Darquest love

I really dont want to cry but i know i'll get teary writting this.

Do you know what she does for me?
Sometimes i watch her and just knowing that she is so vulnerable, so naive yet so carefree, makes me want to hold her.
I want to steal a piece of her somehow. I want to tell her in words that she would understand.
"i love you"
Because you have no idea what you do to me.
And neither do they.
And i understand that. I dont expect them to get it.

I sometimes lay watching her,... my furry little child lol
chewing on just about anything,
no she aint picky!

Table tip, carpet tip, chew her tail, my socks, visitor's shoes, chew just about anything.

I cant stand it when she chews my shoes!
I find myself yelling

"WTF! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAID FOR THAT?"
and i feel stupid right after cause she never gets it. To her, its a game. She simply wags her tail and hops about like a bunny.

She defecates and urinates, EVERYWHERE! (no, really!)
she has marked her territory in my living room, my dinning room, my washroom, my bedroom, AND ON MY BED!!!

I'm learning how to train her and being that i am the lazy nubian goddess that i am, i have decided to litter train her instead of taking her outside to "do her business".

Right now, she is playing by herself, with her toy,,, oh,... there goes another pee in my den!!!
oh lord!

I have banned her from the dinning room (because she poos in there) yet she sneaks in there whenever she thinks i'm not looking. I know because i see her feces in there sometimes and i know they didnt walk there by themselves!!!

She plays hide and seek with me. Hides under the couch, hoping i'd come find her. She plays mudslide only with water... (i hate it when she does this!) she splashes water onto the floor by dipping her paws in her waterbowl, so she can run and slide across the floor. She plays tug of war. I pick up one of her toys and she hops to grab it, eventually she ends up tugging for it. Sometimes when she wants to play, she'll bring one of her toys to me. She plays fetch, but she is horrible at it. When you get her to go fetch something, she goes to get it but never brings it back lol. She plays a few other games that are harder to explain.

She understands a few commands. "Stay", "Stay here", "NO!", "Stop it!", "Good girl", "Get down!", "Get back" "Come get a treat" and of course, her name "Darque" which she usually ignores whenever she wants to be stubborn...

She is a show stopper. Whenever i take her out, i get ready to answer questions about her. She doesnt help matters neither. She craves attention; hops on just about any stranger who shows her ANY bit of attention... yeah... gotta love her!

She takes a lot of naps since shes still a baby. She also tends to whine when i pick her up to take her to her bed. See, she sleeps at my feet till i'm ready to go to bed. Then i usually end up waking her and picking her up, hence the whining...
I go ther a bed. Shes turned it into a toy. She drags her bed all around and chews on it for fun. I've gotten her a travel cab that shes turned into a scratch pen. To scratch the hell out of it is fun for her.

I've given her four baths so far and each time, i get so scared because it takes so long for her to get dry (cant use dryers. shes scared to death of it).

Oh, and shes scared of anything that makes a sound! ANYTHING! she barks at things when they fall (usually things fall because shes disturbed it. then she runs away and proceeds to bark lol).
She isnt very good with other dogs because she is inexperienced with them. In the summer, i'll get her more familiar with other dogs so she can learn not to harass them so much when she sees them. Dogs usually leave her be when she starts barking at them. I guess because they realise that shes just a child... and a small one at that.

I'll try to write more about her... so i can look back years from now and see how much shes grown.


I worry about what is going to happen to her. I have had to be out of work since last year (i was ill... which is part of the reasons why i've been sort of MIA) and havent worked since i have had her. I'll return to work next week. I wonder what i'll do with her. I wonder how i'll care for her and my job since i work 4 cities away from home.

May God help me.

But, shes been my blessing... and my struggle.
I look at her and i want to give her the best i can so we can have the best relationship, so she can have the best health. But being the unstable person that i know i am, i wonder if i didnt short-change the poor soul. But i need her. I need her joy, her ambiance. I need that soul that lays within her. I need the very being that she is that makes her so joyful everytime she sees me. I need the memory shes got that makes her forgive me everytime i am wrong.I use to hit her, then i stopped because i realise it didnt work. havent layed a hand on her since the day i read some research that it would only make her lose trust in me.

She is my dog.
4 pounds, 3 ounces.

And in most cases, she is the one being that loves me the most.
1billion dollars couldnt measure to that.