Retraining 101

Better now than later. No worse place than between the sheets with ample absorbent ietms waiting in line to help dry me up.
And this is sad. I know.
Must confess i have had slight urges to do it.
Circles are much easier than angles. But circles are just that; circles. And circles lead no where else but around the bend. And then it bends. and then some more.
And this is hard. i know.
For so long i wanted. And wanted i did. but wants are wants and what are wants if what you want isnt worth none?
an endless hope. what for?
too ashamed to admit it.
Yet i chose to want because i simply am lazy.
procrastination rules this.
i can do it later, too damn busy.
ignoring the greener pastures. chose to despice the unknown.
found the worsts in the better "could be"s and "can be"s; decided to have none of it.
laziness kills.
its killed me.
forgeting that today is all i have and later just might not be mine.
stealing little wishes out those wells but i ask... really; what for?

funny how we sell ourselves short.
only to hope again, to be bought.

so ashamed of my choices and upset at my being.
why did i give up the key?
when all the while, i had it.

IdiAmin.

i bowed so you could feed.
but i bowed. no one made me.
unforced. gently. hopefully. with glee.
unbeknownst to you. Gave you my throne.
so angry at me for doing this to me.
but no time to ...
c'mon!

retraining 101.
must learn to keep my head up.

May 1/07