Mr. Brace

I remember meeting him at this one club. That night, the club was packed. And i must say, the music was SOOO live! We danced and i couldnt help but to fall in love with him. I love it when a man can dance!

So i gave him my number. He looked yonger, but i thought i'd worry about that later.


He said his name was Brace. He worked security at the local supermarket... to say didnt like him would be to lie. I liked his personality. He was mighty reserved. never the type to raise his voice. The type that just never seemed to fret about anything.

So, how old are you, Brace?
"I'm 23"

hmm... too young.
But i tried. I kept him around for a while. i would have kept him around for longer. I would have loved to take it further. but i couldnt get past my discrimination.
I could never date a younger man.
Soon the calls trailed... one day, two day, a year...

I went out to get some groceries, left Darque in the car so i knew i had to hurry. Walked into the store, looked up. There about 30 feet away from me, stood a security guard. I wondered why he was staring at me so hard. Hmm... i looked up and him and it was like neither one of us was going to look away. Eventually, i decided to say hi
"hi!"
"hi, whats up?"
i didnt respond. Mission accomplished. He had stopped gawking.

Came back to the cash register before i realised who it was.
"Did you use to live in Maguratan?"
i looked at him... holy smokes!
"Yeah! oh my! i didnt know it was you! what was your name again?"
"Brace"
"righhttt! woow, nice to see you again"
we talked for a while and i took his number.
Awesome guy. Gentle hearted thug.

I cant wait to talk to him... we can catch up. But i know nothing romantic will come out of it.

How to be sick

I just got home from an outing with the girls; Bra, China, and Caty. So! I had just gotten my car the day before (yeah, congratulations to me!) but hmm... well, Pipi had asked if i could drive both her and Bra over to the bar we were going to for the night. They knew that i had gotten the car, they knew that it was a shift (stick, manual, standard), they also knew that i had never owned a shift car... (okay my Blogville ppl, follow me on this!)

So what business was there of mine with a manual car???
WELL! I FELL IN LOVE! I FELL IN LOVE WITH A CAR THAT IS MANUAL AND DECIDED TO LEARN TO DRIVE MANUAL`!

Some of you may know that i have been going through some tough times lately, well those times got even tougher when i decided to buy a car that i love and not one that i could drive. Stupid? yes. Real? also, yes.

Deep inside this soul of mine is a really irrational too-damn-spontaneous-for-her-own-good chic that tends to do things just because she thinks she can. Well, its certainly made a Uturn to bite a chunck off my bottom!

So anyway, i got to their house and thankfully, Bra had driven over to Pipi's house making it much easier. Foxy was to meet us there. I got to Pipi's house, barely! While driving on the freeway, i was fine. But on the streets?! Oh my goodness! Stopping at the lights meant hell because once it turns green and i had to move, it would take me years and a lot of stuggle! anyway, i managed to keep the engine going till i got to Pipi's driveway.

So i went in, got ready. Got in the car... started driving...
China: are you okay?
Truth: yeah, just learnt how to drive yesterday... (i should have stopped here but...) yeah, i learnt it in one and a half hours.
Bra (eyes bulging): WHATTTT!!okay, i'll try not to freak
China: well, she drove here so she should be okay.

And i was, till i got to a hill! It was at a stop light so i had to stop. Now if any readers out there drives stick, you'll know that going up a hill is tricky and stopping at one is even tricky-er! Once you try to drive, the car slides backward toward the bottom of the hill! Oh lawd, so anyway, i put my hazard signals on hoping that the car behind me would move so i wouldnt reverse into it. For what seemed like eternity, the driver wouldnt budge. we were at a stop light on a busy street. Eventually, he moved, blaring his horn at me like it was his abosolute revenge! But even after he left, i couldnt get the car to stop rolling back. So i turned it off.

The girls were panicking.
Bra called her boyfie
Bra: babe! can you teach Truth how to drive a manual?
China was in the backseat, cracking up
Bra:no, i mean... now! We're on Bunir street, at a stop light, and she cant drive it.

Eventually, Bra's boyfie decided he'll come down to meet us. he would drive down with his car (automatic) that way,we could switch cars. I would drive his auto and he, my manual.It was the perfect plan for the stupidest situation. Until the cops arrived.

Once we saw them, i knew we had to make something up.
i turned to the girls "Okay, tell them i'm sick!"
Bra: yeah, tell them you feel like vomiting!
Cop 1 came up to the window: Is everything alright, ladies?
Truth: (pretending to be sick) i.. feel... like so nauseous
Cop 1: oh, you shouldnt be driving then... do you need an ambulance?
Ambu-whaaa! I dont want an ambulance! What if they find out theres nothing wrong with me! I just want to go out and party for my birthday cotdanggit!!! but i had to pretend, so...
Truth: yeah, i need gravol

And so an ambulance was called. In the meantime, i pretended i was going to throw up while Bra rubbed my back. It was the funniest thing ever. We were there for an hour. Caty showed up, i looked up at her and cursed her under my breath for not keeping a straight face. They couldnt tell, but i knew her heart was tearing up with laughter because she knew i was pretending. Bra called her boyfie and told him about the lie. the ambulance and paramedics showed up. If they assessed me, i would have to go to the hospital. HELL NAW! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY BIRTHDAY OUTING!!! I DONT WANT TO SPEND IT IN SOME HOSPITAL!!!

They asked me if i wanted an assessment and i refused, I reassured them that i would go to the local pharmacy to pick up some gravol. Bra's boyfie got in my car while Bra took his. As we were driving, the cops followed us for a while but they eventually left. So, Bra's boyfie and i got to talking and supposedly, i had been using the wrong gears! On the freeway, i was using gear2! and on the regular streets, i was on gear 1! Okay, lesson learned!

The girls and i had a good laugh about the acting we did. LOL! Life is so funny.
We went out to a bar, had a blast. One of the best times i have ever had. HAD A BLAST! Mr. Diek called but i didnt get to speak with him, called him when i got home, but he was already asleep i think... oh wait... backup! I havent even bloged about Mr. Diek!

Okay, i'm too tired now but i'll blog about him tomorrow or something. I'm crashing at Pipi's house, too tired to drive home!

Had a blast last night! Thank God for everything!

Mr. Bail ran halfway through the family!

Okay, i've always wanted to share this guy's story but i just havent had the time to give a shit about writing about him. Well, i still dont. But i thought to write about something a little different... anyway, let me tell you about Mr. Bail.

I was online, chatting once like i sometimes do when i came across these two men. We seemed to be having a great convo. The other guy was discussing about his wife and kids, i was discussing about my inability to tolerate kids, and the man who was to become Mr. Bail was talking about both, with us. It was a great convo! Eventually the conversation ended and Mr. Bail sent me a private message asking if he could call me. I asked him for his number and he gave it to me. I called him shortly after. I was dead bored, besides, he had mentioned that he lived near where i do. So i called him. Just as we started to speak, things went a little funny. No not funny as in "haha" comedian funny but funny as in raise an eyebrow funny!

I asked Mr. Bail where he was from and he said he lived in NY (USA) and Buffalo (Canada). So what was he doing where i was? hes like "I'm here to visit some friends"

And why does he live in 2 different places? If my life was a movie at that moment, "Yahooze" would have been the soundtrack played. My flags went up, but something else made me continue the conversation (other than the fact that he seemed so intriguing and all).

I asked him how old he was, "39"
LOL my grandfather would roll in his grave lollll
I asked him if he had ever been married "Yes, twice"
LOL there goes another roll for old granpiii
I asked him if hes got kids "Yes, 2"
okay, at this point, i'm sure all my ancestors were doing backflips. it was evident, i was dealing with an ol school man. Then some infos started to synapse in my head...

My sisters Fierce and Aqua are both married. But before they did, they dated quite a lot of naija men. They are younger than Mr. Bail but being that my sisters are quite popular, i thought i better ask... but he beat me to it...

"Where did you say you live?"
"In Oaktown. But i'm in Aluwahlia at my mom's house now"
"Your mom lives there?"
"Yeah"
"I see. And your dad too?"
"No, they are divorced"
"Oh, goodness!" no, the way he said it, it wasnt like he was saying it because he was shocked that my parents are divorced. He said it like he had an "aha!" moment, like a light bulb just popped up in his head or something.
"what?"
"how many sisters do you have?" I automatically knew where this was going. i had been here before...Oh no, not again, not again, not...
"3"
"Did any of them use to live at VanKirst?" Dammit! Not again!!!
"Yeah." he let out a big laugh!
"I know you."

And he did. My mind raced back to years ago... i remember VanKirst. I was at Vankirst, visiting my sisters when i had my first period. How could i forget... i was young, they were too, but they were in their late teen/early 20s. They use to date a lot and they had a lot of admirers. So, i was exposed to these admirers, but i was just as equally protected from them. But once, Aqua allowed me to speak with one of them, over the phone. Till this day, i am yet to speak with any man with a milkier voice. He made me think Barry White had came back to life. I had a crush on him instantly... faster than you could spell "un-oh!"... and that crush disappeared the moment i gave the phone back and looked on my sister's blushing face
"Isnt he so sexy?"
"hmm... hes okay" I couldnt get myself to admit it. Not after seeing how she liked him (or crushed him). He, was the young Mr. Bail.

So once he realised it was me, he seemed ecstatic.
"I use to talk to your sisters, we were friends" I wanted to ask "what sort of friends?" but words failed me.
"I use to think at that time that your sister was the love of my life. But i coulnt do anything about it because i was going through my first divorce."LOL! "first" lmaoooooooo. Anyway, he continued...
"Aqua was such a good friend. A great friend. And she introduced me to Fierce"
now, i'm getting a clearer picture. Now, knowing Aqua, she probably wouldnt transfer a man to Fierce unless she thinks that hes short or too old for her or something (Aqua is tall. Much taller than Fierce. Aqua is younger.). I thought something was odd.
"I like you so much. It seems i'm meant to be with someone from your family. I mean, first it was Aqua, then Fierce, then you"
WTF! WTFFFFF! What the furrkkkk is this man saying? my head was running slow at that time but it was burning with each step!
"Well, Bail you know i still have one more sister" pun intended!!!
"LOL no, the third time is a charm"

Like all other "misters" that have tried to run through my family, i thought to cripple this one before it takes its next step. We decided to meet.

I decided to meet him by my friend's house. It was quite interesting. When we met, i fell in love! The devil is a liar, for he knows what he does. My Yahooze radar kept alarming once i saw his car.
This man was beautiful!
"You're like a cross between Jill Scott and Erykah Badu" Cheasiest line a man has ever uttered to me, though i loved it!
We talked for hours! I had parked my car and gotten into his. I was about 100km from home. He was about 200km away from his hotel. We'd been talking for hours!
"Let me get you a hotel" Please re read that statement of his. Yeah, he said "you", right? So i decided to ask...
"Where would YoU sleep?"
"On the couch" LMAO does this man think i'm really stupid? whats going on>??? i must have a stupid looking outfit on or something!
"You want to get the hotel so we could both sleep in there? So really what you meant to ask me was if you could get US a hotel"
He laughed. "come on... i would sleep on the couch. You look really tired, i dont want you driving so late when you're so tired. At least you could rest a bit at a hotel"
"Bail, if you want to get me a hotel because you cared, you wouldnt squeeze yourself into the offer. Dont try to make it seem like you're trying to do me a favor. Thanks anyway"

anyway, the night ended. On a good but hell' of confusing note. I knew i wasnt hearing the full gist. I had to talk to my sisters.

I called Fierce at work the next day
"Do you know a guy named Bail?"
"Bail?..." she searched through her repetoire... " bail, bail, bail..." she asked..."what does he look like?"
"dark skinned, older, cute..."
"did he say he knew me?"
"Yeah, you and Aqua"
"ohhhhh!" UP NEPAAA! there goes another light bulb "yeah! Aqua introduced me to him. why? you know hes like almost 40, right?"
embarrassed, i replied "yah, i know"
"oh okay. hes too old for you."She asked how i met him, i told her everything. Then i guess she realised why i had called. She said "Aqua introduced me to him, he came down from NY, we slept in thesame bed but we didnt do anything. nothing sexual at all. we didnt even kiss"
somehow, i was relieved. I liked this guy. he was so sexy, but "we didnt even kiss" wasnt good enough... not since it came after "we slept in thesame bed"
eww!

I got up the courage to ask Aqua and her story was even more odd.

"LOL! What are you doing talking to Bail? he owes me money!!!"
WTFFFFFF! "Money?"
"Yeah! I trusted him when i first met him. I gave him my bank card..." oh lawd, my sister is so silly... gave? bank card? "to go buy me something and he stole $1,000 FROM MY ACCOUNT!!!"my jaw dropped.
i mean, DROPPED OH!
"yeah, i called him numerous times he said he would pay me back. he never did! kept calling after that but he wouldnt answer his phone, and then he disconnected his line. He called me collect a year later, from jail to ask me to bail him out. I simply asked him if he still owed me a thousand bucks, he said yeah, so i said okay well he can have the thousand bucks. he should use the thousand bucks to bail himself out"
At that point, i wanted a gun. i wanted to shoot him.I thought up a thousand and two ways i could get him, and a few more on how i could screw him over, royally!

But a friend had told me "Its wayyy to exhausting trying to hurt people"
He wasnt worth it.
I never answered his calls.
He called for weeks after. He would even call out my name in the chat room whenever he would see me... send me private messages... but to me, a person who had tried to have relations with 2 of my sisters, stolen from one, is almost forty, married and divorced twice, with two kids, and is yahoozing... really... need i say more???

He wasnt worth it.
Chapter closed.

Nightmare galore!

Whats with these nightmares i'm having?
And it always seems to happen when i sleep in the day and i really didnt wantto sleep today but i had one of those headaches that just wouldnt go away! So i forced myself to take a nap,

In my dream, i had gone out with a male friend and we met a white girk friend of his there. I decided to drop them off at home when the night was over. On our way to their place, we passed by these cops like about 150 miles before their house. I dropped them off, then proceeded to try to get into my car,...

And out of nowhere came this black dark skinned guy! He jacked me for my car!!!

And in the dream i remember telling him "Oh Hell naw! you cant even do that! I just got jacked twice recently and this is the replacement car for my car that was stolen and the car that wAS stolen was the replacement car for the one before then!"

He didnt seem to care, he stole my car from me.

And i tried to scream but no one heard me even though it was quiet outside and the neighbours were still asleep and the cops were just down the street.

Oh it was devastating in that dream! And just after it happened, my friend popped his head outof his apartment building to yell "Good Night!" at me... He stopped, looked out and asked where my car was, i told him i just got jacked.

"Again?!"

And then i woke up.

No, seriously,... whats with these dreams???

Dedicated to us.

Dedicated to us. The fighters, the soldiers, the children, the victims, the predators. Us, the blind men. Us. The protestors.

"Hey mister loverman, can i get a chance to talk to you? cause you are fighting with a dead man's corpse. And you dont know what you do."

Darquest love

I really dont want to cry but i know i'll get teary writting this.

Do you know what she does for me?
Sometimes i watch her and just knowing that she is so vulnerable, so naive yet so carefree, makes me want to hold her.
I want to steal a piece of her somehow. I want to tell her in words that she would understand.
"i love you"
Because you have no idea what you do to me.
And neither do they.
And i understand that. I dont expect them to get it.

I sometimes lay watching her,... my furry little child lol
chewing on just about anything,
no she aint picky!

Table tip, carpet tip, chew her tail, my socks, visitor's shoes, chew just about anything.

I cant stand it when she chews my shoes!
I find myself yelling

"WTF! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAID FOR THAT?"
and i feel stupid right after cause she never gets it. To her, its a game. She simply wags her tail and hops about like a bunny.

She defecates and urinates, EVERYWHERE! (no, really!)
she has marked her territory in my living room, my dinning room, my washroom, my bedroom, AND ON MY BED!!!

I'm learning how to train her and being that i am the lazy nubian goddess that i am, i have decided to litter train her instead of taking her outside to "do her business".

Right now, she is playing by herself, with her toy,,, oh,... there goes another pee in my den!!!
oh lord!

I have banned her from the dinning room (because she poos in there) yet she sneaks in there whenever she thinks i'm not looking. I know because i see her feces in there sometimes and i know they didnt walk there by themselves!!!

She plays hide and seek with me. Hides under the couch, hoping i'd come find her. She plays mudslide only with water... (i hate it when she does this!) she splashes water onto the floor by dipping her paws in her waterbowl, so she can run and slide across the floor. She plays tug of war. I pick up one of her toys and she hops to grab it, eventually she ends up tugging for it. Sometimes when she wants to play, she'll bring one of her toys to me. She plays fetch, but she is horrible at it. When you get her to go fetch something, she goes to get it but never brings it back lol. She plays a few other games that are harder to explain.

She understands a few commands. "Stay", "Stay here", "NO!", "Stop it!", "Good girl", "Get down!", "Get back" "Come get a treat" and of course, her name "Darque" which she usually ignores whenever she wants to be stubborn...

She is a show stopper. Whenever i take her out, i get ready to answer questions about her. She doesnt help matters neither. She craves attention; hops on just about any stranger who shows her ANY bit of attention... yeah... gotta love her!

She takes a lot of naps since shes still a baby. She also tends to whine when i pick her up to take her to her bed. See, she sleeps at my feet till i'm ready to go to bed. Then i usually end up waking her and picking her up, hence the whining...
I go ther a bed. Shes turned it into a toy. She drags her bed all around and chews on it for fun. I've gotten her a travel cab that shes turned into a scratch pen. To scratch the hell out of it is fun for her.

I've given her four baths so far and each time, i get so scared because it takes so long for her to get dry (cant use dryers. shes scared to death of it).

Oh, and shes scared of anything that makes a sound! ANYTHING! she barks at things when they fall (usually things fall because shes disturbed it. then she runs away and proceeds to bark lol).
She isnt very good with other dogs because she is inexperienced with them. In the summer, i'll get her more familiar with other dogs so she can learn not to harass them so much when she sees them. Dogs usually leave her be when she starts barking at them. I guess because they realise that shes just a child... and a small one at that.

I'll try to write more about her... so i can look back years from now and see how much shes grown.


I worry about what is going to happen to her. I have had to be out of work since last year (i was ill... which is part of the reasons why i've been sort of MIA) and havent worked since i have had her. I'll return to work next week. I wonder what i'll do with her. I wonder how i'll care for her and my job since i work 4 cities away from home.

May God help me.

But, shes been my blessing... and my struggle.
I look at her and i want to give her the best i can so we can have the best relationship, so she can have the best health. But being the unstable person that i know i am, i wonder if i didnt short-change the poor soul. But i need her. I need her joy, her ambiance. I need that soul that lays within her. I need the very being that she is that makes her so joyful everytime she sees me. I need the memory shes got that makes her forgive me everytime i am wrong.I use to hit her, then i stopped because i realise it didnt work. havent layed a hand on her since the day i read some research that it would only make her lose trust in me.

She is my dog.
4 pounds, 3 ounces.

And in most cases, she is the one being that loves me the most.
1billion dollars couldnt measure to that.

DREAMSPEAKER? APPLY WITHIN!

Okay, this must be why i never remember my dreams... cause they're so darn horrific!
So i had nothing to do today... i figured i'd take a nap.
Didnt know i was diving into some nightmare realm.
So, i dreamt that i and a friend (dont know who) had gone somewhere to a store. But the store wasnt a sales store, it was a servicice-providing store. Dont remember what sort of service exactly. Probably manicure, physiotherapy or something.
Anyway, we got there and met with the receptionist, a white overweight girl who had her hair in a bundled pony-tai. She appeared to also be one of the regular service providers. I didnt seem to notice much about her but she was a little odd. Anyway, shortly after we got there, her co-workers went off duty. Their shifts were over so we were left there with the one girl.

There we were, when everything seemed to get foggy!
All i remember is that i woke up (in my dream) and there was blood all over! The girl I came with had been killed. I never saw the body but somehow i knew that she had been killed. The staff girl had killed her. And not only had she killed her, she had also attempted to kill me! She had chopped my fingers and other body parts (i dont remember which ones) but they were all still attached to me.

At that point, i was scared. I started brainstorming how to get her to keep me alive. I decided to play the psychiatrist. I started talking to her, million thoughts running through my head but i tried to keep calm. It was all i could do not to scream but i chatted with her, casually. She eventually asked us to go out for drinks and hoping that that would get me on her good side, i accepted. The blood on my clothes was minimal and it was pitch black outside so no one would see the blood. We walked over to some bar that had no one in it, not a soul. We talked and she found that we had a lot in common. The conversation revealed to me that she was angry at the world. She was just so angry!

She alienated herself from the world because she felt like the world was against who she was.
We talked for so long. And after a long conversation, casually decided she was going to go catch the bus to go home (yeah, even though she had a body at her workplace down the street, and another walking butchered meat in her presence). I walked her to the bus stop and as we walked outside, i could see there was absolute chaos out there. There were cops everywhere walking amongst the people waiting for the buses. She seemed to have not noticed the cops as she got in the bus.

"Goodbye gurl"
"Bye hun"

As she got into the bus, i saw her turn around to give a goodbye look. At thesame time, a skinny male cop was passing by me. I wanted to remain calm but I couldnt do it. I got so emotional. I couldnt believe i had escaped with my life. I whispered to the cop "sir, can you wait a minute". He had hardly heard me and asked "Pardon me?". I couldnt repond. I wanted her to be out of sight before i told on her. Besides, i was in tears! Tears ran down my cheeks as i attempted to repond to him. He saw that i was crying and realised that i must have something to do with the body they had just found. As the bus was about to pull away, I crossed the street with him as he held me by the shoulders
"You're going to be okay"
I told him... "I know who did it"

I gave my report to the cops and went in to see blood all over the place. I wanted to see my friend's body. I wanted to see who it was... but...

I woke up to hear Darque (my puppy) scratching my bed, hoping to wake me up (probably because she wanted food!). I wanted to get back to sleep! I wanted to see who it was!

That was a nightmare!!!

ANY DREAMSPEAKERS OUT THERE???

11 months, 10 days... of peace

Sometimes it takes a little to know it all.
This time it took a whirlwind to appreciate it.

And now, i want that back.

Thank the one that looks down
that lets the rain fall.
Thank the one that carved that sun
that curves the moon each time
Thank she that makes those cocoa eves
and the simple joy in smiles.

Thank the God that blesses the earth
so that we never sink to hell///
Thank him that when we step
We dont sink in the dirt

I thank him for the rains of peace
I thank him for the days i have seen
i thank her for the many struggles i have had

Because i know he must be fair
he has no other choice DAMNIT!!!

If i have had this much trouble this year,
He better know that he owes me BIG!
So i'm simply asking him
to give me the rest of the year off...


Now, do you think you can do that for me, God?

Near End

I feel
like i am near end and its chilly out here
like
my winter is coming and i am not ready
i feel like i am
......
i am scared.
of what is to come.
and i want to stop it.
but i couldnt help that one time.
so i cried.

i am. getting there.
and i dont want to be.

Gone like he was never here, Mr. Harley...

Swept up with the waves
and the dirt on my liivng room floor
bones,tissues,the pamphlet that came with the christmas lights...
plastic bag,furs and gourmet sugar packs...
oh... and you...
i'll sweep you up.

Your numbers and that familiar grin that i so longed to own
your
contacts
and
that dark-though-so-damn-clean persona that i wanted to belong
oh how i'll miss that feeling of thinking so surely that you were of the species that i believe must exist
and how i see through what is next well through the next of that
you have no idea how much i know you
though a stranger
i know you, mister sire...

in my memory you lay future played
and i resent you though you've done no wrong.
yet.
in my memory i see you words falsofied and so adored till the day when yesterday will happen.

but i'll cut it short.
save you the game.
save me those hate.

your number, was swept up.