You never loved me, so i left.

Where do i start?
hmm.
its a tough one.
because i know that i love you. i know it.
everything that is dark, reminds me of you.
and i would love to feel that you cared
but you didnt love me, so i left.
i deny you here,
i deny you now.

You told me i would never be anymore
just a mere rose in an atic
withering, waiting to be replaced by the next best thing
a mere trophy heating up to age by the fireplace
you said i would never be.
but i wanted so much more.
i wanted to be loved.
i wanted you to love me, like i love you.
i thought i could make you... but...
oh you dont know how much i hate you
for never giving me the fair chance to show
i knew that we could be so much but...
never once did you love me...so i left.

I met him years ago.
thought i could take from him to share with you
i'd always tell him about you
tell him you've got a heart of Gold
tell him your i love you so
and whenever he'd ask if you loved me too?
hmm!

SO!
I met him years ago
thought i could steal from him to bring to you
thought this could bring us to the place i've seen us been
our eden where our petals would bloom
but
hmm
you did not love me.
you shauned me.
threw my gift in my face
i rememeber the day
jealousy masked the you i once knew
as you told me i was still, none.
you yelled at me
to bow to you, to appologise
for standing up.
but i'm sorry. i was already tall.
Oh it hurts me, so i curse you in pain
with each pang of hate that wells in me i know
you have never cared for me
so i left.


i'm with the one who truly appreciates me.
one who tells me i can be.
this.
that.
and all that is in between.

Africa!
your culture has betrayed me
MY CULTURE! hates who i want to be.

i'm sorry to turn my back to you but
you have never loved me true.

I can stay at home and look good.
keep my legs crossed for the first 25 years of my life.
fighting the streams of urges that welled between my thighs
and even in times when your boys taunted me
and the time when one stole a piece of me
25years and its all gone
yet i must never tell,
"mum" in fear
for to be raped is to be trash
Oh i hate what you made of me!
you didnt love me, so i left.

And within those years, i must achieve a certain level of education
that still wouldn't mean a thing
for once a man flashes that ring
or maybe a few bags of beans
i am to succumb and bow to him
i would then be his queen
and even in times when he may beat me
and times when he may cheat
i am to hope that he comes home in peace
then wonder why my vagina itches uncontrollably
who am i to say "no" to him?
i am married. I am to be his.
How dare i contemplate it?
who am i but this?
"mum" in shame
for to leave is to be trash
oh i swear on your tempting sands
i hate what you have made of me
baby, you didnt love me so i left

There is a 5-year period of ignorant grace
Once i turn 30, all hope is lost
no man would ever want
a woman that has been divorced.
Never mind that she didnt choose to be barren
who giveths babies?
is it not the who they call "HE"?
who says you must be a bearer of kids?
must my womb carry his seeds?
But you are Africa
where a woman's clock ticks
ticks-faster than her brain can think
tocks-harder than his switch hits
and much sooner than little kids get pricked.
i tell you once again.

I DENY YOU!

for you have denied me.
i am not one of yours.
i have picked the one that loves me.
and no one should blame me.
i simply went to the highest bidder... that one that is willing to let me live at ease.

Afri,
lose my number.
please do not call me.
i am now free.
You never loved me.
So i left.