Kimani episodes 1

I remember Kimani.
With all these issues going on in Blogville, how could I not?
Kimani....
I remember us meeting...

It was a friend's christmas party in 2002. I was working that day, and really didnt want to go.
But i decided to go; since i really had nowhere else to go to. Besides, i was getting a ride, my sister and her boyfriend(now her husband), were dropping me.
So after work, i got dressed at work and got dropped off at my friend's house.

i remember that very moment; the moment i hopped out of the car.
I remember that moment, because since then, my life has never been thesame.

I went up the elevator into their apartment. When i got there, i was welcomed well. I sat down, soon my friends saw me and came to sit by me. It was cool. And me being the "tunnel-vision-chick" that i am, i really hadnt looked around yet. My friends asked me if i wanted to eat and i said "no, thats okay". i just sat quietly and listened as everyone else mingled. From time to time, the host would come to me saying "oh Truth, why arent you talking? why arent you dancing? you're a party animal, whats going on"? and so on... i'd just smile. But then i realised, that although i felt eyes on me, i could tell a pair of those eyes, belonged to someone who was crushing?

Am i the only one who can feel when people staring at them, and also WHY they're staring? i sometimes can. its odd.

At times, i'd get stares (i never looked back at these peole. remember- i've got tunnel vision. Besides, i never thought i'd ever be with a Nigerian man. Why? because i found them stereotypical.), and it'd be for different reasons "oh, i wonder who that is", "why isnt she mingling?", "who is she?" "what a snobby bi@*ch." "why would she wear that?, its too revealing". yes, i felt all their thoughts on me. But the one that stood out- was the one that kept gazing, gawking at me, at intervals! he was stealing a sight of me like a little thief- that stare said "i want to meet her- shes cute." That was Kimani's.

I looked over, and our eyes met. He looked away instantly. I like that- i love intimidating men. You can be bold after we meet, but let me own this moment- and own it i did.

As he looked away, i surveyed his looks. At the time (and even now,) i loved eclectic hair styles in men. I looked over at his hair- it was short, twisted. i liked that. And knew immediately, that i'd meet him later. Then all of a sudden, i saw him asking the host questions. I couldnt hear it, but i knew the conversation was about me. A little while later, the host's brother (who by the way, had tried earlier that year to get with me- we talked on the phone and i realised that he was just not my type, and stopped calling him) walked towards me, telling me he wanted me to meet someone. I said "sure", and walked outside into the hallway, with him. and there he was-


Kimani; 5'7, dark chocolate skin that just made me want to have a Hershey, high extrememly defined cheekbones that sucks in at an angle, to meet his lips, and the thickest, cleanest eyebrows i'd ever see on a man- this man was beauty.

But he'd ruined it. I forgot to note the signs that he had ruined himself- like his extremely dark lips, his highly pigmented cornea, his mildly rough skin, his attire- that spoke millions of variations of words meaning- "ghetto". I didnt see all of that. If i had, i would've foreseent he doom to come.

Mountains do melt

i been told...
that love,
patience,
kind-ness...
and a little bit of sweetning
can melt a mountain.


what do you think?
is it true?


what cures the most?


could the VT incident've been provided with a little more attention?
could it not?
could the war in Iraq've been extinct with a little more compassion?
or had it always been a hopeless cause?
could we stop the nastiness thats eroding this "ville", with a little more "e-love"?

i'd like to fight fire with fire.
but i hear, that fire, burns.

love on the other hand, can melt mountains.

Sugar-free caramel cheesecake cupcake

Miss Blige sang it best

"too hard to fake it
nothing can replace it"

your love is simply sweet
nothing more, none less
it aint fire
so i hope it never burns out
its just
subtle
like a cup cake of sugar-free caramel cheesecake.
its like that.
creamy, ever-so-lightly flavored love
that kind of love that makes us sleep in till 7 in the eve'
the kind that makes us stay
naked
tired
in bed
the kind that makes me not wanna wake up
that kind of love


Even Lauryn felt it:

"see i dont need no alcohol
your love makes me feel ten feet tall
without it i'd go through withdrawal
'cause nothing even matter at all"

there could've been a knock at the door
and i'd stay, hoping it'd stop
just so i can lay in bed
lazy
with you
if for only but
one more moment with you.

Lord, give me...

the strength to deal with my annoying roommate and her misunderstandings.
If i have to explain the bills to this girl one more time, i tell you, i'm going to scream!
It takes a lot out of me not to yell at her, or tell her to ST*U or better yet, extend my long strong arm and just give her a cold smack.
it takes a lot, so Chineke Lord, pls gimme more strength.
In Jesus name i pray,
Amen.

Meme1

Kinda Sorta stole this meme from UnNakedSoul ;)


1. Yourself: Confused
2. Your partner: "Confused'est"
3. Your hair: Punk
4. Your mother: Passive
5. Your father: Nuts
6. Your favourite item: Laptop
7. Your dream last night: Forgotten
8. Your favourite drink: Juice
9. Your dream car: Mini
10. The room you are in: Open
11. Your ex: Nutcasses
12. Your fear: Failing
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Certain
14. Who you hung out with last night: TBS
15. What you're not: stupid
16. Muffins: yeck
17: One of your wish list items: Pass
18: Time: hate
19. The last thing you did: Coughed
20. What you are wearing: Short
21. Your favourite weather: Summer
22. Your favourite book: Black
23. The last thing you ate: Chinese
24. Your life: Fucked
25. Your mood: Peace
26. Your best friend: Estranged
27. What you're thinking about right now: Health
28. Your car: Dirty
29. What you are doing at the moment: Procrastinating
30. Your summer: Busy
31. Your relationship status: confusing
32. What is on your TV: Blank
33. What is the weather like: cold
34. When was the last time you laughed: today

Reflex action

Today, i woke up with a headache
got some school stuff sorted out
and went over to see Ambition

We went shopping
and even though her birthday was four mouths ago,
i got her a gift
a red pant suit.
she looked so nice in it.
its a change from her usual old fashion outfits

we went to grab a bite to eat, and
we talked
and i almost cried for the things she told me

This reminds me of Waffi's post titled "Seeking out the weak"
Ambition, in this case, is the weak
and its so hard watching her get hurt.

Like a reflex action, i cant help it
as i hold out my hands, to brace her fall,
i know i probably aint helping
how do you know never to hit the bottom
if you dont know how hard it hurts?

I want to let her fall
But i cant
she is my sister
and i love her
so today, i had a heart to heart with her,
took the motherfucker (AKA her ex)'s number,
i'll be giving him a call
so i can have a heart to fuckin heart with the son of a bitch

and no i wont be calling at a regular hour
i'll be calling his house- his family's house
at 2am in the morning
so that the mother, the father, and all the rest of the people in the house can wake up,
smell the coffee,
and hopefully realise, that "dada ole ja, sugbon o ni aburo ti o gbo ju"
yes, Ambition isnt very assertive
but shes got a sister, who breathes, speaks and walks fire
and they're all about to get burnt!

the family needs to come to terms with the fact that
they have a thief living right under their roof.
and this'll happen sometime later, at 2am in the morning.
stay tuned.

Ambition,

i just want it known
that i love you
more than my favorite purse,
more than the one i stole from you,
more than winning arguments,
more than sex with Chad
more than a dishwahsher that actually works
more than having a maid
more mango flavoured ice cream.

I love you Ambition,
for not just being a sister, but also a good friend.

Jack, are you letting go?

I took a breath today
about a minute ago, took a breath and let that CO2 out of me
that intoxicating, contaminating, endotoxic clutter
yea, clutter


unraveling the beauty in this life'a mine
letting go
simply that
just letting go
so i can live

3 jobs
school
rent
car bill
make that TWO car bills
phone
entertainment's gotta be paid for
and cant forget the tuition
by the way, can u believe it cost me $6,500 this year?
no wonder i pimp myself so hard
AND!
we cant forget these ones;
boookSS!
ooooohhh how dare i almost forget books
and oh my word! somehow i gotta get here, there and back
while being here, there, AND back here.
wish there was 4 of me, so yall'd have a fair share
but... no...
yall are just...
nothing BUT.


simply clutters

a jack of all trade, masters none, looses all
in the midst of loosing it all, i lost the veil
and now, see
that nothing is worth holding onto
if it'll only make you trip

I'm having a hard fall
and letting go of it all
because really, what is it that i'm fighting for?

school- grades suck
work- sick calls
life- overstressed

so today, i picked up the phone
and called my work
to let them know
that i'll be off for the next two weeks
Thank God for stress leaves
because i am so damn stressed
but thats only one job
and right after this post is done,
i'll get in that car'a mine
and go over to the next job
so i can tell them
that i'll be off for 4 months.

its over.
clutters, uncluttered.

Remembering... Kimani

I dont know whose story is longer; Kimani or Chads'.
To remember Kimani is to uncover a lot of bottled emotions. But! i know Kimani MUST be remembered because he is one man thats had the most negative impact on my life, EVER. But like anything thats bad for you, Kimani's story has a happy ending (the happiest being that i havent seen him in YEARRRRSSS)

Why am i remembering Kimani?
i mean, why today? out of all the days, why now?
why?

because today, i was treated like Kimani told me i'd never ever ever ever ever be treated by a man.
as TBS hopped out of my bed spontaneously like an easter bunny last night and said "babe, you're amzing!"
i thought to myself; thats odd, Kimani was SO sure i'd never be wanted nor be good in bed.

as TBS suddenly paused in the middle of a thrust, gasping for air, moaning the words "babe, you're so sexy"
i remembered Kimani's words. They echoed "i'm the only one that'l ever want you" in my head

as TBS called me from work to tell me he loved me, i smiled. Remembering just how long the love has been and how much stronger it seems. I remember Kimani, continuously saying "No one else can ever love you"

and i laughed.

Kimani, your words did nothing but show me just how determined you were, to kill my spirit. I cant say you were blind. No. A blind man would've simply failed to recognize a gem. But a scared insecured man, would see it, yet call it a mere stone, hoping it'd be tossed away, so he may go pick it up later.

Kimani, you've always been such a fool.

Your words.

"You're amazing babe."
"I love you."
"Wow."
"No, YOU're the sexy one."
"Are you really gonna starve me?"
"PLEASEEEE, babe?"


amidst the ohhhs and ahhhs
in between the groans,
i hear your words
and i save them,
creating a reservoir of confidence-replenishing words
inside my mind
for the days when you're running low.
if ever such days should come.

Hair Shmair

Hair.
What makes hair?
no, i dont mean "how doeshair grow"? i'm not looking for some kind of physiological reason or an explanation of the anatomy of hair- i mean...

okay...
i know a girl (who i'll be "remembering" in oneof my later posts by the way), who i had known for years! she'd always have weave on. You know; the pretty long flowy kinds? ok. Then last summer, i saw Miss thing with her head shaved bald. i was appauled! i mean... what happened?

Lets back track...Myself, highschool years in grade 12. i went to my hair dresser one day and simply said "shave it off down to one inch" and was thankful she didnt even try to convince me to change my mind. she gave me what i wanted and i walked out of her salon, as pleased as a newly released sperm.

Dimples, about 3 years ago, chopped off all her hair to restart it au naturel and currently has it in dreads. Dyed dreads.

My sister(Fire), chopped her hair off at about age 24- dyed it blond and rocked that for about 4 years.

Nat, has for years now, had short natural hair, that she sometimes twists into little knots.

Myself (again,), recently cut myhair into a punkish style so that only the verytop of my head has longerhair. i also dyed it black (myhair isnt black, naturally) and added some purple-red extensions into it. so...
tell me people...
what makes your hair?

Heres my two cents:

Black females females wear their hair short to signify simplicity, roots, ethnicity, femininity, strength, power, confidence andmaybe

Bald head on a black female getsme thinking... "she has been through a period,or a time or something thats made her decide that beauty isnt in her hair, but rather, the lack there of. somehow, her GPRS system chose toaccept that hair is a boundary, a web, a classification that represents somethign that she doesnt want to be. " bald head on a woman, signifies feminism.

Short natural head on a black female gets me thinking... "she is letting it go. she is tired ofsupporting what shes been against for so long; that she must look like daughters of thesame people who enslaved her mothers. she has chosen to let go of the belief that she must possess long blond staright hair in order to be beautiful. she rememebers that she wasnever that- until slavery. This women, tells me that they are "un"-slaving themselves. they are disengaging themseleves from slavery-inflicted thoughts and beliefs that they must accept the white culture. A short natural hair on a black female tells me she knows where shes from, and would like to return to just that.

Short permed/treated hair on a black female gets me thinking... "she knows that her beauty isnt in the leanght of herhair.She loves to rule as a woman. She loves to be a strong female. She loves to be that female sho goes out, parties, comes home, cooks and cleans for 4 kids,andgoes oto work the next day. she is a multitasking sex machine. This look speaks "intelligence" to me.

Short colour treated hair says "i'mnot aboutto pay so much money to look like everyone else,and even if i was, itwouldnt be to look like Miss taned KKK. BUT! i loveshock (which explains thecolour)


So, what makes hair?

the experiences of the woman who owns it.
When i went to cut my hair-i knew i was aking a statement to myself.
a statement to you, to me, to the world.
It was over- and i needed a constant reminder and a good gift, for me.
My hair symbolizes me.
I am a punk.
what can i say?
I cant stand punk music (maybe cuz they yell so damn hard), but i live a life of constant rush... fromt he moment i wake to the moment i lay ma head to sleep.
I need to be a ble to stand in a crowd and look different- because it saddensme to look like everyone else.
As i look at myself in the mirror, i appreciate the unique features in my cheeks, the curves at the sides of my nose, and the 2 big bulges that represents my eyes. i look further north and see my hair, and smile. My hair matches what i feel inside.
short,long, black,blue red, natural paches with that one permed spot.
this hair- is me.
me in my confusedyet totally fucking comfortable state.
this is my hair.

Remembering... Nathan

lol this is the most overweight man i'd ever been with.
he was also probably the most unattractive
and the only man who has ever "con"-ed me out of my money.
i ronic, isnt it?

Where we met?
God ican hardly remmeber!
i think we met at my workplace.
i use to work in a clothing store.

He told me he owned a store, which back then, was well known for its selesction of hood-known brand names like Fubu, Louis Vuitton, Rocawear, and the likes...
so yes, i was hooked. i thought i'd hit a jackpot!

so there we were, he'd pick me up in his SUV


brb! TBS at door

Chad Episodes 2

I was on his bed, we'd just sex'd
he turned to me, said something like "we should take pics"
and knowing its his profession to, i said "hell yes!"
i'd like to take some artistic new pics

Now lemme tell you
if anyone could've lived nude, it'd be me.
I LOOOVE nudity!
the human body is so beautifully made!
being able to see beauty in a body thats been made to feel its not "ideal"
and being able to see beauty in a body thats always thought it possessed it
that is art.
and i love this art
and didnt want to think risks
if i could do it again, would i?

lol, i guess i would. because i still do it, till this day.


So the next day, i had a few clothes packed
Chad made sure he reminded me "make sure you bring skirts and short dresses"
Chad picked me up and i was over at his place.
he took his camera and gadjets out.
felt like i was on some movie set
and bam! it was on.
besides, i knew. i had seen enough female pics on his PC not to know this is something he's done numerous times.
In one of the pics, he ensured the logo of my school shirt showed.
i thought "WT..." and click! went the camera before i could complete my thought "...F!"

as we were taking the pics, i watched him.
i could tell he'd been here before.
his strides spoke years of experiences.
we took one hundrend and seventy-two pictures that night.
never taken so many pics in my life!
most of the best pics i had ever taken, were taken that night.

i only printed about 20 of them.
by the way, these were the same pictures that Jack Jean-Maygne and Henry had seen.

what happened to the rest of the pix? i'm sure Chad still has them till this day.
(plus the ones he took when he use to stalk me. stupid jobless old mothera-effer)

The waves 'a forming.

i am nervous
TBS and i have been having an awful good time lately
and i worry that it may be short lived
the days when i use to be happy with him are dwindling
now, i get nervous because things seem to be "too good to be true"


Last night, he slept over.
i woke up to his touch, he kissed me like he never did before
i parted my lips and just allowed him
to take over
and take over, he did.

he said "we're getting old"
i woke out of whatever level of REM i was in
was i hearing him right?

he continued "we're not as young as i thought".
i got up, went to the wash room
i suddenly had to pee

"you're so small"
i thought lmao! this man didnt even notice i gained 6 pounds?
i got on the scale,
i was wrong
122 pounds
(WTF! damn i didnt even notice!)

climbed back over him into his spot
we slept in the wrong spots last night.

"I thought i'd wait till i was 30,but ..."
i replied "i'm still young. i wanna do some things before then- travel a bit"
"ya, i'd travel but only for a few days"

i told him: "we should plan that"
"plan it?"
a mere misunderstanding
i looked up to his eyes to correct him
and finally, realised what he thought i meant
"NO!"
shit! i caught myself saying it like its some sorta taboo. i felt so bad.
i lowered my voice and carefully softened my tone as i continued; "i mean we should plan going away for the weekend!"



I have a fear of life, happening.
a fear of these things.
eventually, i'll do it.
because as much as i'd hate to be a "wife",
i'd love to be his partner for life.
so maybe what i need to do
is change my idea of that word
"wife"
and realise that regardless how "married" we are,
i'll be respected by him, loved by him, wanted by him.
i'll be respected by me, loved by me, cherished by me.
nothing changes, other than the fact that neither one of us ever lets go.
ever again.
i'll be the wife that wears the pants.
and he'll be the husband that simply assists me in putting those pants on.
i just know it.

Shawn

is officially in my black book.


hes as immature as they come.

Convo with the ones who've "been there".

coworker 1: if i could go back, i woukdnt have had them
coworker 2: it took me so long to have her! but one is enough
coworker 3: i love my kids.


and as they rounded up to me,
all eyes on me
they knew my history
and knew well enough
that i havent had none
i almost choked on my chicken bone
as i repliet blatantly


"i need a surrogate mother"

they roared into laughter
and i stared through these eyes,
at people who really didnt know
that i am so damn serious!


i dont like the idea of being pregnant.
neither do i want to raise anyone who is bedwetting, thumb sucking, insomnic, cranky, or just plain old "babyish"!

Moving!

yesterday, i gave my landlord my notice of intention to vacate
will move in the summer
cant wait!
and Mary my room mate, is leaving about 20 days before i do
so i get the place to myself for a long while!!!

the story of me and my room mate is a long one
but when i get the chance, ill tell it
the biggest lesson i've learnt living with her is
NEVER LIVE WITH A FRIEND !!!


I was talking to Nat last night... lol issues upon issues o!!!
anyway, will tell later

Manage a trois avec Laila?

i and Chad never ceased to see each other.

i was so young.

i remember countng the days we'd see each other... like,

I've been seeing him for four days now

But really, i should habve said four "evenings" or even more appropriate, four "nights"

I made sure i never went out with him in the day time.

I was ashamed.

Something told me i was with a liar, a man who was much older. Besides, he wasnt my type. I just didnt want to be seen with him.

Virgo use to laugh everytime we talked about him. She'd laugh about how old he is. I told Nikki (remmeber her?)about him. Soon, Nikki would join in the fun...

"Hes such a pervert!" "Whats his dick like?" "Does he have wrinkles on his dick?" "Does he have grey pubic hair?" "Will his kids call you mom?" "Is he like your sugar daddy?"

I heard it all from the both of them. It didnt bother me. As long as they didnt spread it around town that i was sexin a senior citizen, i was fine. They were my friends.

Chad would pick me up everyday. And we'd go to his house. LOL i mean; his mom's house. I'd take my shoes off, sit on the carpeted stairs that leads upstairs as i took my socks off, and simply... got into his bed

Never ate there.

Never drank there.

Always in his room, or downstairs in the basement where he reigned (lol)

MEET LAILA...

Chad was a professinal photographer. He also played the guitar for some choir.
He had a best friend. Her name was Laila. Laila was a student and a babymother of one.
Chad asked if i'd come along to go visit her. I said "sure", and we went over. We met her.
Laila was a pretty, overweight, tall chick.She was much older than i was. But i knew she was still, MUCH younger than Chad.she lived in a basement apartment with her son, the dad wasnt in the picture but then again, i'm sure i didnt even have to mention that.

Laila said "hi", we chilled, she offered me a drink and i accepted.

She intimidated me. I was here with a guy to visit a girl when for all i know, they could be seeing each other... it was weird. i'd never done this before- am i suppose to be friends with her now? i was uncomfortable being at her place. i felt like i had to be nice to her- and her baby and truth is- i really dont like kids!

When we left, Chad revealed to me...

"Laila is bisexual."

"oh really?" i was stunned!

"ya, are you curious?"

i scoffed... "ya, about dicks" i said matter-of-factly

he laughed... "have you ever had a three-some?"

"nope, not interested"

"oh"

He loosened his grip on the wheel, and with his right hand, slightly pulled my skirt up. Just slighty. Enough to see my knees and the bare skin of my thighs. then he diped his hand into my crotch, and gentlyrubbed away...

i got wet. he stopped.

we went to our favourite spot... his house.

He led me upstairs to the fireplace. This is the room that had nothing in it, but a couch and a fireplace. Thesame fireplace where "it"had happened. We laid next to the couch, on the floor. I watched the firelight... again, thinking about that day.

I wondered- so, does this mean Laila and Chad had been together before? i couldnt help it- it came running through my lips

"are you her baby's daddy?"

"who?"

i do this sometimes- i expect people to just know what i'm talking about. Poor theory of self i guess.

"Laila"

he grimaced, like he'd smelled something funny

"NO! we're just friends"
"oh, ok"

but i didnt have to ask him. he'd had sex with her. Yet he voluntarilly added "i dont like fat girls"

what a mean rude asshole! i wanted to respond "ya, and i bet she dont like rude ugly old motherfuckers neither" but i bit my tongue

Chad honey, so... how old are you?

Chad had told me he was 27 when we first met.
But a few nights after the poking incident, we were in bed, and i started to think...
a lot of the things he'd told me just didnt add up
he said he had a sibling who was younger than him, yet the sibling was older than 27
besides, he said he was married for 5 years- yet he wasnt married till.... anyway
the point it, i knew this boy was bullshittin me
so i asked and probed
and he 'fessed up
he was 33

i was shocked
he didnt look it
i hated the look of his hands because they looked so hard
his hands told a story of decades of experience
i couldnt imagine though, that a man with his vitality was 33
but he was

then he reminded me of a time we were at blockbuster- the day we got the movie "the mummy"
i'd taken his ID as the cashier was returning it to him
he didnt object
i looked at it
but i was so silly because;
i checked the ID pic
but not the age.
i'm a little too naive... well, "was"

so there i was, in bed with an old 33 year old freak.
and if i'd known that Chad had more secrets hidden from me,
i'd have stoped talking to him then
but the viel was well over my eyes-
i was having a great time sexin him
i was enjoying our rendez-vous
he was filling my lonely nights,
and leaving me asleep tryna catch my naps in the day time
everything was peachy
then i found out about Chad's biggest secret...
no wonder his mom didnt really mind me coming over...
and knowing what she knew, i wouldnt neither, if i was her.

Last Saturday

so i had to work at 7am

went to work and heard the story- one of my clients had died
last time i saw her was on thursday
and when i did, she looked half way there
i'll miss her-
not for her kindness, because she wasnt kind
not for her compassion because she wasnt compassionate
not for her thoughtfullness nor empathy because she couldnt give a damn about any other person than herself
she was as selfish as a newborn
she just lacked empathy
but anyway, i'll miss her
this woman has been through so much
so much that i cant say- cant get into details
but shes fought, lost, and hardly won any...
she won peace in the end
may her soul rest in perfected peace

i got home, fell asleep
woke up to the ring tone of my phone-
Francois was calling...

Francois- oh Francois
met her in highschool.
when i met her, she was a typical FOB
or so i thought
anyway, i guess my first impression of her was right because i still see her as a FOB sometimes
Shes been my best friend for years
we've been through so much drama
and i can always confide in her
studies suggests that females are more likely to consider whoever they can tell their deepest secrets to as their closest friend
Francois would be mine for such reason
i have told her everything
everything but one thing
the story of that one thing is for another day
Francois bore my goddaughter- Janea
dont ask about the father because the story of Francois, Janea and her dad, can fill a book

Truth: ya?
i hardly ever say "hello"...
Francoise: hey, u coming to a party with me this saturday
i was suprised-- this chick never goes out. and since she became a mother last year, that hardly has dwindled even more to rarely
Truth: oh? where
Francoise: this one party thats going on.
Truth: i'll think about it. i already have a party to go to
i was just teasing her- i wouldnt dare missing out on a day that Francoise actually decides to go out
Francoise: where? it doesnt even matter anyway, i hope you can make it to this one
Truth: this guy on Facebook that i been talking to
Francoise: are you cheating on TBS??? forget TBS, are you cheating on ME???
Francoise and i always says we're lesbians- i'm her girlfriend. some people actually believe this.
if only they knew i'm as straight as my man's dick... but then again, on second thought... his dick really aint dat straight ;)
Truth: oh shutup- its not like that. i havent even met the guy. he sent me an email about his birthday party. besides, these other girls i go out with- we planed to go out tonight
Francoise: well, i hope you can make it


at about 10pm, I started getting ready
wore this beautiful new dress i just got
anyway, got dressed- looking in the mirror
i looked so punkish with my new do
i loved it! a punk in a dress lmao


anyway, Francoise called to tell me shes on her way there- i should meet her there but call her before i left home
she gave me a brief idea of where it was - all i had to do was call her to get the full details

i left home, i called my best friend
she didnt pick up
i called again
and again and again and again- called 20 times
this girl didnt pick up
i was halfway across town- i had to be at work the next morning at 7am
i had risked so much just for this night, and here i was, close to the place but i cant seem to get the detailed directions because Francoise wasnt answering her phone...!!!!!!!!


why does she always do this to me?
everytime Francise and i make plans, she fucks it up! i swear!
i wanted to kill her
it took me an hour and a half and a lot of help from friends to figure out where the place was


hmm... i have been here before!
this place brings such horrible memories i really didnt want to be there
the last time i was here, was the first time i'd ever been there. and that time , i was screwed over... omg- this brings back such horrible memories of a horrible night!
(details later)

i got there, looked around for signs of a great party
party hall? check
lots of cars? check
blaring music? none

i went in anyway
omg- and i really shouldnt have. everyone in there looked like they were there for some kind of ritual
they all had thesame outfits on- black and red... i thought "wtf?! am i in the midst of a cult meeting?"
i called my dear Francoise 5 more times- no answer
i looked around- they were all speaking gibberish- some kind of language i didnt understand. they looked at me funny... i guess cuz i was wearing something that didnt make me look like i was mourning???
i looked through the crowd for Francoise's face but it was fruitless- they all had thesame things on- couldnt even find Bush there if he'd been there.
i left.

i called Nat - got her to mapquest the Facebook guy's address for me... she did, gave me the directions
i got there, went in ... waltzed in like the diva i pretend to be,
and looked for him

i quit looking when i realised there about 6 guys there who fit the description :"tall, built, light skinned"
i left
on my way home, i thought
Truth, u went to a party, and u didnt even check the guys nor flirt??? HELL NAWW!

on my way back there, Francoise called
i was fuming as i answered
Truth: WHAT?!
Francoise: i'm sorry, i didnt hear my phone ring
Truth: you always do that shit, i cant...
the phone disconnected. anyway, i'll deal with her later
i went back there, saw these two gys leaving, ased them if they knew who Shawn was, they said "ya" and showed me
he recognised me immediately
how come? i'm all pierced up with no hair- a big difference from the pics he's seen of me- yet he recognized me.
he gave me a hug- Oh my word! he was TALL! he was BUILT!
i maintained my cool regardless.

Shawn: so! u came!
Truth: i sure did!
Shawn: thats nice, thanks for coming
i dont know why i felt the need to lie, but i did:
Truth: ya, i had to drop one of my friends down the street, so i thought to pop in

why oh why did i lie???? i didnt even have to! pride is a devilish thing!

i left there shortly after... i didnt know anyone there but him- i left. but i was glad i came there
i got home, got cleaned up, and woke up late the next day, for work
got ready in a hurry,
hurried into my car
and drove as far as i could
as the proverb
"jack of all trade, master of none"
replayed in my head

Truth to self: something's gotta give

i must learn to unclutter the clutters in my cluttered life.

Finally!

i finally had sex yesterday,
well, i mean...
i finally had sex with someone OTHER THAN myself, yesterday!

i havent done it in so long!
i think its been about a month already...
it was so good! oh my God!
i feel sorry for my room mate cuz the kind of noises i was making was just....
ahhhhhh!!!!!
i loved it!

i'm looking forward to another one tomorrow


anyway, gtg to bed, gn

P.S
reminder for tomorrow: post about my weekend and how my idiota friend screwed me over, royally!
also about last night- the whole shebang!