Unconditionally

A few hundrend years ago yall two were one
sippin juice from the same sippy cup
drinkin contaminated water-like stuff from assigned fountains
now you wanna tell me it dont deserve no where but out
when you two were once one.

ten thousand four billion more active
follicles proliferating like teratogenic cells
and each lick reminds you of where its mouth had just been
wondering why you even picked it up from the pound

You would never know what this friend gives
Purchased friendship that keeps asking
everyday i feel like i owe it
for it teaches a love that i have missed for so long

A few hundrend years ago, us two were one.
Drinking contaminated juices from that same sippy cup
once upon a time you and i were dogs
that they owned for a mere bucks
A few years ago us two were these
you seem to have forgotten what they lacked was love

unconditionally across species' worlds.

runs this life so much easier
when we decide to love all that shares it with us.

BLOGVILLE Remembering 2007 Meme

The first person to comment on your blog in 2007: Ubong da
Your favourite post of yours: "Let me never know beauty, if it isnt ,me." 2."How an orphan sold me coffee" 3. "Its a girls!!!" 4. "Deaer Miss. Right"5."Antie Twuth came to life again" 6."The horny truth"
Your least favourite post of yours: "Hair Shmair"
Your favourite post of another blogger: Oh this is a tough one.
Your post that drew the most controversy:
Did you lie in any posts this year? i skewed the truth to maintain my privacy, yes.
If yes, why? to maintain my privacy.
The post that touched me the most: there are so many! and i'm sure some that i dont remember.
Three great blogs you just discovered this year: Desperate lady, Positive girl, and Ivanna If we ever met in person, i would get along with these three bloggers: Mona, and a few others i think
Thank God this is blogville so i never have to meet: oh, how i would like to make a list. But i'll be grown, and wont.
Ten great blogs i discovered this year: mona's blog, Desperate lady's, Positive girl's,
Welcome to blogville: Desperate lady, positive girl, luxsious girl, Ivanna, Mona,
I am addicted to your blog: Ivanna and Desperate lady
Wow! This year, i have had this many posts: 156!
Lastly, give these five awards to deserving bloggers: 1.Most intriging blog. Soul Seared Dreamer: 2.Most educating blog. 3. Blog-geniality: Mona 4.Hidden treasure blog 5.Most beautified space-blog: Zephi.Lulu and Afrobabe(love the shoe!) 6.Most revealing blog: i have so much respect for people who are able to have their pictures on their blogs. To me, that is the most revealing thing you can do. 7.Whatever happened to: BLISS GIRL!!! what happened to her blog! 8. Best fantasy blog 9.Best real-life blog: 10.My one favourite blog.: to be honest, mine. This blog has taken so much, yet replenished so much, in me.

Please, welcome Darque.

The shelter that i was to get Pingo from, wouldnt give him to me before Christmas.
It really made me mad because they had said that i would make a good owner for him.

Yet,
1.They decided to keep him longer in a lone crate


2. They asked for at least a "$200" donation


3. They said that they would have to accept multiple applications.

What eventually made me give up on Pingo was that i went back there to see him on the 23rd, only for them to introduce me to "Cookie"


Here is a picture of Cookie (stolen from google)





cute, isnt she?


well Cookie is 3years old. Shes got a bad case of athritis in her hind legs, and another in her left hip. It must be congenital because she is too young to have these health issues.

Anyway, they asked if i wanted her.
Now here is the funny part:

1. I could have Cookie immediately


2. I would have to sign a medical waiver (due to her health issues and because she'll need surgery soon)


3. I could have paid less than $50 for her





if this world isnt corrupted, I DONT KNOW WHAT IS!


Here i was thinking that the shelter is there to rescue dogs, not knwing that they are there to sell rescued dogs to the highest bidders.


Can anyone say "legalized crime?" or is it "immorality"?

I figured instead of paying money into such a disgusting intitution, i would just go purchase one from a breeder.


And so i did.


Here is Darque.

Darque is a pug just like Pingo. She is so cute! Hope God blesses her for me.
She is a 9.5weeks old pug.
Please, welcome her.

All i want for christmas, is Pingo....

I cant help but write this teary eyed
i want you.

I dont know why we wait to get what we want. Would someone like to tell me? I have waited long enough. I have waited too long.
Kiss helped me a few weeks ago by asking "what are you waiting for?"
Then i realised, i have been waiting for the day it'll be too late.
But i decided not to wait anymore!
what better time to get a dog than now?
I love dogs! I absolutely LOVE them! I'm scared of the bigger ones that bite but i love gentle dogs. I do, and i have decided, i'll have this one too.

I met Pingo today at the dog shelter, and i tell you, i want Pingo BAD!!!
I have been told that i have to wait 5days before i can adopt him whilst other applicants are considered. I applied today, which means i'd have him by Christmas.
Please, somebody pray for me. I want this dog on Christmas day!
Please, all i want is him for christmas! Will you please pray that i get him?!

For more info on pugs, please click the link below...
http://www.mrbreeze.com/tracy/pugforyou.shtml
Here are a few pics
http://community.livejournal.com/pug_pics/

Praising you

Okay, i got tagged by Mona, so here i am posting this. I love this too beacuse it isnt about giving to yourself or praising yourself, its about praising someone else... anyway, here we go...


Post a note about a blogger you would like to see something wonderful happen for.maybe one whose posts have touched your heart in one way or another.Include details as to why you amire them and what you wish for them. Be as supporting and affirming as you can.post your favorite memory around selflessness, giving or doing for others. Something that has actually changed you.As a postscript, name one thing you will actually do for someone in your life before December 31 that is born out of joy.tag 3 other bloggers who will play the game and find the spirit.Dont forget to leave a comment on their blogs to share the good feelings.here are my choices:


Ivanaa and Desperate Lady... In you i see myself, distorted, confused and so damn eager to get the "he". I am not at that point yet, but i know that life makes us so lord knows, i may be where you are someday. I admire you in a lot of ways because i feel like you've made yourself up career-wise... i love that. I feel like you can (due to desperation) end up with the wrong man. I dont want that for you, and so this is my wish to you two: i pray that you find self love and contentment, that you find beauty in life itself, that you find joy in just being and that God gives you what is best for you. I pray that you find the ultimate love and that God consoles you in ways that makes you feel whole.
Positive Girl... for you, i wish ultimate health and divine love. I wish you find the true meaning of life and that you find people who truly love you(i think you already have) not only because you deserve it, but also because i think that ties in with finding the true meaning of life. If ever you feel lost, angry or depressed, remember that you were not given one more moment on this earth just to waste it. Your life is even more precious now. Live it till its last drop.
My favourite memory around selflessness: i think everyone does everything for a reason so i dont believe you can be TOTALLY selfless... i mean,... even Mother Teresa, did the goods she did so she could get a positive feeling from it. But i guess relatively, that is what selflessness is. This year, a few days ago, a man did something for me that amazed me. You can find the post here: http://thetruthandnothinbutthetruthshmg.blogspot.com/2007/12/mr-license-plate-bead-111.html . I named him "BEAD 111" as his license plate read. He stood by me at a time when i did not want to stand by myself. May God bless him and his.
One thing i will do for someone before the 31st: i will share my life. (details later).


TAG! YOU"RE IT!!!:
1. Gishungwa
2. Luxiouslucie
3. Afrobabe

Mr. license plate # "BEAD 111"

I want to write you a "thank you" not to you, since you'll never read this. But to destiny, to your life, to your future.
I want to bless you, as you have blessed me.

You didnt know me. I was just a mid-twenty year old black girl, in a car, approaching you for help.
What you didnt know is that i have been in that same spot for an hour. I dont know what the weather man said but my toes were frozen so much that they were starting to feel like open sores. They were "peperish"!
A minute before you showed up, i called for a tow truck; i would have to wait for 2-3 hours!
How would i do that? I was already frozen!

My fingers were bricks. Couldnt feel my toes. Who asked me to wear heels? Why didnt i wear better boots?

I approached you and asked you for help.
You took the time and helped me.

Mr man, it took us an hour! First you shoveled the snow so my car would have room to move tom then you asked for some boys to help us push the car, we got it pushed then you gave me a boost.

All the while someone was calling you ... your wife maybe? You must have had somewhere else to go.
Neverthelss, you took the time to help me.
You did not have to.
I was frozen... neither one of us had gloves on.
Mr haitian man with License plate # "BEAD 111"!!!
I bless you.
Have you got kids? i bless them!
In the name of the one and only God that created us, i bless your future!
All that is meant to be good, will be yours!
People like you, make me love humanity. Make me never want to complain. You are a gem, and i pray that you will meet favours in all your ways.
Amen.

Another woman's man; TBS

About a week and a half ago, TBS started texting me.
I must admit, i dont have anything for him at the moment, but i'm not sure i can ALWAYS maintain that.
This man has been my everything, for so long... its hard to just dismiss him.
SO when i tell him he must not call me, and he ignores that, i cant help but answer his calls.

But i havent hated him as much as i have in these past few days.
When i left him, i was so mad at him, that i was numb.
I was so sure of my decision that i didnt even think twice.
Didn't go through the usual questions:
How much did this hurt me? Am i sure i want to leave him? COuld this be resolved?
NO!
It was the least complicated thing i have ever done.
The moment he said it, i knew immediately that we werwe through.

But it wasnt the first time we would be through. Neither is it the 2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,8th,9th,10th...
Keep in mind, i have known him for 7years.
But in that one moment, all those 7years, meant nothing.

Just because you have a history with someone does not mean you must keep making history with them.

It was over. The time had ran out.

I understand he misses me. But i cant help but feel like he is being selfish for calling me. If you miss someone, chances are they are missing you too. He makes it SO MUCH harder for me to move on for as long as he keeps calling me!
He knows he isn't good for me. He isn't for me. And i understand that i am not for him too. SO why call me? SO we can prolong this "freiendship/relationship" that isnt meant to be? NO! I dont want another woman's man for one more second of my life! He isnt for me, so he must go!
so since he has been calling, i have been asking him not to. Then i stopped asking him. Instead, i became offensive. See, i know what we have had, and i know that if i dont get rid of him now while dont have feelings for him, it might never happen. I have said everything i can think of to discourage him from calling.
He continues to call.

Till yesterday. He called and asked if he can see me. I declined. He asked where i was, i reminded him that he has no right to know. I toldf him i was busy and would have to call him back, he wouldn't get off the phone. I hung up.
He didnt call back,.
He hasnt call back.
I hope to God he never does because God knows i cant continue to have him in my life.
Chapter, re-closed.

Missing home

If i was to tell you how it feels, maybe you can join me. C'mon, say it with me.
I'd say i've felt it but something tells me i havent known it in its entirety.
So yes, it feels odd to be alone.
Like they say, misery loves company.
But i dont want you to be miserable.
Hopefully i am too cynical to get it
and i hope that is what it is
i hope that i am wrong
or that there is a bit of jealousy that wishes you wont get there before me
i hope this
hoping that you have found the "it"
and that that "it" is he
while I let you live it.

Now how thew fuck do i get home?! When will this storm ceaze?

You never loved me, so i left.

Where do i start?
hmm.
its a tough one.
because i know that i love you. i know it.
everything that is dark, reminds me of you.
and i would love to feel that you cared
but you didnt love me, so i left.
i deny you here,
i deny you now.

You told me i would never be anymore
just a mere rose in an atic
withering, waiting to be replaced by the next best thing
a mere trophy heating up to age by the fireplace
you said i would never be.
but i wanted so much more.
i wanted to be loved.
i wanted you to love me, like i love you.
i thought i could make you... but...
oh you dont know how much i hate you
for never giving me the fair chance to show
i knew that we could be so much but...
never once did you love me...so i left.

I met him years ago.
thought i could take from him to share with you
i'd always tell him about you
tell him you've got a heart of Gold
tell him your i love you so
and whenever he'd ask if you loved me too?
hmm!

SO!
I met him years ago
thought i could steal from him to bring to you
thought this could bring us to the place i've seen us been
our eden where our petals would bloom
but
hmm
you did not love me.
you shauned me.
threw my gift in my face
i rememeber the day
jealousy masked the you i once knew
as you told me i was still, none.
you yelled at me
to bow to you, to appologise
for standing up.
but i'm sorry. i was already tall.
Oh it hurts me, so i curse you in pain
with each pang of hate that wells in me i know
you have never cared for me
so i left.


i'm with the one who truly appreciates me.
one who tells me i can be.
this.
that.
and all that is in between.

Africa!
your culture has betrayed me
MY CULTURE! hates who i want to be.

i'm sorry to turn my back to you but
you have never loved me true.

I can stay at home and look good.
keep my legs crossed for the first 25 years of my life.
fighting the streams of urges that welled between my thighs
and even in times when your boys taunted me
and the time when one stole a piece of me
25years and its all gone
yet i must never tell,
"mum" in fear
for to be raped is to be trash
Oh i hate what you made of me!
you didnt love me, so i left.

And within those years, i must achieve a certain level of education
that still wouldn't mean a thing
for once a man flashes that ring
or maybe a few bags of beans
i am to succumb and bow to him
i would then be his queen
and even in times when he may beat me
and times when he may cheat
i am to hope that he comes home in peace
then wonder why my vagina itches uncontrollably
who am i to say "no" to him?
i am married. I am to be his.
How dare i contemplate it?
who am i but this?
"mum" in shame
for to leave is to be trash
oh i swear on your tempting sands
i hate what you have made of me
baby, you didnt love me so i left

There is a 5-year period of ignorant grace
Once i turn 30, all hope is lost
no man would ever want
a woman that has been divorced.
Never mind that she didnt choose to be barren
who giveths babies?
is it not the who they call "HE"?
who says you must be a bearer of kids?
must my womb carry his seeds?
But you are Africa
where a woman's clock ticks
ticks-faster than her brain can think
tocks-harder than his switch hits
and much sooner than little kids get pricked.
i tell you once again.

I DENY YOU!

for you have denied me.
i am not one of yours.
i have picked the one that loves me.
and no one should blame me.
i simply went to the highest bidder... that one that is willing to let me live at ease.

Afri,
lose my number.
please do not call me.
i am now free.
You never loved me.
So i left.

MY Dada's Daughter

In light of everything that is going on,
Ambition and I decided to take dada to one of his diagnostic doctor's appointments.
This time, it was a colonoscopy. He was to have nothing to eat, only drinking, prior to the appointment.
He obliged, but when one of his silly friends told him that eating potatoes wouldnt affect the procedure because potatoes clear out of your bowels really quickly, he listened and had some.
He didnt tell us this, or i would have told him not to.
so needless to say, they couldnt proceed with the procedure so we had to reschedule for the next day.
I dropped dad off and Ambition and I went to her school where she was to have her last presentation at the school.
I'm so proud of her. She did so well and even won a price. I went out later to meet with another friend who went with me to go adopt a dog. We didnt find one though... not one that is suitable enough.
She is who she is, hence the name Ambition.
Anyway, so the next day, i went to the hospital with dada to repeat the colonoscopy and it was successful this time.
Then went over to his house after.
Brought back memories.
I broke my promise, but with no regrets.

...10years ago, i promised never to return to his place.
10 years later, i swallowed my promise.
10 years later, he's learnt to repsect me.
1 year ago i promised not to let him back in
1year later, i am speaking to him.
its great that we can take breaks... and then return back to where we left off, or simply skip the hurdles, bridge to the better days.

he gave me so much food to pack with me
2 different types of spinach, garri, maggi cubes, apples, pepper, egusi, and cooked ogbono (did i tell you hes a greta cook?!). We went groery shopping... i picked up some ox-tail, fillet cod fish, stew chicken, stew pork etc... which he paid for. its funny watching him pay for my grocery. He had not paid for anything for me for years... i must have been about 15 the last time. Not only that, i have refused gifts from him for a year. Our last fight was about money and the way he spoke to me.
I am his daughter.
He is my father.
i will respect him and tolerate his presence in my life, only for as long as he repects me while he is in it.
plain and simple.

So on our way to his house after doiung grocery, i got yet another reminder...
i am my dada's daughter.

I was trying to make a left turn to get out of a parking lot. When a navy coloured PT cruiser backed into my car. i stopped my car, got out, so did Dada. Looked up, out came a middle-aged black woman from the passenger side, and a black teenage-early twenties boy out of the driver's side.
"Hi" i said to the woman as i walked around to assess the damage.
i dont even know if she responded. I saw my light, the back fog one had been knowkced out, dangling by its wies. I fixed it back in. My back left tire's hubcap is a little loose. I kicked it abck in. I turned around ...
"Well, no damages"
"I'm so sorry!" said the woman
"Oh thats okay, nothing was damaged." i looked at the boy. He wore my brother's expression on his face. Just another black boy. I looked at the woman. I couldnt help but to see my mother.
"Thats okay... we're sisters"
"Oh thank you so much!"
i gave her a hug
"soo sorry, and thank you so much"
"no problem. have a nice day"
and we got back in the car.
i was back in the car before i realised.. i am my dada's daughter.
His blood flows through my veins, his characters echo in my actions...
Reminds me of years ago back home
Same shit had happened.
But he never had the heart then to sue the man who knocked into him
and i didnt have a heart then to act against the black boy who knocked into my car.

anything but this

Something solemn, yet strong... one'a those poems i can look back on. Them poems that makes me reminice the days i use to rule words, you know?
but i cant seem to get inspired enough. and i cant seem to think of anyother thing.
than the one that i miss.
and i have told myself that i couldnt
must i miss the love we'd make.
and i dont want to talk about this
and i dont want to write about it
so i wont

Diary to self

Diary to self: i called MAry a few days ago. And maybe now,i can finally confront my feelings in writing about this one soul that i met years ago... Mary.

Eye of the storm

So Kiss and I decided to take a trip to St. Luciendo a spanish-speaking city west of here. We got caught in the storm. I've never came so close to dying so often in so little time thatn i have in these past 3days. TBC