yet.