Introducing... Mr. Deik

I had told myself it would never happen. I had said that i would never do it. And in my defense, it really wasnt what i was expecting. I had simply logged on, hoping to get away from this life.
... logged on to the e-world ...
typed it out... 1234chatwithwhoever.com andddd... ENTER!

Name? username? hmm.. how about "Truthurts" andddd... ENTER!

I looked around the room, checked on the list... no one i really recognized. So, i chatted away... about absolutely nothing. We talked about my fav, topics; Equality, Societal gender stereotypes, Sex and the likes...

OH! what is this! A private message? i'm feeling a little nice today so i'll respond.
"Hi"
"How are you?"
"Fine"
"Where are you chatting from?"
"Bruhal" i lied "and you?"
"I'm in Bruhal too!"
We talked for a while and exchanged IMaddresses.
I added him instantly.

We talked, and i realised we had similar backgrounds. WHen he said he was Yoruba, i wanted to scream! Oh NO! Not another small dickie! okay, i'm sorry, i really am. The one and only yoruba man i dated had a pinky for a penis. It was sad. so excuse my fret!

But i'm not the easiest person to deal with. I am quite unconventional and he seemed to be traditional. I have always said that i can never be submissive to anything that does not honor me. Accordingly, i simply handpick the qualities within my culture/society that does that. Somebody shoot me for wanting the bes for myself... because that is all i want from this life.

So needless to say, Deik and i had quite a few clashes. We wuld talk for a bit and then stop communitating. Off and on.. just like that. Besides, I was in love with the act of another man at the time. And even after i fell out of love with that "play", i became wise, and hurt. I needed time to heal.

That was in October.
This is now.

In January, Deik and I decided to meet. He was to come over to my place. By then had already came clean to him about where i lived. He drove 50minutes to my place since i live out of the city. When he arrived, he called me
"Oh, are you outside?"
"yeah."
"Okay, i'll be out in a minute"
"Hurry oh! Because i have to use the bathroom"
LMAO my ppl! isnt that the oldest trick in the bookQ! so i replied
"No problem, i'll hurry out so we can get to the cafe so you could use the bathroom"

WHen i met him downstairs i thought he looked TOTALLY diferent from what i had pictured. He was MUCH smaller in weight and just as short. He had warned me about his height, so i was grateful for that. ABout 5'8... i wanted to laugh when he came to open my door, only for me to stand about same height as him. I hadnt dated a short man in a long time. This would take some getting used to.

Needless to say, by the time we got to the restaurant he said he didnt need to pee anymore. I wonder why...

We've been talking since then. With everything that i had been going through recetly, he had just been so suppportive, and encouraging. I thank God for everything.

Then came the questions "I would like to have a commited relationship with you"
jesus!
Okay, my people... let me explain it like this... COMMITMENTS GIVE ME THE JITTERS! I don know what it is about commiting to one person that makes me so nervous, and anxious! I LOVE dating, so when i get caught up in a position where a man wants to take it further, i get so nervous! i mean... does this mean i have to stop seeing other men?! what if i dont like him anymore but dont want to break up with him because i'm emotionally attached to him?! What if he starts thinkingthat maybe he would like to get married and i'm still not ready?! What if he has STDs?! What if, what if, what iffffssssss!!!

"UM... Truth? are you still there?"
".. hhyeahh.. um... Deik, i;m going through some hard times right now... can we discuss this when i get these isues resolved?"
"Sure"

He gave me a three-day break and asked again. This time, he caught me in a bad mood.
"You know what! dont want a relationship right now! i dont! besides, when and if i'm ready for one, you'll know. i need time to think, let me call you back"

We didnt talk for two days. I thought he would never call. I was glad when he did.

We've been talking since. The sexual tension between us is almost unbearable. He has come to visit thrice. The last time, he grilled me some shrimps... and lord knows the one sure-fire way to my heart is through my stomach. lol.

Hes met Darque and they seme to get along. This is important to me because i dont think i can be with a man who doesnt like dogs. not at this point.
A week ago, he had to move three states away. He is a contract lecturer and will be gone for six months. Hes only been gone a week... but lord knows i miss him. Tonight, i'll be flying over to see him. He found a place where he is, but has no furnitures yet... he also has a room mate.

I have tried to ignore him a bit and i hate to depict myself as this helpless being but truth is, i think i want him to hold my hand. He inspires me to grow, to do things that i havent been able to do. I want to steal a hint of his drive...
oh, and i want a piece of his dick.


This is my prayer:
Lord, you know how psychotically attached i get to my partners when i get in relationships. If this man isnt right for me... let me not go over to his place because i dont need another mistake of a man in my life at this point.

Okay, as i promised myself, i will compare him to my 10 commandments rule!
1.Never Settle: oh lord, this is harder than i presumed. I dont think i'm settling... am i? people, is the fact that hes shorter than i would have preffered settling?

2.Only those who encourages your dreams: Amen!

3.No discrimination: N/A

4.Honor with truth: I have failed this woefully! Okay, so remember i met Deik online, well the next day i talked to him, we had a misunderstanding and we didnt talk for a while. I went back to that chatroom with a different name only for thesame Deik to start chatting with me. Curious to know what he would say to this new character of mine, i told him a different name. Unfortunately, he had another argument with that other character of mine... and they stopped talking (permanently). I never told him about this. A week later, thesame thing happpened. this time, i had a third name. I got sick of him and ended up deleting his numbers because i got the feeling he was doing that with every girl in that room. I've decideed to confront him about this, when i go to see him tonight.

5.Put thee first: amen to this! its been my motto for as long as i can remember.

6.Healthy men only: He isnt combative (though he likes to tease), he doesnt smoke neither does he drink. For the most part, he d\seems healthy but hes so dedicated to his career... thats not always a good thing.

7. Hes got his own business and is educated. Currently at the Masters level.

8.Pride: Being the tradiional man that he is, he tends to just swallow his pride in some cases... other times, he can be sort of proud. Hard to explain

9.Nothing but adoration: amen!

10.Love thyself: always!